children. This ministry focuses on the process of equipping parents to disciple in their homes rather than simply on family-related programs and activities.25 3) What is the parents’ responsibility in family discipleship?
a) Goal: to see your family and children in light of the gospel.26
b) Meg Meeker, a medical doctor with seemingly very little orthodox Christian beliefs, provides an extensive list of desirable moral traits attributed to a focus on religious beliefs.27 Additionally, she challenges the belief of some that religion should not be forced on children, arguing instead that beliefs about God are too important to avoid teaching.28 She says,
You need to have someone behind you, someone your daughter can turn to when you’re not there. You both need a bigger, better father on your side. . . . I don’t make statements like these lightly. I make them as a doctor, based on what I have observed, studied, and know from experience, and I make them as someone who relies on the evidence of scientific studies with reproducible facts and correlations.29
i) Even someone with very little knowledge of what the Bible says about discipling your children recognizes the value of it!
c) Ephesians 6:4 – The Bible commands Christ followers to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
i) “If we are to carry out the Apostle’s injunction, therefore, we must sit back for a moment, and consider what we have to do. When the child comes we must
25Jones, Family Ministry Field Guide, 33.
26Ibid., 97.
27Margaret J Meeker, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know (New York: Ballantine, 2007), 178-79.
28Ibid., 180.
29Ibid., 179.
say to ourselves, We are the guardians and the custodians of this soul. What a dread responsibility!”30 –D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
ii) Christian upbringing extends beyond basic cultural expectations and must be done with discipline and instruction in the Lord.31
iii) While this command is given to fathers, mothers are not excluded.32 The role of both parents important in children’s discipleship. When there is only one parent in the home, or in situations where parents share custody, this is much harder but much more necessary. The specifics of this will be covered in a later lesson.
iv) We must desire for our children to know and respond to the gospel.33
v) In Ephesians 5:15 & 18, Paul urges his readers to “look carefully . . . how you walk” and to “be filled with the Spirit.”34 The Christian has received a new way of life, far better than anything the natural order can provide.35
vi) Ephesians 6:1 – Children are addressed first. The fact that children are even addressed directly counters the cultural trends of the Greco-Roman society.36
30David Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit in Marriage, Home and Work: An Exposition of Ephesians 5:18 to 6:9 (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1998), 290.
31Clinton E. Arnold, Ephesians, Zondervan Exegetical Commentary Series on the New Testament (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010), 418.
32Robert L. Plummer, “Bring Them Up in the Discipline and Instruction of the Lord,” in Trained in the Fear of God: Family Ministry in Theological, Historical, and Practical Perspective, ed.
Randy Stinson and Timothy P. Jones (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2011), 52.
33Ibid., 51.
34Arnold, Ephesians, 411.
35Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit in Marriage, Home and Work, 237.
36Andrew T. Lincoln, Ephesians, Word Biblical Commentary, vol. 42 (Dallas: Word, 1990), 402.
This shows that the children were present in Christian gatherings and heard teachings directly.37
vii) Paul’s word for ‘obey’ shows he required an “unquestioning compliance”
from children toward their parents.38
viii) In verses two and three Paul references one of the Ten Commandments, for children to honor their fathers and mothers. He notes that this
commandment is the first with a promise attached to it; indeed, this is also the first of any of the Law to contain a promise.39
ix) So, as we return to verse four, it is important to note that the word Paul uses for ‘father’ here is different from the word for ‘parents’ in verse one.40 Both Jewish and Roman traditions placed the father at the head of the house with responsibilities to educate and discipline their children.41
x) The command to “not provoke your children to anger” was a counter-cultural idea, as both Roman and Jewish societies gave much authority to the father.42 xi) Paul certainly does not wish to reduce the authority fathers have (as shown in
the opening verses of chapter six) but rather teaches that fathers must be sensitive and caring in their assertion of that authority.43
37Arnold, Ephesians, 415.
38Ibid.
39Ibid., 416.
40Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2002), 794.
41Arnold, Ephesians, 417.
42Lincoln, Ephesians, 399-400. See Eph 6:4.
43Arnold, Ephesians, 417.
xii) Paul contrasts his prohibitory command with a positive exhortation: “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Christian upbringing extends beyond basic cultural expectations and must be done with discipline and instruction in the Lord.44
xiii) In all this, parents must keep Paul’s context from Ephesians 5:18 in sight:
the Holy Spirit enables them to instruct their children in wisdom.45
xiv) Parents’ main concern for their children should be that they grow up to know Jesus as Lord and Savior.46
d) Tell the story of God’s redemption47 (Deut 6:20-25) i) Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob
ii) Moses and the Exodus iii) Redemption of Israel
iv) As co-heirs with Christ, we share in the redemptive heritage of Israel as God’s people.48
e) Likely you know you are supposed to disciple your children, and you desperately want to. Two things may hold you back:
i) Lack of training ii) Lack of time
f) Your church should provide the training… you must seek the time! The issue of time will be addressed in detail in session 6.
44Arnold, Ephesians, 418.
45Hoehner, Ephesians, 799.
46Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit in Marriage, Home and Work, 292.
47Brian Howard Honett, “Family: A Context for Worship,” in Practical Family Ministry, 20-21.
48Ibid.
g) The Church’s responsibility
i) Goal: to partner with parents to see God raise up generations of children and students who love God with all their hearts, souls, and strength.49
ii) Seek to grow children and students who:50 (1) Love God as a way of life (Rom 12:1-2) (2) Love others as a way of life (Mark 10:45)
(3) Love the church and understand their roles in it (Eph 4:4-7)
(4) Love the Bible and recognize it as authority for life (2 Tim 3:15-17) (5) Love to share the gospel (Rom 10:14-15)
(6) Love to grow closer to God through prayer, Bible study, and discipleship (1 Tim 4:7-12)
iii) “For Ezra had set his heart to study the Law of the Lord, and to do it and to teach his statutes and rules in Israel.” (Ezra 7:10, emphasis added) (1) The church must follow the pattern of Ezra:
(2) Learn – “To study the law” – church leaders must know God’s truth (3) Practice – “To do it” – church leaders must practice God’s truth
(4) Impart and equip – “To teach” – Only after knowing and practicing it can church leaders equip others with God’s truth.51
(5) “Ezra learned and practiced God’s ways before he tried to equip others.”- Danny Bowen52
49Strother, “Family-Equipping Ministry,” 150.
50Ibid.
51Danny R. Bowen, “Be a Family by Equipping Parents,” in Practical Family Ministry, 73.
52Ibid., 74.
(6) Church leaders must begin to disciple their own families before they hope to equip other parents to do so in their own homes.53
iv) The church and its leaders must commit to studying and practicing the law, but then to teach and equip its members. More on this next week!
53Bowen, “Be a Family by Equipping Parents,” 74.
Session 3: A Church-Based Family-Equipping Ministry