Hostess (pouring out tea) : "Sugar, doctor?"
Absent-minded Medico: "No sugar, no albumen."
*
Bella Donna : "And what did you thing of the duet, m'sieur ?"
M'sieur : "Ah, mam'selle, in your duet you were excellent, but in your singlet you were divine."
Cirrhosed Fifth Year: "That must be a first-year matt enjoying his gargle."
His Cobber: "Yes, the spirit's swilling and the fresher's.
shick."
* * * *
Father (tenderly) : "You've got a new little brother,.
Boris. We found him in a cabbage."
Boris (aged eight) : "Ah! I had hoped it would be a girl..
A man's fed up of boys."
* * * *
Jones: "I could have married Bink's wife years before he ever met her. My God, how he hates me."
* * * *
Tim : "What's up with your ears, Jim ?"
Jim: "The baby's been teething on 'em, dammim !"
* * * *
"Jewish battalions are being sent to Palestine."
The papers suggest that this will increase the interest of the public in this war zone.
* * *
Mick: "I think getting married is nearly as exciting as going misere."
Count : "Yes, but you never get a discard."
7.2 THE SPECULUM. May, 1918.
Diner: "Hey, waiter, tell that man over there to stop whistling."
Waiter: "Er—he's a regular customer, sir, and—er—I'm sure it's a very fetching tune."
Diner: "That's just it, dammit, can't you see my cheese pricking up its ears."
J.P.: "Did you punch O'Reilly in the eye?"
Doolan: "Oi did not; an' Oi'll do it again if he says Oi did."
* * *
Alderman Icks: "I'm a self-made man. I started wiv nothin' and I don't see no reason to be ashamed of myself."
Cynic: "Well, no, considering the material at your dis- posal."
*
O.P. History : "Patient complains of worms in a whisper."
Of course, if he talks about them out loud, they start biting him.
* * *
It is reported that there has been an million hogs in Germany since war began.
able birth-rate, considering the heavy casualti
* * *
Chatty Barber (breathing onions) : "A morning, sir?"
Customer: "By Gawd you are."
* * *
Fogarty: "Oi want some more of rtoctor."
Doctor: "But your wife's dead, man."
Fogarty: "Niver a word. It's for her
* * *
Enraged Sea Captain: "Who heaved that damned log ?"
Sick and Bewildered Passenger: "Captain, I think I must have."
* *
Pill-box M.D.: "Your daughter's condition is due to bil- harzia."
Mrs. Chipper: "No, doctor, not 'im."
Doctor: "What makes you think you see double ?"
Smiff: "I'm not sure, but I would have sworn your hill was for two guineas; besides, my wife had twins this morning."
*
increase of six A highly credit- es.
hit close this
*
the wife's medicine, mother."
* *
Gaol Chaplain: "You have still three hours to live. What can I do for you?"
Dan the Doomed: "Oh, I dunno. You might do a locum for me for a couple of days."
Alexander.—Left \Vomen's. Private Cori Cori.
Spud Smith.—Returned from Edinborough, late Capt. in Im- perial Army, now doing a locum at Women's; also in Collins St.
Albiston (of artistic fame).—Locum in Tasmania: at the M.H.
Dum Norris.—Still at the kid's.
Frank Donovan.—Is at the Melbourne, Pathologist.
Peggy McLorinan.—Seeing Sydney lately.
Connie Ellis.—Returned from U.S.A. ? Affianced.
ErwinKelmar.—Gone to Queensland!
Mitchell, Len.—Specialist, eye, ear, nose, etc., in Egypt.
Marwood, Elvins.—Geelong's representatives in Egypt.
Ahern, Ted.—F.A., Egypt.
Yuille (Max).—Chasing Turks.
Anderson.—Ditto.
Gaffney Burke.—Ditto.
Joyce.—Ditto.
Frace.—Ditto.
Moke Jacobs.—Bendigo Hospital.
Henry Leahy.-3rd Light Horse Field Ambulance.
John K. Adey.—Lt.-Col. D.G.M.S., Staff Job.
