Mastering the Meet and Greet
2. Hesitate a moment before extending your hand, while observing what the other person does
3. Follow the person’s lead. If he extends his hand to shake hands, shake hands. If he bows, bow. If he nods, nod. If he hugs you or tries to kiss you on both cheeks, go with the flow.
If the pause becomes too uncomfortable, then greet the person as you nor- mally greet people — the person may want to do what’s proper in your coun- try. Most multicultural men in the United States will extend a hand. Asians may nod as they shake hands. Simply follow the person’s lead.
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Preparing yourself for the unexpected
Perhaps the worst thing that can occur when you first meet someone is that you hesitate to see what the other person is going to do and then are completely unprepared for what happens next. The other person hugs you or proceeds to kiss you on both cheeks, and the discomfort causes you to recoil. All of your efforts at following the customer’s lead are now wasted, and you probably just made a lousy first impression.
By knowing a few typical greetings to expect, you can avoid shock and be pre- pared to greet the person in the manner to which he has become accustomed:
Limp handshakers: Many new immigrants have probably seen people shaking hands on television but may have never actually performed the ritual. So don’t be surprised or upset if a customer gives you a soft or hesitant handshake. Just return the same greeting. This is often the case with many Asian groups who are much more comfortable bowing.
Huggers: Most people in the United States can hug someone without feeling too uncomfortable. Just pretend you’re hugging the aunt you see only once every two or three years. You may find your Hispanic repeat customers giving you this kind of greeting.
Kissers: American men are generally uncomfortable having strangers, especially other men, kiss them, even if it’s only on the cheeks. We rec- ommend that you go with the flow. Let the person kiss you on the cheek, and expect to get kissed on the other cheek, too, although the one-cheek kiss is most common. Any attempt to turn away after the person kisses you on one cheek and is moving to the other cheek is likely to result in that next kiss landing right on your lips! The French are famous for practicing this kind of greeting, as are many Middle Easterners. Don’t be surprised if folks from Southern Europe, the Mediterranean, and Latin America also kiss your cheek. Depending on the country and the situ- ation, the number of kisses can range from one to four and may be fol- lowed by shaking hands or hugging, so stay on your toes.
Nodders: Watch for any head movements and “reply” in kind. In many cultures, the proper way to greet a woman who’s accompanying a male customer is to nod in her direction to show respect. The woman may feel uncomfortable shaking hands or being greeted in other ways. We go into more detail about acknowledging women in the later section, “Do drop your hands to your sides in a woman’s presence.”
Bowers: Asian people and people from many other cultures around the world bow as a form of greeting. This form of greeting is sometimes used as an alternative by some Americans who are less touchy-feely. The depth of the bow is often determined by the rank of the parties according to a complex set of rules.
Greeting Middle Easterners and Southern Asians (primarily Asian Indians and Pakistanis) can pose a more difficult challenge for most people in the United States, who tend to lump all of these cultures into one group. When meeting someone from a Middle Eastern or Southern Asian background, keep the fol- lowing in mind:
Immigrant men from the Middle East often shake hands with a slight nod or bow and then exchange kisses with other men on both cheeks.
Traditional Muslim men may shake hands and then touch the palm of their right hand to their heart as a sign of friendship. Men from this region generally don’t shake hands with women or introduce women who accompany them, nor are you expected to shake hands with any accompanying woman. Just nod in her direction as a sign of respect, unless she offers her hand first.
Following centuries of British rule, most Hindu Eastern Indians seem to have adapted quickly to Western habits. Shaking hands is normal behavior for both men and women. If a woman is older, a courteous, respectful nod is usually preferred to a handshake. Traditional Indians may greet you with a namaste, which is a slight bow with the hands folded prayerfully in front of the chest. Traditional Indian men don’t ordinarily shake hands with women.
Unless he offers his hand, just nod to him respectfully.
Pakistanis generally shake hands with strangers and hug friends. Some men from this country don’t shake hands with women. Because Pakistan is a largely Muslim nation, people greet each other with salaam, which is the equivalent to our “hello.” The salaam is done by bowing with the palm of the right hand on the forehead. Salaam means “peace.” Note that it’s not the same as the Indian namaste greeting.
Practicing different forms of greeting
While following a customer’s lead seems simple enough, it takes a great deal of practice to break yourself of the habit of automatically sticking your hand out. Practice following a customer’s lead with another salesperson by taking turns meeting each other with different forms of greeting. For example, the other person may do his normal welcome, and you, playing the role of a cus- tomer, may not put your hand out at all. In this case, the other person should simply nod to show respect and then begin his presentation.
When it’s your turn, you welcome him as if he’s the customer, and he can give you a bow, namaste, salaam, or some other greeting. It’s then your job to simply return the same greeting and start your normal presentation.
