If I had no troubles or cankering care, – I'm certain I'd never have lost my hair ;
A lock of it now is exceedingly rare, In winter the cold I can hardly bear ; In summer the flies will all settle there
It's enough to make anyone curse and swear, And a terrible nuisance I must declare.
Yes, it does seem cruel and most unfair—
If I take off my hat, how the people stare ! Hair washes and lotions are all a snare, But a wig I shall never consent to wear ; And don't ever hint such to me, so there.
—H.V.A.
Year Notes.
SECOND YEAR.
We congratulate Skirty, Bunny & Co. on their final flutter in bones. They have now passed to that condition when Fe- murs cease from troubling and students are at rest—till August.
Rumour has it that Jerry has chucked all woinankind. How long will his new resolution hold during the vac.? (For fur- ther information, see below.)
Physiology brought out some shining lights and doused others. We congratulate the twelve apostles.
We have been told that our famous turf-trotter, Mac., won a pile on the Cup. It will perhaps save him the toil of earning a V.R.C. member's ticket.
Technique a la A.C.H.R. Cantab. counted for much in our Phys. exam. The examiner evidently assumed we work with dirty test tubes, etc. Students, especially Medical students, are given credit for a little common sense sometimes.
Prof. Berry reckons we are a rotten year, judging from the piffly prosectors exam. Wait till August, and we'll show him.
Our worthy Lieutenant has returned to us tinder circum- stances which suggest he has been to China to help in the revo- lution. Anyhow the very hairs on his head are numbered.
Students of all courses will be surprised to hear that we have in our year the famous J. D. R., " the most
December, 1912. THE SPECULUM. 187
,miserable man on earth." He was caught the other day pickin" a row with that big bully Crawfish. Hughie saved the situation.
It is rumoured that there is a lot of jealous contention in the Prosector's room, but Treacle and Jerry easily hold their own as first favourites.
" They're following in Wilbur's footsteps;
They're following the dear Prof. Wright."
THIRD YEAR.
Once more " The Battle of Life" is over. Everybody , stewed hard for the November flutter, the only non-starters for Mat.
Med. being the Sinful Seven, who flopped last year, while for Dietetics and Hygiene practically everyone sat for the exam.
Some unfortunates failed to enter before the 18th, and had to hand over a modest half-crown for late entry. Baldy and Moneybox were among the defaulters.
Wilbur still sets a bad example to the younger members, this being noticeable the other morning, when " Wee Mac" was seen escorting someone to the O.P.—You're too young to start yet, Mac.
Eric and Harry are both stewing hard, working at cause and effect of Thrombosis and Emboli, etc., but judging by the way Jack Shan answers question's, he will give them a "go" for the Path. ex.—Who said A.E.V.H.?
The tale has travelled of grievous disappointment the other evening to two of our well known cricketers. It should be re- membered that a woman's "yea" almost always means "nay."
Apropos of cricket, congratulations " Germo" for a posi- tion in the Interstate team! He wasn't the worst, either. Joe Shelley also skippers the Seconds through their troubles. Suc- cess seems about to dawn for them at last. It is rumoured that the same J.S. is endeavouring to rival George Gray, while Np• with the accompanying cry of " Come on, only a bob,"
has been no very unimportant feature of the year this term.
Some pedestrians in Victoria Parade were overheard saying
" What a young doctor !" It was L.L. in his white coat mak- ing for the O.P. at St. Vincent's.
Bob Fowler is acknowledged by all to be a rattling good lec- tusrer, and if we don't make a good impression with the Prof.
when he returns, it won't be Bob's fault.
FOURTH YEAR.
The hurdle of Pathology in our long course of learning has been reached. Many . cleared it without a falter ; some
"scraped"; a few bit it and fell the wrong side. All are ex- uberant with the relief of spirits attendant on cessation of three months of strain. Those on the right side are gaily look- ing forward to the biggest and last of the hurdles. ''Those be- hind, with the steely glint of determination in their eye, are looking forward to March, resolved to "clear it or break it."
