While the violation of human rights was gross in respect of both Black men and Black women living in the grip of apartheid, Black women suffered more under the oppressive system than did Black men.199 Black women in inter-racial relationships, in the context of apartheid, experienced racial oppression to a far higher degree than did their male counterparts. Young Black women were easy targets for sexual exploitation from White men, as seen in the cases of the relationships of Lorrain Green, Beryl Pillay and Dave Gary.
Lorrain Green believed that her White boyfriend took advantage of her because she was young and naïve. He had no intention of establishing a meaningful relationship with her but was only interested in sexual gratification. It was easy to exploit her because she held White people in high regard and was extremely flattered that he was showing her attention. He also had the financial means to spoil her during the time that he was pursuing her but became abusive and resentful once he discovered that she was pregnant and refused to have an abortion. Lorrain claimed to know many other Coloured women who suffered the same fate. It was easy to take advantage of young Coloured women, especially if they had straight brown or blonde hair and could pass for White. White men were able to socialise with them in public without arousing any suspicion. However, in most cases, as Lorrain noted, “they just wanted a fling and usually had unassuming White wives waiting for them at home”.200
According to Beryl Pillay, her White boyfriend gave her the impression that he was ashamed of her. Initially, he lavished her with love and attention, even though they had to be very discreet. However, as soon as she had fallen in love with him and felt as though
198 Wendy Munroe, interview conducted by Linda Naicker on 8 March 2011 in Pietermaritzburg.
199 Meer, F. Women in the Apartheid Society www.ipoa.com/women_in_apartheid_society Accessed:
12/07/2011.
200 Lorrain Green, interview conducted by Linda Naicker on 12 March 2011 in Pietermaritzburg.
she could not live without him, he displayed another side to his character. He told Beryl on several occasions that if their relationship were to be exposed, that he would die of embarrassment:
He actually said that to me! Can you imagine how I felt? He made me feel so small, I was broken and demoralized and every day that the relationship continued, I was losing more and more of myself. But the sad thing is that I still wanted to continue the relationship. I even fell pregnant thinking that that would change him but nothing did. I am so much better off without him in my life… It was a lesson well-learned but the scars will remain with me forever.201
A second telephonic interview with Dave Gray revealed a wealth of insight into gender disparities within inter-racial relationships, during the era of apartheid. Gray stated in his first interview that he had had four inter-racial relationships during the period of apartheid. In order to gain clarity on his position, two telephonic interviews were conducted subsequent to that interview. The following is an excerpt from one of the telephonic interviews:
LN Did you understand the dangers Black women were subject to during the period of apartheid, based on the mysterious disappearance of the women in your first relationship?
DG Yes, absolutely.
LN Let‟s talk about the two relationships you were in before you met Carol. You said you had children from both these relationships but that the relationships did not work out, so you left. Did you see your children after the break-ups?
DG No, I had two children with the Swazi woman and a son from the woman in Durban, but no, I never saw my children after I left their mothers.
201 Beryl Pillay, interview conducted by Linda Naicker on 25 March 2011 in Pietermaritzburg.
LN Why is that?
DG I don‟t know. It was just the way things were. When I moved away from them I left that whole world behind me and tried to make a fresh start wherever I went.
My relationship in Durban ended very badly also. If I went back she would have killed me. She had a bad temper.
LN Were you ever concerned about the welfare of the children?
DG Yes, I‟m their father, of course I was concerned but it was a terrible situation so what could I do?
LN How do think they survived? Were their mothers able to take care of them financially?
DG Well, as I told you, the relationship in Durban, she had a lot of money. She made more than I did. That was part of the problem and then she would blame me for things I had no control over. Yes, she could take care of the child. I‟m sure of that but the Swazi woman, I know she must have had a hard time but what could I do? Things just did not work out and I couldn‟t take my children with me, they had to stay with the mother.
LN So the burden for taking care of the children rested squarely on the mothers‟
shoulders?
DG When you say it like that it sounds bad but you must understand, that is how things were at the time.
LN Did you try to send money to your children?
DG No.
LN Did you ever wonder what their predicament was; whether they had enough food, clothing, a good education; that sort of thing?
DG Sometimes, yes.
LN Have you ever had any contact with your children after you left?
DG No, they would be adults now. If they walked past me on the street I won‟t know who they are. But you know, like I said the last time, I took care of my son from this relationship I‟m in now, I raised him, I did everything I could for him. If those relationships worked I would have done the same. The time of apartheid with the secret police and everything was a bad time. You can only understand that situation if you were in it, like I was. I was an outcast wherever I went because I associated with Africans. Yes, White people spoke to me and maybe even respected and feared me but they did not want to be with me. I was trying to find something, to be happy, that‟s all and I found it with my wife [Carol]
that‟s why I‟m still with her.202
The micro narratives of inter-racial relationships in the context of apartheid cannot be understood, without locating them within the grand narrative of the apartheid struggle.
The bigger picture – what was happening in the broader setting under apartheid rule - affected every aspect of life. This, together with the patriarchal way in which South African societies were structured, ensured that Black women in such relationships suffered many hardships and were often left with the burden of raising their children as single parents.