THE INFLUENCE OF SOMER
’S AND
ASHA
’S
INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS ON MOTHER
AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP
IN SHILPI SOMAYA GOWDA’S
SECRET DAUGHTER
A SARJANA PENDIDIKAN THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements to Obtain the Sarjana Pendidikan Degree
in English Language Education
By
Stefanus Brian Dwi Nugroho
Student Number: 081214051
ENGLISH LANGUAGE EDUCATION STUDY PROGRAM DEPARTMENT OF LANGUAGE AND ARTS EDUCATION FACULTY OF TEACHERS TRAINING AND EDUCATION
SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY YOGYAKARTA
i
THE INFLUENCE OF SOMER
’S AND
ASHA
’S
INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS ON MOTHER
AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP
IN SHILPI SOMAYA GOWDA’S
SECRET DAUGHTER
A SARJANA PENDIDIKAN THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements to Obtain the Sarjana Pendidikan Degree
in English Language Education
By
Stefanus Brian Dwi Nugroho
Student Number: 081214051
ENGLISH LANGUAGE EDUCATION STUDY PROGRAM DEPARTMENT OF LANGUAGE AND ARTS EDUCATION FACULTY OF TEACHERS TRAINING AND EDUCATION
SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY YOGYAKARTA
iv
This thesis is dedicated to:
God, Jesus Christ, and Mother Mary
My beloved parents
Ignatius Lagiman and Florentina Suratiyem
My Sister
Paskalina Widiastuti Ratnaningsih
My grandparents
Suparno Warnotiyoso and Satirah Warnotiyoso
v
STATEMENT OF WORK’S ORIGINALITY
I honestly declare that this thesis, which I have written, does not contain the work
or parts of the work of other people, except those cited in the quotations and the
references, as a scientific paper should.
Yogyakarta, January 14th, 2013
The Writer
Stefanus Brian Dwi Nugroho
vi
LEMBAR PERNYATAAN PERSETUJUAN
PUBLIKASI KARYA ILMIAH UNTUK KEPENTINGAN AKADEMIS
Yang bertanda tangan di bawah ini, saya mahasiswa Universitas Sanata Dharma:
Nama : Stefanus Brian Dwi Nugroho
Nomor Mahasiswa : 081214051
Demi pengembangan ilmu pengetahuan, saya memberikan kepada Perpustakaan
Universitas Sanata Dharma karya ilmiah saya yang berjudul:
THE INFLUENCE OF SOMER’S AND ASHA’S INTERPERSONAL
CONFLICTS ON MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP IN
SHILPI SOMAYA GOWDA’S SECRET DAUGHTER
beserta perangkat yang diperlukan (bila ada). Dengan demikian saya memberikan
kepada Perpustakaan Universitas Sanata Dharma hak untuk menyimpan,
mengalihkan dalam bentuk media lain, mengelolanya dalam bentuk pangkalan
data, mendistribusikan secara terbatas, dan mempublikasikannya di internet atau
media lain untuk kepentingan akademis tanpa perlu meminta ijin dari saya
maupun memberikan royalti kepada saya selama tetap mencamtukan nama saya
sebagai penulis.
Demikian pernyataan ini yang saya buat dengan sebenarnya.
Dibuat di Yogyakarta
Pada tanggal : 14 Januari 2013
Yang menyatakan
vii
ABSTRACT
Nugroho, Stefanus Brian Dwi (2013). The Influence of Somer’s and Asha’s Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship in Shilpi
Somaya Gowda’s Secret Daughter. Yogyakarta: English Language Education Study Program, Sanata Dharma University.
This study discusses a novel written by Shilpi Somaya Gowda entitled Secret Daughter. The novel is a fascinating novel that portrays communication problems in a family and motherhood experience. The writer chooses to analyze the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha because Asha, as an adopted child, grows in a deep curiosity about her biological parents. It has caused interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha and has influenced their relationship as a mother and a daughter.
There are two problems analyzed in this thesis. Those are (1) What are Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts as described in the novel? (2) How do Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts affect their mother and daughter relationship?
This study used psychological approach since this study focused on interpersonal conflicts. The method used for the analysis was library research. A novel entitled Secret Daughter was the primary data in this study. The secondary data were books and journal on interpersonal conflicts and mother and daughter relationship which were used to analyze the novel.
Based on the analysis, there are two main points which can be drawn. The first point is the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha. The interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha happen when Asha asks about her biological parents to Somer. Besides, Somer and Asha have different goals, ideas, and perceptions about Asha’s study, Asha’s interests in journalism, and freedom as a teenager. The interpersonal conflicts also happen when Asha thinks that knowing the origin for a child is important to find out her identity. These interpersonal conflicts can be classified as pseudo conflict, simple conflict, and ego conflict. The causes of the interpersonal conflicts are defined as the different opinions or interests, roles in a family, and lack of communication. The conflict resolutions between Asha and Somer are classified as loyalty, avoidance, soothing or yielding, compromising, competition or contending, and solving. The second point is the influence of Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts on mother and daughter relationship. The interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha have given influence on intimacy and power. The intimate relationship between Somer and Asha is shown when they spend special moments together and Somer gives her allowance to Asha to develop her ability appropriate with her interest. For the power aspect, Somer becomes a permissive mother, not an authoritarian anymore. This thesis provides suggestions for future researchers and English teachers to teach English by using Secret Daughter as the teaching material.
viii
ABSTRAK
Nugroho, Stefanus Brian Dwi (2013). The Influence of Somer’s and Asha’s Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship in Shilpi
Somaya Gowda’s Secret Daughter. Yogyakarta: Program Studi Bahasa Inggris, Universitas Sanata Dharma.
Studi ini membicarakan sebuah novel yang ditulis oleh Shilpi Somaya Gowda berjudul Secret Daughter. Novel ini merupakan sebuah novel yang menarik dengan gambaran tentang masalah komunikasi di dalam sebuah keluarga dan pengalaman keibuan. Oleh sebab itu, penulis memilih untuk menganalisa konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha karena Asha, sebagai anak adopsi, tumbuh dalam rasa ingin tahu yang mendalam tentang orang tua kandungnya. Hal ini telah menyebabkan konflik–konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha dan telah mempengaruhi hubungan mereka sebagai seorang ibu dan seorang anak.