Hospital work fills now more of the time of the fourth year, and our special Hospital correspondent sends the following contribution :-
In jotting down Hospital notes, it is well to introduce a dash - of local colour, and incidentally the most highly coloured object at the hospital is—but we must not. discuss our honoraries, and on a cold morning anybody's nose may be a trifle hyperaemic.
To the fourth year man the most important hospital depart- ment is the last one, where the cheery Ike holds court, and is ready to bandy words (or deeds) with anybody from the P.B.
to the Archangel Michael. If every lecturer and tutor were as efficient, and as quick off the mark, as Dr. Jones, the course would bump along like a scene out of " Wallingford." How- ever, from this pleasing prospect one must turn to things as they are. If, like "Alice," in Lewis Carmll's famous book, we could weave into a dream some of the scenes which are in the everyday life of a M.H. man, what a curious menagerie there would be. We should see little Springy sitting out of the draught with a halo on his head, trying in vain to fit the rubber tire on to his prehistoric ear trumpet ; while Freddie hobbles by grumbling at the inconvenience of "atavistic" gout. A little further on we should see a dark haired prophet worshipping at a little shrine, with all the windows open. With an inane smile, and a reassuring titter, he enquires whether we have taken any histories ; but, knowing that his methods were his- tory when his namesake signed the big sheet, we escape—only to fall into the clutches of a kindly gentleman who knows us—
who would we were unknown—and we are implicated in a clinic on pneumonia. " Fever there is, it may be lot or 102 or even 103, or 10.4, or 105, or rob ; sometimes it is not so high
—sometimes there is little rise in temperature—this is a grave sign—and the patient may die—sometimes the patient does not die—and in these cases the patient may get better—may get better !" On hearing this ultimatum we slip round to the lee-,
ward of Fat and slid for the door, only to meet Charlie in the corridor, telling them how he removed a man's liver, spleen,
December, 1912. THE SPECULUM. 189 and pancreas in 3% minutes, but unfortunately the poor man
hed! This is enough. We feel we can assimilate no more.
Successful at last, we escape and make for the Club House., FIFTH YEAR.
The steady, relentless approach of the Final Exams. has kindled a burning enthusiasm in the hearts of fifth year stud- ents. Osier and Rose and CarleSs are replacing books More
-pleasing, but less instructive. Already they are beginning to look more useful than ornamental. Rumour has it that there
is great worry in the heart of " Mac," who has only been through each ten times. Such slothfulness must meet its own
reward.
The Trinity team are working like blazes at the M.I T., and the Queen's contingent mainly at St. Vincent's.
Special hospital worries are now practically over. Sundry students still are wearily occupied in "pursuing the P.V.," or
"following the Pram-lines."
The Forensic snare bagged many of our number. All, how- ever, are glad to have it over in August and November, instead of in March.
Ward work at the Hospitals is wonderfully keen and en- thusiastic. The burning questions of the day range from
testes" to the "cerebellum." Many a fantastic diagnosis is hazarded; but many also are the P.M. refutations.
0 .P. Surgeon.—" Yes, and how did you get those injuries:"
Patient.—" Well, the missis had triplets, and I congratulated der.."
Sporting Notes.
ROWING NOTES.
rail
Henley-on-Yarra was undoubtedly a great success, but inas- much as the racing is concerned our tame oarsman is somewhat incoherent. His trophies are to the layman rather surprising, varying from the daintiest of handkerchiefs to—well, brethren, let it pass at " Honi soit qui mal y pense." Being pressed for information, he waxes maudlin—murmuring to all inquiries nothing save that cryptic utterance, " Cherchez la femme."
Further researches along this line explained the monotonous rear actions of the M.U.B.C. crews— four eights and one en- thusiastic four. Ulysses and the sirens modernised with a most tragic vengeance ! With rippling pectorales, swelling gas- trocnemii and lusty deltoids, with six weeks' training left be- hind, individually and collectively, they fell. They lost their race, put on their sacrificial vestments and with a naive air of proprietorship that was wholly delightful, they claimed their Henley Girl. Thus was the fall made manifest that all might see and take heed thereunto.