*
74 THE SPECULUM. May, 1918.
Jim Stewart.—Col. 3rd L.H., F.A.
Jock Anderson.--Lt.-Col. in London.
Bill Joske.-1st L.H. F.A., last seen at Baulch.
Tod Laing.—ist Brigade R.M.O.
Puss Cave.—Col. 1st L.H., F.A., after the Turks.
Webb, Lt.-Col -.--Late and C.C.S., now got Honman's job at 5th General.
Hilda Kershaw.—At the W.H. Still trying to beat "bogey."
Tom Brennan.—Lt.-Col. 1st F.A.
Fulton Craig, Major.—With a Field Ambulance.
Allan Pryde.—Locum in Adelaide, late R.A.M.C.
Rupert Downes.—A.D.M.S.
Neil Fairley.—Pathologist, Egypt.
Birnie.—Back from the war.
Cyril Clark.—Egypt has taken down his weight
Casey Whitford.—Returned to Melbourne, late A.A.M.C.
Spliced. In private in Mclnerny's place.
McLaren.—In Egypt.
Bob Fowler.—Acting O.C. 14th A.G.H., Egypt.
Bassett (Dick).—Egypt.
Jamieson.—R.M.O. somewhere.
Shelly.—Egypt, fractured skull. Getting better.
Bob Strong.—With R.A.M.C. in Egypt.
Hayes, W. R.—Abroad.
Tut Looney.—Returned R.A.M.C., discharged Wonthaggi.
Val. McDonald J. Harris.—Turk chasing.
N. C. Barber.—Hospital Ship.
Squeaker Martin.—Got Monty Perl's job at Langwarrin.
Monty Perl.—In private, Windsor and Collins St.; bringing his Langwarrin experiences to bear.
Eric McKie.—Invalided.
Colin McKenzie.—Returned from London to continue his marsupial research, has co-edited with Arthur Keith Treves, Anatomy. Has published some valuable work on muscle.
Charlie McKay.—Still doing good work at King George's Hos- pital.
V. D. Webb.—Hospital Ship.
R. S. Andrews.—Been slightly wounded.
L. E. W. Roberts.-.--England.
Harry Mendelsohn.—Harefield Park.
Jack Horgan.—England.
S. Shields.—Hospital Ship.
Jack O'Brien.—Returned invalided. Home service. Eye specialist at 5th General.
Whitehead.—Returned A.A.M.C. Resident Melb. Hospital.
Ted White.—Lt.-Col. Honorary, Women'S Hosp. Private, Collins St
R. C. Brown.—Home service at Caulfield, doing good bone work, is good to the boys in the clinicals. Honorary Sur- geon, Alfred Hospital; also in private, Windsor.
Les Latham.—Returned 5th General. Home service.
Greenham, E. P.—Abroad.
George Atkinson.—Left Home Service. Doing Maxwell's practice at Frankston.
Dave Bodycomb and Bunny Cato.—England.
Whitharn and Len Spiers.—Ditto.
N. T. Bull. Home Service, Ascot Vale.
Alec. Thwaites.—Staff Officer, D.G.M.S.
Bill Nance.—Discharged.
Brent, Lindsay.—Abroad.
A. J. Day.—No. 16, A.G.H.
Arthur Morris.—Returned via U.S.A.
Honman, Col.—U.S.A., Canada, England.
Monty Inglis has signed on for active service, and is at present at Caulfield.
L. Inglis, at present doing Horne Service at Caulfield General Hospital.
Tommy Cherry.—Egypt, after Bilhartzia.
Embling.—Mont Park.
R. F. O'Sullivan.—In Private.
Brendon O'Sullivan.---In France.
Stenning.—Home Service at Broadmeadows.
Pigdon.—Returned from Abroad.
Horace Perm.—Returned.
A. S. Anderson.—Returned, R.A.M.C. 5th A.G.H.
W. Y. Forshaw.—Abroad.
A. W. BOwan.—Abroad.
Calford.---Returned.
Hornabrook, Major.-5 months in C.C.S.; now Hon. Anaes- thetist Melbourne Hospital.