Keep practicing until you get into the habit of letting the customer dictate the form of greeting so that you don’t automatically try to shake hands and that it looks and feels natural to you and the person with whom you’re practicing.
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Do smile
Service with a smile is always important, whether you’re greeting mainstream customers or people from different cultures. If you enjoy your job, want to keep doing it for a while, and are committed to growing success, then develop a smile that expresses your sincere joy to see your customer. To every customer you greet, your smile should say, “I’m so glad to see you!” In the following sections, we describe the importance of a warm smile and pro- vide tips on smiling more at customers.
Understanding why a sincere smile goes a long way
Walking into any store or office for the first time can be a frightening experi- ence for any customer. This is your turf, not theirs. To customers from other cultures, your store or office may feel like a foreign country. They’re unfamil- iar with the products and services, where things are located, and the person with whom they’re dealing. They may wonder whether you can meet their needs or whether your company is reliable.
Add to this mix the fact that they may not be completely familiar with the language and culture, and you soon realize that the experience can cause a major case of culture shock. Treat such a customer coldly and you’re likely to confirm their worst fears.
To overcome the fear and trepidation a customer feels, always greet customers with a warm, sincere smile. Don’t be fake about it. Believe us, they can tell. A sincere smile:
Reduces the customer’s fear of the unknown
Builds trust
Makes your customer feel good about herself
Makes your customer feel good about doing business with you
Practicing a sincere smile
Have someone watch you interact with a customer and note whether you smile when you first meet her. Did your expression seem sincere? How did the customer react? How often during your presentation did you smile?
Could you have smiled more?
If you’re not smiling when you greet the person, make a conscious effort to do so. Imagine yourself greeting a friend you haven’t seen in quite a while and have been looking forward to seeing. This, along with some practice, should make your smile more genuine.
Smile when talking to customers over the telephone. Put a small, standing table mirror next to your telephone with a note on it that says “Smile.” This should remind you to smile during phone conversations with customers. Call a few friends while smiling into the mirror and ask them how you sound. We bet they’ll tell you that you sound “happy,” “upbeat,” and “positive.” People can actually hear your smile — your voice automatically expresses the tone of someone who’s friendly and helpful. Many people’s first or only contact with you may be over the phone. Leave them with a great impression!
Do drop your hands to your sides in a woman’s presence
If you’re a woman, you’re probably not going to greet other women with a firm handshake. In today’s atmosphere of gender equality, however, men often offer a firm handshake to women to acknowledge the fact that they’re equals. If you’re a salesman, reaching out to shake the hand of a woman from another culture, however, could be taken as a sign of disrespect — to the woman as well as to any man accompanying her.
In the following sections, we reveal a technique that’s suitable for meeting and greeting women from any culture — dropping your hands to your sides.
Most of your competitors are probably offending their customers without even knowing it. You may want to keep the secret of dropping your hands to your sides in a woman’s presence (and the advantage it gives you) to yourself.
Greeting a couple properly
When greeting a multicultural couple, it’s even more important to follow their lead. Often, the man shakes hands, in which case you simply return the greeting. (If he doesn’t, follow our advice in the earlier section “Don’t assume you know how your customer wants to be greeted.”) After shaking the man’s hand, however, drop your hand to your side before turning to any female com- panion. Many traditional Middle Eastern, Asian Indian, Japanese, and other women are uncomfortable or even forbidden to touch another person who’s not a family member or husband. Touching her, even if you’re a woman, can be offensive not only to her but to her family and spouse as well.
Ah, what to do? Simple. If you turn to her with your hand at your side and she doesn’t extend her hand, simply nod in her direction to acknowledge her presence. Then begin your normal rapport-building process (see Chapter 9).
If the man doesn’t offer his hand, just nod toward him and then turn to the woman with your hands to your sides. If she doesn’t put her hand out, just nod to her as well and proceed with your normal sales presentation.
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Practicing dropping your hands to your sides
To practice the technique of dropping your hands to your sides, work with two other people. Together they play a multicultural couple whom you’re meeting for the first time. Welcome them in your normal manner, letting them take the lead. The first person greets you however he chooses. You receive the greeting, return it in kind, and drop your hands to your sides before turn- ing to the other person. If the second person greets you, return the greeting in kind. If she doesn’t greet you, simply nod in her direction.
This is more complex than the previous exercise because you have two cus- tomers who may greet you differently and you must remember to drop your hands to your sides between the two greetings. You and your partners can take turns being the customers and the salesperson so you can all experience what it’s like to be in each position. At first this is likely to look and feel awk- ward, but with practice it becomes more natural.
Do greet everyone in the group
Customers from some cultures are known for turning shopping trips into family outings. You’re likely to sell not only to couples but also to their par- ents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and even their children.
