Brian Brandt: Finding Quiet Time and Couple Time in a Full Life
Brian Brandt is executive pastor of the multisite Grace Community Church in Texas. He’s also the father of three children, ages thirteen, ten, and six, and is running a coaching and training business called Summit Solution Group on the side. At work, he spends a lot of time meeting the needs of the staff and congregation, and at home, he’s focused on the kids. That accessibility is in the job description for both these roles, and he loves what he does, but he felt like his schedule was leaving little time for praying and nurturing his relationship with his wife, Ann. He wanted to find more time for these two activities, which he knew would make a big difference in his effectiveness both at work and home. He also wanted to be more efficient at work without sacrificing the ability to truly invest in the people he was mentoring and counseling. He wanted to find time to read, too.
Here’s what his schedule looked like for a week in July 2009 (GCC is Grace Community Church, SSG is Summit Solution Group, LT refers to Leadership Tyler, a nonprofit community service organization for which he serves on the board, and FB is Facebook):
What Brandt Was Doing Right
Brandt was doing an admirable job fitting exercise into his busy schedule. Not only did he work out most mornings, he did active things on the weekend like going to the pool with his family. It was especially good to see that his son was his occasional exercise buddy—something they could try more often as a way to practice alignment. The family game night is a great idea. He also managed to do a short date with his wife, in addition to an evening spent watching a movie together. He kept his work time reasonable at somewhere between 50 and 55 hours (with the ambiguity arising over how to count the e-mail and Facebook time). This is hard in both his lines of work. As a pastor you really do need to deal with things like trees falling on houses and you need to be available on weekends, and when you are an entrepreneur, work can expand to fill all available space. He slept a reasonable amount, 52.5 hours according to my tally. Though he woke up quite early to get his workouts in, he made time for this by being in bed before 10:30 every night.
The Time Makeover Suggestions
Brandt needed to focus more during his time with Ann. Like many people, he had trouble categorizing some of his hours because he was trying to do multiple activities at once. He had entries like “e- mail/FB/visit wife.” Distractions make us feel more pressed for time than we really are. I suggested that he turn off the TV for good when the kids went to bed and then spend at least 30 minutes really talking with his wife, and some of the rest of the time reading. Any e-mail could wait until the next morning.
A strong marriage is based not just on big blocks of time together, but on small, loving interactions.
Brandt could try to call his wife more often during the day. If he found himself with a 5-minute lull, he could call to check how she was doing, or even just text “I love you” to her phone.
Brandt was doing a lot of great family stuff (like going to the pool and having a family game night) but I thought they could all challenge themselves to go TV-free on another night too. They could plan something positive for the freed-up space. One option might be a family book group. The older kids and adults could read separately, and someone could read with the little one, and all discuss the chapters during one night together. Many classic series, such as C. S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia, work for all ages.
Brandt was right that finding time to pray is extremely important for a pastor. So I suggested he make the time . . . when he was in the shower. We all have to shower anyway, so we may as well use these minutes. This is a matter of getting in the habit. One approach I suggested was to recite prayers for the first minute or two so he wouldn’t have to think about what he meant to communicate until his mind was more centered. Some people pray while exercising, too—for instance, while running, praying for a different person every mile. Brandt wondered if there was a better way to approach his mentoring and counseling duties. Obviously it’s hard to be “efficient” when dealing with quality interactions with other people. But there were a few things he could try to make such sessions more effective. He could set an end point up front by mentioning another commitment on his calendar or saying, “I’m really looking forward to our hour together.” Also, if there were questions people always asked he could prepare a list of “Frequently Asked Questions” so people could prepare for these sessions and keep themselves focused on issues that were unique to them. As much as possible, he could try to stick to an agenda. I suggested he try not to toggle back and forth too much between his church and business duties. He didn’t do a great deal of this, but if it was possible to focus on his business only during certain blocks of time, that would reduce transitions. He could carve out strategic thinking times for both roles—an hour or two with no distractions (no e-mail or phone or Twitter) where he would figure out what the big issues were and how he intended to solve these.
What Brandt Thought of These Suggestions
He was generally positive, if concerned that he wouldn’t be able to avoid “toggling” at work. A few weeks later, though, he sent me an e-mail saying “I have a good report. I’ve been praying more as I shower, mow, and drive.” One morning, he got up and “had a great hour just walking and praying with a beautiful sunrise as the backdrop.” He’d decided to be more proactive about calling his wife. “It’s not odd for me to need to drive 5-10 minutes to a meeting at some point during the day, so I’ve often used that time to make a quick call and touch base with her,” he said. He made a point of setting an ending time for some of his meetings, especially his mentoring and coaching. “That’s made a big difference without diluting the quality of the session,” he said. It turned out, too, that he could toggle back and forth less between his roles. He blocked out time for specific projects and consciously decided not to skip over to other projects, check e-mail, or return phone calls until an aspect of the project was complete. He was also finally finding time to read, finishing two books since completing the time log. Rather than watching TV or checking e-mail at night, he’d open a book, and “I’ve also taken a book with me to the gym and read while riding the stationary bike,” he said. “When you combine all of these together, they really do make a significant difference.”