Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2015 Joan Lovett. Trauma-attachment tangle : Transforming EMDR to help children resolve trauma and develop loving relationships / Joan Lovett.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I am grateful for the help of Sheryl Fullerton, my literary agent, who believed in this endeavor and who connected me with Routledge, a member of the Taylor and Francis Group. Others who have contributed to this book and supported me in writing it, directly or indirectly, include John Harris, Karen Harber, Hilda Pastor, Phil Manfield, Jeffrey Olgin, Landry Wildwind, Vivian Mazur, members of my EMDR consultation group , Molly Selvin. , Barbara Bloomer, Evan Lovett-Harris, Felix Ratcliff, Zoe Chafe, Chaloha and Sugar.
INTRODUCTION
Kelly's story reminds me that sometimes a small change can make a big difference, and I hope to make a difference in the lives of the children I see. In the section that follows the clinical stories, I have described valuable tools specifically designed to treat post-traumatic symptoms in children and to strengthen family and social relationships.
THE CLINICAL STORIES
It is not unusual for parents of an adopted child to come to me and say,. But few of these parents have been educated about the challenges and demands of raising an adopted child.
1 AMY
Even with those few changes, she noticed a decrease in the frequency of Amy's tantrums. And when it was time to leave my office, she asked Amy, "Do you want to say goodbye?" Amy's mother repeated these questions many times.
MONICA
It is certainly not serious if a child does not come out of her room when she wakes up in the morning. It is up to the therapist to interpret the play in the context of the child's history.
3 DANILO
When he was a baby, his parents took him to see a doctor at the hospital a few times. He remembers his mother and father being worried and unhappy when he was in the hospital, but they were not unhappy with him.
4 MAX
David began, "Max says he is disgusted by the sight and smell of food, especially meat. At home he has a meltdown when I insist he come to the table." Max protested, "It's too gross." Then he mumbled something about a secret.
5 AIDEN
What do you remember about what you heard?" Aiden thought, "Um, my birth mother is dying." I probed the details of the event, "And who told you?". Where do you feel good in your body?" Aiden was excited. : “Everywhere.” Susi watched Aiden and remarked, “You look almost blissful!” I know she'll be watching over me.” Susi interjected, “So what, I think she'd want me to be happy too.” Aiden liked the idea.
I followed his example: “And where do you feel that in your body?” Aiden indicated that he felt sadness everywhere, and he noticed the sadness as he held the buzzers.
CHARLES AND TOMAS
Charles reacted quickly, as if he had had an anaphylactic reaction; he started chewing the lollipop angrily. He pointed and said, "and that's the tear." He sat back with satisfaction: “And those are all the feelings in the big heart.” Charles replied, “He thought his mother's nanny died because she heard him crying on the phone.” Of course.
When it was time to leave my office, Thomas hit his mother - he didn't want to leave.
ZACHARY
I wanted to articulate Zach's experience and teach him words and ways to express his strong emotions. Now that Zach's mother was no longer overwhelmed by her grief, she was able to help Zach with his. I thought writing the story would help both Zach and Elizabeth clear up the confusion surrounding Zach's father's death and his mother's response to her losses.
I decided to follow Zach and work on the part he was willing to talk about.
8 JOEY
Ken listed more of Joey's difficult behavior: “Sometimes he poops on the floor or on someone's bed. Joey's parents told him many times that there was nothing hidden in his closet and that he was safe. We wondered if we could trace Joey's sensitivity to noise back to his early experiences of violence and screaming when he was an infant.
I remembered Joey's early history - he was a year and a half old when his grandmother died and he was alone with her body.
