Interpretation of Data
4.3 Analysis of Interviews
4.3.2 Interview 2 (Appendix 7)
J: Once I put my foot out that gate, miss, then I go to the shop, then I go smoke, then I come ... my mind just jiggers.
I: You become a different person?
J: Yes miss
I: Is there anything that people can do, do you want people to help you to move away from that kind of lifestyle?
J: I wouldn't mind, miss.
I: How would you imagine someone would help you?
J: To watch me.
I: Your mum's tried.
J: Someone to help me and stop me from doing these bad things.
C: But you also have to help yourself ... you can't depend on people doing it for you, you have to help yourself.
(Appendix 6: xi)
As her friend, Carol, has pointed out, Jackie herself has to be more involved and independent in her attempts to construct a more positive self-image instead of constantly seeking a short-lived affirmation from her friends.
J: No miss
I: What are you unhappy about?
J: Mostly my lack of confidence.
I: What can give you confidence?
1: I don't think anything.
(She cries)
I: Do you feel others are superior to you?
J: Yes.
I: What makes them superior to you? Look, in your class, the most superior person is you. Isn't your academic intelligence something that gives you confidence?
1: Not really.
I: What would you like to be like?
1: I would mostly like to be outspoken.
I: What stops you from being outspoken?
1: My lack of confidence. (she cries)
(Appendix 7: iv)
Within the parameters of the school, while she projects herself successfully in her academic work, she is withdrawn and introverted, and uses the school as a way of escaping from the problems in the home.
She is very insightful concerning the ways in which other teenagers try to escape from similar issues at home, rejecting the impulsive actions which characterise so many of her peers:
J: I think it's because I want to escape ... that's why I'm studying like this.
I: Drugs, boyfriends, smoking .... those are ways that others are escaping from the realities of life.
1: Those people don't think very far, that's why. They think just for the moment, and that's not for me.
(Appendix 7: iii)
However, this insight does not extend to her own decisions. For example, her rejection of her parents is extended to position her as a woman who rejects the possibility of children one day.
I: If you become a parent one day.. when you become a parent one day.
J: (interrupting) I don't want to become a parent one day.
I: Why not?
1: I don't want my child to go through such hell.
I: Wouldn't you be a different parent?
1: I'll try but I won't get very far.
I: Why not?
J: Because I've inherited some traits from my parents and that I'll pass on to my children.
(Appendix 7: iii)
She is blinded to the irrationality of her logic (that her parents' negative qualities will be genetically inherited by her) because of her experiences in the primary Discourse.
The alcoholism of her parents has created enormous problems for this subject. She is positioned in a powerful way, having to take over the reins in the home. She rejects her parents as unworthy of respect or emulation , and tries very hard not to feel affected by them.
I: You say your parents aren't role models ... why?
1: Well, they're alcoholics. I don't think I even respect them.
I: When you say that, what do you mean?
J: Like my parents, especially my mother, I speak to her anyhow.
I: How does that make you feel?
J: Mmmmm ... you know I don't really feel anything. I should be respectful of her and my father.
I: Why do you behave that way towards your mother?
1: Because I see the way she acts, and she acts more like a child, and I'm the parent.
(Appendix 7: i)
This breakdown of the conventional forms of power within the family has colluded to create a seemingly callous, independent young woman who rejects the possibility that anyone besides herself can help her out of her problems: "I am in charge of my own life" .
Her lack of feeling for anyone else besides her sisters is also extended to the community. She projects herself as a voyeur who gets a thrill out of the activities of the gangs in the area.
I: What about gangsterism in the area? How does that impact on you as a resident of this suburb?
J: Mm.. not actually.. it adds as an interest to me, it is exciting to see people getting stabbed and all that.
I: How do you feel about the people getting stabbed?
J: I feel sorry for them, but at the same time it's exciting and sometimes I feel they deserve it because ofthe things they do.
(Appendix 7: iii)
She also rejects the Discourse of the Church, having no faith in anything that is not tangible.
I: The church, does it play an important role in your life?
J: S A lot of people who go to church just pretend. What's the use of going to church if you behave that way?
I: Have you had experience of this?
J: Not really.
I: But you're cynical of them?
J: Mm.
I: Why do you think they're pretending?
J: Like when they're at church they fall and get the spirits...1 don't believe that.
I: You don't believe there's a place in life for that?
J: No miss.
I: What is real, genuine, sincere in your life?
J: Umm ... I can't really say.
(Appendix 7: ii)
At the conclusion of the interview, she reaffirmed this sentiment.
I: I see you're crying a lot. Is the interview upsetting you?
1: A little bit.
I: Why?
J: Because it's making me think ofthings I'd rather not.
I: Is it better not to think of these things?
J: Yes.
I: Why?
J: 'Cause what's the use of thinking about it? It will do nothing.
I: A lot of people pray. Have you thought about exploring that side of your life?
J: Yes, but it doesn't help. (She cries again)
(Appendix 7: v)