Ada dua masalah yang dianalisa dalam skripsi ini. Masalah itu adalah (1) Apa saja konflik–konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha seperti yang terdapat di dalam novel? (2) Bagaimana konflik-konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha mempengaruhi hubungan ibu dan anak?
Studi ini menggunakan pendekatan psikologi karena studi ini berpusat pada konflik–konflik antar pribadi. Metode yang digunakan untuk analisis adalah studi pustaka. Novel berjudul Secret Daughter adalah data utama dalam studi ini. Data sekunder adalah buku–buku dan jurnal tentang konflik–konflik antar pribadi dan hubungan ibu dan anak yang digunakan untuk menganalisa novel ini.
ix
peneliti di masa datang dan bagi guru bahasa Inggris untuk mengajar bahasa Inggris menggunakan Secret Daughter sebagai bahan ajar.
x
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First of all, I would like to express my deepest praise and gratitude to
Jesus Christ and Mother Mary for their blessings. Thanks for giving me strength,
health and guidance so that I am able to finish my thesis.
Second, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to my major sponsor,
Henny Herawati, S.Pd., M.Hum., for her patience, kindness, suggestions, and
encouragement in finishing my thesis. My sincere gratitude is also addressed to
Sr. Margaret, FCJ and Mas Risang Baskara, S.S., who kindly helped me in
checking my grammar. Furthermore, I would like to thank PBI lecturers for the
guidance for me during my study. I also thank PBI’s administration staffs, Mbak
Daniek and Mbak Tari for helping me in administrative matters.
Third, I would like express my sincere gratitude to my father, Ignatius
Lagiman, S.Pd., and my mother, Florentina Suratiyem, for unending support, love,
and pray. I also thank my sister, Paskalina Widiastuti Ratnaningsih, S.Pd., for her
support and assistance during finishing this thesis. I also would like to express my
gratitude to my grandfather, Suparno Warnotiyoso, and my grandmother, Satirah
Warnotiyoso, for their prayers and support during the completion of this thesis. I
also would like express my gratitude to my family in Klaten and Cirebon for their
prayers in finishing my study.
Fourth, my greatest thanks go to Kresentia Yosta Dhinda Aprillia for her
support, prayers, and love so I can keep moving forward. Your presence has given
xi
during the completion of this thesis. My special thanks to people in my boarding
house: Odoy, Yus, Resex, Ahsan, Mbak Asih, Eka, and Pak Jasman’s family. I
thank them for their support and assistance during my study. I also would like to
thank my friends: Sandy ‘cino’, Doddi, Patrick ‘kak beb’, Simek, Sigrid, Mas
Lukas, Gendon, Erick, Dimas, and Rara.
Fifth, I would like to express my gratitude to my friends in PBI: Yus,
Yuan, Frater, Adam, Yosua, Rizky ‘suketi’, Mas Ketchup, Niken, Diah, Rean,
Dhita ‘mbak ndut’, Astri, Yuan ‘chu’, Adi, Dimas, Gilang, Mbak Bowtie, Mas
Jojo, Selvi, Tiyus, Yohana, Baruna, Leo, Mas Yoko, Father Richie, and Mas
Miko. I also would like to thank my EMC’s friends: Marcel, Topan, Bella, Delis,
Pita, and Franky. For my friends in Laziale Yogyakarta, I would like to thank for
your support and for the great moments in supporting our beloved football team,
SS Lazio.
Sixth, I would like to thank the people in Jambi, my hometown. I thank my
neighbors in Jambi, especially Bapak Imron’s family: Bapak, Mamak, Bang
Ujang, Bang Ayik, and Ayuk Ika, for their prayers for my study. I also would like
to thank my friends in Jambi: Wawan, Rohmo, Nuke, Adi, Dani ‘jamet’, Dede
Mirtha, and Samuel Ramos Pakpahan.
Finally, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to all people whom I
cannot be mentioned one by one. I thank them for their support during the
completion of my study.
xii
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page
TITLE PAGE ... i
APPROVAL PAGES ... ii
DEDICATION PAGE ... iv
STATEMENTS OF WORK’S ORIGINALITY ... v
PERNYATAAN PERSETUJUAN PUBLIKASI ... vi
ABSTRACT ... vii
ABSTRAK ... viii
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ... x
TABLE OF CONTENTS ... xii
LIST OF APPENDICES ... xv
CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION 1 A. Background of the Study ... 1
B. Problem Formulation ... 3
C. Objectives of the Study ... 4
D. Benefits of the Study ... 4
E. Definition of Terms ... 5
CHAPTER II REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE 6 A. Review of Related Theories ... 6
xiii
2. Conflicts ... 7
a. Definition of Conflicts ... 7
b. Interpersonal Conflict ... 7
c. Causes of Interpersonal Conflict ... 8
d. Conflict Resolutions ... 9
1) Blake’s and Mouton’s Model ... 9
2) Pruitt’s and Rubin’s Model ... 10
3) Rusbult’s Model ... 11
3. Mother-Daughter Relationship ... 11
a. Meaning of Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 11
b. Conflicts in Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 12
4. Basic Family Processes ... 13
a. Intimacy ... 13
b. Power ... 15
B. Theoretical Framework ... 16
CHAPTER III METHODOLOGY 17 A. Object of the Study ... 17
B. Approach of the Study ... 18
C. Method of the Study ... 18
xiv
1. The Interpersonal Conflict ... 21
a. Pseudo Conflict ... 21
b. Simple Conflict ... 23
c. Ego Conflict ... 26
2. The Causes of Interpersonal Conflict ... 28
3. The Conflict Resolutions ... 33
B. Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 39
C. The Influence of the Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 43
CHAPTER V CONCLUSIONS AND SUGGESTIONS 50 A. Conclusions ... 50
B. Suggestions ... 52
1. Suggestions for the Future Researchers ... 53
2. Suggestions for the English Teachers ... 53
REFERENCES ... 57
xv
LIST OF APPENDICES
Page
Appendix A : The Summary of Secret Daughter ... 59
Appendix B : Shilpi Somaya Gowda’s Biography ... 61
Appendix C : Lesson Plan ... 62
Appendix D : Handouts (for students) ... 70
Appendix E : Handouts (for teacher) ... 74
1
CHAPTER I
INTRODUCTION
This chapter is divided into five parts. Those parts are background of the
study, problem formulation, objectives of the study, benefits of the study and
definition of the terms. Background of the study explains some reasons underlying
the basis for choosing the topic. Problem formulation focuses on the problem to
be analyzed in this study through the novel. Objectives of the study reveal the
purposes of this study. Benefits of the study show the uses of this study for the
readers and other researchers. As the last part of chapter one, definition of the
terms presents some special terms related to the novel that are important to be
clarified.
