6. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

(1)

THE SEVEN HABITS OF

HIGHLY EFFECTIVE

PEOPLE

(2)

THE SEVEN HABITS OF

HIGHLY EFFECTIVE

PEOPLE

(3)

PREVIEW

• _{Paradigms & Principles} • Private Victory:

– Habit 1: Be proactive

– Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind – Habit 3: Put first things first

• Public Victory:

– Habit 4: Think Win/Win

– Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood

– Habit 6: Synergize

(4)

PARADIGMS & PRINCIPLES

(5)

WHAT COVEY’S SON TAUGHT HIM

• If we want to change the

situation, we have to change

ourselves

• To change ourselves

effectively, we have to

(6)

THE PERSONALITY &

CHARACTER ETHICS

• _{According to the character}

ethic, true success &

enduring happiness can

result only when people

learn and integrate basic

(7)

THE PERSONALITY &

CHARACTER ETHICS

• According to the personality ethic, success is a function of:

– Personality – Public image

– Attitude & behavior

– Comn skills & techniques

• Two paths:

(8)

BACK TO COVEYS’ SON

• Their techniques obsessed them to the exclusion of genuine

concern

• Began to see their role as being to affirm, enjoy & value him

(9)

PRIMARY & SECONDARY

GREATNESS

• Personality building, comn

skills, positive thinking are

secondary, not primary,

traits.

• In building, do not forget the

foundation on which

(10)

PRIMARY & SECONDARY

GREATNESS

• Personality ethics can win

only short-term victories.

• You cannot cram on a farm.

• “

What you are shouts so loudly

(11)

THE POWER OF A PARADIGM

• “The map is not the territory.”

• What a wrongly printed map

heading can lead to

• A paradigm is a theory, an

explanation, a model, of

something else.

(12)

(13)

(14)

(15)

(16)

THE FLAW OF

PSERSONALITY ETHICS

• If ten seconds can have such

impact on the way we see

things, what about the

conditioning of a lifetime?

• Trying to change outward

(17)

• _{“For every thousand hacking}

at the leaves of evil, there is

one striking at the root.”

(18)

THE POWER OF A PARADIGM SHIFT

• Thomas Kuhn: every significant break through in scientific

endeavor involves a break with tradition, from Ptolemy to

Copernicus, from Newton to Einstein

(19)

FRANK KOCH’S

(20)

SIGNALLING AT SEA

We are on a collision course,

advise you change course 20

degrees.

I’m a captain, change

course 20 degrees.

Advisable for you to

change course 20 degrees.

I’m a seaman second class.

You had better change course

20 degrees.

(21)

I’m a battleship. Change course

20 degrees.

I’m a lighthouse.

(22)

THE PRINCIPLE-CENTRED PARADIGM

• Principles, natural laws

woven into the fabric of

every civilized society, are

like lighthouses.

• “

It is impossible for us to break

the law. We can only break

(23)

WHICH ARE THESE PRINCIPLES?

• Fairness

• Integrity and honesty • Human dignity

• Service

• Quality, or excellence • Potential, growth

(24)

THE PRINCIPLE-CENTRED PARADIGM

• Principles constitute a subjective reality, self-evident to an individual, independent of faith or religion.

• Practices are situation-specific (raising a second child on the model of the

first), while principles are universally applicable.

(25)

PRINCIPLES OF GROWTH

AND CHANGE

• There are no short-cuts or quick-fixes in

growth: each step is important and no step can be skipped.

• Thinking, or pretending, that you are an international-level tennis player will not make you one.

(26)

THE WAY WE SEE THE PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM

• Disloyal employees – have we done enough to motivate them?

• Short of time always – is a planner the correct answer or is it our own inner

efficiency?

(27)

A NEW LEVEL OF THINKING

• As long as the problem is “out there”, there is nothing we can do about it. • The Outside-In approach traps

people in feelings of victimization and immobilization.

(28)

A NEW LEVEL OF THINKING

• Private victories precede public victories.

• If I want to be trusted, I must first make myself trustworthy.

(29)

PARADIGMS & PRINCIPLES

(30)

WHAT IS A HABIT?

• _{“We are what we}

repeatedly do. Excellence,

then, is not an act, but a

habit.”

(31)

WHAT IS A HABIT?

• _{“Sow a thought, reap an action;}

Sow an action, reap a habit; Sow a habit, reap a character; Sow a

character, reap a destiny”.

