AN UNDERGRADUATE THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Sarjana Sastra
in English Letters
By
FABIOLA SEKAR MELATI Student Number: 064214068
ENGLISH LETTERS STUDY PROGRAMME DEPARTMENT OF ENGLISH LETTERS
FACULTY OF LETTERS SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY
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A STUDY OF CHRISTIAN VALUES AS SEEN IN THE IMACULEE’S CONFLICTS IN IMACULEE ILIBAGIZA’S LEFT TO TELL
AN UNDERGRADUATE THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Sarjana Sastra
in English Letters
By
FABIOLA SEKAR MELATI Student Number: 064214068
ENGLISH LETTERS STUDY PROGRAMME DEPARTMENT OF ENGLISH LETTERS
FACULTY OF LETTERS SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY
iv Nama : Fabiola Sekar Melati Nomor Mahasiswa : 064214068
Dalam pengembangan karya ilmiah, saya memberikan kepada Perpustakaan Universitas Sanata Dharma karya ilmiah saya yang berjudul:
A STUDY OF CHRISTIAN VALUES AS SEEN IN THE IMACULEE’S CONFLICT IN IMACULEE ILIBAGIZA’S LEFT TO TELL
beserta perangkat yang diperlukan (bila ada).
Dengan demikian, saya memberikan Perpustakaan Universitas Sanata Dharma hak untuk menyimpan, mengalihkan dalam bentuk media lain, mengelolanya dalam bentuk pangkalan data, mendistribusikan secara terbatas, dan mengaplikasikannya di internet atau media lain untuk kepentingan akademis tanpa meminta ijin kepada saya maupun memberikan royalty kepada saya. Selama nama saya tercantum sebagai penulis.
Demikian pernyataan ini saya buat dengan sebenarnya. Di buat di Yogyakarta
Pada tanggal: 22 November 2010 Yang menyatakan
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If You can dream it,
You can do it
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God,Jesus Christ for helping me to finish one of the important parts in my life. His blessing and guidance always be with me in finishing this thesis.
I am grateful for my advisor, Maria Ananta Tri S., S. S., M.Ed., for her patience and understanding during the process of finishing this thesis. And I also would like to express my gratitude to my co-advisor, Drs. Hirmawan Wijanarka, M.Hum., for the advice for my thesis.
My deepest appreciation also goes to my beloved parents, my mother: Yohanita Sri Astuti, who always prays for me from heaven, my father: Prajojo, my Dad: TA. Bhinukti Prapto N., and my Mom: Ch. Sri Ismidasi, my sisters: Anne Amelia Aquina, Bernadetta Belinda Aquina, and Nur Indah Chandra F. And my lovely cousin: Petrus Damiani Febriyanto M.P. Thank you very much for the support, love and prayer for me.
I thank my Uncle: dr. H. Rahardjo, SpOg, M.Kes., and family. Thank for the support and understanding since through the years until this thesis finished.
I wish to express my gratitude to all of my lecturers and the staffs in EnglishLetters Department. Thanks for the patience and great support.
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For all my clas smates in 2006, especially my beloved friends, Ionk, Ucy, Siska, Elis, and Via for the lovely friendship, support, care, and the unforgettable moments we had together.
My last gratitude is for anyone who I do not mention but already give me support and friendship. Thank you very much.
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CHAPTER II: THEORETICAL REVIEW………. 8
A. Review of Related Studies……….. 8
B. Review of Related Theory……….. 10
1. Theory of Conflict………. 10
2. Theory of Christian Values……… 11
a. Christian Faith……… 11
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x 2010.
Imaculee Illibagiza’s Left to Tell is an autobiography which tells about Christian values that are shown in the main character and her society. This autobiography also talks about the significance of Christian values in helping the main character to face the conflicts. The writer is interested in analyzing Christian values that reflected from the main character’s attitude in facing the conflicts.
