Editor: Gwendoline Pickles Lead Reporter: Loita Gems Volume 13
The Lesian Press
The News, The Truth, The Word
The Elves of Silvanost and the Dwarves of Anvil have also both closed their borders to trade with our people, and whilst this is being investigated I urge all citizens to treat both races with the respect they have earned over years of peace as staunch allies of Lesia.
Do not allow fear and intolerance to wipe away a lifetime of cooperation and peace. We are seeking diplomatic solutions to these situations to restore the alliances which have served all our peoples well, however this may take some time and I ask all citizens to aid and comply with the efforts of the Guilds to this end.
In response to the current events, I hereby decree that food and supplies be rationed throughout the Kingdom. Whilst I have the utmost faith in the efforts of the Guilds to restore trade to our great nation, we must ensure that what resources we have are not squandered but used wisely to the betterment of the people.
Further I ask you the people for your aid in rebuilding and restoring this kingdom. I call for all to take part in a Royal Census, to volunteer what skills you may have that can aid Kingdom, to help it once
more stand tall and proud.
For this Census I ask that all loyal citizens report to the Guilds of what professional skills they can offer, from knowledge of farming and carpentry to the wonders of magical spells and rituals.
It is the duty of all loyal citizens to stand and be counted – Your skills, your knowledge can help rebuild Lesia and make this land safer for our children.
The Guilds have been instructed to send out scribes and representatives to all towns, villages and settlements. I ask all citizens to stand tall and proud, to be counted amongst those willing to unite together to the betterment of our great Kingdom, be they human elf or dwarf, all who are loyal are needed.
His Majesty, King Xavier I”
Royal Declaration –
The Royal Census
“Citizens, we are proud to announce that the Voyavich Vampires responsible for the treasonous acts of the Peoples Front have been defeated, never to return. While we are joyous of this news, we are saddened at the cost to our kingdom, both as a nation but more importantly to you the people.
While the People’s Front was the latest of many threats to have been defeated we know that many still remain on this island which we claim as our home. We are a strong people, and I have faith that we can and will overcome any trial, any challenge if we can band together and unite as proud Lesians.
Many of you will be aware that the port of Swag Key has ceased trading with our kingdom. While it is true that Swag Key is not the only avenue of trade for our kingdom let me assure you that this issue is being taken seriously, and the Merchants guild have my full support in finding a solution to restoring trade beyond our borders.
Also, as a landholder, it allows me to access a wealth of information about the relative socioeconomic standing of my workforce, such as number of dependents and their various ages, allowing me to better plan for changes in those able-bodied enough to work the land for the benefit of the Crown and the Merchants Guild and distribute aid and appropriate levels of tax relief to those truly deserving.
Also, will find out if any of them are traitors who refuse to comply with the census takers, at which point I can just go fucking firestorm them into oblivion, leaving their designated plot for home ownership and personal farming free for repopulation by genuine, hard working, loyal citizens of the crown.”
Sir Tok Tokson, Knight of the Realm and Fey.
“Census gives a better idea of how many citizens we have, and can make plans to accomodate their needs better, plan storage and distribution of surplus food, gather proper taxes to allow for maintenance of the armies and city guards, etc.”
Lilly, Deputy of the Churches Guild.
“The census for me will be a great way to aid in stopping innocent civilians from being prosecuted for being different, as someone who is different I understand how difficult everyday life can be constantly being shunned by those who don’t understand and with this census those like me will be able to be protected and maybe just maybe those who don’t understand will get a chance to learn and no longer be afraid of the unknown. To those who are afraid of me or those who are curious I invite you to come and see me and talk to me i will be at the churches guild most days and if for some reason i miss you, I will come to you.”
Lady Sophia Samsara,
Head of the Churches Guild, Knight of the Realm.
“King Xavier has worked hard to care for and protect his people. This census allows him to know more for whom he is caring and working toward. It helps himself, his advisers and the Guilds know where training is needed, what villages, and towns require additional support. I hope it helps us work together as a Kingdom and push past the tragedies of our recent years so we can look after one another and form real communities again.” Brother Isaac, Churches Guild.
"The king is right to call a census with supplies running low and the uncertain economic environment. But i feel it should be done by an independent civilian body so the information is held by the people for the people."
Baron Von Riikakun, Mages Guild.
“Well, from an economic standpoint, if we have a complete understanding of the true demographic of the population we have a greater advantage planning for the continued prosperity of the realm and determine avenues for future growth along sensible lines.
The various sets of data provide numerous analytical outcomes, such as a country's population profile, resource planning gaps, a way of monitoring core areas from skills development and capacity building to health-related programmes and access to services, as well as measures of economic activity.