A. Background of the Study
Literature has a close relationship with human’s life. There are many
literary works, such as novel, poem, short story, etc. From reading literary works,
readers can obtain various kinds of idea, feeling, and view about life. The author
of novel usually presents the real life situations. A novel may contain many
valuable things which appear in society. The readers of the novel may get values
after reading the novel since it is a reflection of life.
Stanton (1965) states that the particular strength of the novel is its ability
to build a complex subject fully, to create a complete world through the
relationship among few characters (p. 44). A novel presents the conditions of
people’s real life, values, thought and feeling. It reveals people’s experiences in
their daily life and the problems that may emerge. Sometimes, the problems are
not easy to be solved. Problems can influence someone’s reaction to other people.
It will affect interpersonal relationship among them.
This study focuses on Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda as the
novel to be discussed. There are many reasons underlying the selection of this
novel. The first reason, Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda is a vivid novel
about mother-daughter relationship between Somer and Asha, and also her
biological mother, Kavita. The novel greatly depicts the relationship between
mother and adopted child. The second reason is good dynamics which are shown
in the novel. Shilpi Somaya Gowda describes the dynamic relationship between a
daughter and a mother in a good way. Therefore, the conflicts in the novel
describe author’s concern about her feeling on adoption and motherhood
experiences.
The third reason is a good description about adopting a child in human
life. Adoption is extremely complicated. It covers issues of self identity, sense of
being adopted, the questions of origins and biological family, and the experiences
of relationship. People who commit to adopt a child cannot avoid these issues. It
will appear during the child’s development. The fourth reason is the moral values
that we can draw from this novel. They are the sense of being a family and
John Simmonds as cited by Debbie Hindle and Graham Shulman (2008)
states that adoption changes everything. Whatever the children brings into their
adoptive home (their genetic inheritance, their personality, their birth and
pre-placement experiences, their class, ethnicity, language, culture and
family history); it will be changed by the people, circumstances and opportunities
that make up their new world (p. 28). Adoption is an association of emotional
force. After reading the novel, the writer finds issues related to the interpersonal
conflict dealing with mother and daughter relationship as a study to be discussed.
The writer finds that Asha, as one of the major characters, experiences curiosity
about her biological parents in India since she became adult. The curiosity raises
interpersonal conflicts with her foster mother, Somer. These interpersonal
conflicts influence mother and daughter relationship between both of them.
Hence, this study discusses the influence of Somer’s and Asha’s
interpersonal conflicts on mother and daughter relationship in Shilpi Somaya
Gowda’s Secret Daughter.
B. Problem Formulation
This study focuses on two problems as follows:
1. What are Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts as described in the
novel?
2. How do Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts affect their mother
C. Objectives of the Study
The first objective is to identify the interpersonal conflicts between Somer
and Asha. The second objective is to reveal how the interpersonal conflict affect
their mother and daughter relationship.
D. Benefits of the Study
There are some advantages from this study. They are divided into two
parts as follows.
1. The benefits for the readers
By analyzing this novel, the readers can get a better knowledge about
literature on mother and daughter relationship. Through this study, the
readers, hopefully, can gain more insights into motherhood experiences,
especially in adopting a child. In addition, the readers are able to have some
perspectives in the conflicts which usually reflect mother and daughter
relationship in real life.
2. The benefits for the educational field
This study can be used as one reference in some courses. For the teachers,
this study is also useful to develop teaching materials from the novel. The
teachers can provide this novel as a sample of material to explore mother and
daughter relationship from a psychological aspect. The novel could be a
reading and exploring the novel, it expected that the teachers and the students
can appreciate literary study as something valuable.
E. Definition of Terms
There are two definitions of terms that are needed to be explained in this
part. The first definition of term is interpersonal conflict. According to Beebe,
Beebe, and Redmond (2011), interpersonal conflict is “an expressed struggle
between at least two interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals,
scarce resources, or interference in the achievement of their goals” (p. 216).
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state that conflict occurs in a family because the
family members hold a difference between them. Conflict happens when the
members of family do not agree about the situations in their lives such as one’s
behavior, one’s opinions or ideas, etc (p. 99). In this study, the two major
characters, Somer and Asha, are facing many problems in interpersonal conflicts
since there are differences in goals, opinions, and ideas between them.
The second definition of term is mother and daughter relationship.
According to APA Dictionary of Psychology (2007), relationship means “a
continuing and usually binding association between two or more people, as in a
family, friendship, marriage, partnership, or other interpersonal link in which the
participants have some degree of influence on each other’s thoughts, feelings, and
even action” (p. 785). In this study, the relationship between mother and daughter
is being the focus. Somer and Asha have a binding association as a mother and a
6
CHAPTER II
REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
This chapter consists of two sections. The first section is a review of
related theories which contains theory of psychological approach, theory of
conflicts, theory of mother and daughter relationship, and theory of basic family
process. The second section is theoretical framework which explains the
contribution of the theories in solving the problems of this study.
A. Review of Related Theories
1. Psychological Approach
Rohberger and Woods (1971) state that a critical approach to literature
requires an understanding of its nature, function, and positive values. A critical
approach provides the means in order to understand how literature is shaped and
something of what it means. There are five approaches that can be used to analyze
literary works. They are the formalist approach, the biographical approach, the
sociocultural-historical approach, the mythopoeic approach, and the psychological
approach (pp. 3–15).
This study focuses on the influence of Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal
conflicts on mother and daughter relationship. Therefore, psychological approach
is applied to analyze the conflicts between Somer and Asha through psychological
point of view. According to Rohberger and Woods (1971), psychological
The characters’ thought and behavior can be understood more appropriate by
using psychological approach since this approach intends to comprehend the
patterns of human personality and behavior (p. 13).
