1. Milk Blue - „Art can bear witness to love and loss that has been rendered publicly ungrievable‟ Representing loss to others in the form of public art memorials‟ (Jamal 2004:40).
Table 3.1. ABDCE Outline for the story “Milk Blue” (Jamal 2004).
Action Ritual for 31/2 months of once a day opening the bedroom door, not to enter, but study and contemplate on what he sees after his partner died. He is an artist and describes with colour, texture and images. Basin & sponge: care provision to partner dying of AIDS. Colours: milk & blue provide comfort, spilt milk, can see his partner and grief. Thin thread of dark: partner‟s unfaithfulness leading to death. Content of the room stays out of reach, needs time to grieve, does not respond to the outside world. Then sends the gallery an image projecting their relationship (2 synchronized wall clocks – subtitled : perfect lovers) affirmation of same sex relationship in the catalogue gives gratification. At exhibition second hand of clock fraction out of synch. Seems to him that no one cares. At night prays to God, sees oneness with Him. Contemplates that they were not alike, their hearts never one. Asks God‟s forgiveness: blindness, inadequacy, desolation. Humbled as he understands love to give and take away. Makes photograph of the bed.
Picture: testimony to illness, death, love, loss. Puts down picture of partner whilst healthy, cherishes his features as they were nearing death. Makes picture of the bed available to the gallery and to be placed on billboards. He opens the curtains.
Background Story about homosexual relationship, as HIV infection in Southern Africa is perceived as mainly heterosexually transmitted, stories about homosexual relationships are not easily available.
Story about gay partner relationships, one faithful partner, one promiscuous partner. Promiscuity tolerated, non- discussed and non-resolved, causing hurt and feelings of incompetence to the older faithful partner. In South Africa gay partner relationships perceived as promiscuous.
Acceptance and understanding of the quality of gay relationships in the artistic world as one of unity, understanding and physical pleasure.
Story about HIV-infection, disclosure, transmission, illness, non-adherence, care giving, dependency in relationship, death.
Story about lack of reciprocity, his partner not being there for him when he dies
Story about grief and bereavement. Articulated through symbols and symbolic action.
Development Truth seeking behaviour. Colours speak of non-judged life, his belongings speak of his controlled way of caring, seeking to keep alive. The perceived quality of their relationship. The enemy (promiscuity, death) who rings right.
No sameness. Through prayer, acknowledgement of a God, confession of his inadequacy, inability to save his friend, to feel desolate whilst friend being in better place. Expressed need for a God opposite death. Love that gives and takes a way.
Climax Acceptance of difference in personality, attitude, lifestyle, acceptance of self, Acceptance of his love. Freedom to disclose and carry on with his life
Ending Making his findings public as art memorial. The world to bear witness to love and loss that has been rendered publically ungrievable A message to others to protect their lives?
Bereavement
2. Leave- taking Sindisiwe Magona is faced with complicated grief, the enormity of the task of bearing witness to suffering and of facing loss. Whole families are decimated, ceaseless suffering and loss
(Magona 2004).
Table 3.2. ABDCE Outline for the story “Leave-taking” (Magona 2004).
Action Story of family of parents with 5 children, who in a short period of time lose 3 of their children to AIDS. The mother is a prominent leader in her church, she had asked for more openness and education for the youth which was diverted and denied. Her daughter became pregnant, and had an abortion, as she was found to be HIV- infected. She married young. The husband, a medical doctor, became protective over her and her health. The funerals were held in a traditional communal manner. The father spent much time in the shabeen, the mother became angry with her son-in-law as she was denied disclosure about the „how‟ of the transmission, and access to her daughter was limited. When her daughter died, she kept silent and did not eat for seven days and then at her tomb cried out “God- I hate you”
Background Story of position of women in the church in Southern Africa. Often a strong hierarchy where women can be in leadership positions but are subjected to their superior male and female leaders
Story of silence, euphemism and gossip in the church community. AIDS called
„the disease of the children‟ . Sex education means „talking dirty‟ in the church.
Traditional African culture did provide sex education for girls and boys by designated members of extended family. The word “Aids” not to be mentioned in the realm of prevention (in the church) , care ( in the home) and disclosure ( to the community) as it stigmatizes parents and the community about how they raised their children.
Story of protecting new found freedom in democracy. African invaders who now, after taking our jobs, etc. brought AIDS to South Africa
Story of culture of funerals. Samp without beans, feeding the guests, uninvited
„vultures‟ Mother to sit on the mat on the floor in her bedroom, the ongoing singing. The tent in front of the house.
Story of illness and grief being compromised by denial, secrecy and fear. Power struggles over the heads of the sick about decision making, care giving, disclosure Compromised health of the carers, the „madness‟ of siblings being ill and dying at the same time
Story of role of the pastor, church not to be involved in prevention, education, or
counselling support, emphasis on church going, activities and financial contributions. No attempt at grief counselling. Pastor creates comfort zone of familiar words and the existing support structure.
Story of mother and daughter relationship, cultural beliefs: loyalty “to be the wife of a husband is to endure hardship‟ New culture of boundaries: couple relationship and extended family. Betrayal and guilt : if only…motherly instinct to protect. Process of disclosure within the family, dealing with fear and shame.
Perceived herself to be more affected as she gave birth to them. Also memories of openness and loving kindness in their family.
Story of conversation with God and expression of anger as God betrayed her. A cruel, unfeeling, unforgiving God. God‟s curse on her life.
Development Ongoing isolation of the mother as she communicates with each person and seeks to find a measure of control. When everyone pushes her out of their lived realities: her sons dying of AIDS (she gave birth to them), her daughter being infected, (she advised her to wait), her son in law (remorse might have brought forgiveness, and closure) the women group, (she has information to give) church (she blasphemed God) society (stigma) her husband (does not grieve the same way). She realises the fakeness of her world, except from the real meeting places with her children before they die, their affection and the love of her husband and some family members.
Climax Complete silence, after which she is expected to „start feeling better‟ and regain her duties at church and pay her share. She abandoned God.
Ending Most likely this woman will go back to the church, estranged from her husband, absent minded to her last two children and suffering from complicated grief.
Both stories present multiple realities in dealing with grief and allow the reader to appreciate the process of grieving, complicated by the devastating reality of HIV/AIDS, the psychological make up, societal roles and ethical considerations of the key roleplayers as well as their personal dealings with God in the context of societal stigma and taboe.
The next two stories tell about strength and pain in disclosure of the HIV status, issues that have featured throughout the literature reviewed thus far and refer to the resilience and peer support of HIV positive people in the midst of ongoing stigma and discrimination.