• The gravitational pull of our

habits may keep us from going where we want to go, but the

(32)

HABITS DEFINED

Knowledge (What to, Why to)

Skills (How to) Desire (Want to)

(33)

THE MATURITY CONTINUUM

Dependence (

You)

Independence (

I)

(34)

THE SEVEN HABITS PARADIGM

PRIVATE VICTORY

Dependence (You)

1 Be Proactive

3 Put first Things first

2

Begin with The end in mind

Inter-dependence (

We)

Independence (I)

Seek first to understand, Then to be understood

(35)

7 HABITS & EFFECTIVENESS

DEFINED

• Create an empowering center of correct maps

• From which an indl can effectively solve problems

• Maximize opportunities

• Continually learn and integrate other principles

(36)

(37)

EXCESSIVE FOCUS ON P

• Ruined health • Broken

relationships • Worn-out

machines

• Depleted bank accounts

(38)

EXCESSIVE FOCUS

ON PC

• The

(39)

THREE KINDS OF

ASSETS

Physical – A lawn mower.

Financial – would we improve our std of living from our principal or from our interests?

Human:

Humans control both physical and financial assets.

(40)

ORGANIZATIONAL PC

_{“Always treat your employees}

exactly as you would want them to treat your best customers.”

 Inheriting an over-worn

machine from your predecessor.

 Watering down the curry can

(41)

Dependence (You)

1 Be Proactive

2

Inter-dependence (

We)

Independence (I)

(42)

HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE

(43)

THE SOCIAL MIRROR

• Prevent self-awareness by

creating a distorted vision

• Projections rather than

reflections:

– “You’re never on time.”

– “Why can’t you ever keep things in order?”

– “You must be an artist!”

(44)

• Genetic determinism:

– Blame it on your DNA

– That’s how the Irish behave!

• Psychic determinism:

– That’s how your parents brought you up

– You remember rejection, failure

• Environmental determinism:

– Your boss / spouse / nation /

economic policies are responsible

(45)

THE STIMULUS-RESPONSE

THEORY

Between stimulus and

response, a man has the

freedom to choose.

(46)

THE PROACTIVE MODEL

STIMULUSSTIMULUS RESPONSERESPONSE

FREEDOM TO CHOOSEFREEDOM TO CHOOSE

Self-AwarenessSelf-Awareness

ImaginationImagination ConscienceConscience

(47)

THE PROACTIVE MODEL

• Pro-activity proclaims freedom, reactivity resigns to servitude. • Pro-activity = Responsibility =

“Response” + “Ability”

• “I know of no more encouraging fact than the

unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by constant endeavor.” … Eleanor

(48)

VICTOR FRANKL’S LADDER

OF VALUES

VICTOR FRANKL’S LADDER

OF VALUES

EXPERENTIAL

CREATIVE

(49)

REACTIVITY VS.

PROACTIVITY

• Act or be acted upon.

• R & I = Resourcefulness

and Initiative.

• “Love” is a verb more

than a feeling.

• If we let our feelings

control our actions, we

abdicate our

(50)

REACTIVITY VS.

PROACTIVITY

Reactive language

Reactive language Proactive languageProactive language

There’s nothing I can do.

There’s nothing I can do. Let’s look at our alternatives.Let’s look at our alternatives. That’s just the way I am.

That’s just the way I am. I can choose a different I can choose a different approach.

approach.

He makes me mad.

He makes me mad. I control my own feelings.I control my own feelings. I have to do that.

I have to do that. I can choose an appropriate I can choose an appropriate response.

response.

I must.

I must. I prefer.I prefer. I can’t.

I can’t. I choose.I choose. If only.

(51)

No concern

CIRCLES OF CONCERN AND

INFLUENCE

Circle of Concern

(52)

No concern

REACTIVE FOCUS

Circle of Concern

(53)

No concern

PROACTIVE FOCUS

Circle of Concern

(54)

No concern

FOR THE POWERFUL…

Circle of Influence

(55)

CLASSIFYING OUR PROBLEMS

Problems

Direct Control

_{Indirect Control}

No Control

_{No Control}

Private Victory

 Be Proactive  Begin with

the end in mind.

 Put first

things first.

Private Victory

 Be Proactive  Begin with

the end in mind.

 Put first

understand, then to be understood.

Public Victory

 Synergize.

 Think win / win.  Seek first to

understand, then to be understood.

(56)

EXPANDING OUR CIRCLE OF

INFLUENCE

• It is easier to say, “I am not responsible”,

because if I say, “I am responsible”, then I might also have to say, “I am irresponsible.”

• Gandhi’s circle of influence – paddy fields.

• Proactive people are NOT pushy or aggressive, rather they are smart, they are value-driven,

(57)

THE “OUTSIDE-IN” & “INSIDE-OUT” PARADIGMS

• The Outside-In Paradigm:

What’s out there has to change

before we can change (e.g., if

only we had a less dictatorial

boss, a more patient wife, a

more obedient child).

