The long trial of forty-odd students inter- mingling about the hospital has had its toll.
The rubbishing and the backchat have reached their height.
It started when I.G.E. arrived back from New Guinea with a story beginning: "One wet afternoon in Rabaul . . ."
More spectacular events have occurred in the extra-curricular activities than in Medi- cine. Notable events were the marriages (unfruitful as yet?) and the stacking of vari- ous cars (I.G.E. again, P.K., P.C. and I.G.).
Tank drove up the back of a meat truck, but this doesn't qualify.
Old Macfarlane had a farm — "eei-eei- 000", and every time his nextdoor neigh- bour had a party, the guests and the ban- tams got soaked.
Greasy, on the other hand, has started to Make his second pile, and Ed has given up carrying the "Bulletin" about with him.
Sparrow has asserted his rank amongst the talented "nick-namers". "Ethyl"
look suffers from Korsakoff's, and "Skid"
look like lasting for ever. As for is "Dum- D th bm", even the cleaning woman calls him
Peter Condos spent his weekends waiting for the weather to clear up, so that he could dump — out of the sky, over some mighty boulder, or with skis on.
Another versatile character was W. E. S.
Hasker. If you heard he was going UP, _
You didn't know what was meant -- North, Mt. Buller, the sky, or . . . !
SPECULUM 1964
Lunchtime conversations ran something like this:
Bruce Johnson wanted to know where the party was and Houssein was invariably hav- ing one, while Di Long was going to bring her friends along.
Ian Taylor asked Tafty what everyone was giggling about, Tafty replied: "I wasn't.
I was whistling!"
The "Blues" fortunes were predicted and speculated on from Monday to Friday. At the end of the season we overheard one in- formed source say that next year will be theirs.
The College Lawn Club has lost some of its membership during the year, but Norm (one for the cot), Bruce (one for the road) and Peter (one for the umpire) seem to get along. However, we expect the member- ship to swing back to full strength in Dec- ember — even Ethyl may join us.
The unanswered questions of the year are many in number, but few so important as:
"Will Macfarlane go to Hobart?"
"Will Gust get married?"
"Will those two girls miss one another?"
"Is Johnson in love?"
As for the end of the year and what will come of it, you can toss a coin. There are a few certainties. Rod Clark is getting mar- ried on December 12th and we wish him well. Houssein is going home to fight the rebels, but he and his parties will long be remembered.
I.W.B.
PAGE SEVENTY-NINE
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ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL Fourth. Year
Many people took easily to the new sub- ject this year called 'Hospital Personnel', which involves knowing who's who and what everyone else's business is. Quite a number of honours students. The social entertainment nights at the students' quar- ters (i.e. grog turns) have been held period- ically. Many small personal items were found when the evenings' proceedings had finished.
Connoisseurs of fine wines, Sheehan, Meagher and Bongiorno offered their nurse partners a choice of imported wines: Im- ported Fosters, Sparkling Ale and Golden Amber. Beer was also available. Danger- ous allergic reactions when Barry Lauritz and Mick Keating come in contact with al- cohol, but the Golden Gloves for Fighter of the Year goes to Bruce Peterson. On accepting trophy, he stated, "I owe it all to Carlton & United".
Record Department:
Late one night Stan declared he had broken his previous record of 86 beers. I believed him — I had had 93 after starting 5 mins. before him.
College blokes say the hospital is too far away for them to attend clinics and PMs etc., and a more acceptable distance is from college to the Nurses' Home.
Spirit of adventure evident at the tables when Pete Koch, Con, Dick Denisenko and Andre show up. If they played together, one would be sure to win. Ken (the Bard) Bendall makes his best speeches after losing at cards and on social occasions. The 'Win- ners' would like to propose a vote of thanks to 'Loser' Lough, for his frequent donations at the table.
Little old lady in clinic. Bob Walton auscultating, remarks on strange respiratory noises, ". . . like someone talking." Clin- ician reassures patient that Bob can hear a little man inside her. Old lady, "Not at my age, doctor." Dirty little old lady.
M. Giles quote:
Clinician: "Differential diagnosis of a foot lump?"
Giles: "Obviously an ectopic gall stone".
When asked to define a prophylactic, Ruth replied: "It's something you take when you think you are going to get it." Form a queue, boys.
The Charming MM Department (cont.).
Scene: Rich nurses' country home. Occa- sion: Her 21st.
MM: "Lousy turn, this".
Female: "Thank you, it's my 21st". We're still turning over stones looking for Mick.
"Around the World in 80 Days" has been outmoded by "My Term on the SRC", by Jack Lynch. We're always hearing about the last trip, or was it the one before, Jack?
Claude, Phil and Grunter nearly succeed- ed in establishing the Third Medical School at Portsea, complete with around-the-bed clinics.
Col Scott and Mick Power are the pin-up boys of Bugs Prac.; and Rod Westmore and John Sutton dominate PM discussion. Pete Kuhlmann and 01 Larkins are supervising card tables in the unmentionables of the new Students' Quarters. Kien Siu intends hanging his plate on a Tahitian palm tree and giving therapy to the Hula girls. Mar- tin Brown and Bob Fraser are the M.S.S.
representatives on the snow fields, Richie Fisher is class leader in the Matrimonial stakes (but Mick Clancy beat the gun in his Mercedes Sports). While not watching Casey or Kildare, Key Kane is reading Pete Meehan's new book 'How I refused to leave until the Last Drop was Drunk' or
`What Happened Last Night?' Art, sum- ming up his just-played misere hand: "Well it was open except for that Ace, King and Queen in the short suit". Incidentally, Serge, Stew, Bath, Myer Brott, Mery Cass, Key Cronin, Charlie Kazlauskas, Key Fra- ser, Pete Loewy, Stew McCoubrie and Emily McPherson, all the girls and others are still doing the course (contrary to earlier reports) and may be found in clinics, lec- tures, PMs or somewhere. Seems a novel way to do Med.; here's wishing these pio- neers luck.
