A secondary aim of the book is to shed light on the nature of intimacy and the process by which it is strengthened. If your spouse is not interested in the book, you may find it helpful in strengthening your side of the marriage. Another expression of the will to relate is the drive inherent in each person to realize his potential.
The Intimate Marriage by Howard J
The Many Facets Of Intimacy
The development of intimacy depends on one's caring enough to make a continuous self-investment in the relationship and meet the needs of the other. But it is also true that caring develops as a result of the giving as well as the receiving in the relationship. In work-oriented marriages, this form of intimacy is one of the most important channels for developing closeness.
Pain and Gain for Women and Men
Some women who actually decide to be housewives now feel a new inner conflict; they think they hear a common voice. It is hard to believe that anything could be gained by such a change. Now I realize that I can react according to my feelings - I don't have to be a logical person all the time.
The Growth Of Intimacy
A stable marriage is the best answer available in our society to the desire for continuity amid the flux of relationships. 34; Acceptance in marriage is the power to love someone and accept them the moment we realize how far they are from us. Both husband and wife can help satisfy their partner's need for security, and both can help satisfy their own need to be needed, to have something to give in the relationship.
In all marriages, what one does to strengthen their partner's self-esteem will increase his or her ability to give in the relationship. Each person's ability to sacrifice some of their cherished fantasies and face the disappointment of that sacrifice in the interest of the greater good -- marriage -- is essential to marital happiness. The place to start is diagnosis: What are each partner's feelings about the extent to which their heart's hungers for the "soul foods" listed above are being satisfied in the marriage.
Putting yourself in the other person's shoes, even to a limited extent, naturally increases the intimacy of the relationship. First, accepting the valuable aspects of the current relationship provides a necessary launchpad for growth in the future. Another point worth emphasizing about growing intimacy is that no amount of intimacy can erase the sense of mystery in the relationship.
I swim by your side in warm transparent water, or I wait for you to appear in the frame of the door under the wisteria.
Communication: Key To Creative Closeness
Whatever the man believes has been the meaning of similar remarks in the past also colors the quality of the message. It is "walking a little in another's moccasins." She is being led down an unfamiliar path while someone is pointing out the significant features of the landscape. The fear of closeness that we all want but resist can prevent us from listening.
Central to this process is what is known as "checking meanings." The point where communication often breaks down is not in speaking or listening per se, but in failing to check often to see if one is really hearing and understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling and intending. He was very attached to his position and literally died in the harness."(6) The meaning of some attempts to communicate between spouses is almost as hidden and confusing. Such messages are often difficult to decode because they are derived from underlying contradictions feelings of the communicators.
Such words are often a way to take the pressure off the inevitable disappointments of any close relationship. Providing a place where one can safely remove the enmity that has accumulated in the outside world is one of these. There is validity in the joke that, "If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight strangers." (Chronic verbal abuse is not a means of maintaining a healthy marriage.
Have someone say something in the here and now that they have strong feelings about.
Enriching the Seasons of Marriage
Jolesch calls learning appropriate spousal roles -- the developmental task of the early years of marriage. Spouses can support each other in the struggle by understanding and accepting their feelings. Honestly facing the fact that it is a period of major reorientation helps to cope constructively with the demands.
It can be expensive, but it is an essential investment in the future of the whole family. They can add richness to the intimacy of the marital relationship by surrounding it with a supportive context of family intimacy. Couples in the teen parent category are beginning to feel the psychological impact of aging and the midlife crisis.
This external focus can lead to an impoverishment of the inner life - the world of feelings, values and inner creativity. Get involved in some activities that will help develop the spiritual possibilities of marriage. Even the wife often finds that the balance of the marriage is destroyed by her husband's retirement.
Maciver, The Challenge of the Passing Years, My Encounter with Time (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1962), pp.
Increasing Sexual Intimacy
It, in its daimonic form, can hurl the individual into pools of despondency, and, when allied with Eros, can elevate him into orbits of ecstasy.3 The raw power of sex is inherent in the fabric of creation— power is given by God. In the midst of the worries and pressures of everyday life, satisfying sex gives wings to the partners' hearts. The goal is to interact in such a way that the power of sex shines through the totality of the relationship.
Thus, a guideline for increasing sexual intimacy and pleasure is to improve the quality of the marriage as a whole. The clitoris is the main center of sexual response in the female pelvic area and is the key to orgasm in many women.(18) The idea that a clitoral orgasm is somehow inferior to a vaginal orgasm has been exploded by the evidence of Masters and Johnson, that the distinction between these two types is a fiction. Yet it is the basic foundation of interpersonal intimacy. the same, with or without the sexual factor.
It is true that sexual frustrations contribute to a vicious cycle of marriage breakdown, but usually. The weakness of Kinsey's reports is that they tend to ignore the uniquely human. The value of the relationship in turn influences the satisfaction derived from sexual activity" (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1968).
This discussion of the myth and early adaptation is adapted from a lecture by Martin.
Developing Parent-Child Intimacy
Parent-child intimacy, on the other hand, is based on the child's initial physical and emotional dependence. In the first weeks and months of a child's life, parent-child intimacy means meeting the child's needs for comfort, warmth, closeness and peace. In short, parent-child intimacy in the toddler and young child stages is closely related to the child's growing autonomy and sense of individuality.
For the full development of a preschool child, the child needs a loving, caring relationship, even with a same-sex parent. The changing needs of the child require new and different patterns of response and satisfaction from the parents. Like moments of intimacy in other periods of a child's life, rare moments of sharing with.
It burdens the child with responsibility for his parents' fulfillment as well as his own. We have mentioned some of the abuses of the parent-child relationship, which can make the child fear closeness because of the pain. Some parents protect their children from the parents' feelings in the belief that these will somehow be harmful to the child.
Healthy parent-child intimacy at every stage of the family cycle frees the child from autonomy, even as it brings the parents closer together.
The Spiritual Dimension of Marriage
34;To let go of the image that in the eyes of this world bears your name, the image in your consciousness of social ambition and sheer willpower. The ability to respect and not be threatened by differences is one of the hallmarks of maturity.). A couple deprived of the cohesion of common religion in their early marriage should not give up.
It is based on the element of exclusivism in the religious traditions of the partners. A shared spiritual life strengthens a marriage; conversely, a good marriage strengthens the couple's spiritual life. One of the roots of the need for spiritual connection is man's experience as an animal that knows he will die.
The awareness of the need for a sense of connection with something that transcends human intimacy grows stronger as the years fly by. Ego integrity is the product of having performed the tasks of the ego in the earlier stages of the life journey; it is the positive acceptance of the only life on earth one has been given. 34;The first step toward a truer faith is the realization that I am not God anyway."(26) When one considers the monstrosities of the universe and geological time, it is difficult to keep the "I-ism" intact.
Surrendering this defensive pride opens an individual to true communion with other people and with the power of the universe.
A Final Word