• The Inside-Out Paradigm: By

(58)

THE “OUTSIDE-IN” & “INSIDE-OUT” PARADIGMS

• Adopting the inside-out paradigm means:

– Shifting focus from the circle of concern to the circle of influence.

– Shifting focus from what we wish we “had” to what we can “be”.

– Recognizing mistakes as a means of turning failure into success.

– Recognizing that the power to make and keep commitments, however small, is the essence of developing the habits of

(59)

SUMMARIZING THE PROACTIVE APPROACH

• The problem is never “out-there”, it is always “in here”, where we can

change it, or else accept it with serenity.

• Each one of us is ultimately responsible for his or her own effectiveness, even for our

happiness & our circumstances. • Be part of the solution, not of the

(60)

SUMMARIZING THE PROACTIVE APPROACH

• By making and keeping small commitments, we exercise our embryonic freedom, and thereby gradually expand that freedom. • Focus only on things that lie

(61)

Dependence (You)

1 Be Proactive

2

Inter-dependence (

We)

Independence (I)

(62)

HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH

THE END IN MIND

(63)

WHEN WE’RE DEAD &

GONE…

• How we would like to be

remembered as:

– A son or a father or a brother? – A friend?

– Someone others knew at the work-place?

(64)

• The Carpenter’s Rule: “Measure twice, cut once”.

• First in their conceptualization, next in their realization.

• We must accept responsibility for both creations, or else spend our lives

reactively acting out scripts written in the chaos of our life by our parents, or

employers, or sheer pressure of circumstance.

(65)

LEADERS & MANAGERS

(66)

LEADERSHIP &

MANAGEMENT

• “Management is doing things right, Leadership is doing the right things.” • No management success can

compensate for failure in leadership. • Made more pressing because of

rapidly changing environment, obsolescence of products & services, a globalized &

(67)

PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT

• The essence of Victor Frankl’s Logotherapy: most mental /

emotional illnesses stem from an underlying sense of

emptiness or meaninglessness. • Like a constitution, provides a

(68)

SELF-AWARENESSSELF-AWARENESS CONSCIENCECONSCIENCE

SecuritySecurity

GuidanceGuidance WisdomWisdom

PowerPower

CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

(69)

Security

Guidance

Sense of worthSense of worth IdentityIdentity

Emotional anchorageEmotional anchorage Self-EsteemSelf-Esteem

Frame of refFrame of ref

Sense of directionSense of direction

Provides stds & principlesProvides stds & principles

Power

Capacity to actCapacity to act

Strength, enduranceStrength, endurance Energy to make Energy to make

choices

Overcome set habits.Overcome set habits.

Wisdom

Perspective on lifePerspective on life Sense of balanceSense of balance Encompasses:Encompasses:

JudgmentJudgment DiscernmentDiscernment

(70)

(71)

SPOUSE (OR FRIEND)-CENTRED MAN

• Security:

– Sense of security depends on how spouse treats him

– Highly vulnerable to moods

– Disagreement - Disappointment • Guidance:

– Dictated by spouse/ marriage • Wisdom:

– Dictated by spouse/ marriage • Power:

(72)

FAMILY-CENTRED

MAN

• Security:

– Founded on family acceptance

– Volatile against family expectations – Self worth = family reputation

• Guidance:

– Script written by family • Wisdom:

– Whatever is good for the family • Power:

(73)

MONEY-CENTRED

MAN

• Security:

– Vulnerable to economic insecurity – Self worth = financial worth

• Guidance:

– Profit-driven • Wisdom:

– Whatever is good for more money • Power:

(74)

WORK-CENTRED MAN

• Security:

– Self definition based on occupation – Comfortable only when working

• Guidance:

– Driven by needs/expectations of work • Wisdom:

– Life = work • Power:

– Actions ltd by:

(75)

POSSESSION-CENTRED MAN

• Security:

– Based on reputation/social status – Self worth = worth of possessions • Guidance:

– Driven by acquiring/ protecting/ displaying possessions

• Wisdom:

– Comparative economic/social relation • Power:

(76)

PLEASURE (OR SELF)-CENTRED MAN

• Security:

– Feels secure only on short-lived, anesthetizing, pleasurable “high” • Guidance:

– Driven by need for more pleasure • Wisdom:

– What’s in it for me? • Power:

(77)

ENEMY-CENTRED MAN

• Security:

– Vulnerable to en movements

– Always wonders what en is up to

– Seeks self-justification from like-minded • Guidance:

– Dependent on what thwarts the en • Wisdom:

– Narrow, distorted, defensive, paranoid • Power:

(78)

RELIGION-CENTRED MAN

• Security:

– Vulnerable to religious disappointment – Dependent on religion authorities

• Guidance:

– How others evaluate him in context of religion teachings & expectations

• Wisdom:

– Fractured-Believers Vs. Non-believers • Power:

(79)

PRINCIPLE-CENTRED MAN

• Security:

– Based on changeless principles

– Repeatedly validated through personal experience

– Understanding of own development

– A stable core enables him to look at change as an adventure

• Guidance:

– An unfailingly consistent compass

(80)

PRINCIPLE-CENTRED MAN

• Wisdom:

– Wise balance & self-assurance

– A fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living

– Interpret sits as opportunity for self-development

– A proactive lifestyle, independent of changing circumstances & sits.