2. Conflicts
a. Definition of Conflicts
This study reveals conflicts faced by Somer and Asha in their relationship
as a mother and a daughter. Theory of conflicts is used to analyze the two main
characters’ interpersonal conflicts. Isenhart and Spangle (2000) define conflict as
a struggle for power, the way decisions are made, the way in talking to each other
or unresolved problems from past interaction (p. 2). Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993)
further explain that conflict occurs in a family because the family members hold a
difference between them. Conflict happens when the members of family do not
agree about the situations in their lives such as one’s behavior, one’s opinions, etc
(p. 99).
b. Interpersonal Conflict
Worchel and Cooper (1979) state two kinds of conflict which happen in
our daily life. They are intrapersonal conflicts and interpersonal conflicts. First,
intrapersonal conflict is a conflict that arises within one’s character (p. 460).
Second, interpersonal conflict is a conflict that arises between the characters with
the power outside the character (p. 462). In 1996, Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond
which is caused by a lack of understanding between individuals, simple conflict
which is caused by differences on definition, goals, ideas, perception, and ego
conflict which is caused by personal differences attached to each individual within
a group (pp. 297-300).
William Wilmot, as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), further explains that
there are four elements in interpersonal conflict; they are an expressed struggle,
between at least two interdependent people, who perceive incompatible goals, and
who are attempting to achieve specific goals. An expressed struggle shows that
people typically do not know that someone is upset with them until someone
expresses displeasure with a remark or by a nonverbal behavior such as a glare, a
steely facial expression, or an emotion-laden tone of voice. He adds that
interpersonal conflict happens between at least two interdependent people. By
interdependent means that people are dependent on each other; what one person
does or says affects the other person. Meanwhile, incompatible goals from others
are other elements of interpersonal conflict. Conflict often happens because two
people want the same thing, but both cannot have it, or because what a person
wants is the opposite of what the other wants. The last element of interpersonal
conflict is achieving a goal. Conflict occurs because both parties cannot achieve
their own goals (pp. 216–217).
c. Causes of Interpersonal Conflict
Isenhart and Spangle (2000) identify seven issues that cause interpersonal
communication. Those causes of conflict suggest why it is so difficult for parties
to be focused on the same issues. First, data is when people have differences of
opinion about the best source, reliability, or interpretation of data. Second,
interests are shown when there are many disagreements and parties cannot meet
one another’s interests. Third, procedures mean parties’ way do not engage in
discussion if they do not agree with a way to solve a problem.
Fourth, values arise from differences of opinion about the importance or
the priority of interests, options, or choices of direction. Fifth, relationship means
people may resist cooperating if they do not trust others, do not feel respected by
others, and do not believe that the other person is honest, or do not feel listened to.
Sixth, roles are caused by expectations for the role or power imbalances created
by the role. The last cause is communication which means conflict as the result of
how something is said (pp. 14–15).
d. Conflict Resolutions
People in a conflict can generally resolve their dispute by a variety of
means. Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) mention a number of models of conflict
resolution from Blake and Mouton, Pruitt and Rubin, and Rusbult (pp. 105–107).
1) Blake’s and Mouton’s Model
Blake and Mouton as cited by Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) suggest a
two-dimensional model involving the dimensions of care for one’s own interests and
care for the relationship. There are five different responses to conflict. The first
relationship and involves physically or emotionally retreating from the situation.
Second, competition is seen as putting one’s own concerns above those
relationships and is characterized by minimal concern for others’ feeling. Third,
soothing is seen as putting concern for relationships above one’s own concerns
and perhaps denying those concerns in the interests of preventing open conflict
and covering up differences. Fourth, compromising is seen as involving some
concern for self and some for relationships but still less satisfactory than problem
solving. The last one is solving that is seen as balancing concerns for relationships
with concern about one’s own interests. Noller and Fitzpatrick quote Schaap et al.
that problem-solving involves “the open and direct expression of feelings,
exploring the causes of the conflict, clarifying misunderstanding, and looking for
a solution that is satisfying to both partners” (pp. 105 – 106).
2) Pruitt’s and Rubin’s Model
Pruitt and Rubin as cited by Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) also propose
five different responses to conflict. They are avoiding, yielding, contending,
compromising, and collaborating. Avoiding conflict seems to be dependent on the
importance of the issues. Furthermore, yielding is similar to soothing, but yielding
does involve a solution to the problem. Yielding is a useful style if one wants to
show how reasonable one can be or to preserve harmony. While contending
involves putting one’s own concerns above those of the other person striving to
get one’s own way, compromising is often an expedient tactic, but it is rarely
response is collaborating which is similar to problem solving. It involves working
together to find a solution where everybody wins (p. 106).
3) Rusbult’s Model
Rusbult as cited by Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) suggests only four
different responses to conflict; they are voice, exit, neglect, and loyalty. Voice,
very similar to problem solving, is an active response and constructive. It involves
bringing problems into the open, discussing them, seeking advice, and trying to
bring about change. Exit is also an active response but destructive. It involves
such responses as threatening to end the relationship. Meanwhile, neglect is a
passive response and destructive. It involves withdrawing from the partner,
treating the partner badly, and generally letting the relationship end. Then, loyalty
is a passive response but constructive. It involves waiting in the hope that things
will improve while supporting the partner and having faith in the relationship (p.
107).
3. Mother-Daughter Relationship
a. Meaning of Mother and Daughter Relationship
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state that the strongest parents-children
relationship is the relationship between mother and daughter. The reason is
women tend to be more involved in maintaining family relationships, and
particularly through links between mother and daughters (p. 267). It describes the
a daughter identifies her mother for her emotional and moral development. A
mother will become a model for her daughter to develop her daughter’s mental
and moral based on the daughter’s perspective toward the mother (p. 322).
b. Conflicts in Mother and Daughter Relationship
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state that woman is more likely to see the
relationship with her mother as a negative one. A woman sees her mother as a
critical, controlling, and demanding person while man usually idealizes his
mother. On the other hand, the mother expects more from her daughter but shows
less appreciation on her daughter’s efforts. On the contrary, the mother expects
less from her son and appreciates more on the thing her son does. Hence, they
mention that mother-daughter relationship as a complex, ambivalent, and
ambiguous (pp. 267–268).
