Chapter 5 Host–guest Relationship in VFR Tourism and Sociocultural
5.3 International PhD Students as VFR Hosts
5.3.4 Hosting friends and hosting relatives
One of the hosting tasks identified by the research participants was being the tour guide to the guests. This task was influenced by the host’s familiarity with the destination, as pointed out by Sue. Being familiar with the destination in terms of local culture, knowledge and insights gives the host the power to be the leader of the group. Such responsibility often comes with expectation and, consequently, may put pressure on the host. This, in turn, can add to the stress of hosting mentioned before.
Although being a tour guide was not always obligatory, the potential pressure caused by common expectation could still influence the overall hosting experience.
According to some focus group participants, friends were not only more independent, but they were also more relaxed guests than relatives. Relatives seemed to have higher expectations, especially in cases where they could not speak English. This meant an extra task for the participants, being their translator and, consequently, having to accompany them most of the time. Relatives also tended to get involved more in the host’s daily life.
With friends, I don’t need to go with them to places, but with relatives, they can’t speak English so I have to be with them all the time. (Ellen)
Higher pressure when hosting relatives compared to hosting friends is noted in a study by Dutt and Ninov (2017). They argued that expatriate hosts had a stronger feeling of duty towards their guests in the case of relatives than friends and, consequently, they tended to put more effort into learning local knowledge to be able to perform their hosting tasks better.
It appears that the difference between hosting relatives and hosting friends is associated with different characteristics of these two groups, such as the likelihood of being self-sufficient and ‘hassle-free’. These different characteristics could be the result of the age difference between the ‘host’ (i.e. international PhD students) and the
‘guest’ (i.e., friends and/or relatives). Yousuf and Backer (2017) suggested that hosting relatives could be difficult especially when relatives belong to different age groups where different preferences might exist, which were sometimes culturally significant. On the other hand, hosting friends could be more relaxing because they were likely to be from a similar age group and there was no familial expectation (Yousuf & Backer, 2017). This observation regarding the average relative age difference between the ‘relatives’ group and the ‘friends’ group is also similar to what was found in a study of Chinese students in New Zealand by Liu and Ryan (2011).
By contrast, not all participants had the view that hosting relatives was more demanding. For instance, Mary stated that she felt more comfortable with family and they tended to provide more support (compared to friends) while staying with her. As a result, to her, hosting relatives was less worrying.
You know, actually, my opinion is opposite because I am more comfortable with family than friends, so I think it depends. Because my family has always been my best friends so I think I am more comfortable with family than friends. When I was in another country, Turkey, several years ago, I hosted my family, and I didn’t have enough facilities but I
was not worried about it because they are family and they can understand the situation. (Mary)
Based on different experiences regarding the pressure that results from hosting friends and relatives, the degree of anxiety related to hosting friends and hosting relatives is likely to depend upon the quality of the relationship, and the normative expectations that each brings to the relationship. Despite this general point, it still seems that, overall, hosting relatives involves more effort, time and obligations. A possible explanation is that, since hosting relatives is often driven by familial bonds and the core objective of reconnecting, the hosts may be inclined to do more ‘in-home’
hosting and facilitate more familial time with their visiting family members (Yousuf
& Backer, 2017).
Another difference between hosting friends and hosting relatives is the likelihood of participating in activities with the guests. It appeared that the students were more likely to participate in activities with their guests when hosting relatives than when hosting friends. This may, in part, be explained by the language barrier experienced by relatives as mentioned by Ellen and others. It may also be that families and relatives wish to spend more time with the students than do their friends. In addition, as discussed earlier, the task of being a tour guide can be more demanding in the case of hosting relatives.
Several focus group participants shared that they enjoyed undertaking activities with their guests and accompanying them. It made them feel important to their guests’
experience, although a few of the participants sometimes found it stressful.