The writer focuses on three problems. First is the description of conflicts that the main characte faces from her family and surrounding. The next problem is Christian values that described in the autobiography. The last problem is the significance of Christian values in helping the main character to face the conflicts. In analyzing the topic, the writer uses two theories, theory of conflict and theory of Christian values. Besides, Moral-Philosophical Approach is needed to help the writer to analyze the topic. The writer uses library research method. Many books and other sources from internet are used to help the writer in analyzing the topic.
xi ABSTRAK
FABIOLA SEKAR MELATI. A Study of Christian Values as Seen in The Imaculee’s Conflicts in Imaculee Ilibagiza’s Left to Tell. Yogyakarta: Program Studi Sastra Inggris, Fakultas Sastra, Universitas Sanata Dharma, 2010.
Autobiografi karya Imaculee Ilibagiza yang berjudul Left to Tell bercerita tentang nilai-nilai kekristenan yang ada dalam diri tokoh utama dan lingkungannya. Autobiografi ini juga bercerita mengenai signifikan nilai-nilai kekristenan dalam menolong tokoh utama untuk menghadapi konflik-konflik. Penulis tertarik untuk menganalisis nilai-nilai kekristenan yang diperlihatkan oleh tokoh utama dalam menghadapi konflik-konflik yang dihadapinya.
Penulis berfokus pada tiga masalah. Pertama adalah deskripsi dari konflik-konflik yang dihadapi oleh tokoh utama yang didapat dari keluarga dan lingkungannya. Selanjutnya adalah nilai-nilai kekristenan yang ada dalam autobiografi. Terakhir adalah signifikan dari nilai-nilai kekristenan dalam membantu tokoh utama untuk menghadapi konflik-konflik.
Dalam menganalisa topic ini, penulis menggunakan dua teori, teori konflik dan teori nilai-nilai kekristenan. Selain itu, pendekatan moral-philosophical juga dibutuhkan untuk membantu penulis untuk menganalisa topik. Penulis menggunakan metode penelitian perpustakaan. Banyak buku dan sumber-sumber lainnya yang diambil dari internet digunakan untuk membatu penulis dalam menganalisa topic ini.
Penulis menemukan bahwa Imaculee, sebagai tokoh utama, mengalami banyak konflik dari dalam dan dari luar. Konflik dari luar datang dari keluarga, lingkungan, dan para pembunuh. Konflik dari dalam datang dari pikiran dan hatinnya. Konflik-konfik tersebut datang ketika Imaculee menghadapi situasi yang dilema. Orang-orang di lingkungan Imaculee tinggal adalah orang-orang yang beriman. Mereka meletakkan hidup mereka pada Tuhan dengan menunjukkan iman, harapan ,dan cinta. Hal ini juga menunjukkan bagaimana orang-orang hidup berdasarkan perintah-perintah Tuhan. Mereka menunjukkan nilai-nilai kekristenan mereka dengan berdoa, pergi ke gereja, and menolong sesama tanpa mengharapkan imbalan. Cara hidup mereka mempengaruhi Imaculee. Imaculee menjadi orang Kristen yang taat. Hal ini juga mempengaruhi sikap-sikapnya dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Hal ini ditunjukkan ketika Imaculee mendapat banyak konflik dari dalam dan dari luar, dia meletakkan masalah-masalahnya pada Tuhan. Imaculee percaya bahwa Tuhan akan selalu melindunginya dari para pembunuh dan menolongnya dalam menghadapi konflik yang dia hadapi. Imaculee juga berdoa untuk keselamatannya, keluarganya, dan orang lain.
1 A. Background of the Study
Reading literary work can give people many advantages in daily life. By reading literary work, people can enrich knowledge and experience in life. Literary work does not only give people pleasure but also educates people. Moody in Literary Appreciation said, “the greatest pleasure and satisfaction in literature occurs where (as it often does) it brings us back to the realities to human situations, problems, feelings, and relationships” (1968: 2). By reading literary work, the reader will be brought to the real condition because literary work reflects the condition of society. From the literary work, people will know the problems that happen in society. People can get the information about the past, the social condition, human behavior, and conflicts or problems that the characters face in the society. Besides that, many factors influence the author to produce the literary works. Society and their real conflict in the author’s life can be the inspiration for the author to write literary works.
