What I Would Do Differently
Lesson 3: The Role of the Husband
iii. 72 percent of American adults were married in 1960, but only 50 percent were in 2008.4
iv. More than half of all people live together before getting married.
In 1960 virtually no one did. Our question from last week: Most Christian men agree that they should lead, however, they don’t.
b. The surprising goodness of Marriage.
i. Although 45 percent of marriages end in divorce. The vast majority of the forty-five percent are those who marry before the age of eighteen, who have dropped out of high school, and who had a baby before marriage.
ii. Young adults, who come from intact families, are religious, have a decent income, and marry after twenty-five have a far better chance to stay married.
iii. People who stay married have higher retirement incomes and earn 10 – 40 percent more than do single men with similar education and backgrounds.
iv. Nothing can mature character like marriage.
v. People who stay married show a higher degree of satisfaction with their lives.
vi. Children who grow up in married, two-parent families have two to three times more positive life outcomes.
vii. The verdict – being married and growing up with parents who are married are enormous boosts to overall well-being.
viii. Important to see what the Bible has to say about the role of the husband.
II. Book: Husbands should Lead.
a. 1 Corinthians 11:3.
i. Christ is the head of every man.
ii. Man is the head of his wife.
i. We are called to Lead her.
iii. God is the head of Christ.
b. Ephesians 5:25-27. Lead her in spiritual welfare.5 i. Lead her in prayer.
ii. Read the Bible together.
c. Colossians 1:9-10. Lead her in decision making and avoid the two biggest pitfalls.
i. Selfishness.
ii. Subjectivity. Don’t follow feelings.
4Keller and Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 14. The authors cite “The Decline of Marriage and the Rise of New Families” (Pew Research Center Report, November 18, 2010).
5Stuart Scott, Biblical Manhood: Masculinity, Leadership and Decision Making (Bemidji, MN:
Focus, 2001), 48. The list of ways to lead is provided in chap. 5, “Leadership Specifics in Marriage.”
A deep experience of the grace of God – a knowledge that you are a sinner saved by grace – will enable the power of truth and love to work together in your marriage. ~Timothy Keller
d. Titus 2:3-5. Lead her with her relationships.
i. The most important relationship you share outside of God is the relationship you share with your wife.
ii. Ensure her relationships are God-honoring.
e. 1 Peter 4:10. Lead her and help her find her ministry.
i. Ensure that she is not overextended.
ii. Help her to balance time inside and outside the church body.
f. Ephesians 5:28-29. Lead her in her physical well-being.
i. Show concern for health issues.
ii. Provide proper medical attention.
iii. Help with basics; food, rest, safety, and exercise.
III. Book: Husbands should Love.
a. Ephesians 5 earlier emphasized the love we show our wives.
i. As Christ loved the church ii. Gave himself up for her.
b. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
i. Love is patient.
ii. Love is kind
iii. Love is not jealous.
iv. Love does not brag.
v. Love is not arrogant.
vi. Love does not act unbecomingly.
vii. Love does not seek its own.
viii. Love is not provoked.
ix. Love does not take account of wrong suffered.
x. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness.
xi. Love rejoices in truth.
xii. Love bears all.
xiii. Love believes all.
xiv. Love hopes all things.
xv. Love endures all things.
xvi. Love never fails.
c. Three ways to love.
i. Actively- show her love in tangible ways.
i. Action speaks louder than words.
ii. Should include loving care and meaningful deeds.
ii. According to knowledge- understand your wife, her circumstances, and her interests (1 Peter 3:7-8).
i. Prayers will not be hindered.
ii. Inherit a blessing.
iii. Sacrificially- model the love of Jesus.
i. Put your wife ahead of yourself.
ii. Serve her. A woman who experiences the kind sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated on the Cross rarely will have an issue being subject to her husband even as the church is
iii. Sanctify her (Eph 5:26). That’s a God-sized responsibility that calls for a God-sized process and plan.
IV. Look: A Husband is called to Lead and to Love his wife out of heart of compassion.
a. “Be imitators of me, just as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1).
i. “To serve as an improving copy of our perfect pattern, Jesus Christ, by deliberately focusing on and practicing His likeness.”6 ii. It is through this role that the husband exemplifies Christ to his
wife, his family, and the world.7
b. A wife should be the husband’s number one priority, humanly speaking, second only to the biblical command of placing God in the position of first place (Exod 20:3; Deut 5:7).
i. Christian husbands need to have a heart of worship toward God.8 ii. Jesus gave us the greatest commandment in Matthew 22:37-39.
i. Love God.
ii. Love your neighbor. A husband who loves God with all his, heart, soul, and mind will transmit that love to his wife who is his closest neighbor.
V. Took: “The only person over whom you have control is yourself.”9
a. Encourage participants to take a moment and pray about ways in which he can lead and love his wife.
i. Write those ways in an action plan.
ii. Pray that God will give you the ability to lead and love your wife well.
iii. Plan a date night with your spouse and discuss some of the key concepts that were covered in this lesson.
i. Let her know how important she is to you (first place on Earth).
ii. Be sensitive that you may have to admit there have been some areas in your marriage that you have not led or loved well.
a. Be prepared to ask forgiveness in those areas.
b. Pray with your wife.
b. Remember last week, “it is a task too significant to hire someone else to do.”
6Stuart Scott, The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, rev. ed. (Bemidji, MN: Focus, 2002), 9.
7Ibid., 75.
8Ibid., 87.
9Keller and Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 216.
c. Next session will cover:
i. A Process of Family Discipleship.
i. The “Big Questions.”
ii. The tool “5,4,3,2,1.”