What it feels like to be Banned
By A BLACK SASHER
'THVO S E C U R I T Y B R A N C H men came to her house one d a y , a n d presented h e r with a new Banning: Order, t w o pages of it. She had been free for n e a r l y two y e a r s , and the previous Ban was very mild in comparison to t h i s one. They left her, but she did not notice t h e i r going:, she was reading t h e hateful document, and the words, repeated over and over a g a i n , "you may not . . •"
g a v e h e r a sinking feeling and one of despon- dency.
S h e slept little t h a t night, and next morning t h o u g h t she had b e t t e r g o u p to t h e University and finish oif an article she? was p r e p a r i n g to do with s t a t i s t i c s , and which she had found very
interesting. B u t on the way t h e r e she suddenly remembered t h a t *'you m a y not , . ." and realised t h a t she was not able to go to the University campus. Who would then fetch her p a p e r s , r e - t u r n the books she had borrowed, and could she p e r h a p s find t h e same reference books in another l i b r a r y ? of course she couldn't. She was to learn t h a t the days of being free and independent were over, from now o n w a r d s she would be beholden to o t h e r s , she would h a v e to rely on t h e i r kindness, a n d goodwill. She could no longer do her work alone, b u t would continually be a s k i n g for help.
This w a s the first door to d o s e , but a s t h e months went by, how m a n y o t h e r doors were shut,
T h e next one to close was t h a t of e n t r y to Athlone, a n d t h e African T o w n s h i p s , f o r she m a y not e n t e r any of these. It was her god- child's birthday, and the little girl had asked for red shoes, which she bought. But of course she w a s not allowed to go t o the p a r t y , someone else had to take the child h e r red shoes, and explain a s well a s they could why she could not come herself.
W h a t about the school fees for Mary? She was so keen to continue her schooling in Gugulctu, could she p e r h a p s meet Mary's m o t h e r some-
where, a n d give h e r t h e money promised, where could she meet her, for it would not do for a Security m a n or a policeman to sec h e r t a l k i n g to a black face. And old G r a n n y in N y a n g a , so eagerly looking forward to a visit and the month's rent paid for h$r - . • who would do these things for h e r ? I t would be easier for a friend to t a k e some magazines to a boarder ill a t Rustenburg school, for she m a y not e n t e r a n y educational institution either. N o r m a y she e n t e r a factory a r e a so t h e t e a chest promised to someone pack- i n g u p h e r books, would h a v e to be bought by someone else. She went w i t h them to show them the factory, a n d then waited on the o t h e r side of t h e r o a d while they m a d e her purchase. How silly t h a t seemed, but who could tell who w a s watching, o r w h o m i g h t r e p o r t her. I t w a s n e v e r worth b r e a k i n g the b a n for t h i n g s like t h i s .
H e r old cousin ut Muizenb*?rg had a stroke, and how she would have liked to see her, and take her flowers, but Muizenbevg was outside the Wynberg-Capetown area, so she could not go t h e r e . No more w a l k s on any beaches, n o more bathes, f o r t u n a t e l y the Mountain to walk on, a n d this w a s indeed a t r e a t for her and her dog.
These two spent C h r i s t m a s Day w a l k i n g t o g e t h e r , for she w a s not allowed to go to t h e family party*
They had a big one, with relatives out from E n g - land a n d Zambia, fourteen a d u l t s a n d seven children. I t m u s t have been fun, they gave h e r a toast she heard, but a s she thought of the many other families who had absent ones too, she felt lucky to h a v e t h e s y m p a t h y of h e r family though s h e c o u l d n ' t j o i n t h e m ; a n d t h e m o u n t a i n com- forted her.
Sh^ has, of course, had to resign from all org- anisations, and she misses t h e stimulation of meetings. H o w she would have liked to hear Bobby Kennedy and Robert Birley. Reading t h e i r messages w a s not quite the same. She did r e a d them with interest, but kept n o t h i n g like t h a t in the house, which can be searched a t any time.
H a r m l e s s articles, b u t not safe to keep, they would have been removed if found. And t h e telephone, too, is t a p p e d , so t h e r e is n o privacy oven in h e r own home. She used to s a y to a
friend who came to see h e t , "come and look a t m y flowers", a n d t h e r e in the g a r d e n they could talk. She could see only one a t a time, a n d t h i s was difficult sometimes when more t h a n one came in a car. They w e r e good a b o u t waiting t h e r e ,
while only one a t a time came inside. Such a pity she could never join h e r friends in town for a c u p of coffee. N o parties, n o meals with friends o u t , no meals with friends even a t home. Sht*
began t o lose the a r t of conversation, she had n o small talk and so many subjects were never mentioned. She became more and more of a recluse, a n d withdrawn-
I t was sad not to see her sister off on a n excit- i n g trip* b u t t h e r e were others a t the ship. She missed seeing M r . and Mrs. A, on t h e i r way t o Rhodesia, a n d only an hour a t the docks before catching t h e t r a i n . She 13 not allowed a t the Docks . . .
One of the worst aspects to h e r of this ter- rible ban, w a s the weekly r e p o r t i n g a t the Wyn- b e r g police station. E v e r y Monday m o r n i n g for the next five y e a r s she had to r e p o r t a t this police station, sign a book to show t h a t she w a s still t h e r e . Rain or shine, holiday o r not, this hateful t h i n g had to be done, and she d a r e not forget. Of- t e n t h e s e r g e a n t i n c h a r g e h a d n o idea w h y s h e was t h e r e n o r w h a t she h a d t o do, and she h a d to The Blatk Sash, February/April* 19G7 2 2 Die Swart Serpt Fehruarief April 19G7
wait in humiliation while he went to find out.
She used to go very early before people were u p , but whenever she went it was most humiliating and hurtful. The anxiety hangs over her all
week in case she forgets.
A banned person may not speak to any other listed or banned person. How was she to know who was listed and banned? Sometimes a name or two would appear in the paper, and one could buy the Government Gazette, and find out that way, but all could not buy papers, and all could not read. It was hard, very hard to pass by friends in the street, with only a sad smile. She began to wonder what was safe, who were her
CROSSWORD — By R.M.J.
Across:
1. Associated with Admiral Evans (5) 6. Wrap (4)
8. Light and shade (11) 12. Fissure (5)
13. This Pa dumps cinders (6)
14. Interjection of Victorian villain (3) 15. Live South African swamp (4)
17. So pour — but it won't hold water (6) 19. A gamble with the Crown (6)
23. Plainer sweetmeat (7)
25. Group with this for segregation (5) 26. Narrated (7)
27. In diagrams a country (5)
29. Closed circuit in South Africa <2)
30. For example — to address a black sheep (2,3)
31. Not off (2) 32. Tidal wave (5)
34. Draw it with lipstick (3, 4)
The Black Satth, February/April, 1907 23
