Title:
The Formula 1 Fan Defined Word Count:
803 Summary:
A different take on the people that make up the Formula 1 paddock
Keywords:
Formula 1, F1, Grand Prix, Racing, Formula One, GP
Article Body:
What a wonderful and diverse world modern Formula 1 is. It offers a mystique, a sexiness, that no other motorsport can offer. Exhaustive research and analysis is carried out every year on the people that make up the F1 audience. We´re told F1 supporters are intelligent, articulate, usually affluent and posses a ˆworldliness˜ and sophistication that has seen multinationals clamouring over themselves, pouring billions into the sport to try and associate themselves with the F1 brand. Well for the first time, I have conducted my own highly technical and scientific research (I spoke to a couple of my mates down at the pub) to compile the definitive F1 Fan study. This should be essential reading for all the marketing directors out there.
THE SCHUSCIPLE
Distinguishing Features: ¯Exclusively wear scarlet red ¯Know that F1 started in 1991
¯Have had chin augmentation surgery Located
¯Everywhere - they´re like damn cockroaches ˘ they just keep multiplying. Favoured Products
¯Anything endorsed by St Michael of Maranello Favourite Saying
¯I hope it rains, that will the ˆRainmaster˜ at his best ¯Schumacher is the greatest of all time because ..
¯Schumacher is so great he could win in any car (this saying has recently been heard less often) Marketing Tip
¯If you want to sell something to the Schusciple, either paint it scarlet red, or feature a picture of the man himself ˘ no other work is needed. ¯Be prepared to spend $8 billion (Schumacher´s current rate for an endorsement)
OLD SCHOOL
Distinguishing Features:
¯Believe Formula 1´s glory days were circa 1520
¯Juan ˆJohnny Come Lately˜ Fangio marks the decline of Formula 1
¯Vehemently opposed to such ridiculous introductions as seat belts, brakes, helmets and engines. Located
¯Zimmer frame or public library Favoured Products
¯Gramophone
¯Wireless (no not the internet connection ˘ radio) Favourite Saying
¯This will be the end of Formula 1 Marketing Tips
¯Unless your client owns a funeral home or manufactures hemorrhoid cream, don´t bother.
GREASE MONKEYS
Distinguishing Features: ¯Lack of personal hygiene ¯Pungent Odour (see above)
¯Inability to communicate to the opposite sex ¯Drive $2000 vehicles with $150 000 modifications
¯Wardrobe consists of a variety of overalls (usually team colours) Located:
¯Head firmly buried in an engine or ˆperformance˜ magazine Favoured Products
¯Anything that makes a vehicle louder (performance enhancement optional) Favourite Saying
¯No-one has actually heard them speak, other than some grunting noises Marketers Tips
¯Make sure all advertising has a big picture of an engine ¯Use little of no text (due to illiteracy)
TECHNIUMS
Distinguishing Feature: ¯Acne
¯Thick Rimmed Glasses ¯Bad Posture
¯Pocket protector ¯Usually single Located
¯In front of a computer Favoured Products
¯Any hi tech material known by an unpronounceable word Favourite Saying
¯McLaren´s new engine material ˘ jargonium - is so advanced it´s not even on the periodic table ha ha ¯Pinnacle of Motorsport
Marketers Tips
¯Any product or service should have the suffix of ˆium˜
¯Ensure that advertising is placed is Modern Metallurgy and is written entirely in nonsensium
F1 DISCO BUNNIES
Distinguishing Features
¯Easily distracted by bright shiny objects
¯Will do anything to be associated with an F1 ˆinsider˜ (even 5th reserve driver will do) ¯Don´t enjoy loud noises
Located
¯Team hotels/motorhomes, usually in a perpetual horizontal position Favoured Products
¯Anything shiny Favourite Saying
¯If you can get me to meet Fernando I´ll make it worth your while Marketers Tips
¯Any breast enhancement product
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS Distinguishing Features
¯Believe in the FIA = Ferrari formula
¯Believe Max Mosley is trying to ruin the sport Located
¯In F1 forums posting latest wild plan of Mosley to destroy F1 Favoured Products
¯Mifepristone Favourite Sayings
¯OK, so the 2006 Formula 1 season is exciting, that´s got nothing to do with Max´s changes ¯No longer the pinnacle of motor sport
Marketing Tips
¯Other than a ˆMax Is Satan˜ t-shirt not much you can sell this lot
WANNABES
Distinguishing Features
¯Their cars have 5 point safety harness
¯Wear a HANS device when doing the shopping or having a shower ¯Disproportionately developed neck muscles
Located
¯In front of the X-Box honing their skills for the pending call up to the show ¯Nearest kart track honing their skills for the pending call up to the show Favoured Products
¯Any Formula 1 branded product Favourite Saying
¯F1 is the pinnacle of motorsport ¯Kimi has great racecraft
¯I could do better than Ide Marketing Tips
¯Stick an official Formula Logo on any piece of crud and they will lap it up
Distinguishing Features
¯Calluses on the inside of their hands ¯Blurred vision
Located
¯In front of a computer screen downloading ˆadult˜ entertainment ¯Nearest girly bar
Favoured Products ¯KY ˘ Gel
Favourite Saying ¯Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Marketing Tips
¯Stick a picture of a gorgeous babe on any piece of crud and they´ll buy it. ¯Also largest consumer segment of ˆenlargement˜ techniques.
This is a demo version of txt2pdf v.10.1
