Relationship with others - THE CHILD’S DEAFNESS AND THE EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

2.8 THE CHILD’S DEAFNESS AND THE EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

2.8.3 Relationship with others

It is clear that the birth of a deaf child results in a series of adjustments in the lives of parents and the family as a whole. Since each family is unique, different factors will influence the impact of the child’s deafness on parents’ interpersonal relationships.

The family is regarded as a system, and for the system to work effectively various members have to work harmoniously in order to achieve a common goal. Sound family relationships are important for the emotional well-being of its members. Parents play a critical role in maintaining family unity and stability, and ensuring that the family remains functional. Satir (in Luterman, 1991: 144) believes that the parents are the “axis around which all other relationships are formed. The mates are the architects

of the family”. Parents play a pivotal role in influencing the way other family relationships are formed.

The most significant others in the life of a parent are the spouse/partner, as well as the deaf child and other children. Others who could play an important role in the life of hearing parents of deaf children could be the child’s grandparents and educators, extended family members, friends and neighbours and other members of society such as parents’ employers and professionals with whom parents may interact, in the process of raising their deaf children. Hearing parents of deaf children might find that relationships with others are bound to be affected as a result of changed circumstances in the home. The impact of the deaf child on the family can have far-reaching consequences on family, marital and social relationships.

2.8.3.1 Relationship with the deaf child

Minuchin (in Luterman, 1991: 143) maintains that modern-day parenting is an extremely arduous task which is impossible to accomplish to one’s complete satisfaction, and no parent goes through the processes without conflict. It is not easy to nurture a child without being controlling or imposing certain restrictions from time to time. Children, in testing the limits set by parents, can be seen as hostile and rejecting.

Parents are often in conflict not only with their children but also with themselves, as to whether they are exercising too much control and not allowing enough freedom, or being lax. In both premature control and delayed release of control the result is generally the same – “a fearful, low-risk child”. In the case of hearing parents raising deaf children, feelings of guilt may lead to overprotection, delayed or no release, which could be a barrier to the child becoming independent.

Lessenberry and Rehfeldt (2004: 231-232) suggest that the way parents interact with their children with disabilities can seriously impact the child’s educational or therapeutic progress, and that the parents’ level of stress may influence the quality and frequency of interaction with the child. The attitude of hearing parents to the child’s deafness will have important effects on their ability to cope with the responsibilities of raising the child, and on their child’s emotional and social development, and later

school success. The home is the place where any child should feel safe, loved, and understood, and it should provide emotional strength and resources that deaf children need in order to cope in a hearing world. Deaf children need the same kind of parenting and experiences as their hearing peers, if they are to grow up to be just as emotionally stable as hearing children. To achieve this, parents will have to adjust the quantity and quality of interaction they have with their young, deaf child (Marschark, 1997: 79).

In order to create a conducive environment, parents are expected to ensure that the child receives maximum benefit through adopting a loving, caring attitude, taking care of the child’s physical needs such as food, shelter, clothing and health, as well as supervising and exercising control over the child’s activities at home, thus ensuring a balanced life for the child. A sound mutual understanding between the parents will enable them to come to terms with the problems associated with raising their child. It will help them to maintain a close relationship, which is the basis for providing an effective environment for the education of the child (Griessel, Louw & Swart, 1993:

50-52; Oosthuizen, 1992: 123).

2.8.3.2 Relationship with spouse / partner

Marital relationships can affect parenting in a positive or negative way, depending on the strength of the bond. The closer the relationship, the better the parents are able to achieve the goal of successful parenting. According to Mendelsohn and Rozek (in Luterman, 1991: 144), when marital bonds are not strong, it could result in the child being “triangulated” into the marriage - the “intrinsic characteristics of the deafness and the caretaking process lend themselves to the child being triangulated into the anxious and conflictual areas in the family life”. The child with a disability needs more attention and care, and therefore becomes the focus.

Because of the strong emotions involved in having a deaf child, marital relationships could become strained, and this could disrupt normal family functioning. Featherstone (in Luterman, 1991: 146) noted that the birth of a child with a disability evokes such strong emotions in parents that it becomes a source of conflict and disrupts the

organisation of the family. On a long-term basis, the disabled child is always “a symbol of shared failure”.