• Power:

– Ability to act reaches far beyond own resources, encourages and is in turn nourished by the freedom of

(81)

PERSONAL MSN STATEMENT

• Frankl: We detect rather than invent

our msn. “Everyone has his own

specific vocation or mission in life… Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated.”

• “Each man is questioned by life… to life he can only respond by being

responsible.”

• Habit 1 says: “You are the

(82)

Expand perspective

Visualization & affirmation

(83)

EXPAND PERSPECTIVE

• By visualizing, in rich detail, events such as:

– Own funeral

– Marriage Anny a decade later – Retirement / second career

• Results in an affirmation of

(84)

VISUALIZATION & AFFIRMATION

• Dr. Charles Garfield: All

world-class athletes and peak

performers are visualizers –

they experience it before they

do it.

• Example of a affirmation:

– “It is deeply satisfying

(emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with

wisdom, love, firmness and self-control (positive) when my

(85)

ORG MSN STATEMENTS

• IBM:

– Dignity of the individual – Excellence

– Service

• No involvement, No commitment. • Creates great unity, tremendous

commitment.

(86)

Dependence (You)

1 Be Proactive

2

Inter-dependence (

We)

Independence (I)

(87)

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST

THINGS FIRST

(88)

“

Things that matter most

must never be at the

mercy of things which

matter least

.”

(89)

WHY PRIORITIZE? THE ROCK

& BUCKET STORY

• Start with a bucket, some big rocks enough to fill it, some small stones, some sand and water.

• Put the big rocks in the bucket - is it full?

• Put the small stones in around the big rocks - is it full? • Put the sand in and give it a shake - is it full?

• Put the water in. Now it's full.

(90)

• Habit 2 is the mental creation, Habit 3 is the physical creation. • Leadership decides what “first

things” are; management puts

them first, day by day, moment by moment.

• “Manage from the left; lead from the right.”

(91)

MANAGEMENT & DISCIPLINE

• Hinges on the 4th human

endowment: Independent will. • An effective manager is

characterised by inner discipline. • Discipline derives from “disciple”.

• An effective manager is a disciple of his inner values and their source,

and possesses the will to

(92)

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST

THINGS FIRST

(93)

FOUR GENERATIONS OF

TIME MANAGEMENT

• Gen 1: Notes, check-lists.

• Gen 2: Calendars, Appt Books. • Gen 3:

– Weighting relative worth of activities against values.

– Setting specific short, intermediate and long-term goals.

– Working out a specific daily plan to accomplish goals and activities

(94)

FOUR GENERATIONS OF

TIME MANAGEMENT

• Gen 4:

– Gen 3 management made people feel too scheduled, restricted and

non-spontaneous.

– Gen 4 recognizes that the challenge is not to manage time or things, but

ourselves.

(95)

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST

THINGS FIRST

(96)

N

Interruptions, some _{Interruptions, some}

calls

Some mails & reportsSome mails & reports Some meetingsSome meetings

Proximate, pressing _{Proximate, pressing}

matters

Popular activities_{Popular activities}

Trivia, busy work_{Trivia, busy work}

Some mails, some phone Some mails, some phone

calls

Time wastersTime wasters Pleasant activities_{Pleasant activities} Crises_Crises

Pressing problemsPressing problems Deadline-driven Deadline-driven

projects

Prevention, PC Prevention, PC Relationship buildingRelationship building

Recognizing new _{Recognizing new}

opportunities

Planning, recreation_{Planning, recreation}

Urgent Not Urgent

TIME MANAGEMENT MATRIX

I II

(97)



Stress



Burnouts



Crisis management



Always putting out fires

I

III

QUADRANT I PEOPLE

90% Time

10% Time

II

(98)

 Short-term focusShort-term focus

 Crisis managementCrisis management

 Reputation: chameleon Reputation: chameleon

character character

 See goals & plans as worthlessSee goals & plans as worthless

 Feel victimized, out of controlFeel victimized, out of control

 Shallow or broken relationshipsShallow or broken relationships

III

QUADRANT III PEOPLE

I II

(99)