Technical explanations of unaccomplished victories miser- ably fail, but worthy of all praise is the scientific verdict of the medico coach who took his crew to dinner. " Six teetotallers!
My God! how could we win !"
For the V.R.A. Regatta, a senior pair, and a maiden eight and four are striving manfully, with many a heartfelt prayer that to them may not fall the lot of a former crew—"beaten on the post by a haemorrhoid." The latest work in prevention in- dicates Y. and J.'s 6.15 p.m. 'Ere's luck !
TENNIS.
Tennis has just about finished for the year, and a very suc- cessful year it has been too. Our pennant teams all did well, and especially the first pennant, who won, beating Geelong in finals. Pat O'Hara Wood did especially well, not losing a set throughout the whole season. The seconds started well, but were just beaten by South Yarra in the deciding match for the finals. Both third teams earned the right to compete in the finals also.
The annual tournament finally finished after much delay owing to bad weather, Pat O'Hara Wood beating his brother in the finals of the Singles Championship. There was an ex- ceptionally good number of entries for the other events. The results were :—
December, 1912. THE SPECULUM. 191
Doubles Handicap.—Winners : McNeil and Hamilton. Run- ners up : Pawsey and Eddy.
Singles Handicap.—Winner : Neal. Runner up : Stevens.
CRICKET.
Cricket once more is in full swing, and the First Eleven is going strong, while the Seconds are not far behind.
The Firsts have defeated Carlton, Richmond, and South Melbourne, and drawn with North Melbourne.
Captain Hartkopf; "the bio - chap," represented Victoria in the Interstate match against big
Australia. Park was cap- tain of the State colts team, and Willis almost gained a repre- sentative place also.
" Bill" McGregor has received nothing but praise for his Wicketkeeping all the season. The press and opposing teams unite in anticipating for him a prominent representative posi- tion soon.
Rupert Matthews, Hartkopf, and George Anderson have gained most of the bowling honours so far.
Hartkopf, Willis, Park, and Lewers have been most prom- inent with the bat. The fielding of the team has been consid- erably improved since preyious seasons.
The Second Eleven are higher on the list than they were last Year. They were beaten by Carlton by 25 runs, the last five Wickets getting only 20 runs, when the match seemed as good as won. Richmond were defeated by 4o runs, and drawn matches have been played with North Melbourne, and South Melbourne. Joe Shelley is captain, and has set his team a
good example with the bat, " Bill" Hailes being our most suc- cessful run-getter, while " Ike" Maudsley and Humphry Mottle have got good scores. If the Seconds can stick together and Practise hard, they should gain a high position at the end of the year. Fielding must he thoroughly learnt. It is worth While to remember that 20 runs saved is better than 20 runs made.
Practice at the nets has been well attended this year. It is good to see so many Meds. out each night. ' An Interschools match would be a good thing, on practice form, for the Medi- cals.
Keenness and practice will send Varsity cricket very soon ill) to where it ought to be—at the top. Too many at the Uni-
versity think only of themselves and not and it is time more interest was taken in University. Life is something more than day.
of the University, the success of the stewing night and RIFLE SHOOTING.
The art of learning to make of a rifle something more .than a doubtful ornament has been much in evidence since our last issue. Important exhibitions of the art have been held. Fain would I make exhibition also of the artists. But the painter does not paint his own figure into the picture : " The art of art is to conceal the artist," and particularly -applicable is this to the variegated glory of the ancient raiment of our artist rifle- men. It is not theirs to be in suis "a joy for ever."
At the Sydney exhibition, Penrose, representing us, was hung. lint his shots were too near the line, and gloomily we feared himself would he the only "penny" to return. But re- assured were we by the tale of nobly won "quids" in the ag- gregates.
At the V.R.A. meeting at Williamstown, many of our repre- sentatives displayed. Some did well. Others did not. But.
even the latter added a touch of colour to the exhibition, if only by verbal expression.
In individual matches lots of prizes came to Varsity men.
The good Penny again turned up for special notice, with fourth place in the Syme Grand. Ago-reglite, a place in the winning District Unions' team, and a Christmas trip to Hobart to repre- sent Victoria in the interstate match. Good, luck to him! May he get to Risley next year.