A survey of literature tends to support the notion that a child with a disability in the family increases the everyday stresses and strains of married life. Thurman and Widerstrom (in Levitz, 1991: 120) came to the following conclusions regarding the effects of a child with a disability on normal marital relationships and family harmony:

• Disagreement between parents concerning the nature of the child’s disability and the extent to which the needs of the rest of the family should be compromised

• Lack of agreement between parents regarding the management of behaviour problems of the child can result in marital disharmony

• The amount of time and energy spent attending to the child and the resultant neglect of other family members may give rise to feelings of resentment, unresolved conflict and tension in the marriage

• An alliance between one parent and the child may result in feelings of isolation by the other parent, which may cause imbalance in the family system and problems in the marriage.

Cunningham and Davis (in Levitz, 1991: 121), in their survey of literature on how a child with a disability affects family disharmony, concluded that the situation is not as bleak as it might seem judging from the following findings:

• There is inconclusive evidence to link the incidence of marital break-up and family discord to families with children who are severely disabled

• A decrease in marital satisfaction occurs over time in all kinds of families and is not unique to those with disabled children

• In many cases, families of disabled children remain intact

• The existence of a strong family harmony prior to the diagnosis of the disability often tends to strengthen the family bond

• Well-organised, cohesive families with agreed role differentiation are able to withstand the stress and strain of having a child with a disability more effectively.

Gargiulo (in Levitz, 1991: 121) acknowledges that while it appears that a child with a disability may upset marital equilibrium, it is not true in all cases since great diversity exists within individual families as well as within and across disabilities. He states that diminished marital stability is not necessarily an inevitable consequence of having a child with a disability in the family.

Gallagher, Cross and Scharfman (in Luterman, 1991: 144) identified the characteristics of parents of children with disabilities, and who were judged by professionals to have adjusted successfully. The major sources of strength, as suggested by their data, were the personal qualities of the parents and the quality of the relationship between husband and wife.

2.8.3.3 Relationship with the deaf child’s educator

International research shows that there is increasing evidence of the advantages of actively involving families and the broader community in the education of children.

Such links can promote scholastic achievement and development, improve school attendance and completion of homework, and foster good behaviour, positive attitudes, and self-esteem. If educators see children as children with individual needs and unique social backgrounds rather than as learners only, the likelihood is that they will regard the family and members of the community as “partners with a shared interest in children’s learning, welfare and development”. The interrelationships between these partners are important in the child’s development. The concept of equal partners in the education of the child is akin to the idea of a “whole village taking responsibility for raising a child” (Swart & Phasha, 2005: 213-214).

Beveridge (in Wall, 2003: 45) comments that since the concept of partnership is based on acknowledging that “parents and teachers have complementary contributions to make to children’s education”, the roles of parents and professionals should support each other. In the case of parents whose children are transported to special schools some distance away, partnerships could be compromised, especially if they themselves do not have transport. However, as pointed out by Hurst (in Wall, 2003: 46), this does not mean that practitioners should not make efforts to establish effective partnerships,

or ignore the need to make regular contact with parents to keep them informed. Wall (2003: 45) maintains that real partnership with parents will depend largely on “the quality of the relationships and the perceived benefits to all parties involved”. What is most important is the practitioner’s awareness of parents’ needs and the willingness to adapt and find ways of meeting these needs. Drifte (in Wall, 2003: 52) concurs with this view, stressing that it is beneficial to all concerned, but more especially to the children.

Warnock (in Armstrong, 1995: 18), in arguing for the collaboration of parents in the education of the child, states that parents’ knowledge of their offspring can assist educators to increase their effectiveness in working with the child in the classroom.

However, as Armstrong (1995: 18) points out, this can only apply if the educator is

“willing to acknowledge the expert knowledge of the parent”. Vrey (1990: 203) maintains that education is too complex to be managed by educators alone, and therefore stresses the need for cooperation between parents and educator. The educator-parent partnership works together for the ultimate benefit of the learner (Wolfendale, 1992: 5). This process involves collaboration, setting goals, finding solutions, implementing and evaluating shared goals, as well as inspiring and maintaining trust between educator and parents. This relationship is strengthened by openness, honesty, dialogue and frankness.

The basic principles of this partnership are trust, respect and confidence. Parent expectations, as well as educator expectations, greatly influence the relationship between parents and the deaf child’s educator. If these expectations differ confusion can arise, to the detriment of the child. However, shared expectations will be of benefit to parents, educator and the learner (Prinsloo, Vorster & Sibaya, 1996: 56).

