CHAPTER 4: RESULTS
4.1 T HE INTERVIEWS
4.1.2 Nature of the relationship
In the course of the interviews the participants discussed their relationship with their sibling. The themes below highlight the non-affected sibling‟s perspective on his/her relationship with the ASD sibling.
“Embarrassing” – other people‟s perceptions of their sibling
When interviewing the participants, certain aspects of the sibling relationship were highlighted.
In particular, none of the participants overtly described feeling embarrassed about having a sibling with an ASD. When asked about their friends‟ perceptions of their siblings and how they felt about it, Paul and Adam both alluded to the fact that their brothers did not attend the same school, which made it easier for them. They did not feel embarrassed about having a sibling with an ASD as the sibling did not attend the same school. While they had to explain their siblings‟
behaviour to their friends if they came over to the house, they felt their friends understood there was something „wrong‟ and not to laugh at, or tease their brothers. In fact, Adam stated that he felt „normal‟ about it and, in a similar way, Paul did not describe any feelings of embarrassment over his sibling in front of his school friends. Kim did not feel embarrassed in front of her school friends either. She felt that her friends saw her brother as being „cute‟, something with which she didn‟t agree as she knew they only saw one aspect of him. On the other hand, she did later report feeling embarrassed in public by his behaviour and his need to wear her clothes. Similarly, both Adam and Paul later stated that they felt embarrassed only when their sibling behaved strangely, like stripping his clothes off, or screaming in public, for example. As Adam stated when asked during his interview if he felt embarrassed by having a brother with an ASD:
“Not really. Only when we are out and he suddenly starts screaming.”
“Protective and responsible”
When Adam was asked what it was like for him being the older sibling, he answered:
“Well Tim is quite a bit of a responsibility and I have to take care of him a lot and its ok, but sometimes it gets a bit stressed out…”
In this sense, the most prominent feature of the sibling relationship that emerged from the interviews was the fact that all the participants felt protective or responsible for their sibling in some way or another. Remarkably, all the participants felt that their most scary memory of their sibling was when something bad had happened to them. For example, Adam felt most scared when his brother fell into the springs on the trampoline, Paul stated he feels most scared when his brother gets lost, and Kim felt most scared when her brother had to go for an ear operation. In all three cases an element of feeling protective over their sibling emerged. In this sense, Adam stated that he needed to protect his brother, as did Paul, stating that he needed to watch out for his brother and help him when he got into trouble. As a result, it was clear from the interviews that the participants all felt responsible for their siblings. Not only did Adam feel he needed to protect his brother, but also help him when he needed things, such as finding the television remote, changing the channel, or looking out for him when they go to the local coffee shop. Kim also stated that she needed to help her brother in a variety of ways, from looking for grasshoppers, to taking him to the toilet before bed time. Paul agreed that the important part of being a sibling was taking care of his brother and helping him out of trouble and felt that it would be very difficult if his brother were the older of the two.
Shared activities
The interviews also yielded information pertaining to the types of activities that the participants did with their siblings. It was interesting to note that, while each participant claimed to enjoy spending time with their siblings, the range of activities engaged in was limited. In this sense, Adam, was only able to play on the trampoline with his brother until his brother stopped enjoying that. Now they only play ball together. Kim felt the same about her brother, stating:
“The only thing he likes to do is play in the garden and jump on the trampoline.”
Similarly, Paul felt that his brother only really enjoyed „hide and seek‟ and he would only
„sometimes‟ play with him.
Negative emotions
Although the participants interacted with their siblings and felt largely protective towards them, some feelings of anger and irritability toward their siblings also surfaced during the interviews.
For example, when Kim described the things she needed to do when helping her brother she stated:
“Um…I try look for his grasshoppers, that‟s what he wants all the time. Or he wants an insect or a spider or something. But, what he wants the most is my bedroom because he wants all my girl stuff and it‟s irritating.”
In the example above, Kim was describing her frustration when her brother wanted to take her things. In the same way, Paul also described feeling irritated and angry when his brother takes and breaks his things. Aside from feeling frustrated and angry, Adam also stated that he felt sad that he was unable to communicate and interact with his brother in certain ways. In general, the difficult behaviour displayed by their siblings often left the participants feeling irritated and angry.