Title:
Self Esteem: You Are Not Who You Think You Are Word Count:
684 Summary:
David sat in front of me at one of my five-day intensive workshops. A successful businessman with a wife and two grown children, David believed that he was not good enough. ˆI´m insufficient,˜ he said. ˆI´m inadequate.˜
I looked at this kind man and felt deep sadness for him. He did not know who he was. ˆWhy do you believe that?˜ I asked.
ˆI didn´t do well in school, and I´ve made lots of mistakes in my life.˜ ˆSo you are basing your worth on your performance,...
Keywords:
self-worth, self-esteem, personal development, self improvement, self help, personal growth
Article Body:
David sat in front of me at one of my five-day intensive workshops. A successful businessman with a wife and two grown children, David believed that he was not good enough. ˆI´m insufficient,˜ he said. ˆI´m inadequate.˜
I looked at this kind man and felt deep sadness for him. He did not know who he was. ˆWhy do you believe that?˜ I asked.
ˆI didn´t do well in school, and I´ve made lots of mistakes in my life.˜ ˆSo you are basing your worth on your performance, right?˜
ˆOf course.˜
David could not conceive of any other way of defining his worth other than through his performance ˘ which he never saw as good enough. I asked David to look inside ˘ at the essence of himself - and tell me what he sees. All he saw was emptiness.
ˆDavid, please close your eyes. Now imagine a wonderful being who loves you very much. Who comes to mind?˜ ˆMy grandfather. He died when I was young, but he really loved me.˜
ˆGood. Now imagine that you are seeing yourself through the eyes of your grandfather. What does your grandfather see when he looks at you?˜
ˆHe sees a bright and creative little boy, who is very kind and caring. A loving little boy. A little boy who is funny and likes to laugh, and likes to make other people laugh.˜ ˆIs there anything wrong with this little boy? Anything inadequate or insufficient?˜
ˆOh no! He is a wonderful little boy.˜
ˆDavid, this is who you really are. You are not your performance. Your performance will come and go and at some point you might retire and not perform at all. Yet that does not mean that you are, therefore, worthless. Your worth is in who you are, not in what you do. Your worth in intrinsic.˜
ˆI´ve just been thinking about that. I just realized that I treat my dog better than I treat myself! I would never judge my dog the way I judge myself.˜ ˆSo what would you do differently if you saw yourself the way your grandfather sees you?˜
ˆI would stop judging myself as insufficient and inadequate. I´m a really good person. I am not at all insufficient or inadequate as a person. And I choose my friends based on who they are as people ˘ not on their performance. So I obviously value the very qualities that I possess!˜ ˆWhat else would you do if you really valued who you are?˜
ˆI would listen to my own feelings and take care of my own needs instead of taking care of everyone else´s feelings and needs. I would no longer see it as selfish to take care of myself instead of taking care of everyone else. I would be at least as attentive to myself as I am to my dog!˜ David was glowing. He was discovering who he really is, not who he thought he was.
People often think that their worth ˘ who they really are ˘ is based on looks and performance. Yet these qualities are transitory. What is real and eternal is who you are in your heart and soul. If you shift your definition of your worth from outer to inner, you will stop trying to prove yourself. You will know that you are already a beautiful being, totally deserving of love.
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