VIVIAN AND JENNY
Renee began to tell me about four-year-old Jenny: "She's very verbal about all her needs and wants, but when she doesn't get her way, she hits and bites and screams." Renee paused for a moment and then reflected, "Even if Jenny gets physically aggressive, at least we know what she's upset about because she tells us." Renee and Elliot agreed that Jenny was a "delight" and highly sensitive to any criticism. Vivian often worried her parents, "Are you going to send me back to China?" Renee looked upset: "Vivian is a perfectionist, and if she draws something she doesn't like, she scribbles on it, tears it up and cries. It's very difficult for me and Renee, because we both want our house to be tidy." Renee sighed, “We don't have a lot of closet space, so we can't keep extra stuff, and there's no use for a lot of the stuff she wants to keep anyway.
Vivian cried and cried and said to her mother, “I wish I had white skin like you.” Renee didn't hesitate to answer, "I wish I had skin like you." In kindergarten, Vivian passed the insult on to another girl, telling her she didn't want to play with her because her skin was "too dark."
10 OLLIE
Do you want to sit up?” Ollie sat up and looked surprised at his ability to move. Do you want the window open or closed?” Ollie asserted himself, "Open." I was happy and amazed: "Open!". I put Ollie's statement into story format: "He tried to tell his mom, 'I'm dying!'" Ollie continued to repeat, "I'm dying.
And even though he was born early and very small, he was a perfect panda cub.” Ollie listened intently as he lay on the ground, quietly moving the toy ambulance back and forth.
CULTIVATING POSITIVE EMOTIONS
Children must learn to recognize and articulate their needs and wants, learn how to make requests so that needs are understood, and learn how to tolerate it when someone says "no" to what they want. It is helpful for children to learn to distinguish between needs and wants and to know that a parent's job is to provide for their needs, but that a good parent does not always give what the child wants. It details games and activities that are fun ways for children to learn the skills needed to communicate what they want and need.
Exercises are also given to teach children to comfort themselves and to believe that they are still lovable and good even when they cannot get what they want.
STRATEGIES FOR ENHANCING A CHILD’S STRENGTHS
Cuddling is a way to recognize and gently care for the 'inner baby'. The parent can enjoy holding, rocking, nurturing, cooing and appreciating the preciousness of the child. If the child says he or she wanted to do it, that indicates a motivation that facilitates the process. If the child learned the skill (such as multiplication tables) even though he/she didn't really want to, you can say, "Think about how you learned that, even though you didn't want to, and now you're you're glad you can do it. do it.".
The therapist instructs the child to look at the parent and say, "You're welcome."
GAMES FOR PROMOTING CONNECTION AND
These games can be effective in promoting a child's cooperation with a parent or in encouraging siblings to enjoy working together. Before you begin, tell the child that if he/she does not follow the instructions, you understand that he/she will not play by the rules and that you will put the game away. These games should only be played "by the rules" if the goal is to learn cooperation.
COOPERATION
You can ask the child to look at his/her parent and say, "You're welcome." When the child wants the parent to take out the lollipop, the child opens its mouth. When you see that the parent is reading the child's signals well, ask the child: "Is your mother/father receiving the signals?".
Bilateral alternating stimulation (ABS) can be used to reinforce the positive feelings associated with the parent's drawing or the child's drawing.
ADDITIONAL THERAPEUTIC OPTIONS
Ask the child to draw the scariest part of the memory, fear or dream in the upper left corner of the paper. Ask the child to choose three items in the room that have a specific color or shape. Focusing outward to locate the designated item helps the child to concentrate and become calm in the present.
You can ask the child to put the whistles in his/her pockets or under his/her thighs.
WRITING THE NEW STORY
Given their young age and stage of development, they tend to conclude that they were bad and that what happened was their fault. They may conclude that they cannot tolerate anything unless they have constant attention or that they are not safe unless they are in control of everything that is happening.
A HEALING NARRATIVE
After reading the story, ask the child if there is a part of the story that he/she likes. Ask the child what he/she thinks the child in the story needed when he/she. The child needs to know that he/she is safe even if the parent feels upset.
What can the child understand now that he/she could not understand when he/she was younger?
