It can be very hard not to jump in and solve your client’s problems. Ideally, brainstorming new solu- tions is a collaboration between therapist and client. The more your client can discover his own solu- tions, the more empowering the process will be. I start with asking my client for his suggestions. Often, all I need to say is, “I wonder if there are some other ways of handling this situation.” If I think of a specific strategy that my client did not mention, I usually say, “I have an idea that might help. Let’s see if you like it.” If my client likes the suggestion, I encourage him to apply the strategy to his specific problem.
For many of your clients, the process of stopping and consciously looking at their problems will naturally lead to thinking of new, effective solutions. However, some clients find it hard to think of alternative ways of handling their problems. Try the “Questions to Help Find New Solutions” list on the Problem-Solving Worksheet. Below are the questions.
• What are some different ways you could handle your problem?
• What would you suggest to someone who had this problem?
• What do you think a friend or someone who cared for you would suggest if he or she knew that you had this problem?
• How have you handled similar situations in the past?
• How do you overcome obstacles in other areas of your life?
• Is there any positive information that you are ignoring that could be helpful in solving this problem?
• Is there an aspect of the problem that cannot be changed and that you have to accept? (The challenge is to accept what cannot be changed and find coping strategies for what can be changed.)
Let’s see how Raoul’s therapist helps him brainstorm. Initially Raoul has some difficulty finding alternative solutions. However, his therapist maintains an optimistic attitude and sticks to problem solving.
Therapist: Right now you are avoiding your boss, and you were saying that it doesn’t seem to be improving the situation. Let’s see if we can think of some other things you could do. I want us to write down everything we think of. In this early stage, we’re looking for quan- tity and variety of solutions. Every idea is a good idea. Later we’ll figure out which one we want to use.
Notice how his therapist explains the principles of quantity, variety, and deferred judgment.
Raoul: Anything I can think of just seems impossible.
Therapist: You may be right, but let’s see if we can think of what you could do to improve your rela- tionship with your boss.
Notice that Raoul’s therapist acknowledges that he might be right but maintains an optimistic attitude.
Raoul: I think that the best solution may be to get out of the department and ask for a transfer.
Therapist: So one option is to ask for a transfer. Any other options you can think of?
Raoul: I could just keep doing what I am doing; it is not going so badly. I’ve also thought of asking a friend who works in another department if he had any ideas.
Therapist: We have a couple of solutions; let’s write them down. First, ask for a transfer; second, keep doing what you are doing; and third, ask a friend for advice. I’m going to ask you some questions to see if they help you come up with any other solutions. I’m wondering…if a colleague had this problem, what would you suggest to him?
Notice how Raoul’s therapist starts with a summary statement to indicate she heard Raoul, and then follows up with a question from the “Questions to Help Find New Solutions” list.
Raoul: That’s easy, but I don’t think it would work for me.
Therapist: You might be right, but let’s look at what you would suggest in any case.
Raoul: Well, the first thing I would suggest is that my colleague stop avoiding his boss and behave in a friendly manner.
Your Turn!
Help Raoul Find New Solutions
Raoul’s suggestion that he stop avoiding his boss and behave in a friendly manner is a good overall strategy, but it is not very concrete.
Look at the three possible responses below and pick the one that will help Raoul be more specific and concrete.
1. Great suggestion. I wonder if you started generally participating more in meetings whether that would be helpful.
2. When you think of being friendlier, what are your thoughts?
3. If your colleague wanted to stop avoiding his boss and be friendlier, what are some things he could do?
Response #3 is the most likely to help Raoul develop specific and concrete solutions. In response #1, the therapist is solving the problem for Raoul. Response #2 would be a good question if we had a specific, concrete solution, but it is too soon in the problem-solving process.
Therapist: If your colleague wanted to generally stop avoiding his boss and be friendlier, what are some things he could do?
Raoul: (laughing slightly) Well, I guess I would suggest saying hello to his boss before meetings, speaking up at meetings, and probably letting his boss know how some of his projects are going.
Therapist: Could we put these down as possible solutions for you? (Raoul nods and smiles.) You’ve come up with quite a long list.
Look at the three possible responses below and pick the one that will help Raoul continue to find alternative solutions.
1. I’m wondering whether we could find more solutions. What would someone who knew you well suggest as a solution?
2. What are the obstacles to starting to speak up at meetings?
3. Let’s make a plan for when you could start speaking up more at meetings.
Response #1 is the most likely to help Raoul continue to find solutions. Responses #2 and #3 would be good responses if Raoul had already picked speaking up at meetings as a solution; however, he has not yet finished listing all of his possible solutions.
Therapist: I’m wondering whether we could find more solutions. What would someone who knew you well suggest as a solution?
Raoul: Honestly? I think my wife would suggest that I wait until the next evaluation, which is in six months, before I do anything. My daughter would suggest that I make an appointment with my boss to talk about the poor work evaluation. But that’s totally impossible for me to do. I would just be too anxious.
Often when clients think of an assertive response, they immediately back away. It just feels too hard. That’s what happened when Raoul thought of talking to his boss about his poor work evaluation.
It is worthwhile spending some time exploring what exactly your client could say. Often when clients have a concrete scenario, the assertive response feels more doable.
Here is Raoul’s list of possible solutions:
• Keep doing what I am doing
• Ask for a transfer to another department
• Ask a friend for advice
• Talk to my boss before meetings, participate in meetings, and tell my boss how my projects are going
• Wait for next evaluation
• Arrange a meeting with my boss to discuss my evaluation
Agenda Item #5: Choose a Solution
For many clients, calmly evaluating different solutions is a new and empowering experience. You want your client to evaluate the likelihood that the different solutions will either resolve or improve the problem. I teach my clients to ask themselves the following questions from the Problem-Solving Worksheet so that they can make an informed choice.
• What are the short-term and long-term benefits of each solution?
• What are the short-term and long-term drawbacks of each solution?
If my client finds the concept of benefits and drawbacks too abstract, I ask, “If you use this solution, what are some of the good things that might happen and what are some of the bad things that might happen?” We make a chart and write down the answers; clients can then take the chart home and spend more time thinking about the decision. Below are some of the questions that I ask to encourage clients to think about the short-term and long-term consequences of each solution.
• How will this solution affect me, other people, and the situation?
• How will I feel after implementing this solution?
• Is this solution consistent with my values? Will implementing this solution be important to me in terms of acting on my values?
• Does the solution generally feel doable?
• Does the solution feel doable in terms of time and effort required?
Raoul has a large number of solutions; it’s hard to evaluate all of them. His therapist asked him to pick three solutions to evaluate. Below is how Raoul completed his evaluation. You can download the worksheet Benefits and Drawbacks of My Solutions at http://www.newharbinger.com/38501.