While the section on resistance to change was mostly about voluntary changes of a modest nature, this section examines radical changes that happen to us and from which we cannot get away, the so-called transitions. There are transitions of all kinds and sizes. Birth, our own, of brothers and sisters, of our children and grandchildren. Going to school for the first time, going to another school, our first job, our retirement. Moving to another house, going to live independently, alone or with a partner, marriage. Losing relatives and friends, divorce, losing our job, accidents, illnesses, winning first prize in a lottery. Some transitions are regarded as pleasant, others are not. The changes inherent in reorganizations and interventions in an organizational culture imply for almost all involved a real transition, which is often not experienced as pleasant.
The defining characteristic of transitions is that they demand a really different adaptation from us, a different way of living. This means that we have to let go of certain assumptions that underlie who we are, our identity, in order to connect ourselves to other, new assump- tions. In this way, a transition involves letting go, leaving and saying goodbye. Again, bidding farewell is dying a little and leads to mourning for what we leave behind.
Of course, there are great differences among transitions, but there are resemblances as well. Transitions begin with the disturbance or untenability of the way of life we have led until now. Our comfort zone breaks down. This goes together with a loss, which we have to work through first before we can come to a successful new adaptation, a new comfort zone. We can distinguish several stages in transitions. The idea that all transitions proceed in the same way has been subject to criticism; rightly so, for no transition is exactly the same. Not everybody goes through all stages and there are differences between different kinds of transitions. Sometimes a stage is skipped and more often than not we temporarily shoot back to a former stage, sometime even many times in succession.
Nevertheless, a description of a typical sequence of the different stages (see Figure 7.1) makes sense. As it is, many transitions imply a real loss, the loss of an adaptation in life, in which those involved have invested a lot of time and effort and which offered them what they expected of it. Many people prefer not to feel the feelings that such a loss evokes.
Consequently, this loss cannot be worked through emotionally. Not working through such a loss means that those involved do not overcome their resentment or passivity. In such a state of resentment or passivity it is it hard or even impossible to mobilize sufficient energy to achieve a new adaptation. The main risk here is getting stuck in this state, which then can result in a lengthy depression. The description of the stages of a ‘typical’ transition in Figure 7.1 allows us to point them out to people who are tempted to skip crucial stages. Also, it gives them the option to interpret their feelings and give meaning to them. Coming to terms with these emotions then enables them to see these emotions for what they are: just normal.
Figure 7.1 The transition curve
They are not ‘mad’ and there is really no need to avoid these emotions. These understandings give then the right basis for working through the emotions evoked by the transition.
That is why I describe a ‘typical’ sequence of the different stages. In principle, this con- cerns a not so cheerful transition in which working emotionally through the loss is the first matter of importance. That kind of transition often occurs in the context of an organizational change. And again, it is not unusual to skip stages or to shoot back to a former stage.
The first stage of a transition is oftenshock. For a while, we don’t know what is happening or has happened. We feel nothing, as if we were sedated. Also it is just as if it is not true.
Everything seems unreal, as if we are dreaming, as if we are not our normal self. In short, this is about a feeling of primary alienation.
The first stage often turns seamlessly into the second one,denial. The most extreme form of denial, assuming that in a while everything will be as it was before, may still be part of the former stage of shock. However, then there follow forms such as ‘This just cannot be true’, ‘This is impossible’, ‘They cannot do this’, ‘This will just pass’ and ‘In the end, everything will turn out well’.
Denial then can turn into the next stage,playing downthe seriousness of what is happen- ing: ‘So what?’, ‘What else is new?’, ‘What’s the difference?’, ‘It is not that important’ and
‘Just a matter of. . .’ A popular form of playing down is comparing the event with something much more serious: ‘You know what is really bad?’, ‘The tsunami, that was really bad’.
However, gradually it becomes clear that this will not just pass and also that it is very important. Now all kinds ofemotionsmake their appearance. This may be anxiety. What will become of us? Disaster scenarios emerge, so realistic that they keep us awake at night. It may
also concern grief. Sometimes our eyes get moist and we feel like crying about what we have lost. Other emotions are indignation and anger. One thing we know for sure: this is not fair.
We just don’t deserve this. This indignation and anger often lead to an attitude of frustration, resistance and suspicion. We are against what happened, against everything and everyone responsible for it, but also against those who in reprehensible ways survived the event, as well as against ourselves because we didn’t see it coming, or because we did see it coming but didn’t take any action to prevent it and let ourselves be led like a lamb to the slaughter.
But what good does it do to be anxious, sad or angry? Gradually the emotions fade, though they may also flare up from time to time, to make way fordepressionand dejection.
Apathy kicks in. Nothing interests us any more. Food and drink seem to have lost their taste. The world has become dreary and bleak. The world has changed and this will not turn out right.
This depression, however, goes away as well and is exchanged fordetachment. We feel lighter now, but for the rest it is as if our feelings have disappeared all together. As if all feeling has been used up and there is nothing left any more. A form of resignation takes possession of us. This is the absolute low. The crisis has been reached. The good news is that once we have arrived here, we have really worked through the loss of our former way of life. Essentially, we have now given up the assumptions on which our former existence was based. We have let them go. This creates a void that offers room for something new:
there is a vacancy for new assumptions.
The next stage isexploring. Initially, this is a matter of asking ourselves questions. ‘What do we want to do now? What have we wanted to do all along? What are we good at? What possibilities are there? We can review different options in our thoughts and inform ourselves about them.
The following stage consists ofexperimenting, working out one option. What do we need for that? Who should we get to know for this?’
When the experimenting is successful, we maychooseto stich to that option: we choose what we actually want to do. This involves making a plan, setting goals and sub-goals, making a time schedule and collecting the resources and the proper help. We really get going. If we do succeed, we can go on to the next stage.
When we have really shaped a successful solution, integration is the last stage. We develop this solution into a self-evident and manageable adaptation, a new comfort zone.
This is about going into the details, as well as about developing efficient routines. As Figure 7.1 shows, this new adaptation lies at a somewhat higher level than the original. It means that we have grown. To use Nietzsche’s (1909) words: ‘That which does not kill me makes me stronger.’ We have done what we needed to and from now on we know more about how it has to be done. We have developed ourselves. We have learned, and we know now that we do not need to be so anxious. The next transition will be somewhat easier for us. As it is, we are, almost by definition, good enough for our own life. The troubles we experience are, in the end, our troubles and they are there to make us stronger. In this respect, Frankl (1978) says that when an architect want to strengthen a dilapidated stone arch, he will increase the weight that rests on that arch, so that the separate parts of the arch are pressed against each other more strongly.
In transitions that are very positive – finishing your studies, marriage, a first child, a new job, winning the lottery, an early pension – the feeling of loss often does not get enough attention. Maybe this is obvious, but after the first elation it often leads to a somewhat
unreal, disappointed feeling. Then too, it is important not to avoid this feeling. That is why winning a big prize in a lottery is nowadays accompanied by some guidance from a professional who knows something about such transitions.
Ĺ What are the most important transitions that you have experienced in your own life?
Ĺ To what degree do you recognize the stages described and the emotions mentioned here?
Ĺ How exactly did it happen for you?