CHAPTER 8: SOUTH AFRICANS’ TIES WITH AFRICAN MIGRANTS
8.3. Likes and dislikes
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A middle class male alter, Nkosi, a clergyman was identified by Moses, a working class male migrant, as his most important South African tie. Moses stated that
Nkosi is my most important South African tie because he is not only my spiritual father but he also employed me… He gave me work and I can survive here in South Africa because of him (Interviewed 26/05/14).
On the other hand, Nkosi responded that,
…I get why he thinks it is important to him… I was in a position to help a foreigner as a Christian and I did. But I don’t get anything from him (Interviewed 19/06/14).
These 12 relationships, including the two examples above were asymmetrical and lacked reciprocity because the value that the egos ascribed to the alters was not mutual. As Uzzi (1997) explains, asymmetric ties lack reciprocity. However, this does not downplay the value of these ties. Although alters such as Nkosi and Futhi’s perceptions of the value of their relationship with their egos were not the same as the egos’, this does not imply that the egos did not benefit from these ties. All 12 egos indicated they benefitted in various ways (affective and financial); this is why they identified the alters as their most important South African ties in the first place. In sum, it is clear that the ties in these cases are asymmetric as they lack reciprocity and can thus be categorized as weak ties. This clearly shows that, even in the absence of reciprocity, intergroup contact produced conviviality.
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Asked what he disliked about his ego, Mark, a middle class migrant, Paul, a middle class alter stated that,
One thing I hate not dislike about… is that he cannot speak isiZulu, he is not even trying to. It makes it difficult to communicate. I speak English but I should not be speaking English to a fellow African… I have mentioned this to him and he says isiZulu is not an international language that he has to learn.
Things like this make me think he does not regard my language… This is not just about communicating but respect for my culture as well (Interviewed 09/08/14).
Thami, a middle class alter to Osehi, a working class migrant explained what he disliked about her:
They think we are backward and crude. She has this feeling that our ancestral worship is idolatry and she does not hide it. My Isiphandla[a wristband made from goat skin that is worn by the Zulus during an ancestral ceremony] that I wear is a cultural thing but she always makes snide comments about it… I really don’t like how she treats my beliefs (Interviewed 14/07/14).
Similarly, Thembi, another working class female alter, identified what she disliked about her partner, Wale, a working class male;
I don’t like the attitude that they have about us. Nigerians feel they are better than us. He has the worst impression about us, South Africans… I say this because he is always comparing us to Nigerians. He says things like in Nigeria we don’t rape children like you; we don’t have teenage pregnancies like you… Everything he compares and makes us out to be bad while they are good. I don’t like it at all (Interviewed 20/08/14).
On the flipside, the alters identified various traits they liked about their egos. Thirty alters identified various characteristics of the egos that they liked. These alters included 13 middle class males, seven working class males, seven middle class females and three working class females. Interestingly, some alters who did not like aspects of their ego’s attitude towards their culture identified the ego’s culture as one of the characteristics that they liked. For
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example, Thami and Thembi admitted that they like aspects of Nigerian culture relating to food, clothes, marriage and ancestral worship and also realised through watching Nigerian movies and through interaction with their egos that Nigerian and Zulu culture have a lot in common. These sentiments were also expressed by other alters; examples include Sne, Ntando and Sthe. According to Sne who is Onome’s alter,
I like Onome’s culture. They are very respectful… I really like the language, Igbo, the Igwe [the Igbo word for king], and the food, oh my egusi [Nigerian delicacy of vegetable and melon soup] is my favourite. What I like most is the traditional attires, oh my word, they are so colourful and modern (Interviewed 07/12/14).
Ntando, a middle class male alter identified by Tracy, a middle class ego, also likes the culture of her ego.
I like the way they do things. Their lobola is not outrageously expensive and they respect their wives. I mix a lot with Tracy and her friends; you can see the culture of the people... I like their language and their traditions. They are traditional just like us… What is the difference? They pay lobola, they have a king, they have pap [porridge made from mealie meal] like us and slaughter cows just like us (Interviewed 27/09/14).
Sthe, a working class male who was identified by Nedu, a working class male ego stated what he likes about Nedu:
What I mostly like about him is that he accepts my culture. He doesn’t impose his culture on me and he even tries to learn mine. He communicates in isiZulu.
Although, he is not very fluent but because he is interested I respect him for that. He is very open to my culture and is very helpful… He assists me financially (Interviewed 30/12/14).
Cultural differences and stereotypes were the main factors identified by the alters as the things they disliked about their egos. Alters that disliked their egos because of differences in language and cultural practices expected some tolerance and acceptance of their culture by the egos. For example, Thami and Thembi’s responses show that they expect their egos to
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have become assimilated into their cultural sphere in the sense that they adopt some of their culture, like learning Zulu, accepting Zulu cultural practices and dropping the stereotypes they (egos) have about South Africans. Unlike Thami and Thembi’s egos, Nedu had assimilated some of Sthe’s culture. This is similar to Fortiers’s (2007) explanation of the host’s expectation of assimilation by the migrant. According to her, “the problem of living together becomes a problem of ‘them’ adjusting to ‘our’ values, being gracious guests in our home” (Fortiers 2007: 107). By implication, migrants are welcome as long as they tone down those differences that do not suit their host’s cultural fabric, and adopt those of the host.
Paradoxically, there were alters that liked and accepted their egos’ cultural differences. Sne and Ntando show signs of hospitality, conviviality and cosmopolitanism in their ties with their egos. There was acculturation of alters like Sne who imbibed some of the cultures of her ego through their interaction. Ntando developed a sense of universality irrespective of the cultural diversity between him and his ego. Gsir (2014: 9) argues that such “social contacts between different groups have a favourable effect on mutual perceptions and reduce negative attitudes”. The relationship, or to borrow from Gsir (2014), social contacts Ntando had with Tracy led to the development of social bridging capital that created a sense of universal homogeneity which was bigger than the South African and Nigerian divide and encompassed an African sense of identity.