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15 Meeting, greeting and getting
Therefore, if you are in reality feeling down because you have a slight cold, or you got a parking ticket earlier that day or you stepped on a piece of chewing gum that you can’t seem to get off your shoe, or the coffee served on the train was stone cold and tasted foul, remember that your host will not be interested in hearing a full recital of these facts – unless you can turn them into a humorous anecdote.
In the same vein, a comment or two about the weather is perfectly acceptable by way of introductory small talk, but a lengthy exposition on the prevailing
meteorological conditions and influences in the local area over the past decade will be received with a certain amount of disbelief.
In other words, you should try to get through this stage of small talk efficiently, without undue haste – but equally without lingering pointlessly on unpromising details – and then move onto the next stage.
Useful phrases 15.1.2
In the meeting and greeting stages, the following phrases may be useful:
Conventional greeting Hello. How are you?
Nice to meet you.
I’m Giles Dangerfield, managing partner here, and this is my colleague Jane Arthurs, our finance director.
Weather
The weather’s been great recently, hasn’t it?
OR
Terrible weather we’ve been having recently.
The other person’s journey to your office Did you have a good journey here?
OR
I hope you managed to find us alright?
Show the other person around your office, commenting on key features and introducing key people
This is my office/This is where I tend to lurk.
I’d like you to meet Daniel Jones, our finance director.
If arriving at someone else’s office, praise the location and facilities Great location you have here – right in the centre of town!
OR
What a fantastic view over the city!
(If the view from the window is over the back of a waterlogged car park or piece of waste ground, maintain a tactful silence on this topic.)
Offer refreshments to your guest (tea, coffee, water, orange juice, etc.) Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee? Or would you prefer a cold drink?
Try one of these. It’s a local speciality.
ESTABLISHING A BASIS FOR COMMUNICATION 15.2
Key considerations 15.2.1
In the second stage, the genuine art of communication comes more into play. One of the key techniques here is to try to find out what the other person is interested in and let them talk about it. All you need then do is demonstrate a genuine appreciation of those things.
While excessive talkativeness may be viewed with suspicion in certain cultures, the feeling that someone is really interested in you and your thoughts and opinions is almost always a positive one. Remember that:
G nobody enjoys listening to someone talking about something that doesn’t interest them; but
G everyone enjoys being given the chance to talk about something that interests them, particularly when they have an appreciative audience.
Consequently, the more you can discover about the other person’s interests and views prior to your meeting the better. By building up something of a mental picture of the person you will be speaking to, you are likely to find it easier to talk to them about things that interest them. You will then find some common ground more quickly and this will significantly assist your negotiations with that person.
You should also pay attention to any clues given by the person’s appearance. For example, if someone walks into the office, puts down their set of golf clubs in a corner, and removes their Ferrari cap, it is pretty likely that golf and motor sport will be successful topics of conversation. Admittedly this is an extreme example, but it is amazing the amount of information you can deduce about a person from a fairly cursory glance at their general appearance and deportment.
When talking to another person, also consider their body language. Do they appear relaxed? Ill at ease? Tired? Tense? Bored? Aggressive? Adjust your approach accordingly.
Also, consider the nonverbal signs you are sending to that other person. Are you presenting yourself as a normal, sociable and friendly person? Try to smile as much as possible: smiles (except the kind used by Jack Nicholson and Sir Anthony Hopkins) are reassuring.
Topics and suggested phrases 15.2.2 Which topics can be discussed in small talk situations?
In the absence of such helpful clues as just described (the golf clubs and the Ferrari cap), try to engage the other person as soon as it appears convenient to do so on any neutral but reasonably interesting and relevant topic that suggests itself.
Avoid any topic that might be taboo for the other person, or anything that might lead to violent disagreement (religion and politics are difficult subjects in this respect). Also, think carefully about what the choice of topic conveys to the other person about you personally. Safe neutral subjects include the following:
G Current events, so long as they are not of a politically sensitive nature;
G The place where the other person comes from: ‘Ah, I know Budapest – a wonderful city’;
G Sport: ‘Did you see the Formula 1 race at the weekend? Great to see Räikkönen get another win!’
G Personal interests. At least, up to a point. The key considerations here are:
(1) Only to mention interests likely to help the conversation along and promote social harmony. Therefore, ‘I enjoy a round of golf myself – do you play?’ is fine; but ‘I enjoy killing large wild animals, such as foxes and badgers, and then stuffing them – what do you think about that?’ might lead to social discomfort.
(2) Don’t go into excessive detail. Keep it light and general in order to give yourself time to gauge the other person’s response and leave room for an escape route if it is clear they are not interested.
G Family, particularly if you know the other person slightly: ‘How’s Jane getting on? And the children? Wonderful!’ (However, avoid asking overly direct or specific questions about such matters.)
G What they did at the weekend: ‘Were you able to get out in the sunshine at all over the weekend?’
G What they are going to do at the weekend coming up: ‘Have you got anything planned for the weekend?’
It is important to remember that when conducting small talk it is usually best to make your questions relatively indirect and unspecific. In that way they will sound less pointed and threatening, and the other person will be able to give a
diplomatic but uninformative reply without loss of face or dignity. So do not say, for example,
Tell me what you are going to do over the weekend.
which does not allow the other person to avoid the question without appearing evasive.
Try instead:
Do you have anything special planned for the weekend?
Which allows them to say ‘not really’ if they don’t feel like telling you what they’ll be doing.
GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS 15.3
The point will come when you sense that it is time to bring the general
conversation to an end and get down to business. There are various ways in which you can signal that this process is beginning. Here are some suggestions:
G Adjourn to the room in which the negotiation is going to take place. You might say at this point something like: ‘Right, ladies and gentlemen.
Since time is getting on, might I suggest we make our way to the conference room now?’
G Stand up and make a short introduction: ‘OK, I think we’re all here now, so perhaps now might be a good time as any to get started.
Perhaps I could begin by introducing everyone . . .’
G Outline the parameters of the meeting: ‘OK, we’re all gathered together here to discuss the terms of settlement in this case. I’d anticipate that we might expect to be here until about 4 this afternoon, breaking for lunch between 1 and 2 and the main issues we need to discuss appear to be as follows . . .
G Suggest an agenda and introduce a speaker: ‘OK, there are maybe five or six key areas we need to cover this afternoon. I’d suggest we start with the question of the option sought by Danchester Ltd.
Richard, perhaps you could fill us in on the background to that matter.’
SMALL TALK EXERCISES 15.4
Form pairs and act out the following scenarios.
EXERCISE 31
(1) The receptionist in your law firm has just telephoned to say that a client has arrived for a meeting at the office and is waiting in the reception area. You have never met this client before. You must go down to the reception area to meet the client and escort him or her to the meeting room office.
(2) You are introduced to an important new client at a company drinks party.
Your boss has hastily introduced you and left you to chat with the client.
(3) You are interviewing a candidate for a job at the firm. The candidate has just arrived slightly late, dripping wet due to a sudden rainstorm outside and slightly flustered. Unless you are a very hard interviewer you will want to put the candidate at their ease before starting the interview proper.
(4) On the way to an important conference entitled, ‘Deepening international cooperation between European law firms’, you get stuck in the lift with the senior partner of one of the foreign law firms with which your firm frequently cooperates on international cases. He or she becomes highly nervous and agitated because the lift is inexplicably stuck.
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