Family-school partnerships are described by Christenson and Sheridan (2001: 37-38) as:

• a child-focussed philosophy offering guidance to families and educators to work together to facilitate children’s academic, behavioural, social, and emotional development

• a belief in shared responsibility between families and educators for the education and socialisation of children

• an emphasis on the relationships between schools and families and their collaboration and cooperation in supporting children’s learning and development

• a preventative solution-focussed approach whereby schools and families try to provide supportive learning communities that address barriers to learning.

Bardenhorst, Calitz, Van Schalkwyk, Van Wyk, Kruger, Squelch and Lemmer (in Moodley, 2002: 47) describe a sound educator-parent relationship in the following way:

• there is mutual trust, because their intentions are honest, sincere and pure as they cooperate with each other in order to seek the best for the learner

• parents can contribute valuable information about their children’s strengths, weaknesses and medical details

• both parents and educator are indispensable partners in the education process, thus underscoring the importance of mutual acceptance, understanding, and collaboration in combating delinquent behaviour

• there is mutual respect and consideration, as educator and parents acknowledge each others’ position, situation and expectations.

The principles that promote quality education of deaf children can include acknowledging the parent/caregiver as the child’s first educator, and capitalising on the involvement; being flexible and responsive to the needs of individual parents and families; providing opportunities that offer parents/caregivers a range of options that allow them to become active partners in the education of their child; and focussing on the child, parents/caregivers, their families, and their community.

2.8.3.4 Relationships with other professionals in the community

Parents of young deaf children may have the need to liaise with a range of professionals in the community, such as pediatricians, Ear-Nose-Throat (ENT) specialists, audiologists, psychologists, social workers, guidance counsellors, speech,

language and hearing therapists as well as educators, something quite difficult to achieve due to power relations that exist between professionals and those seeking assistance.

Wall (2003: 28) emphasises the importance of the parent-professional relationship especially in the early stages when parents seek advice about a suspected problem, and the time when diagnosis is confirmed. The confirmation of diagnosis can be a traumatic experience for parents and they often rely on the professional to answer their questions and respond to issues raised. The handling of the early discussions by the professional during this emotional time is crucial as they can facilitate or aggravate the parents’ ability to come to terms with the diagnosis. Carpenter (in Wall, 2003: 29) commenting on professionals’ initial post-diagnosis discussions with parents, states that very often, at this difficult time, the “professional approaches were insensitive and ill-timed as they did nothing to enhance their quality of life or parenting confidence”.

Several issues such as long working hours, poverty, social deprivation, low self- esteem, feelings of inadequacy and the time factor can affect parents’ involvement with professionals in the community (Swart & Phasha, 2005: 220-221; Wall, 2003: 45;

Christenson & Sheridan, 2001: 84; Wolfendale & Einzig, 1999: 35). Any of these issues can influence the quality of parents’ relationships with professionals in the community and may act as barriers to meaningful involvement in their children’s progress. Partnership with parents, in the true sense of the word, will depend largely on the quality of the relationship with the professional, and on the envisaged benefits to the parent, professional and child.

Gascoigne (1995: 33) states that most parents of children with special needs carry

“emotional and psychological baggage” that can be a hindrance to working in partnership with professionals. They may find it difficult to communicate their views which may be misunderstood by professionals, and when their knowledge or views appear to be trivialised, they feel marginalised. Often they do not fully understand the professionals and are confused by what they hear or read about their child’s disability.

Schlesinger (in Meadow-Orlans & Sass-Lehrer, 1995: 316) state that families with deaf children report that sometimes professionals provide selective information about methods of communication, citing the “best interests” of the family to conceal their own bias in this regard. Porter and Edirippulige (2007: 518) concur that parents of deaf children may be provided with information “by professionals who hold strong ideological and methodological viewpoints that can be bewildering and unsettling for families”.

Dunst, Trivette, Boyd and Brookfield (in Meadow-Orlans & Sass-Lehrer, 1995: 316) identified three broad perspectives of professional/family relationships. These include:

“the professional as expert” perspective which is based on the assumption that parents/caregivers do not possess skills and knowledge; the “direct guidance” model which assumes that parents/caregivers possess some knowledge, but need skills and services which will be provided by the professional according to his/her discretion;

and the “partnership model” in which the family members are accepted as equal partners by the professional. Decision-making abilities are fostered through encouraging active family involvement. Luterman (in Meadow-Orlans & Sass-Lehrer, 1995: 316) views listening as “the most powerful intervention tool for the professional because it tells parents that their views are important and valuable”. It is clear that a sound relationship can only be advantageous.

Dalam dokumen An ecosystemic perspective on the raising of deaf children by hearing parents in South Africa : a mixed methods study. (Halaman 106-114)