Chapter 5 A growth Group Solution
5.4 The need for acceptance and love and the absence of judgement
As addressed previously, the forging of a group that exhibits an atmosphere of acceptance, trust and belonging, is sometimes negated by the personalities of the individuals within the group. However, if this is the case, itcreates a platform from which these issues can be addressed and improved upon. In order to create an atmosphere of acceptance, belonging, and a feeling of not being judged, these principles have to be lived out by the members as well as the leaders, and addressed on a regular basis.
Honesty on the part of the members and leaders regarding their true feelings towards each other as well as about their own lives can greatly enhance the feelings of acceptance and belonging within the group. By being honest with each other, members may realise that they are not alone in their struggles and experiences, and thus display more acceptance towards others. This should then, in turn, create a feeling of belonging amongst all members of the group, yet the actual achievement of a group that is accepting and non- judgemental may take time, or can be destroyed by the non-acceptance or judgmental attitudes ofjust one single person in the group.
There are a number of practical suggestions for the achievement of an accepting, non- judgemental and trustworthy group, as well as suggestions that help create a feeling of belonging in the group. The fact that members do not know each other well enough contributes to the group being perceived as non-judgemental or as non-accepting. Thus, members can be helped to get to know each other better through different exercises.
These can be completed at the beginning of the meeting, before the topic of the week is introduced, or can be dealt with as a topic on its own.
New members or even members that are more reserved might find it daunting to speak in front of a whole group. If this is the case, members can be asked to break up into smaller groups or pairs. In these smaller groups they will share something about themselves with the other person or persons - it can be something trivial such as favourite movies or food, or something more meaningful such as sharing stories about one's family. Members can also become better acquainted by spending more time together. Camps or outings should be arranged with the group to encourage this contact. Alternatively, whole meetings can be devoted to increasing acquaintance, either through organised exercises, or simply through casual interactions. Another suggestion is to allow time at the start of the week's meeting for everyone to share about something that has happened to him or her during the week - positive or negative2o. Alternatively, icebreaker exercises that encourage sharing can be used at the start of each meeting (See The Big Book ofIcebreakers by Edie West).
20See Appendix, page 127 of this document for an example of a handout that could be used for this exercise.
In order to create an accepting atmosphere within the group, the leader needs to set the scene. Honesty can be encouraged through sharing in the group. Through the leader's example, it is hoped that others will also be encouraged to be honest. In the same manner, the sharing of personal experiences by the leader can encourage other members to follow suite. In doing this, a space will be created in which members feel comfortable and safe to share experiences that are personal. The leader is also responsible for encouraging members to meet outside the group. Following up when members have not attended a meeting is also a gesture that helps members feel accepted and cared for. Bible studies can be focused on the issues of acceptance and judgement (Matthew 7, Luke 6 and lames 4) and concepts such as trustworthiness and the sin of gossiping (Proverbs 11: 9 - 13) can be dealt with in the group.
Addressing the need for acceptance and lack of condemnation from the church is a more challenging matter. Although the Young Adults Group may be able to influence the attitudes and beliefs of those within the group, it is unlikely that they are able to influence other members of the congregation. It is thus critical that the Young Adults Group becomes a source of support, which will allow the young adults to express themselves openly and honestly, in the event of this issue arising.
The Young Adults also expressed a need to give love. Assigning different members as prayer partners or care partners for one another for a certain amount of time can facilitate this need. This will involve praying for each other, knowing the other's life situation, or even undertaking a fun activity together. This can also be useful in getting to know the other better. It might be necessary, as a leader, to follow up on this strategy, and continuously encourage members to be in touch with their assigned partners. It is recommended that partners that are not already friends be assigned to one another. Prayer and care partners can be changed after a period of three months.
Another suggestion that will address the need for giving love is the linking up of the young adults with older members of the congregation. This would involve visiting older
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members of the congregation, or helping them with chores such as doing the shopping.
The young adults could also give of their time to other projects21•