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Literary work as the imitation the world in form of writing, hopefully, can be a tool to entertain, give pleasure, and give lesson to its reader.
One of well-known literary forms is fiction. It is divided into novel, play, short story. Not only that, there are still two types of writing; biography and autobiography. They are different because it tells about real person’s life and contains facts. The writer chooses autobiography to be main topic to discuss in this study. According to Oxford Advanced Leaner’s Dictionary, autobiography is the story of a person’s life, written by that person (2005:88). Kazin and Francis Rusell Hart in The American Autobiography point out that autobiography is simply and profoundly, personal life (1981: 3). Autobiography contains a person’s story and it is deeper because tells the reader about what really happen to the author.
Autobiography can be used to teach its reader besides to givepleasure and entertainment. Autobiography, which contains true story about the author’s life, gives the reader lesson about life from the experiences. It teaches about how to solve conflict and other problems that happens in society. Besides teaching about life experiences, autobiography can also be used to teach religious values. It tells the readers about their relationship to God. Her/his belief in God can help the character to face their problem. However, nowadays, people start to forget about their belief. People become selfish and only think about material goods and every modern convenience. They compete to get popularity and a lot of money. Not only that, but crime also increase drastically. Mugging and rape make environment unsafe, and marriages end in divorce. These phenomena seem to become the common problem in society and shows people’s weakness in applying religion in life.
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to the reader. Christian values can be found in many literary works and autobiographies, such as in Left to Tell by Imaculee Ilibagiza. The writer is interested in analyzing this autobiography because it consists of Christian values. Imaculee, as the major character, brings Christian values into her life in order to face her problems. Her belief to God makes her survive and gives her hope to make her live better. In this thesis, the writer will discuss Christian values; faith, hope, and love that can be seen in conflicts which are described and the Christian values’ contribution to help her to face the conflict.
Left to Tell is primarily an account of personal survival and a personal spiritual journey. Immaculeé Ilibagiza’s aim is not to analyze the complex social and political forces that lead to the genocide through which she lives. This book should not be read as a resource for understanding the political and cultural realities of the Rwandan genocide but this book is about Imaculee’s spiritual journey. There are many interesting issues in this book, but Christian values still become the important one. Imaculee finds her faith and hope in genocide era. She can survive from the genocide because of her faith and hope to God. She also can forgive people who already kill her family. That is why the writer is interesting to discuss about Christian values.
makes up of expatriate Tutsi soldiers, enter Rwanda in 1990, and war breaks out between them and the Hutu government’s military forces. In April 1994, Immaculeé, by then a university student, is home for Easter when they hear that the president of Rwanda has been killed. This event sparks the killing of nearly a million people in Rwanda over the next three months. As Hutu civilians arm with machetes start to kill Tutsis and moderate Hutus all over the country, Immaculeé’s parents, fearful that she might be raped and killed, advise her to go and hide in a nearby pastor’s house.
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Part three, A New Path, tells the story of Immaculeé’s escape from the bathroom, her temporary shelter in a French camp, her move to the capital, Kigali, and the start of a new life. After the genocide, Immaculeé learns about the death of her parents and her brothers Damascene and Vianney and only her eldest brother Aimable, who is in Senegal at the time of the genocide, has survived. With great courage and resilience she persists in trying to fulfill her dream of working at the UN, in which she eventually succeeds. It is at the UN offices in Kigali where she later meets her husband, Bryan Black, an American who has come to Rwanda to help set up the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda.
B. Problem Formulation
Related to the topic that is chosen, there are three problems used for guiding to analyze the topic.
1. How are Imaculee’s conflicts described in the autobiography? 2. How are Christian values described in the autobiography?
3. What is the significance of Christian values in facing the conflicts?
C. Objectives of the Study
D. Definition of Terms
The writer provides definition of terms to avoid misunderstanding. There are three definitions of terms that are used to analyze the topic.
