Over my years of working in this industry, I have found you can use two effective approaches to finding your stories.
Approach 1: Finding work-related stories
The first step in finding the four types of stories you have that are related to a work situation is to grab a piece of paper and divide it into five rows. Label each row (top to bottom) as follows:
1. job 2. triumph 3. tragedy 4. tension 5. transition.
List all the jobs you’ve ever had in the first column, starting with your very first job and moving through to your current role. Don’t leave out any job, no matter how small or insignificant it feels now, and include any work experience or a casual job you had for a short time when you were young. I had a casual job working in Woolworths for two weeks when I was 17, and I have so many stories from that short experience.
For each role, now think carefully about specific events that stand out for you in relation to the four types of stories. The key to this approach is to sit with one job experience for a while. Don’t dismiss it too quickly by thinking something like, That was boring, nothing happened there or I was only in that job for three months. Remember, you are a metal story detector and the stories will be just below the surface so you need to be patient and thorough when investigating.
Also think about how you came to take on the role and then leave the role. Was there anything significant in that process? Did the role involve moving
locations? Was taking the role or leaving it a big decision at the time? Why did you leave? These questions could end up providing good transition or tension stories.
What success did you have in that role? What achievements did you or your team enjoy that you are particularly proud of? Did you win any awards? Did you struggle with one aspect of the role or one person in your team that you worked
struggle with one aspect of the role or one person in your team that you worked through? Asking yourself these questions can bring up potential triumph stories you could use.
Do you have any regrets from that job that could form tragedy stories? Did you take a course of action or make a decision that ended up being the wrong call and something you regret? Was a strong relationship with one of your peers or clients destroyed that you wish hadn’t been? Did something happen to one of your colleagues that had a devastating impact on you, which you still think about today? Did you learn a valuable lesson from a mistake? Remember, tragedy stories don’t always have to be about significant loss; they can be about regret and the lessons you learned.
The table on the following page shows an example of how you might start to fill out your work-related stories table. Don’t worry if not every role you’ve had gives you as much detail as this. As you move through all the jobs you’ve had, more stories will come.
Approach 1: Work-related Stories
Job e.g. 2011 – 2014
Operations Manager, Technology ANZ Story Type Specific Events
Triumph
After a very challenging 6 months and a terrible review, I changed my approach to this leadership role dramatically.
I started opening up to my team about my personal life to create better connections.
More importantly I started checking in on each team member by asking questions about how things were going for them, both professionally and personally.
I forced myself to be a better listener and also encouraged greater collaboration.
My next review improved dramatically with excellent feedback about my leadership and creating a cohesive team environment.
Within the first year of working in this job, my sister, Ellen, was diagnosed with breast cancer.
This was very challenging, as I couldn’t visit easily as we
Tragedy
This was very challenging, as I couldn’t visit easily as we lived in another state.
I felt like I was not able to support her like I would have if I were still back in Adelaide.
There were many times when I questioned if I had made the right decision in relocating away from our extended family.
It felt like a very long year both professionally and personally.
To help me through this guilt, I used to Skype Ellen on a regular basis
Thankfully she has been in remission now for 3 years.
Tension
When I started the job I tried to match my leadership style with what I thought it was to be a leader.
I thought I needed to show everyone who was boss by being authoritative and I didn’t show any emotion.
This made some working relationships very difficult and I was devastated when I received terrible feedback from my team after a few months.
I also felt like a fraud because it wasn’t my natural personality.
It wasn’t until I received such negative feedback from my team that I realised I needed help and approached a colleague for mentoring and support with my leadership style.
Transition
This job required my family and I to relocate from Adelaide to Melbourne.
It was a big step-up as it was my first real leadership role.
I felt out of my depth at first and I was also trying to get my head around living in a new city.
My children had to start over at a new school and we no longer had the support of family who were back in Adelaide.
I left my old job as I felt I had accomplished everything I could and I wanted a challenge.
could and I wanted a challenge.
Not knowing many Melbournian people in the workplace and also in my personal life made me feel quite isolated at times.
Approach 2: Finding non-work-related stories
Now it’s time to find some personal stories you could use. Use a fresh sheet of paper and again divide it into five columns, this time with the following labels:
1. experience 2. triumph 3. tragedy 4. tension 5. transition.
Next, think through your past — from your earliest memories to your most recent — and write down the significant events that have happened in your life.
Remember, you can determine what is ‘significant’. The fact that you remember these experiences probably indicates that they are significant to you, even at an unconscious level.
Try not to analyse the experiences that emerge; just write them down. Just because you have added them to your table doesn’t mean you will necessarily share them. One of the key rules of storytelling in business is that you as the storyteller determine what stories you share and with whom. So you may be willing to share a particular story with your team or in a one-on-one coaching conversation, but not necessarily with a client or on stage to 500 people.
Once you have lots of different events and memories, put a tick in one of the four columns to indicate what type of story it may be: triumph, tragedy, tension and/or transition. You’ll likely find one story could be two of the four types of stories. For example, a story could be both a tension and transition story, or tension and triumph story. No right or wrong answer exists, so tick both columns the story applies to. Try not to tick more than two types of stories, though,
because this will just make things confusing.
The following illustration shows an example of how you might start to fill out your non-work-related stories table.
Approach 2: Non-work-related Stories
Experience Triumph Tragedy Tension Transition Falling off my bike and breaking my
arm when I was 4 years old.
✓ Fighting with my parents as a
teenager about attending a concert.
✓ Travelling overseas alone at the same
time as the 9/11 attacks.
✓ Achieving my first marathon at the
age of 40.
✓