_{Total irresponsibility}



Fired from jobs



_{Dependent on others or}

institutions for basics

III IV

QUADRANTS III & IV

(100)

II I

QUADRANT II PEOPLE

 Vision, perspective  Balance

Writing a pers msn statement

Exercising

Long range planning Preparation

(101)

II I

QUADRANT II PEOPLE

 Opportunity minded, not problem minded  Feed opportunities, starve problems

 By thinking preventively, reduce the size of

Quadrant I

 Focus on activities of Quadrant II, which, if done

(102)

II I

QUADRANT II PEOPLE

 Illustration: the shopping centre

managers and their tenants

 The Pareto principle: 80% of the

(103)

MOVING INTO QUADRANT-II

• Initial time to move to Q-II has to come out of Qs-III & IV.

• Learn to say “No” – the good is often the enemy of the best.

• It’s almost impossible to say “No” to the popularity of Q-III, or the pleasure of

(104)

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST

THINGS FIRST

(105)

SIX CRITERIA FOR A

QUADRANT-II TOOL

• Coherence: Harmony between msn, goals, priorities, discipline.

• Balance: Success in career is not worth a broken marriage, ruined health, or weakness in personal character.

• Plan weekly: The key is not to

prioritize what is on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.

(106)

SIX CRITERIA FOR A

QUADRANT-II TOOL

• A “People” Dimension: At times, it is worth it to sub-ordinate a

schedule to building a

relationship with a person.

• Flexibility: Your planning tool should be your servant, never your master.

(107)

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST

THINGS FIRST

COMPONENTS OF

(108)

IDENTIFYING ROLES &

Catch up on networking

trends

Fix the washing machine

Help with child’s

homework

Organize a get-together

Individual / Pers Devp

Husband / Father

(109)

IDENTIFYING ROLES & SELECTING GOALS

Monitor down-time

Select eqpt for certain

tech activity

Identify means to

minimize costs

Identify surplus inventory

(110)

SCHEDULING

• Set a two-hour slot aside on Sunday to write a personal msn statement.

• Set an hour aside on Saturday to teach the kid maths.

• Set aside an hour every two days for exercise

(111)

(112)

DAILY ADAPTING

• Take a few minutes every morning to review schedule

• Prioritize activities and respond to

(113)

(114)

LONG-TERM

ORGANIZING

Msn

Statement Roles Goals

WEEKLY ORGANIZING

Roles Goals Plans

Schedule

(115)

LIVING IT

• Habit 1: “You are the programmer.” Habit 2: “Write the program.”

Habit 3: “Run (‘Live’) the program.” • Need for commitment, integrity,

self-discipline.

• As a principle-centered person, we can subordinate our schedule to a higher value without guilt.

(116)

HABIT 3: PUT FIRST

THINGS FIRST

(117)

PRODUCER

Input Output

MANAGER

(118)

PRINCIPLE OF DELEGATION

“Trust is the

(119)

DEGREES OF DELEGATION

• "Wait to be told." or "Do exactly what I say." or "Follow these instructions

precisely."

• "Look into this and tell me what you come up with. I'll decide."

• "Give me your recommendation, and the other options with the pros and cons of each. I'll let you know whether you can go ahead.“

• "Decide and let me know your decision, but wait for my go ahead."

(120)

DEGREES OF DELEGATION

• "Decide and take action, but let me know what you did."

• "Decide and take action. You need not check back with

me."

• "Decide where action needs to be taken and manage the

(121)

TYPES OF DELEGATION

• Gofer Delegation.

– “Go for this, go for that, do this, do that, and tell me when it is done.”

– The other person does not develop any commitment.

– Focused on methods, stay responsible for the results.

• Stewardship Delegation.

– Focused on results, give the other person choice of methods.

(122)

STEPS IN EFFECTIVE

DELEGATION

• Define the task

• _{Select the individual}

• Assess ability and training needs

• _{Explain the reasons}

(123)

STEPS IN EFFECTIVE

DELEGATION

• Consider resources required

• _{Agree on deadlines}

• Support and communicate

(124)

SMARTER: THE SMART

DELEGATION RULE

• A simple delegation rule is the acronym

SMART, or better still, SMARTER. It's a quick checklist for proper delegation.

• Delegated tasks must be:

– Specific

– Measurable – Agreed

– Realistic – Timebound – Ethical

(125)

Dependence (You)

1 Be Proactive

2

Inter-dependence (

We)

Independence (I)

(126)

PUBLIC VICTORY

(127)

THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCT

• Describes the amount of trust that’s been built into a relationship.