1. Conflict
Redman in A Second Book of Play stated conflict as:
The struggle between two opposing forces, ideas, or beliefs, which is the protagonist-succeeds or fails in overcoming the opposing force. Sometimes, the protagonist gives up the struggle as too difficult or not worthwhile. The term inner conflict refers to a struggle within the heart and mind of the protagonist. The term external conflict refers to a struggle between the protagonist and outside force (1962:363).
Holman and Harmon in A Handbook of Literature states that conflicts not only implies the struggle of thee protagonist against someone or something, it also implies the existence of some motivation for the conflict or some goal to be achieved thereby (1986: 108).
2. Christian values
Based on The International Bible Associations in its article, “Two Paths of Christian Values,” Christian values are things that Christians do to others and God based on God’s rule. It is also the principles for living that are emphasized most strongly in the Bible.
3. Study
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CHAPTER II
THEORETICAL REVIEW
In this chapter, the writer will provide some theories that will be used to analyze the topic. Therefore this chapter is divided into three parts. First is review of related studies which will discuss some opinions from articles about the object of the study. Second is review of related theories which will discuss about theories related to the study; they are theory of conflict and theories of Christian values are provided by the writer to analyze the study. The last is theoretical framework that explains the function of each theory to analyze the study.
A. Review of Related Studies
The object of the study is an autobiography that tells a story about genocide in Rwanda, Africa. Imaculee Ilibagiza presents her experience and struggle when she lives in genocide era. Since the writer wants to discuss about Christian values, the writer also uses some articles about Christian values in this autobiography takes from internet.
survive when the genocide happens. When Imaculee stays in the bathroom for 91 days, with 7 other women, she finds strength in prayer and Bible. She makes herself closer to God in order to get power to face the situation at that time. <http://books.google.com/books?id=U0DzeifB9UAC&sitesec=reviews&rf=st:us>
From Steve Erwin in a website, it is said that Imaculee shows the reader how to use the power of prayer and to make relationship with God deeply. She describes the Hutu race as the evil rather than the murder. She believes all human are kind and have good relationship with God. And when the genocide happens, she thinks it is not human, it is evil that works in their bodies. But she believes by using her faith, she will find ”a light way” to forgive people who kill her family and the other victims. <http://www.lefttotell.com/book/index.php>
This autobiography contains of many interesting topic to be discussed, such as family, faith, and ethnic identity.Based on Read One Book Association, it is said that faith is the most interesting topic in this autobiography. Since the story tells about Imaculee’s spiritual journey, its reader can decide that faith is the central. Not only that, hope and love to God and each other also become the main part in this story.
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B. Review of Related Theories
1. Theory of Conflict
Conflict already becomes part of people’s life. Human as God’s creature always has unsatisfied feeling in every single thing that they have done. This reason brings people into trouble, or usually called conflict.
Redman in A Second Book of Plays stated that conflict is:
The struggle between two opposing forces, ideas, or beliefs, which is the protagonist-succeeds or fails in overcoming the opposing force. Sometimes, the protagonist gives up the struggle as too difficult or not worthwhile. The term inner conflict refers to a struggle within the heart and mind of the protagonist. The term external conflict refers to a struggle between the protagonist and outside force (1962:363).
The term external conflict refers to a struggle between the protagonist and outside force. When people’s mind is in the dilemma situation, usually people are in the difficult situation. When people (the characters) have conflict with their own mind, it is called inner conflict, because there is no effect from other people. In other hands, if people (the characters) have conflict with other people or the surrounding, it is called external conflict. The character itself cannot avoid the conflict in life because conflict makes the story alive and it becomes the main point in the story.
2.Theory of Christian Values
Christian values based on the Holy Bible in I Corinthians 13:13, is divided into three; faith, hope, and love (1971: 162). Since the writer realizes the main character also has struggle to forgive the killers as the part of her love to others, love becomes one thing that should be discussed. In order to analyze the topic, the writer provides theory of Christian faith, hope, and love..
a. Christian Faith
Fisher and Hart in Christian Foundation said that faith is so central in Christian life. The important thing to become a Christian is to believe. The Christian has to believe in Jesus in order to hear message and receive gifts (1995: 95).