Just like we can’t survive without roads and bridges, the country doesn’t function well without an updated Census to distribute funds to areas that most need them and to support community decisions about their own future. In addition, residents themselves have used census data to support community initiatives involving environmental legislation, quality-of-life issues and consumer advocacy. The word ‘Census’ is derived from the old Caesari Empire - Draconic word ‘Censere’ which means ‘To Estimate’. The word estimate is often used to determine quantity. In periods past when invasions and war were more common and there were no particular forces for wars, a census was taken to ascertain how much manpower was fit or available for warfare. A few kings conducted it for revenue
generations or tax collection as well. The history of conducting census is primordial and vast. Orlaine, Castille, Darkovia, Alcati and even Kesh preserved records to know the ins and outs of their populations, especially those in smaller, lost to history countries they may have invaded or colonised as part of their own borders or Empires. Since our ancestors realised the importance of the census it has become an important operation all over the world. Almost all countries of the world conduct census on decennial basis. It has become necessity in the world of competitions where being able to field a functioning army for defence, and properly regulate distribution of resources in times of need.
A rebellion Druid order named The Order of the Serpent have struck throughout the kingdom recently. A team of highly trained heroes was sent in to stop their leader and destroy their headquarters before they had set it up. Thankfully the head has been cut off before they could establish too much chaos.
Unfortunately, three specialist teams of the Serpent have hit points around Lesia, they have since been tracked down by the Talon Guild and are awaiting trials in Crestom’s Court.
Portlet has had 11 herbalist stores burnt, there were minimum casualties with three people with minor burns.
The Druid haven known as the Great Oak, home to the Black Clan has received significant damages. Their wards were also damaged with stones missing or moved recently but still stands with no injuries to any persons.
The Great Temple in Thornwood was attacked, the guards placed by the Druids have received devasting losses and the Druids are in a state of grieving for their brethren.
So far from information provided from the Crown and Talon Guild it seems that this Order has no more active members.
The Druids have expressed strongly that these members were Blighters a term for the dishonourable druids who don’t deserve to call themselves such. We shall see if these criminals resurface again.
In our 11th Edition our illustrious Patron Hedge BB
wrote about the dangerous beast Silly-Tooth-Monster-Saurous, also called SMTS.
Recently a team was hired by Grand Master Rowan Black, Head of the 12 Lesian Druid Clans, via the Forrester’s Guild to stop Amergin from the Dawn Clan. He can shape shift but has fallen deep into his bestial side and remained his animal counter-part. He became just blood thirsty and full of violence so sadly he was required to be eliminated.
The team encounter an influx of enchanted plants that seem to now have become common place throughout Lesia, tracking Amergin through the Stinging Swamp where he has formed a pack with others of his animal kind. The mission was successful with no loss of life. The Druids are extremely thankful to the Forrester’s Guild and the team for the completion of this mission.
Tour Arcana Survivors Saved
A brave band of adventurers went to save Tour Arcana survivors, the reports brought in a few injured people and what information they could behind the devasting explosion. Little more has turned up to update since the event and citizens are concerned for attempted repeats in other cities. We have been told more information will be circulated once they are available, but the Guilds are Crown are looking into the matter.
Druids Buying Real Estate
With the recent census and more strict rulings on illegal magic users, the 12 Druid Clans are now Lesian Citizens. Many of them have opened shops with the towns and cities after being able to purchase Merchant licenses, bought family homes moved their farms closer into civilised areas. They have so far been a benefit into the economy feeling gaps that have been lacking as many gifted masters of trade were killed in the last few wars of this decade.
So far many citizens have welcomed them in open arms, a few have started open aired schools during the summer season whilst integrating their children. As well as many street parties helping the community to communicate and meet one another.
Sadly there have been a few isolated incidents of violence during this transition but remains in very low numbers.
A Portal to Another Realm
The Mages Guild sent a scouting party of three through a Portal that had appeared just on the outskirts of the destroyed Tour Arcana. Entering the portal they appeared in a strange mirror land. It appeared just like Lesia but Apes ruled the land with humans as slaves. They were wild, speaking gibberish, with the Apes as their masters, with armour and weapons, buildings and a hierarchy. During their time there; Flint, Nomad and Savrong defeated some kind of mutant silverback gorilla crossed with an ogre, freed the human slaves and be gifted with the King’s crown from his own head. Flint emerged from the portal wearing said Crown, Sarvong has trinkets and gifts from the markets there which the Mages Guild are now studying. The portal destabilised and closed behind the scouting team and no luck has been acquired in reopening it to explore this new land further.
There was a King Caesar who was being corrupted by his Vizier, and through careful negotiation and diplomacy, the hired team changed the Kingdom they were visiting. Maybe the Mages Guild were use them for further scouting missions or the Talon Guild might snap them up for the Diplomacy Team!