PAGE EIGHTY SPECULUM 1964
After being branded the worst 4th Year group for some time, certain members of the team are considering repeating the year to spite University and Hospital authorities.
Someone wake up Bob Millard and Neil Campbell, the lecture's over.
G.S.
Fifth Year
To the surprise of the S.V.H. Path.
department, thirty-three students returned to the hospital to further their education M card playing and alcohol consumption.
The term began with a party organized by Mick T. and thoroughly disrupted by "let's have another barrel" J. It was during this turn that Soapy M.'s Goggo was found Parked across the Nicholson Street tram tracks, and Dinger B. had an argument with the Navy Shore Patrol. Relaxation and sunshine were the theme for the first term, as many of the gentlemen had had a rather exhausting October vacation.
After the March examinations (St. V.'s elects to do Mat. Med. in Fifth Year) the natural talents of the select thirty-three divided the group into intellectuals, pseudo- intellectuals, card players, boozers, barmen, sportsmen, no-hopers, and Bill K.
Among the ranks of the intellectual giants, John F., Frank M. and Tom H.
are continually surprising us with Latin and Greek derivations of unheard-of termin- ology, whereas the pseudo-intellectual Irishmen, the O'S's and John O'B. specialize in the clinical rarities.
Cecil G. is devoting himself assiduously to the betterment of student-nurse relations, in addition to helping the Physiotherapy THE EARLY DIAGNOSIS OF THE
MUSICAL ABDOMEN?
"It would have deafened you. It would have filled the room with the noise of a Millstream, the pealing of bells, and passing thunder. You may say a borborygm is common property, that all the world has heard a squeak and a running bubble in his neighbour's bowels, and thought no more about it. But here's a belly that gives more room than the majority. It's none of your Penny cadenzas or pipings on a single flute When I begin, but the whole band of the brigade of Guards. I took such a hulla- baloo, I remember, last Good Friday, that Wagner himself could have made no better.
There was wood and brass in it, a very good
Department develop a new type of post- operative twist. "Take-them-or-leave-them"
Paul B., on the other hand, is undoing much of Cecil's good work.
Our ward correspondent, Gus P., has been taking his patients seriously, as, no doubt, they take him. It has also been reported that Gus has been helping the nurses make the patients' beds.
Geoff B. is seen regularly in the solo schools and resident parties, and still maintains his forty-five degree incline after the tenth beer. Jack "I-never-chuck" V.
tried hard to uphold his reputation, but did not quite succeed.
Dick C. has been sulking constantly throughout the year and carefully examines the notice board each day for a letter with a Queensland postmark. The poor fellow sleeps little at night, being tormented by Freudian dreams; in his latest he was giving birth to a baby elephant.
That "angry young man" Bill K. provides his clinical group with much entertainment during his monthly visit to the hospital to check on the standard of clinical teaching.
The girls, who have hitherto been thoroughly reticent and satisfied merely to show up their contemporaries in the academic field, have changed their tactics.
They are now establishing a name for themselves at the "Eastern Hill". Mary D.
ventured into the card rooms one day, but left rather hurriedly after one of the gentle- men colourfully described a pass hand.
In conclusion, congratulations to John F., Tom H. and John O'B., who have become engaged, let this be a warning to those who stick by the adage about books and libraries.
glockenspiel and a cor anglais. It was orchestrated. My duodenum declared the theme of vacancy, and a bassoon in the south-west corner made pretty play with that. Then the ileum comes in with its variation, and hunger's the new subject.
There were fiddlers in my jejunum, tubas in my transverse colon. Modulations fol- lowed, development, decoration, counter- point under the liver, and a double-bass on Poupart's ligament. They took hunger to the tonic, recapitulated, and finished with a coda like the death of a pig. It was bet- ter than Sir Henry Wood, and all who heard it stood up and cheered till they were hoarse . . .".
— Eric Linklater, Juan in China.
SPECULUM 1964 PAGE EIGHTY-ONE
"Mother", queried little Ermyntrude,
"where did I come from?"
"The stork brought you, dear", was the reply.
"And you and father?"
"Yes, the stork brought us also."
"What about grandpa and grandma?"
"The stork brought them too. But why all these questions?"
"I've got to write an essay on 'My
ily'."
"And what have you written?"
Ermyntrude read out: "I am not very con- versant with the history of my family, but, from inquiries, I have gathered that it is somewhat unusual in that for the last three generations reproduction has been on asex- ual lines."
* * *
One of our favourite drinks is a French eggnog — two egg yolks, two teaspoons of sugar and four jiggers of cognac in a tall warm lass.
* * *
One prostrate frog on bench to another floating in alcohol: "I don't know about you, but I'm pithed!"
* * *
Did you hear about the Statistician whose wife had twins? He had one baptized, and kept the other as a control.
* * *
Death is nature's own way of telling you to slow down.