Clusters of meaning: portraits of teachers’ lives
5.3 Diverse lives, multiple subjectivities
5.3.2 Who are these narrative collaborators? Locating multiple selves
I am a mother, woman, teacher…
(Zibuyile, Interview)
This was Zibuyile’s response when I asked her to tell me about herself and who she is. For Zibuyile, these represented multiple selves - subjectivities - that she constructed and
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negotiated at different times and in different spaces. Along similar lines, Andrew portrayed this notion of multiple subjectivities:
We construct different identities depending on how you see yourself and the type of person you and your family want you to be. We portray different people at different times and keep some identities hidden.
Identities are like language, at different times, and with different people, we use language differently in different contexts. We conjure up identities of someone we like to be who is acceptable, by hiding certain identities.
(Andrew, Interview)
In his timeline and during his interview, Andrew disclosed that he is homosexual: Realised I was comfortable being gay. And so, one of Andrew’s subjectivities was ‘being homosexual’;
which he possibly hid and concealed as he strived to be acceptable. He succinctly described how particular subjectivities are hidden at different times and in diverse contexts, portraying its dynamic feature. His conflicting subjectivities become evident when he adds: I tried to avoid to be noticed, but I also used to do strange things to be noticed, I don’t know how to describe it. Similarly, Zibuyile’s response represented how her subjectivities shift over time:
Initially, I was only a ‘giver of knowledge’ about HIV and AIDS, then, as I became more aware of learners’ socio-cultural backgrounds, I now am more committed and sensitive, like a mother-figure, I am proactive and want to make a difference, I am now a ‘teacher for change’.
Locating and describing such multiple and sometimes conflicting subjectivities is the focus of this chapter. In particular, I want to uncover and describe how narrative collaborators position themselves and how they construct and negotiate multiple selves or subjectivities. I want to understand how they present and re-present multiple subjectivities in their personal and professional lives; in other words, how they constitute various subject positions which illuminate how they make sense of who they are personally and professionally.
Narrative collaborators shared personal and professional experiences and highlighted significant incidents in their lives that crucially influenced their sense of self. All of them, except Andrew, recalled mostly happy and fond memories of their childhood and schooling
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years. Andrew encountered conflicts in his attempt to understand who he is and his sense of belonging during his childhood, which would have carried through into his adulthood:
According to my birth certificate, I was born in 1962. I don’t know my real parents, although I believe my mother was a ballet dancer. I was adopted in 1963. I could write a book about my childhood years. I experienced many moments of rejection and isolation. I loved music, but hated being forced to attend church. I didn’t feel the same as everyone else and was thought of as strange. I started looking for my real parents and became frustrated since there were no accurate records. I contemplated suicide, but then remained hopeful. Despite all the problems, I enjoyed school and did well in Standard 10.
Embedded in this micro-narrative are conflicting subject positions that Andrew constructed during his childhood. He constituted himself as an ‘adopted child’ struggling to find his roots and biological parents, and grappling with understanding his sense of belonging and who he is. In addition to this, he constituted himself as an ‘outsider’ who felt rejected, isolated and different from others. Nevertheless, despite such fragmented selves, Andrew constructed a
‘hopeful’ image in his search for coherence and stability, as someone who loved music, liked school and performed well. He explicated: I was regarded as quite eccentric and I was always popular at school. I experienced feelings of misplacement, which were relieved by playing the piano. He also channelled his artistic talent into writing poetry and while studying to become a teacher, wrote this poem which accentuated his ‘adopted’ subjectivity:
To an adopted friend…Mom and Dad
A face I hardly remember, a smile that once brought joy, the comfort of a bosom when I was but a boy,
The hands that rocked me gently and then gave me away,
How you wish you knew where she was today.
175 A face that I’ve forgotton,
a head that oft hung low, a man who would whistle softly when the wind began to blow.
A man whose hands were hard from working hours and hours with wood,
the hands that gently rocked me when I cooed.
Although you never knew them, I know they both were good, because you’ve turned out to be the best, to me.
Meier (2008, p. 59) highlights the “critical intersections between story and poetry” and asserts that writing poetry is a valuable form of narrative that enables teachers to represent and make sense of crucial incidents and experiences in their personal and professional lives.
This poem revealed how deeply Andrew longed to find his biological parents, his yearning to be loved by them and his search for his identity and sense of belonging. Although he did not know his biological parents, he portrayed them as positive, loving and ‘adopted friends’. He grappled to make sense of his contradictory and conflicting sense of self and being adopted which is succinctly captured when he writes the hands that rocked me gently and then gave me away.