Deposits

Deposits WithdrawalsWithdrawals

Courtesy

Courtesy DiscourtesyDiscourtesy Kindness

Kindness DisrespectDisrespect Honesty

Honesty Ignoring Ignoring Keeping

Keeping

commitments

commitments Betraying trustBetraying trust

(128)

WITH A TEENAGE SON

Deposits

Deposits WithdrawalsWithdrawals

Bring home a

magazine

magazine ““Clean your room”Clean your room”

Offer to help on a

project

project ““Button your shirt”Button your shirt”

Treat him to ice

cream

cream “radio”“radio”Turn down the Turn down the Take him to a movie

Take him to a movie ““Get a haircut”Get a haircut” Just listen to him

Just listen to him

and empathize

and empathize “out the garbage”“out the garbage”Don’t forget to take Don’t forget to take

(129)

SIX MAJOR DEPOSITS

• Understanding the individual

• Attending to the little things

• Keeping commitments • Clarifying expectations

• Showing personal integrity

(130)

UNDERSTANDING THE INDIVIDUAL

• Deposits may be perceived as withdrawals by the other person

• A parent: “Treat them all the same by treating them differently.”

• Habit 2 recognizes and recommits to a person

• Habit 3 subordinates a schedule to a human priority (a six-year old

(131)

ATTENDING TO THE

LITTLE THINGS

• In relationships, little things are big things.

• “If I were cold, would you put your coat around me, too?” • Small discourtesies, little

unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect, make huge

(132)

CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS

• Different interpretations of roles:

– YOU: “When am I going to get a job description?”

– BOSS: “I’ve been waiting for you to bring me one.”

– YOU: “I thought defining my job was your role.”

– BOSS: “That’s not my job at all. Don’t you remember? Right from the start, I said how you do in the job largely depends on you.”

(133)

CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS

• Different interpretations of goals:

– “You said…”

– “No, you’re wrong. I said…”

– “You did not! You never said I was supposed to…”

– “Oh yes, I did. I clearly remember…”

– ”You never even mentioned… ”

(134)

SHOWING PERSONAL

INTEGRITY

• Honesty is conforming words to reality, integrity is conforming reality to words.

(135)

APOLOGIZING SINCERELY

FOR A WITHDRAWAL

“It is the weak who are

cruel. Gentleness can

only be expected from

the strong.”

(136)

THE LAWS OF LOVE & LIFE

• Unconditional love helps the

loved one feel secure, validated and affirmed in essential growth (a child’s career choice).

(137)

THE LAWS OF LOVE & LIFE

• No amount of technical

administrative skill in

laboring for the masses

can make up for lack of

nobility of personal

(138)

P PROBLEMS ARE PC

OPPORTUNITIES

• Does the child come to the parent with a problem or an opportunity to invest in the precious parent-child

relationship?

• Does a customer come to the store clerk with a problem or an opportunity to build a

(139)

(140)

HABIT 4: THINK WIN / WIN

PRINCIPLES OF

(141)

Who will win

the trip to

Bermuda?

(142)

SIX PARADIGMS OF HUMAN

INTERACTION

• Win / Win

• _{Win / Lose} • Lose / Win

• Lose / Lose

• _Win

(143)

WIN / WIN

• Sees life as a co-operative, not competitive, arena

• Agreements or solutions should be mutually beneficial and mutually

satisfying

• All parties feel committed to action • Neither “your” way, nor “my” way,

(144)

WIN / LOSE

• “If I win, you lose.”

• Authoritarian leadership: “I get my way; you don’t get yours.”

• Promotes cut-throat ism: “If I am better than my brother, my parents will love me more.”

• In athletics, “winning” is “beating” • “You got an ‘A’ because someone

(145)

WIN / LOSE

• “Who’s winning in your marriage?” • Most of life is an interdependent,

not an independent, reality. Hence most results depend on

(146)

LOSE / WIN

• Characterized by:

– “I lose, you win.”

– “Go ahead, have your way with me.” – “Step on me again. Everyone does.” – “I’m a loser. Always have been.”

– “I’m a peacemaker. I’ll do anything to keep peace.”

– “Be a nice guy, even if nice guys finish last.”

• Such people have little courage, are easily intimidated, and seek strength through popularity and acceptance. • In negotiation - capitulation. • In leadership – permissiveness /

(147)

WHAT LOSE / WIN BRINGS

• Decline in self-esteem.

• Cynicism, cumulative resentment, deep disappointment, disillusionment.

• “Buried alive.”

• Psychosomatic illnesses, particularly of the respiration, circulation and nervous systems.

(148)

WIN /LOSE & LOSE / WIN

• The weak submissiveness of lose / win people supplements the

aggressiveness of win / lose people. • Both win / lose and lose / win are

symptomatic of personal insecurity.