Brownlee in his book stated that there are some interpretations of faith:
1. Faith is an alliance and a unity between God and people which is reflected by serving to God’s guideline.
2. Faith is a faithful attitude of faith as the form of self-action of worship of the followers into God.
3. Prayer is the real attitude of the faith as the reaction to open herself of the God’s guideline all of her life. And prayers attitude is the traits to give her plan as the openness of mind to God’s will.
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in Christian Holy Bible “And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” (1978: 1045)
5. Faith also means prayers alliance. This form is to ask God help for other people because of sadness, weakness, endurable, and injustice (1993: 76-81).
b. Christian Hope
Hope is an expectant desire. With faith and love, St. Paul classes hope among the valuable and enduring virtues (I Corinthians 13:13).
According to Carmody in Christianity: An Introduction, the definition of hope is written:
In the (New Testament), sense, hope is ultimately constituted by the intersection, on the one hand, of that divine predestining plan for man whereby the love of God-which, being incarnate in Christ, has become human history-has efficaciously and permanently affected man, and on the other hand of the responsive attitude towards this plan shown by the person (or the Church), in which the highly personal response of which each individual is capable is persevered and sustained) who confidently awaits the final consummation of the divine economy of salvation in the coming of Jesus Christ, in reliance on the saving plan which has already and irrevocably been initiated by God, as he knows with the certainty of faith (2006: 67).
grace as long as they believe and take the hope for God, because the goodness of Jesus can give all human a new birth.
c. Christian Love
Considering about Christian values, love is the most important thing among faith and hope. As stated in Christian Holy Bible, in 1 Corinthians 13:13, “So faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
The gift of love is likewise a duty, in Mt. 22:37-39: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” As the God’s creature, people should love God because live is God. Besides, loving each other is also important, it makes good relation with them. God’s love for people is a gift and takes forever. In A New Catechism: Catholic Faith for Adult, it is stated that love is not just a feeling but it is also an action. Many ways to show love to God and each other, such as by pray, go to church, charity, forgiveness, salvation, giving without any purposes, etc (1967: 114). In other words, without love there is no Christian God and people should love both God and each other.
C. Theoretical Framework
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and theory of Christian values. Each of them has its own function in order to help the writer to answer the questions in problem formulation.
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This chapter is divided into three parts. Object of the study consists of information the work, second is approach of the study is about the appropriate approach that will be used to analyze the work. The last is methodology which contains the sources and steps that thewriter used.
A. Object of the Study
The object of the study is an autobiography titled Left to Tell written by Imaculee Ilibagiza with Steve Erwin. This autobiography consists of 215 pages and divided into three parts; The Gathering Storm, Into the Bathroom, and A New Path. It is published by Hay House in June 2006.
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bathroom, she holds on God with prayer and Bible. She takes her hope in God in orderto get safety.
Left to Tell is not only a usual autobiography, but it also opens world eyes about what really happens in the third world. The story inspires the reader and makes the reader realize that there are many people who cannot enjoy life, especially for black people. The discrimination itself does not come from the white people, but from the black people which are greedy of power. Because of its story, this autobiography got some awards, such as A Christopher Award: “Affirming the Highest Values of Human Spirit” and “Best Outreach Testimony/Biography Resource of 2007.” Not only the reader, but Imaculee as the author also gets awards, such as “The Mahatma Gandhi International Award for Reconciliation and Peace 2007” and a finalist as one of Beliefnet.com’s “Most Inspiring People of the Year 2006.”
B. Approach of the Study
is the basic position of such critics is that the larger function of literature is to teach and morality and to probe philosophical issues (2004: 77). Literary work, based on the critics, is something that must give the reader pleasure and lesson. The most important function of the literary work is to give lesson to its reader. In other words, it must teach the reader, so its reader can get lesson which can be applied in life. Still from the same source, moral-philosophical approach does not only concern just in its way of saying, but also in what it says (2004: 77). Literature has many forms and ways to say about the story in literature. In moral-philosophical side, the form or the way of the author to tell the story is not important. The important thing is what the work said in order to teach and give effect to its reader.