Depending on how long it was for, having to participate in activities with guests could be a tiring task and, as a result, it could have an impact on the overall hosting experience. In other words, the experience of hosting relatives could be different from hosting friends due to the need to participate in more activities with them and perhaps over a longer duration.
For me, the first few days, it is okay because it is fun doing these things with them. But if I have to do that every day … When my parents came, I had to do that for almost two weeks, I could not leave them alone, so I had to go with them. Almost two weeks, every day, it was stressful. (Alex).
The types of activities the students undertook with, or recommended to, the guests also differed between hosting friends and hosting relatives.
I guess it is different in the activities that you do. Hosting friends, they might have come down for a specific purpose, or if they just came to meet me for the weekend, we might go out for dinner or something. Whereas when the relatives are over, you want to show them the country, you wanna show them your office in the university. You probably wouldn’t do that with your friends, they probably wouldn’t be so excited about that.
Also, the amount of time you spend with them and the…sort of how hands- on you have to be with your relatives. Generally, you spend more time, probably accompany them and making sure they are getting out to see things. (Amy)
Undertaken activities are often related to the guests’ personality and background.
Accordingly, since friends and relatives are two different groups of people, the type of activities each group is interested in doing can likewise be different. As VFR hosts who might need to participate in or provide recommendations on what to do during their visit, international PhD students would be likely to have different experiences with each group. Also, differences in interested activities between the hosts and the guests could be a cause of conflict, or potentially less enjoyable hosting experiences for the hosts if they had to undertake activities that they did not like.
The potential financial pressure that the participants might experience also seemed to be different between hosting friends and hosting relatives. More specifically, Ellen suggested that hosting relatives might be more costly than hosting friends.
If I host family and relatives at my place, I will have to buy things for them and pay almost all the bills for them. With friends, I can tell them to pay for their own stuff but with parents and relatives, they can’t understand or accept that. It is a bit difficult. (Ellen)
In Ellen’s opinion, her friends would pay for their own expenses, or at least she could tell them to do so. However, with family members and relatives, she might need to pay for their expenses. Such a view could be influenced by cultural factors. Ellen is from China where the common cultural background is collectivism (Hofstede Insights, n.d.). According to Reisinger and Turner (2002), collectivistic cultures (such as Asian culture) are family-oriented, and concerned with group interests and needs.
Accordingly, her perceived responsibilities with family and relatives can be different from those who are from a more individualistic cultural background.
The above finding also suggests a potential impact of cultures on different experiences resulting from hosting friends and hosting relatives. It is related to different expectations that relatives (or friends) and the students may have for each
other in their roles as VFR guests or VFR hosts. These expectations may be initiated and influenced by cultural backgrounds of VFR participants. In Polynesian culture, for instance, hosting means an extremely high level of hospitality involved (Schänzel et al., 2014). As a result, when Polynesian students host their friends and relatives who are also Polynesian, the initial expectations from the guests and the pressure for the hosts are likely to be high. During the hosting experience, if the guests have further needs (i.e., visiting attractions that they do not originally plan, more shopping, extending the trip), the hosts’ response to these needs may also be driven by what is commonly accepted in their culture. For students in these types of cultures where a high level of hospitality is expected from the hosts, hosting relatives may often be seen as more demanding than hosting friends, because relatives are more likely to come from the same culture compared to friends. If students are completely accepting of such a cultural expectation, however, they may not see the hosting as demanding.
Since it is part of their own culture that they happily respect, they may even see it as a pleasant activity rather than an onerous one. Students’ attitude and acceptance of relevant cultural expectations are, therefore, an important aspect to take into consideration when examining their hosting experience.
Overall, the hosting and guesting experiences of international PhD students in VFR tourism is complex with potential interrelation and connection between the two roles.
Their hosting and guesting experiences also appeared to be distinctive between the cases of friends and relatives. Such experiences, however, were an important part of their overseas study experience, and might have an impact on their social and cultural adaptation in the study destination. This impact will be discussed in the next section.