What I Would Do Differently
Session 7: Troubleshooting Barriers to Personal Discipling
II. Discuss Barriers to personal discipling (or ministry of the pew)
1. As Kevin DeYoung writes, “Because we can do so much, we do do so much.”49
2. The result is that we cannot imagine fitting any additional ministry into our schedules.
3. This is especially true of personal discipleship because
“people are messy, and if we are going to help them we will wade into a lot of time-consuming messes.”50 iii. How could we overcome this barrier or at least find ways to
engage in some discipling while being busy?
1. Engage more intentionally in the “ministry of the pew” we talked about.
a. You are going to be at church, so use that time well.
Plan and pray to do spiritual good to others.
b. Maybe get there a bit earlier, or hang around after.
c. Use the time in between Sunday school and worship service.
2. Invite others into you current scheduled activities.
a. As Mark Dever puts it, “So much of discipling is doing what you ordinarily do but bringing people along with you and having meaningful
conversations, like Jesus did.”51
b. Invite someone to run an errand, to join your family for dinner, to work out with you.
c. Use your lunch hour if you work to meet up with a fellow believer.
3. Use your commute.
a. If you drive to work, use that time to listen to things that
b. The “Department of Transportation’s Personal Transportation Survey” indicates that “American adults average seventy-two minutes every day behind the wheel” and most of this time is spent alone.52
c. This time could be used for discipling purposes such as listening to an audiobook or podcast that will be discussed with a disciplee.
49 Kevin DeYoung, Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book about a (Really) Big Problem (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2013), 24.
50 DeYoung, Crazy Busy, 62-63.
51 Dever, Discipling, 85.
52 Robert D. Putnam, Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, rev.
and upd. ed. (New York: Simon and Schuster, 2020), 212.
d. The time could also lend itself to praying for a disciplee or giving thought to how to help him or her.
e. You could even use that time to call a church member.
4. Evaluate why you are so busy and commit to make changes if needed.
a. Being busy is not inherently bad or good.
i. The biblical category is “faithfulness.”
ii. We must be faithful to what God gives us to do (i.e., commands in Scripture and the unique roles we have).
iii. Sometimes that means we are busy to the glory of God. Sometimes it means our busyness is keeping us from being faithful.
iv. The Bible tells us to live circumspectly and to ask God to help us number our days (Ps 90:12).
b. I am not God and cannot tell you how He expects you to use the hours He has given you to steward.
c. You have responsibilities from him to i. Grow in Christ,
ii. Love and serve your family, iii. Love and serve your church, iv. Work, rest, etc.
d. Time is a finite resource.
i. Each person receives 24 hours a day.
ii. A person can find ways to generate more money, but no one can make more time.
iii. It is possible, however, to steward time better.
e. So, without being legalistic, leaving no room for rest, or getting some sort of Messiah complex (thinking you are the answer to every problem), I encourage you to prayerfully evaluate your commitments. Talk to your spouse if you are married. Ask a trusted Christian friend to help you think about it.
c. Feeling unequipped theologically.
i. In your own Christian growth, you should always be learning more about God’s Word and theology.
ii. When you disciple someone, you not only have your own questions, but their questions to deal with.
iii. You will be asked questions you have not thought about or feel unequipped to answer.
iv. How can you overcome this barrier?
1. Never stop learning.
a. Study the Bible on your own.
b. Come to Sunday school.
c. Ask your pastors for book recommendations. Let them equip you.
2. In a discipling relationship, be willing to say, “I don’t know.” Then be willing to study it with that person, or to ask another believer for help.
d. Loving people is difficult.
i. In what ways does discipling others test our love?
1. How will I spend my free time? On me, or others?
2. Those I disciple will think differently than I do, and I will have to learn to bear with them.
3. You open yourself up to heartbreak if they reject biblical teaching or abandon the faith.
ii. Loving the idea of loving other people is easy. Truly loving other people is hard.
1. Why else does the New Testament focus on our need to bear with one another, be patient with one another, and forgive one another when it speaks of our relationships in the church?
2. Our obedience to these commands (love for one another) will be tested if we personally disciple others.
iii. Are there any passages of Scripture that help you when you are weak in loving others?
1. For me, Luke 6:32-36 has been helpful.
2. The anti-version highlights it for me . . . (i.e., if we turned Jesus’s words on their head):
a. “Focus on loving those who love you. Scratch the back of those who will scratch your back. Do good to those who are in a position to do good to you.
Give to get back. Don’t love your enemies or those who are difficult. Be like Satan who is stingy.”
b. Instead, Jesus calls us to love even our enemies (which certainly fellow believers when they are being difficult). We are to do it because God
rewards us, and we are imitating God’s kind mercy.
e. Pride
i. Pride often manifests itself as fear, anger, and being threatened by others. What are some specific ways you think pride could show itself or be a barrier in a discipling relationship?
ii. Fear of being ignored or rejected.
1. I might not offer to disciple someone because I am afraid of being rejected.
2. Fear they will reject my counsel.
iii. Taking things as a personal offence.
1. Pride might get in the way when I am easily offended by something the person says or does.
2. Often this comes from assuming motives.
3. We should, if we are humble, see these offences (whether perceived or real) as opportunities to teach the disciple how to handle these situations. Our response will teach, but we have to be humble and care more about them and God.
iv. Thinking I am the only person who can disciple this person.
1. We need to realize that it isn’t you who changes them.
2. It is the Word of God (2 Tim. 3:16).
3. Furthermore, the Spirit gives each member various gifts for the building up of the body.
a. They (and we) must learn from more than just one person.
b. So, don’t think you must permanently disciple the other person.
f. Personality differences
i. This is not always a barrier. Sometimes it helps us work even better together.
ii. But, we also realize that sometimes differences in personality can make it difficult.
iii. A difference might mean they should partner up with someone else.
iv. It could also be an opportunity to show that our common unity in Christ is more important than our way of thinking.
v. If we are growing in love and humility, we can assess what the best steps are.
g. Different seasons of life that require extra effort to make discipling relationships work.
i. There are seasons in life where our specific, God-given roles will require more from us.
ii. Our goal is faithfulness to God.
1. If I am a husband, I have a role in loving and leading my wife. If I have kids, I must focus energy on bringing them up in the Word. If you have aging parents, you should take care of them as needed.
2. Note, these are not things like, “In this season of life I am pursuing my bucket list, so I can’t be at church or disciple.”
These are biblical roles that have biblical requirements associated with them.
3. But, often they won’t keep us from discpling others (especially in terms of the ministry of the pew).
iii. When it comes to personal discipling, the things we said about being “busy” could be applied to give you the opportunity to disciple someone.
iv. Think briefly about having young kids in the home/church.
1. Those you disciple will likely need to be more flexible.
a. They will need to be willing to “fit in” to your family schedule.
b. Maybe you invite them to dinner with your family.
c. They can observe you do family devotions, deal with discipline issues, etc. They can see you fail and how you handle that.
2. The point is that it could still be doable, but it might not be a private meeting for coffee once a week. And that is ok . . . in fact, it is great.
III. Discuss Barriers to discipling that are present within the church’s culture