C. Method of the Study
In analyzing this topic, the writer used library research method. The writer used books and internet to find the sources to support this study. The sources were divided into two categories: primary and secondary source. The primary source was
Left to Tell book and the secondary source were books and articles from internet including theories, references or any related topic.
The books that were used by the author were Literary Appreciation by
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Autobiography by Albert E. Stone, Christianity: A Foundation by Carmody,
Christian Foundation by Fisher and Hart, and other sources
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This chapter consists of the answers of the problems that were already mentioned in chapter 1. It is divided into three parts. First is the description of the conflicts, second is, how the Christian values are described, and the last is the significance Christian values in solving the conflicts.
A. The Imaculee’s Conflicts Found in Left to Tell
In this part, the writer wants to explore the conflict which the main character faces. Conflict, based on Redman in A Second Book of Plays is:
The struggle between two opposing forces, ideas, or beliefs, which is the protagonist-succeeds or fails in overcoming the opposing force. Sometimes, the protagonist gives up the struggle as too difficult or not worthwhile. The term inner conflict refers to a struggle within the heart and mind of the protagonist. The term external conflict refers to a struggle between the protagonist and outside force (1962:363).
Based on the theory, the writer divided the analysis on conflict into two parts; first is internal conflict and the second is external conflict.
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Redman in A Second Book of Plays explains that the term inner conflict refers to a struggle within the heart and mind of the protagonist (1962:363). Imaculee as the main character experiences the internal conflicts in this book.
1. Internal Conflict
The situation in Rwanda after the war begins is very hard situation for its people, especially for Tutsis. They face the discrimination in any aspects. One of the worst situations is in education aspect. Tutsis kids, especially Imaculee, experience it. When the government holds a scholarship, she wants to apply this scholarship. But, she is not sure that she will win the scholarship.
Two years passed, and I was one the top students in the school. When the government announced that it was holding a special exam for honor students who wanted to enter public school, I decided to take the test. Deep down inside, I felt that it wouldn’t matter it I scored the highest test results in the country-I’d still be passed over because I was Tutsi. Nevertheless, I studied hard and was sure that I’d written an excellent exam, but weeks went by without any word, so I put it out of my mind (p. 20).
and the result is unpredictable, she wins the scholarship. Her dream to make her parents and brothers proud becomes real.
In this internal conflict, Imaculee wants to join the scholarship, but something blocks her desire. Based on the theory of conflict in literature, the different opinion between her mind and her heart blocks her desire to apply the scholarship. Finally, she decides to follow the scholarship.
The other internal conflict is when she wants to help other Tutsis but she cannot do it. When the war begins, she and her boyfriend go to Kigali in visiting Sarah’s parents, she sees a woman that is intimidated by a group of young Hutu men. The boys take the poor lady’s purse, pull of her jewelry, steal her packages, and knock her down. Then they yank her shoes and rip off her dress. And after that, they leave the poor woman in the street. Nobody helps her because people afraid of the Hutus. Actually Imaculee really wants to help the poor woman, but she is not allowed for doing that by her boyfriend. It makes her sad because she cannot help the Tutsi (p.34).
Not only cannot help the poor woman in the street, but she also feels dilemma when she cannot help Nzima and Sony, her Tutsi neighbors. She feels pity but she can do nothing because she also a Tutsi who only expect Pastor’s kindness. And then she can only hear their scream when the killers kill Nzima and Sony. She feels guilty because both of them are the best fiends of her parents (p. 36).
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situation is very hard for her and once again she has to a struggle between her mind and heart. She wants to help them but in fact if she helps them it just makes the situation becomes worse. So, she decides not to help them.
Imaculee faces those conflicts when she wants to help the other Tutsis. Those conflicts called as conflict because Imaculee has desire to help others, and her mind and her heart blocks her way to do that. She cannot help them because she is a Tutsi and sahe does not want to take the consequence.
