In one case, we heard about a husband and wife in Florida whose home was destroyed by Hurricane Andrew in 1992. Devastated by the loss of all their personal belongings, the couple retreated to their vacation home on the island of Kauai to recuperate and to wait out the rebuilding of their Florida home. Shortly after their arrival, another hurricane struck the Hawaiian Islands, demolishing their vacation home. Clearly, these two people had suffered genuine victimization by these natural disasters, suffering deep grief and frustration as a result. While these disasters had destroyed their homes and most of all of their belongings, they were determined to not allow these calamities to destroy their lives as well. Instead, they acknowledged the fact they had built their homes in areas vulnerable to such dis- asters, and they resolved to relocate and rebuild with optimism and faith. After all, they had survived two disasters, and they had done so with their health and human abilities still intact. Owning our cir- cumstances gives us the power to avoid the powerlessness that comes from being a victim and allows us to move forward and achieve the results in life that we seek.
THE BENEFITS OF FINDING THE HEART TO OWN
delays departure.) To keep straphangers from cramming into doorways, the railways lash them with a bit of shame. ‘We put extra workers on the platforms, and mostly they stand there and look at the passengers,’
says Mr. Yanagawa. ‘That usually works.’ Rigorous, maybe, but the commuters thronging the platform at Otemachi Station one recent evening are eager adherents.” That could only work in Japan, you might say, but the principle of ownership cuts across all cultures and companies: when everyone buys into the problem or situation and treats it as their “own,” results always improve.
In another example, Josh Tanner traveled the fast track with his former “blue-chip” company and had been referred to as a “star” by the human resources department largely because of his analytical prowess and political savvy. In four short years, he had learned how to get things done in the large, bureaucratic organizational structure until most everyone argued that Josh was a “high-potential” employee, capable of making it to the top. Josh’s reputation not only spread throughout the company but also captured the attention of headhunters who were always looking for good people, talented people.
It didn’t take long for an executive recruiter, offering an intriguing opportunity to work for a small start-up company with enormous potential, to grab Josh’s interest. Within a few weeks Josh left the security of his large company job for a smaller, albeit riskier one, with a start-up firm where he knew he could shine, even more than before. How much he relished working in a more entrepreneurial, fast-paced environment where he could really put his analytical and management process skills to the test! The company was not just buying him, it was buying his knowledge of how blue-chip companies operate, knowledge that would ensure the success of the smaller company as it grew.
Not long after Josh joined the new firm, however, he was hit with a landslide of feedback that threw him for a loop. Given his political savvy, Josh knew how to listen, but he just couldn’t believe the feedback he was hearing. People at the new company just weren’t impressed with Josh’s analytical bent and bureaucratic orientation.
For several weeks, Josh denied the feedback, thinking to himself, “I’ve already accomplished so much in my career; I was a star in a ‘blue- chip’ company; people here should feel lucky to get someone with my experience; I gave up a lot to come here.” Eventually, Josh learned
that he would not receive the promised promotion to vice president of marketing, and worse, if his performance did not improve, he would not be with the organization much longer. This turn of events dealt a shocking blow to Josh who still could not believe what was happen- ing to him. “This is worse than a bad dream, it’s my worst nightmare!”
Soon he began to mourn the loss of his “fast track” career with his former company and lament the fact he had reached a “dead end” in his current situation.
At this point, the management asked us to work with Josh. Imme- diately after contacting Josh, we began coaching him to move Above The Line. It wasn’t easy, but Josh was at least willing to acknowledge the reality that “he was no longer the “star” in his old company, but someone who “needed to improve” in his new company.” Still, even though accepting the fact that he needed to change, he continued feeling victimized by the new job and other people. He told us, very convincingly, one side of the story, moving through the victim cycle with ease and familiarity as he identified each level and anxiously explained how “they” had stuck him Below The Line. Finally, he ex- plained what we recognized as a “wait-and-see” attitude: he was hoping that time would convince his new associates that their initial assessment of him was wrong.
As we worked with Josh, it became clear that his greatest challenge lay in forging the link between his own behavior and the perceptions of his new associates. While he saw the reality of the perceptions, his disagreement with their accuracy was rendering him unable to Own It. At this point, we asked Josh to retell his story, this time focusing on the “accountable” facts of his circumstances instead of just the
“victim” facts. Slowly, he began describing how people might have misinterpreted some of the things he had done after joining the company, but after each such admission he would say something like,
“but only someone with half a brain would draw that kind of conclu- sion.” As he continued to identify how his actions could have contrib- uted to the perceptions of others, however, he gradually found it easier to recognize the things he did or did not do to contribute to his present predicament. As he did so, his anger began to abate. We explained to Josh that “owning” his circumstances did not mean ad- mitting that the perceptions of his new associates were completely accurate but rather acknowledging that there was a linkage between his behavior and their perceptions.
Finally, when we asked him the question, “What extra steps could you have taken?” Josh stopped to reflect on how he could have taken more initiative by asking people what kind of job they thought he was doing. Recognizing the differences between his new and old en- vironments and acknowledging that he had ignored the new culture’s bias against excessive analysis and bureaucratic process, Josh finally admitted that he could have taken more care explaining to others the motives and principles behind his actions.
As Josh’s sense of accountability increased, so did his feelings of liberation: “I should have worked more closely with the people and the culture of the new company to obtain their ideas and involvement in the programs I was trying to implement. I could have been more open to the suggestions, and I should have involved myself more with their plans, purposes, and priorities. Wow, did I make a mistake by withdrawing from others when the negative feedback started coming in!” Not until that moment did Josh fully address the other side of the story and own all the facts, particularly those that linked his be- havior with his circumstances. He was not saying that he should shoulder responsibility for everything that had happened, nor was he saying that the people in the new company were 100 percent fair in their assessment, but he was finally admitting that he himself had done or not done certain things that contributed to his circumstances.
“Man,” he said during our final coaching session, “getting stuck Below The Line feels like being trapped in a room with no windows or doors.
Now that the doors are open, and I see the whole story, I can start changing my circumstances. Things can only get better!”
Josh came to “own” his circumstances when he made the connection between his behavior and the perceptions of his new associates. When he saw the reality that his past behavior had something to do with his present circumstances, he then realized that his behavior from now on could create an entirely different and better future. This realization gave him the heart he needed to begin working to shift the perceptions of those with whom he worked, and, before long, he lost all the distaste he had developed for his new associates. After a little more than three months of Above The Line behavior, Josh had so completely shifted the perceptions of his subordinates, peers, and boss that he won that promotion to vice president of marketing.
The benefits of owning your circumstances more than compensate for the heart-wrenching effort involved. When you find the heart to own your circumstances, you automatically gain the commitment to overcome and change those circumstances for the better.