Nadeau (2001) says that mother and daughter usually have the added
conflicts during the daughter’s adolescence because the mother is the primary role
model and the teacher of cultural values. She further explains that conflicts in the
daughter adolescence occur because the daughter is confused with the social
meanings of womanhood and motherhood. The conflictual situation is getting
worse when the daughter tries to get away from her mother. There are some
causes of the separation. First, the separation happens because the individual
boundaries between a mother and her daughter are not clear. Second, the daughter
Therefore, the daughter has the negative attitudes towards her mother and tries to
separate from her mother.
The last cause is the different views in human life which is the teachings
from her mother. The mother teaches her daughter to be dependent. Mother
teaches her daughter how to behave in a society. Unfortunately, the daughter does
not agree with these teachings and she wants to separate from her mother. The
daughter should resolve the conflict in her relationship with her mother. This is
important since the daughter needs to understand her mother if she wants to
understand herself and establish her own identity (para. 3).
4. Basic Family Processes
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) classify four elements in basic family
process; they are intimacy, conflict, power, and decision making (pp. 75–162). In
this study, intimacy and power are relevant to be used in analyzing the influence
of interpersonal conflict between Somer and Asha on mother and daughter
relationship since intimacy and power are seen in the novel.
a. Intimacy
Almost everyone would say that they want to be part of a warm and
intimate relationship. Jones in Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) say that intimate
relationships have positive effects on human life, decreasing the probability of
loneliness, symptoms illness, and simultaneously increasing the probability of
good psychological adjustment, and strong social support (p. 75). Noller and
self-disclosure, declarations of liking and loving, hugging and caressing and also
strong positive emotions like trust (p. 76).
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) divide five major perspectives that are
potentially very important in the family context. Intimacy has been defined as
spontaneity, process, motivation, interdependence, and dialectic. First, intimacy
as spontaneity emphasizes the importance of being able to “be oneself” in the
presence of intimates or in the presence of those we care about without having to
be conscious of one’s self-presentation. Second, intimacy as an interpersonal
process emphasizes that intimacy is dynamic, and changing, and centered in a
particular relationship. Intimacy is built up through the moment by moment
interactions of individuals in a relationship as they disclose to one another and
accept one another’s revelations. Third, intimacy as motivation focuses on
individual difference factors and the effects of past history in both our family
origin and other prior relationships on our willingness to work at the development
of intimacy in our closest relationship. Fourth, intimacy as interdependence
focuses on the degree of impact (frequency, duration, intensity, and diversity of
impact) which those in close or intimate relationships have on one another.
Adolescents, for example, report both more positive interactions (support and
acceptance) with their mother and more conflict with them. Fifth, intimacy as
dialectical process focuses on the necessity for balancing conflicting needs in
relationships, particularly those between autonomy and connectedness and
b. Power
Emerson and Giddens in Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state that power is
as the ability of an individual to change the behavior of other family members, or
as the ability to influence social outcomes (p. 124). Baumrind in the same book
further explains that parents vary in the extent to which they seek to exercise
power over the children (p. 134). Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) divide three basic
styles of parenting which are identified as authoritarian, authoritative, and
permissive (p. 135). The authoritarian parents attempt to shape, control, and
evaluate the behavior and attitudes of the child in accordance with a set standard
of conduct. They also values obedience as a virtue and favors punitive forceful
measure to curb self-will (p. 135).
The authoritative parent, by contrast, directs the activities of the child, but
in a rational issue-oriented manner. These authoritative parents encourage verbal
give-and-take, and share with the child reasoning behind family rules and family
policy. Exerting control, the authoritative parents are careful not to surround the
child with lots of restrictions and tend to use reason rather than coercion to get
child’s cooperation (p. 135). The last is the permissive parents. These permissive
parents behave in a nonpunitive, acceptance, and affirmative manner, consults
about policy decisions, and give explanations about family rules, make few
demands for household responsibility and orderly behavior, and allows the child
B. Theoretical Framework
This study focuses on the discussion about mother and daughter
relationship which is influenced by Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts.
First, the writer needs to use the appropriate approach of literary criticism. The
psychological approach from Rohberger and Woods is the most appropriate since
it focuses on psychological side of human beings.
In order to analyze the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha,
the writer uses theories from Worchel and Cooper, Beebe et.al., and William
Wilmot. For finding out the causes of interpersonal conflicts, the writer uses
theories from Isenhart and Spangle. Noller and Fitzpatrick state theory about
conflict resolutions which are classified into three categories, they are Blake’s and
Mouton’s model, Pruitt’s and Rubin’s model, and Rusbult’s model. These theories
are used to analyze the conflict resolutions between Somer and Asha.
Going further, theories from Noller and Fitzpatrick, Deutsch, and Nadeau
are implemented to find out the mother and daughter relationship which consists
of the meaning of mother and daughter relationship and the conflicts that happens
in mother and daughter relationship. In order to answer the influence of
interpersonal conflicts on the mother and daughter relationship, the writer uses
some theories from Jones, Noller and Fitzpatrick, Emerson and Giddens, and
17
CHAPTER III
METHODOLOGY
This chapter consists of three sections. The first section is object of the
study which is used to elaborate physical description of the novel. The second
section is approach of the study which is used to explain the approach for the
analysis. The third section is method of the study which is used to explain the
primary and secondary sources and the steps taken in the analysis.
A. Object of the Study
The object of the study is the novel entitled Secret Daughter written by
Shilpi Somaya Gowda. This is her debut novel which becomes bestseller novel.
Secret Daughter was published in 2010 by Harpers Collins Publisher. It consists
of 346 pages and is divided into four parts. There are also extra pages for
acknowledgment, foreign terms glossary, reading group discussion questions, and
an interview with Shilpi Somaya Gowda.
This novel tells about Somer, Asha, and Kavita. Somer, a physician in San
Francisco and newly married, has a loving husband and rewarding career. The
only thing that she can never have is a baby. Somer decides to adopt a child at the
same time that Kavita, a poor mother living in the small village, decides to save
her newborn daughter’s life in a culture that favors sons by giving her away.
Somer adopts and raises Kavita’s daughter, Asha, in America. However, as Asha
Asha has a big curiosity of her biological family and she tries to seek out the
answers to the questions about her biological family.
B. Approach of the Study
This study used psychological approach. The psychological approach
shows how human beings respond to various situations in their life. Their
response can affect their relationship with someone else. This psychological
approach leads the writer to analyze the interpersonal conflicts between Asha and
Somer from the psychological point of view. The details of the causes,
resolutions, and the effects of the interpersonal conflicts can be analyzed by using
the psychological approach.