Teams day was a display of watercolours. Contesting through a solid sheet of rain, Varsity teams appeared high and ; frequently on the prize list.
Melbourne, with four meds. in the team, won the Inter-var- sity match this year, after an interesting contest. The En- gineers won the Interschools match. Congratulations to them.
Adjurations to the meds to win next year! '
ltv the tward of the Club Championship, the palm of artistry in our University falls to Penrose, who has had a splendid year of success. Phillips, from a place called the Law School, and our worthy Sergeant with the name that kings were proud to bear, divided the honour of second position.
Many other successes have come to the Club, but in the lofty realms of art, one does not speak of "pot-boilers."
December, 1912. THE SPECULUM. 193
Correspondence.
To the Editor of the " Speculum."
Dear Sir,—
Permit me to draw the attention of your readers to the method of conducting our Annual Examinations.
When we enter for an examination, after much ceremony and risk of fines, we receive a number which we are to use in the examination. Why then is it that we are instructed to put names on our papers? It is an open secret that always before the lists of passes are published, the candidates are considered by name as well as by the paper sent in.
What, then, is the use of the number at all? Is it an attempt to hoodwink students to believe that their papers are judged solely by what they write? or is it possibly an otherwise futile source of amusement for the University office, which is well known to revel in intricacies?
For clarity of understanding, it would be better if numbers Were abolished entirely. If names are not considered in the examination, it is difficult to understand why they are dragged There is no need for them when every paper has a number.
The M.S.S. should endeavour to see that nothing but num- by is used in examination. The possibilities of examination ny name are not satisfactory. Our Professors may have every honest and honourable intention in the world, but they are not superhuman. With large groups of students in each year, some are necessarily known better to the Professors than Others. It is easy to acquire a good or bad reputation, but the reputation may be no correct estimate of the student. The Possibilities of disastrous happening under this present scheme are not difficult to imagine. It is the very existence of stud- ents that is being considered.
We would like to be examined only on the papers we send It is risky to add whatever our reputation may be. There 's no inconsiderable element of gambling in examinations under any system. We accept the gamble for existence, for we can suggest no better, but we wish the conditions of our gambling to be as free as possible from any suspicion of even accidental tampering.
Yours, etc.,
CLEAN SPORT.
THE SPECULUM. December, 1912.
To the Editor of the " Speculum."
Dear Sir,—
"Complaints have been made that third year men have been butting in to fifth year clinics. Third year men are reminded that they may have the run of the hospital in two years' time."
Thus runs a notice in the M.S.S.'s glass cupboard notice board at the M.H.
Well, I hope that the third year men are all sufficiently docile to cheerfully submit to the M.S.S. doling out to them their due ration of hospital experience and tuition, which they pay the M.H. for the honoraries to give ; especially at a time when some of the honoraries think the fifth year ought to be beyond wanting clinics.
In the opinion of many, there is absolutely no right for such a notice to appear, for although the M.S.S. Committee make arrangements for the smooth running of that part of the hos- pital work which is legally necessary according to the calendar, they have no right to further dictate what those in the third year shall not do.
Under the present conditions the prescribed part of the work for third year in Medicine is tutorial only, where physical signs are lectured on; and everyone knows that it is impossible to become practised in these by lectures alone. Now the third year do not do any prescribed medical work until after August, 1913. By that time their medical tutorials will be of no use to them, and the practice of physical signs will have to be labor- iously picked up, thus entailing waste of time and the wrath of the honorary.
There is any amount of medical work at the hospital, and surely a little can be used by the juniors to help them to perfect their physical signs without any growling from the higher years. There are not many who complain, but those who do apparently think that they should run the business.
It has been enunciated by a St. V.H. honorary that "any student of any year has a perfect right to, and should join any clinic that may be going on, by any honorary; always of course using his common sense if the group be a large one, either to stand outside the group or not to join it."
It would not be a bad idea, if, instead of putting up such a notice as the present one, another be put up like the following:
"Any fifth year man, unless especially full of work at any par- ticular time, will always be pleased to take a third year man and