Our final style note concerns the use of the term people as opposed to persons.
When more than one person is involved in a story, it is more conversational to refer to them as people, even though some style books continue to insist that a small group be referred to as persons. For example, in conversation we
are more likely to say that “five people” are going to join us for dinner than we are to say that “five persons” will be joining us.
summARy
This chapter suggests that you use conversational style in writing broadcast copy. The material in the chapter is meant to help you learn to write as you speak. Most of us use brief sentences, with few subordinate clauses, and choose easy-to-understand words in everyday conversation. Communicating informa- tion to a radio or TV audience is best done in everyday language, simply and with sincerity. As always, if you are unsure of your script, read it aloud to hear whether it sounds natural or forced. Your ears, not your eyes, will tell you if your copy is good.
The keys to solid newswriting must be broken down by how the overall story is phrased, which individual words are selected, and how those words flow in a sentence. Unlike traditional print writing, broadcasters must make sure their descriptors and identifiers are correct, their abbreviations are understood, their attribution precedes the information, adverbs and adjectives appear only when needed, appropriate verbs are used, phonetic phrases are dropped in at the right times, lists of numbers aren’t confusing, and a score of other broadcast style rules are followed. If that weren’t enough, the writers must also adhere to conversational style, make sure their news copy is accurate, and wedge all of the relevant information into a finite parcel of air time.
Done correctly, newswriting is natural, compelling, and “sounds” right.
Remember, although it may feel counterintuitive for television newsrooms, a newscast can survive without compelling video footage as long as it has a strong script. But all the video in the world will not save poor writing.
Test your Knowledge
1. Where would you use contractions in the following sentences?
■ The governor says he will leave on vacation tomorrow.
■ There will be a dozen people at the reception.
■ The workers say they will walk off the job at noon.
■ Here is the latest word from the Weather Bureau.
■ Now let us take a look at what happened in baseball tonight.
2. What’s wrong with the following sentence, and how could it be improved for broadcast?
Two years after the crash of a helicopter into the Washington channel, the D.C. Fire Department has not provided scuba equipment and training for its fireboat person- nel, despite an order from Congress to do so accompanied by an appropriation to pay for it.
129 Test Your Knowledge
3. Here is another complex sentence. How could you improve it for broadcast?
Higher rates for electricity could be one result of the miners’ strike against the Pittston Coal Company, which has forced some utilities to curtail sales of power to neighboring companies and to buy more expensive types of fuel, according to an industry spokesman.
4. Here are words that are not particularly good for broadcast. Think of an appropriate substitute for each.
emblazoned facilitate ascent perquisites capitulation stupefied exodus disperse
5. Keeping in mind the suggestions for using prepositions and conjunctions, how could the following sentence be improved for broadcast?
The circus’ chief lion trainer did not take part in the show because he was sick.
However, the apprentice trainer took over and his performance was loudly applauded.
6. There’s a pronoun problem in the following sentence. Identify it and explain how the sentence should read.
The governor accused his opponent, Taylor Bean, of mudslinging. After the exchange, he predicted he would win the election.
7. What words and phrases could you use to replace the clichés in the following sentences?
■ The prisoners rampaged for more than an hour.
■ The White House announcement came on the heels of Iran’s invasion of Iraq.
■ The Republican candidate said he had no doubt that the tax issue would become a political football.
■ The loss of the home team and the amount of alcohol sold to the crowd led to the perfect storm of a riot.
8. What’s wrong with these sentences?
■ There was applause when the birthday cake was brought out by the chef.
■ The robber was grabbed by the sheriff as he tried to run from the bank.
■ The financial report was improved by the price of silver.
9. How could the verbs in these sentences be improved for broadcast?
■ The teacher declared that the student outing was postponed because of rain.
■ The mayor asserted that she would seek another term.
■ The president exclaimed that he would go to Camp David for the weekend.
10. What’s wrong with the attributions in the following sentences?
■ The nation’s economy is going to get worse before it gets better, according to a leading economist.
■ Hundreds of people were injured in rioting in Los Angeles, according to the police.
■ The final football score will be reviewed due to an illegal play, says the head umpire.
11. What’s wrong with the transition used to link the following sentences?
Forest fires swept through a number of states on the West Coast today, destroying hundreds of thousands of acres of trees. Also under fire is our town’s police chief, who is accused of failing to control some of his officers.
ExERCIsEs
1. Rewrite the following wire-service sentence for broadcast.
Thunderstorms that raged through the South, and bad weather elsewhere, have been blamed for at least 23 deaths and the presumed drowning of a North Carolina man swept away by a swollen creek the night before he was to be married.
2. Take a story from the wires or a newspaper. Read it carefully and then put it aside. Now rewrite the story in broadcast style without looking at the copy again. When you have finished, look at your copy and make a note of anything important that you forgot or any information that you wrote incorrectly.
3. Watch a program of any kind on television and then write a story about it, describing it as you would to a friend.
4. Read over your story from Exercise 2 or 3 and make any changes you think will improve the copy. Then read the copy aloud and note any changes you would make that you did not notice when you read the copy to yourself.
5. Using stronger verbs, rewrite the following copy.
■ An earthquake has hit San Francisco. Police say several people may have been killed. There is no report on injuries. But rescue workers looked through several wrecked buildings for possible victims. Hundreds of frightened residents left their homes. It was the strongest quake to hit the city in several years.
■ Power lines were down in some areas. Police say they fell when cracks developed in the pavement.
■ Utility company officials are in the area to examine damage. They said some power lines were broken during the quake and present a danger.
6. Find two related stories on the wires or in the newspaper. Rewrite them in broadcast style and use a transition to tie them together.
7. Using wire copy or newspaper stories, find three sentences that use the passive voice and rewrite the sentences in broadcast style.
8. Find as many verbs as you can on the front page of your local newspaper that you feel could be stronger or more colorful. Replace them.
9. Look through your newspaper for words that you feel are too long or might be difficult for a broadcast audience to understand. Look them up in a dictionary or thesaurus to find synonyms that would be more appropriate for broadcast copy.