By applying this approach, the writer can understand the reasons why
human beings have the interpersonal conflicts and why they solve the
interpersonal conflicts in certain ways. The reasons behind the interpersonal
conflicts and the conflict resolutions are related to the relationship between a
mother and a daughter. Therefore, the psychological approach is appropriate to
analyze the problems of this study.
C. Method of the Study
Library research was the method taken by the writer in gathering data for
this study. According to George (2008), library research is “a form of structured
inquiry with specific tools, rules, and techniques. It is unpredictable, sometimes
your own insights to make a compelling case (p. 1). George (2008) also adds that
library research involves “identifying and locating sources that provide factual
information or personal/expert opinion on a research question; necessary
component of every other research method at some point” (p. 6). In this study,
expert opinions/theories were used in order to answer the research questions in
problem formulation. This study used a novel entitled Secret Daughter as the
primary data. The secondary data were gathered by reading books of
psychological field, articles, and references related to the object of the study.
There were some steps undergone by the writer to conduct this study.
Firstly, the writer read the novel several times to get a better comprehension about
the novel. Secondly, the writer found the topic and formulated it in the problem
formulation. Thirdly, the writer gathered the data needed, including some theories,
in answering the questions in the problem formulation. Fourthly, the writer
analyzed the novel based on the theories gathered. The last was the writer drew
20
CHAPTER IV
ANALYSIS
This chapter consists of three parts. The first part is the analysis on the
interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha. The second part discusses the
mother and daughter relationship between Somer and Asha. The last part
discusses the influence of interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha in the
mother and daughter relationship. These discussions are the answers to the
problems formulated in the first chapter.
A. The Conflicts
Isenhart and Spangle (2000) define conflict as a struggle for power, the
way decisions are made, the way in talking to each other or unresolved problems
from past interaction (p. 2). While Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) further explain
that conflict occurs in a family because the family members hold a difference
between them. Conflict happens when the members of family do not agree with
the situations in their lives such as one’s behavior, one’s opinions, etc (p. 99).
In this novel, Asha gets involved in interpersonal conflict with her mother.
As a daughter, Asha has many different perceptions and ways of thinking toward
her mother. On the contrary, Somer as her mother stands her ground in facing
Asha’s perceptions and way of thinking. There are many aspects which highlight
interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha, causes of the interpersonal
conflicts, and the conflict resolutions that are used to solve their conflicts.
1. The Interpersonal Conflict
Worchel and Cooper (1979) state that interpersonal conflict is a conflict
that arises between the characters with the power outside the characters (p. 460).
Asha faces interpersonal conflicts toward her mother since there are many
different perceptions and beliefs between both of them. According to Beebe et. al.
(1996), there are three types of interpersonal conflicts which are pseudo conflict,
simple conflict, and ego conflict. In addition, there are four elements which
support the three types of interpersonal conflicts. According to William Wilmot,
as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), the four elements are an expressed struggle,
between at least two interdependent people, who perceive incompatible goals,
scarce resources, or interference from others, and who are attempting to achieve
specific goals (pp. 216–217). The following are three types of interpersonal
conflicts which occur between Somer and Asha.
a. Pseudo Conflict
According to Beebe et. al. (1996), pseudo conflict is a conflict which is
caused by a lack of understanding between individuals (p. 297). In this novel,
Somer and Asha experience some misunderstandings which lead them into
interpersonal conflicts. The misunderstanding condition happens when Asha is 16
years old. Asha always asks about her biological parents. She wants to know
where she comes from. Asha feels curious since she realizes that she is different
It’s easy enough to believe she could be the natural product of her Indian dad and American mom, and this has spared her many explanations. She doesn’t want to share her whole personal history with the perfect mirror girls. She wonder if they would envy the black hair that sprouts every day on her legs, or her dark skin that tans after just ten minutes in the sun, even when slathered with the sunscreen. (p. 133)
Asha’s curiosity grows bigger whenever her friends discuss her
appearance. ―I know, I would kill for eyes for eyes like that. They are exotic. Did
you get them from your mom or your dad?‖ another asks, brushing out her golden
hair.‖ (p. 133).
Unfortunately, Somer does not know the information about Asha’s
biological parents since she just took Asha from the orphanage. In this situation,
Somer really does not know who the real parents of Asha are. However, Asha
always thinks that Somer knows her real parents and Somer just keeps the secret
to herself. The arguments between both of them can be seen in the following
quotation:
―That’s the truth. Maybe if you were my real parents, you would
understand me and love me the way I am.‖ She feels her body trembling, her hands sweating. It’s as if something alien has climbed into her body and unleashed the venom spilling right out her mouth. (p. 136)
Asha asks again in depressed tone to continue her arguments. She does not
care about her father and her mother who have been looked sad. ―Despite the
hollow look on her father’s face and the tears streaming down her mother’s, Asha
cannot stop. ―Why don’t you ever tell me about my real parents? You are scared
they’ll love me more than you do.‖ (p. 136)
This misunderstanding situation is also included in an expressed struggle
expressed struggle shows that people typically do not know that someone is upset
with them until someone expresses displeasure with a remark or by a nonverbal
behavior such as a glare, a steely facial expression, or an emotion-laden tone of
voice (pp. 216–217). Seeing that Somer tends to keep arguing with her, Asha does
not want to stop forcing her mother to tell the truth. Sometimes, Asha’s arguments
are full of emotion and a big anger without considering more that she is just
talking with her mother. It can be seen from the following situation:
―I wish I was never born,‖ she lashes out. The look of pained shock on her mother’s face brings Asha some satisfaction. ―I wish you never adopted me. Then I wouldn’t be such a huge disappointment to you.‖ Asha is screaming now and feels a strange pleasure when her mother begins yelling as well. (p. 137)
Asha says the statement with her eyes lashing out. This facial expression
shows her disappointment with her mother. Asha screams when she talks to her
mother and it makes Somer begin yelling to show up her emotion about Asha’s
statement that has hurt her feeling. Somer’s yelling is a sign for Asha to stop her
anger. Somer does not want to receive Asha’s question about her biological
parents anymore. In addition, Somer’s yelling has made Asha hate her mother
more.
b. Simple Conflict
Another interpersonal conflict between Somer and Asha is simple conflict.