To successfully navigate such situations, practice the rule of dropping your hands to your sides that we explain in the preceding section. Turn to the oldest person first, see what kind of greeting you receive, and then return a similar greeting. Look at the person nearest the oldest person and do the same. Continue this process until you’ve greeted everyone.
If the group contains children, greet them the same way you greet the adults.
Avoid the temptation to reach down and tousle their hair. Some cultures inter- pret this gesture as demeaning or even life threatening (see Chapter 11 for more on this).
Don’t be a slouch
Americans generally pride themselves on being casual, friendly people who love to make everyone around them feel at ease. Salespeople may even try to lighten things up by taking on an informal posture — slouching or lean- ing against a table, a counter, or a wall while speaking with clients. For many salespeople, this informal “posturing” has become a fine-tuned sales skill and a deeply ingrained habit.
Unfortunately, what works well with laid-back Americans may not fly with
Posturing in other cultures
In the United States, proper posture used to be important, but that was 40 to 50 years ago. Now, posture means very little here, even in business. In other cultures, however, posture is still an important part of business and social etiquette. Asians, for example, generally believe that control of the body dem- onstrates discipline of the mind. Slouching or leaning is taken as a sign of an undisciplined or possibly lazy person.
Some people, like the Japanese, tend to believe that someone who slouches or leans can’t be trusted — honest people stand or sit upright with both feet flat on the ground (we explain more about foot placement in the upcoming “Don’t cross your legs . . . you may cross your customer” section). If you just follow your first-grade teacher’s advice about sitting and standing up straight, you won’t kill any sales with your posture. See the next section for tips on breaking yourself of the habit of leaning when talking to customers.
Practicing better posture
Your posture may be so much a part of who you are that you don’t even realize when you’re slouching or leaning on something. Ask an associate to observe you as you interact with customers and provide detailed feedback on whether you stand straight, sit tall, slouch, or lean. Also, have them tell you what they feel your posture conveys to the customer. Some salespeople’s body language conveys confidence, while others’ subtly conveys insecurity.
You may be surprised to discover what your posture says about you. For more about improving your posture and other business etiquette, check out Business Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition, by Sue Fox (Wiley).
Here’s another exercise: Have someone snap some photos of you from the side in different positions — sitting and standing. Is your body upright, or do you unconsciously slouch? Your spine should appear straight, and your head should look balanced on your neck. Your chin should be parallel to the floor, not pointing up or down.
Don’t cross your legs . . . you may cross your customer
You may be thinking, “Can’t cross my legs?! Are these guys serious?” Yep, we are. In the United States, crossing your legs at the knees or ankles or resting an ankle on the opposite thigh is perfectly acceptable and a whole lot more comfortable than sitting flat-footed. This habit, however, isn’t universally accepted. Rest easy: It’s a fairly easy habit to break.
Some doctors say that crossing your legs can irritate your hips, strain your back, and cause other maladies. Regardless of what it does to you physically, when selling to multicultural customers, crossing your legs is dangerous.
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Pointing your sole — the ultimate insult?
Cross your legs and observe what happens. No matter how you do it, the soles of your shoes are at least a tad bit more visible to those around you. If you rest your ankle on your opposite thigh, your sole is pointing directly at the person to the left or right of you.
How can anyone possibly take this as an insult? Well, the foot is the lowest part of the body, the sole is the lowest part of the foot, and if you’ve gone shoeless around your house lately, you know that your sole is the filthiest part of your body. When you cross your legs, you point that filthy, lowdown sole of yours directly at someone sitting next to or across from you.
Some people in and around the Middle East actually cross their legs as an intentional, overt insult to another person. In that culture, showing someone the bottom of your foot says you’re looking for a fight. Many people from India, Thailand, and elsewhere also interpret this gesture in the same way.
When dealing with multicultural customers, keeping both feet firmly planted on the ground is best — in more ways than one.
Don’t cross your arms, either. As a salesperson, you’re probably aware that crossing your arms is a big no-no whenever you’re attempting to establish rapport with your traditional customers. It conveys a sense of distance in America, as well as in most other countries, like the Philippines. In some coun- tries, like Turkey, it’s downright rude.
Practicing keeping your feet on the ground
If you’re in the habit of crossing your legs, try to become aware of when you do it. When you notice yourself starting to cross your legs, stop. If you’ve already crossed your legs, uncross them. The more you practice, the more accustomed you’ll be to keeping your feet flat on the floor. Keep at it, and you’re likely to stop crossing your legs in about three weeks.
Do mirror your customer’s body language
Your body language often carries more meaning than your words, and it expresses your true intentions more honestly, so be really careful about what your body is saying. We cover a couple of specific body language no-no’s in the previous two sections — don’t slouch and don’t cross your legs (or arms). In the following sections, we explain the big do of body language — do follow your customer’s lead — and give you pointers on controlling your body language.