Lesson 8: A Shepherd’s Family
was the strength of the church. Both his sons are unfaithful to the church.
v. Satan tempts church leaders more in this area, because it brings more harm on the church when they fall!
B. Manage household well
i. 1 Tim. 3:4-5 - “He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?”
ii. Tit. 1:6 – “and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.”
iii. The Puritans referred to the family household as the “little church.”
This concept underscores the scriptural reasoning that if a man cannot shepherd his family, he can’t shepherd the extended family of the church.
iv. This emphasizes the importance of disciplining and training your children.
v. Obviously, it seems that these teachings involve:
1. Children that are within his home being submissive.
2. Children that are outside his home not being charged with debauchery or insubordination.”
3. His children becoming believers when they are of the age to do so.
vi. Christian leaders cannot neglect their home for the sake of work, the church, or hobbies. We must prioritize shepherding our children in the Lord.
C. Model Christ
i. One of the most important roles we have as fathers is to set an example to our children. We have to live out our faith. More is caught through their eyes than is taught through our words.
ii. 1 Pet. 5:3 – “being examples to the flock”
iii. Shepherds are to provide a pattern for their families and the church.
1. Phil. 3:17; 1 Cor. 11:1; 2 Thess. 3:7-9; 1 Cor. 4:16 2. Our wives and children can pick out a hypocrite!
3. We are not going to be perfect, but we must be sincere in our commitment to Christ.
4. “People would rather follow a leader who is always real than one who is always right.” Craig Groeschel
II. Unique challenges facing the Shepherd’s Family A. The myth of the perfect family.
i. We have often given the impression that church leaders have and must have ideal, Christian families.
ii. I would suggest another model, “Real people in real families striving to obey God.”
1. There are no perfect families in the Bible.
2. We need to give up the myth. We are all dysfunctional, it is just a matter of degree. Rom. 3:23; Phil. 1:6, 1 Cor. 15:10 3. Don’t constantly compare yourself with other families. 2
Cor. 10:12
4. Address crushing expectations within your home. Col.
3:21, 12-15 B. Your wife
i. The issue of confidentiality
1. Elders will discuss and learn information that needs to be kept confidential. They must be trustworthy and able to keep information private.
2. Should you tell your wife information you learn through your work as an elder?
a. It is common for husbands and wives to discuss matters and for the husband to rely on the wise counsel of his wife.
b. Wives must understand confidentiality.
c. Ask yourself some questions before telling your wife.
i. Is this information I wish I did not know;
thus, does she need to know?
ii. Is it going to change how she looks at a church member?
iii. Is it going to hinder her worship?
iv. Am I telling her in order to remove my burden and place it on her? I have learned that I have to be careful about venting or expressing frustration to my wife. I let the burden out and feel better and move on, but I have unknowingly transferred the burden to her. She is concerned for me and the situation. I had to learn to think before just sharing burdens.
v. Am I telling her with the hope of helping me solve, discern, or process how to handle the situation?
vi. Is it information she needs to know as an elder’s wife to know best how to handle a situation?
ii. Time constraints
1. Serving as a shepherd takes time. This involves sacrifices by the family in having the husband at home.
2. Elders’ meetings are often regularly scheduled and long.
3. Visitation and church events can be numerous.
iii. Stress
1. Wives often are able to know when their husband is carrying a stress and burden. This adds stress to them.
2. They carry stress as an elders’ wives and in their love for the church.
3. 2 Cor. 11:28 iv. Expectations of a role
1. Church leaders can feel like they are living life in a
“fishbowl.” They are being watched and expected to live up to a set standard.
2. Wives can feel a perceived pressure to be friendly, at all showers, teach class, meet new members, and visit the sick with their husband.
3. This perceived expectation which makes one feel judged and criticized is a real hindrance to men wanting to serve in leadership.
v. Isolation
1. Church leaders’ wives can feel isolated and lonely.
2. In studies, preacher’s wives often cite isolation and loneliness as their biggest struggle.
3. They can have lots of friends, but lack any deep, intimate relationships.
C. Your children
i. Expectations and social stigma which is placed upon them.
1. Old joke – “You know why all the preacher kids get in trouble, because of all the elders’ kids!”
2. The other church kids can treat or speak to the church leader’s kids differently.
3. They are often held to a higher standard by Bible class teachers, youth workers, and other church kids.
ii. It can harmfully influence their perspective of the church and Christians.
1. When children in your home watch an elder go through a stressful time at church or hear individuals disparaging the elders it can embitter them to the church.
2. Shepherds need to work hard to protect their children from the stressful times in ministry. They need to watch their mouth and guard their heart from anger and bitterness.
3. What is the ideal age to serve as an elder?
D. Yourself
i. Elders face challenges in their own lives. [We will talk more about this in other lessons]
1. Marriage and family problems will come upon shepherds.
2. Elijah – 1 Kings 19:9-10 – He felt isolation and loneliness.
3. Paul – 2 Cor. 11:28 – The worry and anxiety of the church.
4. Burnout – Frustration and weariness with the work.
5. Unrealistic expectations or perceived expectations put upon the shepherd from the church.
6. Lack of an intimate friend to confess sin and share burdens.
We can struggle to be vulnerable with our own struggles and needs.
ii. Who can an elder share his burden with? (We will continue this discussion on the teamwork lesson.)
1. Who shepherds the shepherd?
2. Who do elders go to when they struggle with their own marriage or children?
3. Who does the preacher or youth minister go to when they have a besetting sin?
4. Church leaders should have:
a. Their wife b. Other elders c. Ministers
d. A wise, older Christian
5. We need one another. This is about establishing a culture or environment of love, vulnerability, and trust.
a. James 5:13-18; Gal. 6:2; Phil. 2:3-4
b. See “Best Shepherd Training I’ve Seen” by Jerrie Barber on April 15, 2019 at
www.newshepherdsorientation.com
Lesson 9: A Shepherd’s Administration