According to Beebe et. al. (1996), simple conflict is a conflict which is caused by
differences on definition, goals, ideas, perception (p. 298). Since Asha is a teenage
them have their own definition, goals, ideas, and perception which they always try
to force on each other. In one situation, Somer asks Asha about her marks in the
report card. Somehow, Somer feels upset about Asha’s achievement in the report
card.
―We need to talk about your report card‖, her mother’s tone is serious. Asha looks up from her dinner. Her dad is watching her, hands folded in front of his empty plate.
...
―What is going on? Your grades have been suffering ever since you started spending so much time on that school paper. Maybe it’s time to cut back, so you can focus on your studies.‖ (p. 135)
Somer feels upset with Asha’s marks in some subjects in the report card.
Although Asha just gets it only in one semester, Somer keeps blaming Asha for
the marks. Asha thinks that Somer has no reason because she always gets good
marks for the whole semester. She just misses it in this semester. However, both
of them still have their own definition about what good marks are. It can be also
included on achieving a goal element. According to William Wilmot, as cited by
Beebe et. al. (2011), achieving a goal means conflict occurs because both parties
cannot achieve their own goals (pp. 216–217). Somer has a goal to make her
daughter get the best marks in every semester. However, Somer’s goal cannot be
achieved since Asha does not pay attention to it. On the other hand, Asha wants
her mother to support her goal. In fact, Asha always gets rejection from her
mother. As the result, none of them cannot achieve their own goals because there
is no support from the others.
As the continuance, Asha gives argument toward her mother’s anger as
school; it’s just one bad semester. Anyway, I won’t have to take any more math or
science after this year.‖ Asha keeps her eyes on her plate. (p. 135)
Asha insists that she will not take the subjects since she does not want to
improve her bad marks. On the other hand, Somer still forces Asha to retake the
subjects to get better marks.
―Look, there’ still time to turn your grades around this year,‖ her mom says. I can help you with chemistry, or we can get you a tutor.‖ Her mom grips the edge of the table with both hands, as if she’s expecting an earthquake to strike. (p. 136)
Somer has a perception that there is still a chance and time to improve the
marks. Meanwhile, Asha keeps to her opinion that she does not need Somer’s
assistance in her study. Deep inside her feeling, Asha wants to take activities
which she likes most, although it does not support her study.
―I don’t need a tutor, and I definitely don’t want your help,‖ Asha says,
choosing her words to sting her mother. All I ever hear from you is grade and studying. You don’t care what’s important to me. I love working on the paper, and I’m good at it. (p. 136)
In some cases, Asha needs Somer’s care in her other interests in working
on paper. Asha wants to be a journalist but Somer does not pay attention to it.
Even, Somer resists whatever Asha does on her interests. Somer just wants Asha
to concern only in her study. In addition, Asha also wants Somer to let her spend
her time with her friends. She wants to do what a teenager does in her age. ―I want
to hang out with my friends, I want to go parties and be a normal teenager. Why
can’t you understand that? Why don’t you ever understand me?‖ She’s yelling
From her statements above, Asha wants a freedom in her age. However,
Somer does not allow that things. She still intends to manage Asha’s activities
though Asha has become a teenager. Dealing with the Somer’s goal in Asha’s
education, Somer just wants the best for her daughter. It can be seen from her
statement. ―Honey,‖ her mom says, ―we love you, and we only want what’s the
best for you‖ (p. 136). Then, Asha responded to Somer’s statement:
―You don’t even know me. You’ve always tried to fit me into some perfect images of the kid you want. You just imported me into your little fantasy,
but you don’t see me. You don’t love me. You want me to be like you, but
I’m not.‖ She shakes her head frantically as she speaks. (p. 136)
Once again, their perception about the goal is definitely different. This
situation can be included in who perceive incompatible goals elements. According
to William Wilmot, as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), conflict often happens
because two people want the same thing, but both cannot have it, or because what
person wants is the opposite of what the other wants (pp. 216–217). Asha’s desire
is the opposite of Somer’s desire. Asha never wants to follow her mother’s
suggestion to concern in her study. Asha just thinks that she and her mother are
different, they have different point of view and goals that have to achieve. Asha
does not wish to become the same as her mother. She wants to try another field
which supports her interest in journalism.
c. Ego Conflict
According to Beebe et. al. (1996), ego conflict is a conflict which is caused
group here refers to a family which consists of Somer, Asha, and Krishnan.
Definitely, Somer and Asha have personal differences.
She cannot bear to use the word parent. It assigns too much importance to people who have no connection to Asha other than biology. They have
become shadowy figures in Somer’s mind over the years-nameless and
faceless, distant but never far away. She knows there is no risk of them showing up one day, wanting a role in her daughter’s life. Rather, it is Asha she has always worried about. She has waited in fear for the day her daughter reaches a point of dissatisfaction with her or Kris, and goes in search of more. Somer has tried to be faultless as a parent, but still she worries that in the end, all her love for her will not compensate for the loss she suffered as a baby. (p. 162)
Their personal differences lead them into an ego conflict. Both of them
keep standing on their own ego. Some frictions are often raised by their own ego
which they cannot handle. Asha still stands on her perception that knowing the
origin for a child is important to find out her identity. Somer, on the contrary, does
not want her daughter feeling upset after she knows the truth. This contradiction is
not able to be solved until Somer and Asha lower their ego.
This ego conflict is supported by the element of interpersonal conflict
which happens between at least two interdependent people. According to William
Wilmot, as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), by interdependent means that people are
dependent on each other; what one person does or says affects the other person
(pp. 216–217). Somer and Asha have a family relationship as mother and
daughter; they are dependent on each other since they live in the same house.
However, whatever Somer does toward her daughter, Asha gives negative
response to it and vice versa. It happens again and again although they live in the
2. The Causes of Interpersonal Conflict
Isenhart and Spangle (2000) identify underlying seven issues that cause
interpersonal conflict. In this novel, Somer and Asha also experience some
conflicts caused by these seven issues. They are data, interests, procedures,
values, relationships, roles, and communication. Many sources of conflict suggest
why it is so difficult for parties to be focused on the same issues (pp. 14–15). The
first cause is data. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), data is when people
have differences of opinion about the best source, reliability, or interpretation of
data (p. 14). When Asha tells her parents that she has won the Watson Foundation
competition, Somer looks shocked and surprised since she knows that Asha will
leave them to go abroad for a year as the prize of the competition.