Helena’s herbal remedies
Helps cure baldness in all races and both genders
If you need to seduce your manly dwarf with a long luscious beard or help become
the fair ladies prince charming!
Wedding of the Year
Lady Danica Hastus and Lord Simon Goldthorne, cousion to Lord Arumat Goldthrone former Head of the Churches Guild, have joined in matrimony.
The two noble families spent over 15,000G on the wedding ceremony alone, any further on the reception, the wedding feast, the gowns and flowers. They released live doves as the happy couple walked out of the Three Dragon’s Cathedral in Crestrom.
Dowager Lady Hastus spent well over three years of the couple’s betrothal which was signed whilst they were still infants between the families.
Both families are noble and ancient houses that can trace their family trees back centuries, this union has been blessed by many other nobles’ families. Some have travelled from Orlaine and Casteel and lands even further.
Both Hastus and Goldthorne paid for a city wide celebration, with jugglers, Bards, Punch and Judy, live theatre, singers and musicians. Fireworks at night as well as magicians. The whole celebration is once that will be remembered for a long time.
Passing of a Legend
Jermaie Flynn, aged 74 passed away peacefully in his sleep. Although his family mourns him, he is remembered as a fair Head of House, father, grandfather and great-grandfather. His daughter Elizabeth Flynn has now taken over as Head of House alongside her husband Jason. A memorial service will be held on the following Sunday of release.
Blessings on New House
House Emerald has reached Noble status in the last decade, brother and sister Sapphire and Hunter have taken over the family mansion and spent the last few years fixing it up. Hunter married his childhood sweetheart last year
Joy Riding Youngsters
Earlier this week two young teens stole Captain Rogers, of the Lesian Miltary, prestige mare Josephine. The two whilst intoxicated on mead decided on a bet to steal the horse from her stable and ride her through the streets whilst causing a disturbance in the peace. A heavy fine has been paid as well as spending a week in the stocks to atone.
Priceless Artwork Stolen
Lord Medici has issued a reward for any information found on a portrait of his ancestor Mona Medici, this piece of artwork was painted by her husband at the
time. Their transport caravan was highjacked, and other items were stolen. If any information regarding this situation comes to late please speak to the Talon
Note from Editor Gwendoline
Pickles-We continue to be grateful of the Patronage in these uncertain times, to help keep the Press afloat. Hedge always adds a brilliant section and we are thankful that he is our life-long Patron. Every issue will include Hedge’s Corner as and I quote “no-one puts Hedge in the corner (except himself)”
Hedge’s Horoscopes
Cancer – June 21st to July 22nd
This month is your month! Stop just stop! I mean it, you’re about to step on a trap so let me disarm it. It was placed by your Nemesis, so I suggest you pay that guy a visit and kick their ass; but take friends because they might have some too! Also, it’s dangerous so take this newspaper with you and use it to beat people round the head. Also make sure you stay away from the colour red, it will stain that satin shirt you own.
Hedge your bets – Future predictions
When in doubt, buy the blue seaweed. If you see a golden skinned angel then don’t trust it. The summer is upon us so make sure you wear sunk-rem made from oyster poop. Drink plenty of fluids and if you don’t have any then you can tinkle in a bottle but don’t do it took often because it can cause blindness and baldness.
Alca’Hedge – Random potion concoctions
So last time we did Herbal Tea and some of you sent in your experiments. I have to say the ones with sweetener in were too sweet, but the young reader that sent in the flask with Herbal Tea and moo-moo juice was very tasty. I think you may have snuck some of your ma’s or pa’s special liquids cupboard.
This time we will try the darker side of life which come refer to as Coofe, personally I don’t like this stuff so if you send any in, I will be giving it to the other staff here at the press.
Boil 250ml of water
Place granules in a mug with a little cold water
Place the hot water on top
Give to another person
Drink tea
Hedge Historical Besteray
Skelo-asus, are large skelebobs!! They are an atype of Unbed. This means they have all the usual immunities of Unbed. They never take naps. They never smell their own farts. They don’t say a lot and lastly they don’t like cuddles (which is a shame).
Physical description
White, yellow’ish, depending on how long they have been out in the sun. They have wings but can’t fly cause any one knows they aren’t bumble-fleas. They don’t weigh very much because they have no skin and just bones.
Combat
They usually try and attack you by jumping off cliffs (probably because they think they can fly). They reach teleportal velco’ocity quickly but they have very poor man-o-ver-abilly which usually means you can just step to one side as long as you look up and see them coming. This is personally why I always look up when I’m near the bottom of a cliff just in case they sneak up on you.
Over the Hedge – Life Facts
Always lick the lid of life! Unless that lid was the lid from your delusion or weakness poison then don’t do
like… me… and lickkk… the… wid of……
