parenting questions

(1)

• Why you want to have a child

• What it takes to be a good parent

• What you put into your body before

and after becoming pregnant

• How your own childhood inluences

your attitude toward childrearing

• What your child will need for a

healthy, safe life

• The destructive effects of shaming

or beating your child

Here are more questions . . .

Are You Ready?

Think Twice About:

Bigger brain, longer childhood

Human babies have longer childhoods than many other mammals because our larger brains need to develop outside the womb. Human brains do not fully mature until adulthood.

Babies have no control over their responses; they are completely vulnerable to the whims of their caretakers. Therefore, parents need to have the patience, self-awareness, and maturity to consistently attune

to their infant’s needs and signs of distress.

Parenting

Parenting Questionnaire for Potential Mothers and Fathers

Being a parent

is

the most important

job in the world.

This adage is more than just a platitude. The future of human society depends on the mental, physical, and emotional health and development of our children.

Parental readiness

(2)

Are you ready to commit to a lifetime of consistent love and concern for another person?

Are you ready to fall in love in the deepest of ways?

Are you ready to be constantly needed for several years by an amazing human being who is physically vulnerable and completely helpless?

Are you ready to make your child’s safety and well-being your first priority?

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Are you prepared to have regular medical examinations and attend parenting classes?

If you smoke, drink, or use drugs, are you prepared to give up these habits?

Are you ready to change your eating habits to meet the nutritional needs of a developing fetus?

For example, if you have an eating disorder, are you being treated for it and being medically monitored for possible medical complications?

Do you agree to inform your obstetrician about all your medications or your exposure to any toxins in the workplace or neighborhood or any other unforeseen circumstances that occur during your pregnancy?

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Are you ready to be a parent to a child who has disabilities, becomes injured, ill, or unable to function, or to a child who is deaf, blind, or developmentally delayed?

Will you seek help if you become depressed?

Are you prepared to raise your child alone if your partner should leave or die?

Who would care for your children if something unexpected happened to you?

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Can you commit to learning what it takes

to have a healthy pregnancy and to inding

appropriate prenatal care?

Have you imagined how being a parent will

affect your daily life and long-term prospects?

What is your current living situation?

If things don’t go according to plan

Are You Ready?

Questions to think about

regarding physical and

emotional readiness for

being a parent

Do you have a stable home?

Do you have a committed partner? If not, are you prepared to take on the full burden of child-rearing by yourself?

Do you have an extended support system?

Have your family and friends offered support, enthusiasm, and respect for your decision?

Do you live in a safe and healthy community?

Have you found caring and competent medical resources: physician, midwife, doula (a trained female caregiver during pregnancy and labor), labor practice group (e.g. Lamaze)?

Do you have secure financial resources?

Have you organized a budget for clothing, shelter, proper nutrition, education, dental and health care?

Will you be able to fully participate in your child’s devel-opment and to spend extensive time with her for several crucial years? If not, can you arrange for a primary caregiver to consistently provide nurturing care for your child?

(3)

What do you think good parenting is? Have you taken the time to educate yourself about it?

Have you and your partner discussed your respective ap-proaches to child-rearing?

Have you consciously thought about what values you’d like to instill in your child? Good parents put their ideals into action, setting an example by showing concern for others, and by facing difficult issues with thoughtful honesty.

Good parents allow their child’s temperament and interests to unfold without undue pressure and expectations. Will you be capable of not trying to mold your child to a prede-termined image?

Will you be sensitive to the differences of each of your children?

Do you have access to quality child care that is appropriate

to a child’s developmental stages? ◆

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are generally too young and immature.

have outbursts of rage.

are impatient and restless.

are in a relationship with a partner who is abu-sive or not supportive.

have depressed or suicidal feelings.

feel worthless and unlovable.

are extremely concerned with being perfect.

are experiencing severe stress or a debilitating illness.

are unwilling or unable to prepare your body by following optimal prenatal care.

work in an absorbing job that does not encourage or support maternal leave.

work in an enviroment with exposure to toxins harmful to fetal development.

What are your motives for having a child?

What are your attitudes toward childrearing?

You may not be ready if you

:

Being a good parent means

both putting the child

before yourself and being

willing to set limits.

Think Twice

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Does it sound romantic?

Are you lonely and looking for someone to love you?

Do you feel it will solve your problems?

Are you doing it under pressure of spouse or parents or for society’s approval?

Are you trying to hold a relationship together?

Are you hoping that it will give you a sense of direction?

Are you prepared for a lack of sleep? Messy rooms? Changing diapers? A colicky, crying infant?

Have you thought about how your own childhood experiences may influence how you treat your child?

Are you aware of the destructive effects of shaming or hu-miliating a child?

Are you willing to make discipline consistent and fair, without withdrawing fundamental love and connection, to use it as a learning experience and to help a child develop self-regulation and an internal conscience?

Will you commit to never striking a child out of impulsive anger?

Think Twice

If any of these are your

only

motives for having a child,

you may not be ready!

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(4)

Parenting has a deep and abiding effect on a child and mistakes immature parents can make can lead to serious consequences;

Children have amazing resilience, inner resources, and built-in repair capacities that enable them to nonetheless survive and flourish. Experience often helps new parents mature into good parents.

Close mother-infant contact right after birth is optimal for activating important hormonal processes;

A woman is not to blame if complications or circum-stances make it impossible to have immediate contact with the newborn.

Breastfeeding is preferred. It confers many health ben-efits to a child, such as a stronger immune system, and it enhances mother-infant bonding and attachment;

If a mother cannot breastfeed for any reason, she can still raise a healthy, loving child.

A woman should reconsider pregnancy if she is ill, ad-dicted, depressed, or restlessly impatient;

Remarkably, many people transform into great parents after falling in love with their baby.

A primary caregiver should stay with the baby on a daily basis;

The caregiver does not always have to be the mother. If a mother has to work for financial or personal reasons, she needs to secure the support of her spouse, her employer, and her community,. Family-friendly societies implement generous parental leave policies.

Some brief caveats for new parents

Warning: Guilt Trip Ahead

Warning: Guilt Trip Ahead !

side from all the guilt and anxiety about being a “good” parent, some individuals are simply not ready, able, or healthy enough to bear and rear children — and that goes for both men and women.

It is very destructive to carry a baby to term if you are unable to stop poisoning the uterine environ-ment with toxic substances, are malnourished, or unable to get prenatal care.

It is a sad fact that many parents all over the world abuse, ignore, torture, kill, humiliate, and damage their children, whether intentionally or not. Tak-ing a good, hard look at your motives and readiness for child-bearing and child-rearing is a wise first step to parental readiness.

Being willing to face a parenting questionnaire is actually a sign of maturity itself . . .

Yes:

But:

Good day-care can be helpful to a child’s develop-ment;

Daycare is less effective if the child lacks a secure attachment at home. Bad day-care can be traumatic or cause developmental delays.

Make sure that the caregivers are honest, trustwor-thy, and well-versed in child development awareness and first aid. Make sure they love children and enjoy their work!

We can say: don’t feel guilty for not doing everything “perfectly”;

We can also add “THINK TWICE before rushing into parenthood.”

Trying to navigate through all the conflicting advice and information about parenting may leave parents-to-be feel-ing inadequate or terrified of “dofeel-ing somethfeel-ing wrong.” However, no one is born with perfect parenting skills, and being a parent is an ongoing “on-the-job” learning process. Here is a balanced look at some common concerns:

A

Don’t Worry, But . . .

The Tides Center

c