―I’m afraid of her leaving college and going halfway across the world by
herself. I’m afraid of her being so far away we don’t have any idea what’s happening with her.‖ Somer runs her hands over her face and then up over her head, continue with a fresh string of concerns. (p. 161)
…
―I’m worried about her safety, being a girl over there, going into those
slums. . .‖ She sits down on the bed again and clutches a pillow to her chest. (p. 162)
As Asha is still a teenager, Somer thinks that this time is not appropriate
for her to go abroad by herself. The location, in India, is so far away for Somer to
let her daughter go there alone. Somer feels worried about the safety of her
daughter since her project location is in slum areas. The second cause is interests.
According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), interests are shown when there are
many disagreements and parties cannot meet their one another’s interests (p. 14).
abroad as the prize from the competition. ―Somer rubs her forehead. ―Asha, you
can’t just drop this on us and expect us to celebrate. You can’t make a decision
like this without our input.‖ (p. 160)
Somer disagrees with Asha’s decision because Asha has not informed
Somer about it before. Asha’s decision raises a big rejection from Somer. Somer
feels that she does not get involved in the decision making. The third cause is
procedures. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), procedures mean parties
may not engage in discussion if they do not agree with a way to solve a problem
(p. 14). This conflict arises when Somer forces Asha to be more serious in her
study since Asha gets bad marks in math and chemistry.
―Look, there’ still time to turn your grades around this year,‖ her mom says. I can help you with chemistry, or we can get you a tutor.‖ Her mom grips the edge of the table with both hands, as if she’s expecting an earthquake to strike. (p. 136)
Somer proposes an idea for helping Asha in studying chemistry and math.
Somer asked Asha to have a tutor in guiding her in studying those two subjects.
However, Asha does not accept her mother’s way of helping her. Asha, then,
responds to her mother’s way with a statement. ―I do not need a tutor, and I
definitely do not want your help,‖ Asha says, choosing her words to sting her
mother.‖ (p. 136)
Asha’s statement shows that she cannot accept her mother’s way in
dealing with her way of life. Asha wants to end the discussion with her mother
about her marks. She does not want her mother to get involved in every single
Still, over the past couple months; her father’s presence in the house has been only thing keeping the simmering tension with her mother at bay.
When her dad’s around, she doesn’t have to face her mom’s obvious
disappointment with her decision, her constant fears and worries about this trip to India. Asha cannot bear it anymore (p. 168)
Since Asha does not agree with the solution provided by her mother, she
does not want to accept her mother’s opinion anymore. She wants to do
everything in her own style. The statement above indicates that Asha is very
disappointed with her mother’s decision. Asha does want to get involved in a
discussion with her mother if she still stands on her decision. Asha keeps a
distance from her mother; eventhough they live together in the same house. Asha
thinks that Somer does not really care about her opinions in solving the problem.
So, it is better not to have a discussion anymore about the problem.
The fourth cause is values. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000),
values are aroused from differences of opinion about the importance or the
priority of interests, options, or choices of direction (p. 15). Asha has her own
interest and choice in her life. Asha wants to become what she wants. She wants
to become herself and she does not let anyone interfere with her decision.
However, Somer feels that she has to guide her daughter in the way she thinks
best. She thinks that what Asha has done cannot lead her into a successful way.
Both of their opinions are contrary to each other. This thing can be seen from
Asha’s statement. ―You always say that, but it’s not true. You don’t know what
the best is for me.‖ Asha stands up from the table and stumbles backward until her
From the statements above, Asha implies that Somer always forces her to
do whatever she says. Asha cannot implement all of her mother’s desire since it
does not fit with her desire. These different opinions about the importance or the
priority in life raises conflicts between them.
―You don’t even know me. You’ve always tried to fit me into some perfect images of the kid you want. You just imported me into your little fantasy,
but you don’t see me. You don’t love me. You want me to be like you, but
I’m not.‖ She shakes her head frantically as she speaks. (p. 136)
The fifth cause is relationship. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000),
relationship means people may resist cooperating if they do not trust others, do
not feel respected by others, and do not believe that the other person is honest, or
do not feel listened to (p. 15). Somer always tries to build a close relationship with
her daughter. However, Asha sometimes has a wrong interpretation toward
Somer’s attention.
Her mother’s eyes turn downward and she says nothing. ―Go ahead and say it, Mom. Just say it.‖ Say what?‖ ―Why do you have to sulk around
like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? It’s not happening to
you.‖ Asha slams her hands down on the arms of her chair.
…
―It’s not like I’m pregnant, or going to rehab, or flunking out of school, Mom. I won an award for God’s sake. Can’t you just be happy for me, just a little bit proud?‖ (p. 171)
From the statements above, it seems that Somer never appreciates
whatever Asha does. Whatever Asha does never impresses Somer. Asha needs an
appreciation from her mother. She wants her mother to give support to her
activities.
Asha just wants to do her project in India and she wants her mother to give
prevent Asha going there. Somer gets angry when she hears about the project in
India. Somer’s attitude implies that she does not respect and listen to Asha.
Therefore, Asha tends to annoy Somer for rejecting her suggestion.
The sixth cause is roles. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), roles
are caused of expectations for the role or power imbalances created by the role (p.
15). As a family, every member has their own roles. A roles balance is needed so
there is no overlap toward each roles. As a mother, Somer tries to protect her
daughter and to contribute to every decision and activities about her daughter.
―In either case, Somer, the problem is actually yours, not hers. We’ve done a damn good job raising her. But now she’s an adult, and you can’t control everything she does. You’re always the one saying we should accept her as she is, we should support her interests. For God’s sake, at her age, I moved halfway across the world and my parents didn’t fall apart.‖ (p. 206)
Asha has become an adult and she intends to have a freedom to decide her
own life. She thinks that she is not a child anymore and she can stand alone as her
own character. On the other side, Somer still keeps on her principle that a mother
has a right to allow her daughter to do something or not.
The last cause is communication. According to Isenhart and Spangle
(2000), communication which means conflict frequently results from how
something is said (p. 15). As a human, misunderstanding sometimes happens
when we communicate with each other. Moreover, if every member in the family
never communicates with each other, it will make confusion if something happens
in the end of the process.
