7.4 H ELP - SEEKING BEHAVIOURS
7.4.1 Informal avenues for help
All the self-identified problem gamblers interviewed said that when they were away from the venue they recognised they had a problem and tried various ways to help themselves to control their gambling. Gamblers and family members reported having used a wide variety of self-help techniques and informal avenues for help to manage gambling problems. Informal avenues of help-seeking did not involve mainstream gambling counselling agencies and tended to focus on help from family and friends, measures to restrict or reduce gambling opportunities or self-help techniques to find alternative activities. Another frequent theme was help provided by the family medical practitioner with associated problems (eg alcohol consumption, depression).
In many cases, gamblers seem to respond to more than one form of assistance, from emotional support to more directive interventions.
Male self-identified problem gamblers
Our family doctor, who has treated our family for 25 years, has been of assistance in dealing with these problems. Other emotional support has come from my parents who I have been able to talk to about my gambling problems.
My friends who I socialise with at the club have also helped me to regulate my gambling. Although it was difficult to tell people about my problems, I believe the benefit outweighs the embarrassment.
Another friend from work has introduced me to pool and I now go to the tavern to play pool rather than to the club to play the pokies.
With help from my family, friends and family doctor, I have been able to some extent to manage my gambling.
If I gambled away all my money I went to the emergency relief services - the Salvos and so.
I was never lucky. I learned about the odds. I learned a lot about the game, I tried to gamble well but I never had the big win. Often I gambled all night, but I never missed an hour of work. It would have been bad if I’d lost my job. That would have meant no money and then no gambling.
When I win $1000, I take this winning as a cheque. This cheque is then banked into a bank account – not put back into the pokies. This has been an effective method for me of keeping some control over my money.
I have learnt not to chase money but to walk away from my losses.
I left my card at home. But I would drive home and get it when I was desperate.
I went through many [bank] cards because I threw the card away after a great loss. But it didn’t take long before I got a new one.
I went to the credit union to tidy up my accounts. I consolidated my accounts and put a limit on it.
I came up with a figure of my losses and that was an incredibly silly amount.
Since then I have not played anymore in the ACT. When I visited my mum at the Gold Coast, I went to the casino there and blew my money. It was like a reward for being good in Canberra.
I’ve cut up so many membership cards.
I’ve been going to a church group now for a while. This was not for my gambling. I came home from work at four in the morning and turned on the telly and there was this church show on. It looked quite interesting. I thought I haven’t been to church for a while so I’d go and see what it was like. It’s a type of men’s fellowship. We talk and support each other. I went along for a while before telling them about my problems. Now when I go along they might say ‘how are you going with your gambling?’ I want to be able to say ‘yeah I haven’t played the pokies this week’ or ‘I have only played them a bit’.
Female self-identified problem gamblers
One self-help technique I used was to go to only one club so that a sort of shame would build up. I hoped people would realise how much time and money
I was spending in one club. I once lost $30,000 in two days in the same club…and nobody from the club ever approached me. I am sure they knew, but they just didn’t care.
I was spending so much time in the club I realised my behaviour was not normal.
When I’m away from the club I can see the stupidity of it all. In my lucid moments I’m determined not to do it again but it’s all too easy, the way the whole system is set up.
My friends try to stop me gambling. They tell me I don’t need to go to the club.
One friend suggested I go to the Woden Senior Citizens’ Club to dance instead of gambling but I didn’t enjoy it there. I needed something more lively.
My son and daughter-in-law are aware that I gamble. My daughter-in-law once had to go and get me out of the club at five in the morning. My other son also knows I gamble but both do not know how to help me with it. What can you do to someone who gambles except lock them up?
I received help from a friend, a doctor in mental health. He told me, you will always know what you’re doing wrong but it’s finding out how to fix it.
My friends gave me emotional support, but that didn’t stop me gambling. At the moment my ex supports me strongly which I really appreciate.
I have a friend who has helped with visualisations and suggesting other alternatives and social outings to try and get me to alter my gambling behaviour. She told me to ‘lighten up’ and tried to put my gambling in perspective. It was great to confess my gambling problem to her.
I asked my son and daughter-in-law to take my [cash] card away. They refused to. They said that I am a responsible person and have to manage my finances myself.
I destroyed all my club membership cards. I was a member of six clubs. I relented in one case and told the club I had lost my card. They replaced it immediately.
I collect the cheque [winnings] sometimes and don’t gamble it away again.
However, sometimes I would deliberately stay under the $1,000 limit and would loose everything.
I set a time limit when I won’t allow myself to enter club.
I make a decision not to use the rent money.
I used to cash a cheque at the club in Sydney but there was more accountability in doing this than getting money from the ATM. For example, I
would only cash one cheque and was aware that people were watching me do it. Cheques were a barrier, a break to gambling. With ATMs it’s anonymous.
No one is looking at what you are doing. ATMs allow multiple cash withdrawals. I take out $50 at a time on ATMs. It’s much harder to limit how much you are spending. You keep telling yourself that you won’t do that anymore, you’ll go home but then it’s ‘my God, I’ve spent $300’ and you didn’t realise.
I’m trying to get back to my $50 limit.
Monday, I already tell myself I won’t gamble on Wednesday; on Tuesday I read and meditate – still confident that I won’t gamble on Wednesday; and on Wednesday as soon as everybody has left the house I’m off to the club.
I have started doing other things: reading and joining a walking group instead of going to the club.
Family and friends
I went to the library to find some literature about problem gambling. I educated myself on problem gambling, but it didn’t help him with the problem.
We had a family conference with my son. I told my wife she needed help and that I was taking her to get some.
She had a friend who had also experienced gambling problems. Together they began to walk, swim and exercise instead of gambling.
She went to the Temple a fair bit and talked to the monks. This helped in two ways: she went to the Temple instead of the club, and her mental strength improved with doing more meditating.
She got rid of her cash-card so she couldn’t use it – cut it up or something.
Once he gave me all his membership cards, bank cards, the lot so that he didn’t have access to money. He said he seriously wants to stop.
I’ve got good friends who know the situation and are very supportive. But they can’t do much next to emotional support.
We decided to move to Perth because there aren’t any pokies there. He left his job, got a package and flew down to Perth. But he couldn’t find a job there, so he came back – and blew his whole package on the pokies. At least he paid off the house before that.
He says he sets himself a limit of $20 per session. If he wins that’s good; if not then it’s [the money] gone.
He spends a lot of time on the internet. He visits chat rooms and discusses his problems with other people there.
I have used the internet to get advice and help but this feels impersonal.
I allow my brother a small amount of money for gambling each week.
I now keep control over all the money and I told all friends that they cannot lend him money – I certainly won’t pay them back.
I have found support with Carers Australia. I meet with them every three months. It helps to talk the problem over with them. I have been offered support groups by Carers. It feels good to support my brother. It is energising.
I control her money. I allow her a small amount for her own use and/or gambling. I keep all cash well hidden. She gave me her bank book when she realised she had a problem.
I have asked for promotional material from the club regarding draws not to be sent to her. However the club keeps sending material. It’s just having it in your face all the time when you’re trying to get away from it.
My wife cut her ATM card up. This was effective in helping her cut down her gambling. But she has now replaced the card.
I wanted to close our joint bank account. But the bank said they needed both signatures. So it never happened.