• Win / lose people are more successful – lose / win people are weak and chaotic. • Many people swing between the two,

(149)

LOSE / LOSE

• When two win-lose people get together – the clash of two

stubborn, egotistic, un-yielding people.

• Also the philosophy of highly

dependent, insecure people – “If no one wins, perhaps being a

(150)

WIN

• Do not necessarily want the other person to lose – only

interested that their own ends should be achieved.

(151)

WHICH IS THE BEST?

• Win /Lose would be good:

– In a football match

– Two regional offices miles away which have no functional

relationships (compete)

• Lose / Win would be good in a relationship when you want to

genuinely affirm the other person. • Win would be the only option if

(152)

WHICH IS THE BEST?

• Most of life is interdependent.

• Win / Lose may win in the short term but will lose in the long term. • Similarly Lose / Win leads to

lose / lose in the long term. • Win is no foundation for any

productive relationship.

(153)

WHICH IS THE BEST?

• A genuine win-win attitude is characterized by:

– Staying in the comn process longer.

– Listening more to the other person.

– Expressing own point of view strongly, clearly & honestly.

(154)

WIN / WIN OR NO DEAL

• If we fail to find a mutually agreeable

solution, we agree to disagree agreeably – No deal

• That is to say, it’s either win-win or nothing.

(155)

FIVE DIMENSIONS OF WIN /

WIN

1

Win/Win

Character

2

Win/Win

Relationships

3

Win/Win

Agreements

(156)

CHARACTER

Integrity

Maturity

(157)

INTEGRITY

• Can be defined as the value we place on ourselves

• To win, we must know what “win” means in the context of our innermost values

• Built up by Habits 1, 2 & 3

(158)

(159)

ABUNDANCE MENTALITY

• A Scarcity Mentality

– Sees only one pie out there

– If anybody gets a big slice, there’s

that much less left for everybody else.

• An Abundance Mentality

– Grows out of a sense of deep personal worth

– Sees plenty out there, enough to spare for everybody.

(160)

ABUNDANCE MENTALITY

• _{“Public victory does not mean}

victory over other people. It

means success in effective

interaction that brings mutually

beneficial results to everyone

(161)

RELATIONSHIPS

• The emotional bank account is the essence of a relationship.

• We are more likely to get someone to agree with us if we have a positive

emotional bank account with them.

• Interpersonal leadership goes beyond

transactional leadership to

transformational leadership,

(162)

AGREEMENTS

• Performance or partnership agreements shift the paradigm from:

– The vertical to the horizontal

– Hovering supervision to self-supervision – Positioning to being partners in success. • A Win-Win agreement has 5 elements:

– Desired results (what is to be done & when) – Guidelines

– Resources

– Accountability (Stds of performance, evaluation)

(163)

AGREEMENTS

• If the boss becomes first assistant to each of his sub-ordinates, he can greatly

increase his span of control.

• Consequences of a Win-Win agreement:

– Financial – Psychic

– Opportunity (e.g., trg)

(164)

SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMS

• Out of 1000 employees, would you like to reward 50 or 800?

• Assessment should be based not on comparisons but on individuals achieving performance objectives and groups meeting team

objectives.

(165)

SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMS

• Spirit of win-win cannot survive in an environment of competitions and

contest.

• For Win / Win to work, the trg sys, planning sys, comn sys, info sys, compensation sys, budgeting sys – all should be based on win-win.

(166)

PROCESSES

• See the other point of view.

• Identify key issues & concerns. • Determine what results would

constitute an acceptable solution.

(167)

(168)

HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO

UNDERSTAND, THEN TO

BE UNDERSTOOD

(169)

CHARACTER & COMMUNICATION

• Technique without character breeds suspicion of duplicity, manipulation. • The key to influence is conduct,

which flows out of character

(170)

FIVE WAYS OF LISTENING • Ignoring.

• Pretending.

• Selective listening. • Attentive listening. • Empathic listening.

– Listening with an intent – seeking first to - understand.

(171)

COMPONENTS OF COMN

So, we listen with:

 Ears

 Eyes

(172)

DIAGNOSE BEFORE YOU PRESCRIBE

• Do not attempt to solve another’s eye problems with your pair of glasses.

• An amateur salesman sells products, a professional sells solutions to needs & problems.

• A good lawyer writes his opposite

(173)

FOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL RESPONSES

• Evaluate – Agree or Disagree.

• Probe – Ask questions from own frame of reference.

• Advise – Give counsel based on own experience.

(174)

RESPONDING TO OTHERS

• We’ll never get to the problem if we are so caught up in our own

autobiography, our own lenses, that we fail to see the other’s point of

view.

• As long as the other person’s response is logical, we can

effectively ask questions and give counsel, but the moment it

(175)

THE CORRECT RESPONSE

• Genuinely seek the welfare of the other individual.