Harry Griffiths.—Transport Staff.
J. V. Griffith.—Registrar 5th A. S.H..
W. J. Newing.—England.
Loosli.—Returned.
Noel McClure.—Missecl.
Fay McClure.—Lt. Col. at some base.
D. W. Cade.—Lt. Col.
Jack Kennedy.-44 A.G.H., Egypt
C. G. McAdam.—Going back to R.A.M.C.
76 THE SPECULUM. May, 1918.
F. Bell.—Late R.A.M.C., 0.P., M.H.
Jimmy Bell, late Geelong.—France.
J. R. Robertson.—Abroad.
Roy Lister.—Awaiting embarkation.
Jack Flemming.--Returned from R.A.M.C.; doing locums.
M. McKenna.—Joined for home service, i6 A.G.A.
Stanley Cockram.—Awaiting embarkatidn.
Ossy Joint.—Medical Registrar, No. i i A.G.H.
Major Geof. Owen.—Returned; back in private, Colac.
Sub-Dean Kent-Hughes.—Back home, via Siberia ; started to roar up the students again.
Peter Dinwoodie.—England; engaged.
E. DeRavin.—Returned.
C. C. McKnight.—Returned.
Bill Ryan.—C. Transport Staff.
Crawford Marshall.—Gone.
Agnew.—Home Service: Permanent Medical Referee Board.
Courtney.—Returned A.A.M.C.: Permanent Medical Referee Board.
Andy Luke.—Awaiting embarkation; married.
F. R. Meagher.—Awaiting embarkation.
Sharkey Daly.—Broadmeadows.
Lempriere.—Left Laverton, now C. Transport Staff.
Britty Rocke.—Returned.
Walter Summons.—Returned.
Len. Mitchell.—Returned.
Jimmy Downing.—Registrar, Major i6 A.G.H.
Maxwell, late Frankston.—Bellicose.
McShane.—Returned; discharged.
Jim Black.—Lt. Col.; Permanent Medical Referee Board.
M. D. Silverberg, Collins St.—Late A.A.M.C.
Jacobs, Hubie.—Gone.
Drake.—Home Service ; Sanitorium Specialist.
Percy Webster.—Sailed; Eye Specialist 14 A.G.H., Egypt.
H. Crawford.—Awaiting embarkation for Egypt.
A. B. McCubin.—Awaiting embarkation.
Harold Downer.—Sailed, via Panama.
Le Souef.—Sailed, via Panama.
Shaw.—Sailed, via Panama.
Baldwin.—Sailed, via Panama.
McCallum.—Sailed, via Panama.
Brittan.—Sailed, via Panama.
Syme, Johnston.—Returned ; in charge Hydro-Electric Therapy, i6 A.G.H.
Gordon McTvor.—Going out of it.
Stephenson.-5th A.G.H.
Eris McKay.-5th A.G.H.
G. Ley.—Private, Warragul.
Ralph Wilcox.—With Aust. Flying Corps; on his way home.
Clifford Peel.—With Aust. Flying Corps, Haldon Camp, East Bucks.
P. T. Putnam.—Returned N.Z.A.M.C.; in private, and Senior Surgeon, Palmerston North Hospital.
Bob Nathan sends a letter from the war zone, with "B"
Echelont, ist Aust. D.A.C. Has met Jack Reynolds, A.V.C., and Capt. Hogan, one of our graduates. He wants some more "Spec. -
Arthur Crowly.—At the brawl.
Gray Nichols.—C Transport Staff.
Syd. Allen.—Recruiting; late A.A.M.C.; back in private, Hon.
Women's Hosp.
M. H. O'Sullivan—Off this month.
Don May, Clive Backhouse, Ginner Graham, John Green, John Whitaker, Fat Stewart.—Late M.H., getting into Khaki.
D. T. Keys.—Returned A.A.M.C.; in private at Nathalia.
J. A. Shanassy, Capt. 7th Aust. Field Ambulance, writes us.
Glad to hear he enjoys the "Spec." He tells us of :—
Arthur Wilson.—Lt. Col.