Telling stories is seen as crucial to how people make sense of their experiences and constitute their subjectivities (Chase, 2003; Hole, 2007; Ritchie & Wilson, 2000; Søreide, 2006).
Taking Weedon’s (1997, p. 32) notion of subjectivity into account, teachers construct subject positions based on their “conscious and unconscious thoughts and emotions”, sense of belonging and in relation to their world. In other words, broader social influences, teachers’
values and beliefs, as well as their emotions, are significant to understand how and why teachers adopt different subject positions. Ritchie and Wilson (2000) explore teachers’
personal and professional identities and contend that these identities are interdependent and
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inextricably linked. Like them, I argue that critical reflection and theoretical analysis of teachers’ personal experiences within wider contexts is crucial to understand how teachers present and re-present multiple subjectivities in their teaching and professional lives.
The following discussion outlines the analytical process in identifying subject positions and clustering frequent subject positions to highlight subjectivities of teachers. Initially, I employed multiple readings of teachers’ narratives to identify different subject positions that emerged. Furthermore, I watched the video-recorded lessons to not only observe how these subjectivities played out in their teaching of HIV and AIDS education but also to uncover contradictory or conflicting subjectivities. Having identified the multiple subject positions in teacher’s narratives and video-recorded lessons, next, I excerpted phrases or statements to elucidate these subject positions. I then identified subject positions that were adopted most frequently by teachers. Less frequent subject positions that displayed some similarities with most frequent subject positions were grouped together. In doing so, clusters of teachers’
multiple subjectivities were highlighted.
Three clusters of subjectivities emerged through this analytical process. Teachers made references to several subject positions which shed light on how they made sense of their multiple selves and their teaching. Table 6 which follows illustrates the phrases or statements quoted from teachers’ narratives that delineate their subject positions, the subject positions that emerged and how these were clustered to identify subjectivities of teachers.
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Phrases / Statements from teachers’ narratives Subject positions Subjectivities
‘carer’, ‘pacifier’, ‘love and care for learners’, ‘feel obliged to perform the pastoral care role’, ‘enjoy helping others’, ‘sensitive to learners’, ‘kind’, ‘show that he cares’
someone who cares for learners’ well-being and is a kind person
The compassionate teacher
‘mother’, ‘parent’, ‘mother-figure’ someone with parental orientation
‘passion for teaching’, ‘innate’, ‘I love teaching’, ‘loved to be a teacher’
someone who is dedicated to teaching
‘counsellor’, ‘facilitator’, ‘advise learners’, ‘help and support’, ‘counsel them’, ‘comforting learners’
someone who guides and supports learners
The supportive teacher
‘change agent’, ‘changing their behaviour’ someone who is oriented to change
‘sharer of knowledge’, ‘expert’, ‘sharer of knowledge and information’, ‘intellectual empowerer’, ‘arguer’,
‘more knowledgeable’
someone who possesses knowledge and competence
The knowledgeable teacher
‘update my knowledge’, ‘do more research’, ‘lot of time planning her lessons’, ‘acquiring new skills’
someone who engages with curriculum
‘they want to be like me’ Someone who is a role model
Table 6: Subject positions and subjectivities of teachers
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In the process of multiple readings and interpreting teachers’ narratives, I identified eight subject positions that teachers adopted, three of which were adopted most frequently by all five teacher participants. These included the teacher as someone: who cares for learners’
well-being and is a kind person; who guides and supports learners and who possesses knowledge and competence. The teacher as someone with parental orientation, adopted by three teachers, and as someone who is dedicated to teaching, adopted by four teachers, were two less frequent subject positions that were grouped with the teacher as someone who cares for learners’ well-being and is a kind person. These three subject positions were clustered to highlight ‘the compassionate teacher’ subjectivity. The teacher as someone oriented to change, adopted by two teachers, was grouped with the teacher as someone who guides and supports learners to accentuate ‘the supportive teacher’ subjectivity. Four teachers adopted the subject position as someone who engages with curriculum, whilst two teachers adopted the role model subject position. These were clustered with the teacher as someone who possesses knowledge and competence to highlight ‘the knowledgeable teacher’ subjectivity.
As Table 6 illustrates, three subjectivities emerged: ‘the compassionate teacher’; ‘the supportive teacher’ and ‘the knowledgeable teacher’. However, these subjectivities are not fixed in these ‘clusters’; instead they are dynamic and shift over time, which resonates with post-structuralist notions and Weedon’s (1997) notion of subjectivity. In the following discussion, I analyse how teachers used their subject positions as narrative resources to constitute multiple subjectivities in the discursive spaces of their HIV and AIDS classroom.