• Listen with empathy.

• Let the other person get to the

problem as well as the solution in his own pace and time.

• When we listen, we become influenceable.

(176)

THEN SEEK TO BE

UNDERSTOOD

• The sequence of an effective presentation:

– _Ethos_:

• Personal credibility

• The trust we inspire with our integrity and competence

– _Pathos_:

• Empathy

• Alignment with the emotional thrust of the other person’s comn.

– _Logos_:

(177)

(178)

HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE

(179)

SYNERGY

• The whole is more than sum of the parts (1 + 1 = 3 or more).

• The relationship between parts of the whole is a catalytic, empowering part in itself.

• Two plants growing close promote each others’ growth.

(180)

SYNERGISTIC COMMUNICATION

• Learn to value all differences:

– Physical – Social – Mental – Emotional

• Challenge: to step out of protective / defensive comn, and use our sense of personal security, openness and adventure to co-operate

creatively with others.

• Synergy is achieved when the group collectively agrees to subordinate the old script & write a

(181)

SYNERGISTIC COMMUNICATION

• Becoming authentic and genuine, even about personal matters & self-doubts, encourages others to open themselves up.

• Genuine creative empathy brings about new learning and insights and promotes creativity.

(182)

(183)

DEFENSIVE COMN

• Characterized by legalistic language that:

– Covers all bases.

– Spells out qualifiers and escape clauses for when things go wrong.

• Adopted by;

– Administrators laying down rules & regulations based on abuses by a miniscule minority,

stifling the freedom & creativity of the majority – Business partners scared of a doomsday

(184)

RESPECTFUL COMN

• Adopted by mature people avoiding the possibility of a confrontation

• Polite, not empathic

• Give-and-take compromise: 1 + 1 = 11/₂.

(185)

SYNERGISTIC COMN

• 1 + 1 = 4 or 8 or 16 or even 1000. • Creative enterprise constitutes a

mini-culture with P/PC balance. • Solutions found better than any

originally proposed.

(186)

NEGATIVE SYNERGY

• Caused by:

– Politicking, confessing others’ sins – Rivalry, Interpersonal conflict

– Protecting one’s back-side

• Driving with one foot on the gas, the other on the brake.

(187)

Current Performance Level (Equilibrium) KURT LEWIN’S FORCE FIELD

(188)

Dependence (You)

1 Be Proactive

2

Inter-dependence (

We)

Independence (I)

(189)

Surrounds all

others because it

makes all others

possible

(190)

HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE

SAW

(191)

A CONVERSATION IN THE

You look exhausted!

How long have you

sawing down this

tree.

Over five hours,

and I’m bet! This is

hard work.

(192)

Well, why don’t you take a break

for a few minutes and sharpen

that saw? I’m sure it would go a

sharpen the saw. I’m too

busy sawing!

(193)

FOUR DIMENSIONS OF

qValue Clarification & Commitment

qStudy and Meditation

Physical

qExercise qNutrition qStress Management

Social / Emotional

(194)

PHYSICAL

• 6 hours a week can so significantly impact the balance 162-165 hours of the week.

• A good exercise plan focusing on:

– Endurance – Flexibility – Strength

• A Q-II activity calling for a lot of will-power

(195)

SPIRITUAL

• “The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul” – David O. McKay

• A Zen Master:

– “How do you maintain your serenity and peace?”

– “I never leave my place of meditation.”

(196)

MENTAL

• Television: A good servant but a poor master.

• Continuing education is vital mental renewal.

• Training our minds to be objective. • “A person who doesn’t read is not

better than a person who doesn’t know how to read.”

(197)

SOCIAL / EMOTIONAL

• Empathic listening. • Synergy.

• Intrinsic security stems from:

– Correct principles and accurate paradigms.

– A life of integrity

– Effective interdependent living – Service

• “Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living in this earth.” – N. Elder Tanner • “Earn thy neighbor’s love.” – Dr. Hans

(198)

SCRIPTING OTHERS

• What do we reflect to others about themselves?

• How much does that reflection influence their lives?

• “Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and

should be and he will become as he can and should be.”

(199)

BALANCE IN RENEWAL

• An org whose focus is economic:

– Inter-departmental rivalry

– Defensive & protective comn – Politicking

– Master-minding

• An org that develops in the

dimensions of service, human

relations, economy, but not in human resources:

– Benevolent autocracy – Collective resistance – Adversarism

(200)

BALANCE IN RENEWAL

• Any dimension that is neglected will create negative force field resistance that pushes against effectiveness and growth.

• An org has to treat all four dimensions balancedly

– The economic (physical)

– How people are treated (social)

– How people are devp & used (mental) – Service, job or contribution made by