F. F. McMahon.-7th Aust. Field Ambulance.
Geoff Maddan has been wounded, but is doing well.
Toddy Lambert, doing good work at Caulfield Base—hotstuff on Albee's.
Waddy St. Ledger.—At St. Vincent's.
Vin. O'Grady.—At St. Vincent's.
Ron Stott.—Booked for the Alfred.
Horace Waters, the locum king.—Coming on the Melbourne.
Thorne.—Fortnight 16th A.G.H., now at Kid's.
John McDonald and J. R. Donald.—I ith G.H.; awaiting em- barkation.
J. J. Kelly.-5th A.G.H.
J. P. O'Brien.—i ith A.G.H.
J. Wall.-5th A.G.H.
W. B. Craig and D. D. Brown.—Returned.
Player.— I 6th A.G.H.
John Chambers.—Getting his uniform.
FROM THE W.A. CORRESPONDENT.
Kennett, Geo., Aberdeen.—Kalgoorlie G.P.
Dave McWhae.—Colonel.
S. S. Cantor.—Carrying on Doug's Mt. Lawley practice. s
78 THE SPECULUM. May, 1918.
M. K. Moss.—Clinics to students at P.P.H.; a "warm"
anaesthetist.
Tim Gillespie.—Claremont I.P.S., P.P.H.
H. W. Ward.—Returned East from Wooroloo.
Stan Craig, Meekatharra.—Married; appeared in the ring against the champion of Murchison. Blew out in the 3rd round.
D. Tregonning.—Locuming at Kalgoorlie; engaged.
M. L. Coutts.—Running the Fremantle P.H. ; likes South Fre- mantle Beach.
G. Barker.—Popular Super. P.P.H.
H. G. Tymms.—I.P.S., P.P.H.. a brother of Tiny.
A. 0. V. Tymms.—Still another—a father ; wife in W.A.
Spliced before reaching Durban.
W. H. Nelson.—B.A., of Cape Colony ; G.P., Perth.
Herb. Gray.—North Perth.
Charlie Leedman.—M.C. and bar. Left a grateful popula- tion up in the mulga and a dashing wife in Melbourne.
Rundle, O'Brien, Chambers.—Late Perth Public Hospital—
too hot and had to leave. Now getting into khaki. Rundle in Sydney. Jack says the whisky is all "overproof" in Perth.
France,
February 27th, 1918, Dear Editor,—
Met the September "Speculum" to-day. Bill Johnson was dossing the night with us and presented me with it.
Congrats. on the number. You ask for news of Shop men over in this variegated spot, so here's a few I've run up against lately :—
Bill Johnson.—Major. D.S.O. and M.C.
Harrie B Lee.—Major, D.S.O. and M.C.
— Pierce.—Major.
— Robertson.—Capt.
Jock Mackay.—Capt., M.C.
•Claude Morlet.—Major.
Vic. Conrick.—Lt. Col.; London front.
Eric Woods.—Capt.; 16 odd stone, well marked striae.
Ben Lewers.—Major, London.
Jack Anderson.—Lt. Col., London. Both have got some Bri- tish Empire stunt.
Jack Youn g,—Capt.
— Young 6(1915).—Capt.
Lt.-Col. Balcombe Quick and Major Fay Maclure.—Chopping off pseudopodia at C.C.S.
Capt. Stewart Cowen.—C.C.S.
'Spose you know Chook Shaw and Miss Rae Champion were married recently in Angleterre.
Don Bennett.—Major ; running a Command Depot in Eng- land somewhere. Met him in Edinboro' recently taking a rest cure over New Year.
Jack Campbell.—Major ; boards on the travelling stunt in Angleterre; with Gordon Moodie.
Roy Chambers.—Lt. Col., and has his own show. Also got married quite recently.
Hack Jolley.—Lt. Col.; hasn't broken out yet.
Hope this will be of some interest to you. Always glad to see the Speculum coming along.
Yours truly,
E. W. GUTHRIDGE.