Besides helping people from outside, the internal conflict also comes when her and her family spend holiday in their house. At that time, Imaculee’s brother, Damascene, tells them about the list of death that is made by the Hutus and their family’s name is mentioned in the list. Damascene says that the Hutus will come and kill them in that night. He insists on his father to take his family away from their house. But in fact, his father doubts and ignores Damascene’s information. He tells to other members of the family to have positive thinking because Damascene only gets the information from his friend, so his father cannot make sure the information is right or not.
Everyone was quiet. I’m sure that we all wanted to run to Lake Kivu and hop into a rowboat, but my brothers and I couldn’t leave our parents without saying good-bye. And we were so accustomed to our father making the decisions in the household that it was natural for us to follow his lead. Besides, we reasoned, it was getting so late that Augustine and Vianney were falling asleep in their chair. So Damascene and I decided that we should wait until morning and talk to Dad again, and then we all headed to bed (p.42). From this quotation shows that Imaculee and her brothers want to run away from home to Lake Kivu, but they cannot go without saying good-bye to their parents. Imaculee also can do nothing. In her heart, she really wants to run away but in other sides she cannot go without her parents’ permission. She has a purpose to save her family’s life, but she knows her father’s command blocks her act. So she decides to obey her father’s command and talk to her father next morning.
Since her father does not allow Imaculee and her brothers to run away to other places, she realizes that there is no way to escape from this kind of situation besides pretending to be brave and thinking everything will be fine. Imaculee feels dilemma when she has to hide her fear. She is afraid if the killers really come and kill her and her family. But she does not want to make her family worries. She advises her brothers to have faith and pretend not to think about the war, but in fact she is afraid.
The truth was that I had little faith myself-I wasn’t studying to prepare for exams, but to keep my mind off my family’s worries (p.46).
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clearly. There is no way to save her family besides pretending to be tough and keep her family from negative perspective. So, she is the only one who can keep her family from this situation by pretending that everything will be okay.
Imaculee is just the human which has feeling. In that time, she feels life is unfair for the Tutsis. She cannot understand about this situation. The war between two races in the same country means the war between two tribes who live in the same land.
Why is this happening?”I cried into my pillow.” What have we done to deserve this? Why is being a Tutsi is so wrong? Why are you letting this happen with us, God? (p.49)
Imaculee feels God is unfair to the Tutsis. She knows human makes the war but her heart blames God for what already happened. But finally she realizes that this is not God’s fault. It happens because human is greedy of the power. Hutus want to make Rwanda into their own country. So, the Hutus make genocide to kill the Tutsis in order to make Tutsis destroy from Rwanda.
Imaculee is an optimistic person which always wants to make other people feel safe. But finally she realizes that her act only make people think impossible thing. The writer can see the internal conflict from this quotation.
A wave of guilt rolled over me. Had my optimism led my brothers and parents into this nightmare we were living in now? Was I responsible for their fate? What else could we have done, since Dad wouldn’t leave, and everything had happened so fast? Should I have despaired, sunk into depression, or become hysterical over our plight? That would have made matters worse. People need hope to survive (p.63).
She is in dilemma because she worries if her family becomes the victim of her acting of pretending that “everything will be okay.” She worries if this situation becomes her responsibility. She wants to make her family feels safe, but in fact she is afraid her acting gives bad effect to her family. Imaculee’s purpose is to make her family feels safe, but in fact, her goal is blocked by her thought that everything will be okay. Finally, she can only pretend to be a brave person.
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Imaculee wants to save her brother and Vianney, but she cannot do it. Her desire to save them become unreal because there is struggle between her mind and her heart that block her dream to save her brother and Vianney.
Imaculee also experiences internal conflict when she is hiding in the pastor’s house. After Vianney and Augustine leave that house, Imaculee and other six Tutsi women are placed in the bathroom inside the pastor’s bedroom. In the bathroom, Imaculee can only pray to God to save them from the killer. When she is praying, usually the evil’s sound comes and whispers in her ears that God will not keep her from the killers. It bothers Imaculee by saying many things that God will never save her because she is a bad person and a liar. The voice says many bad things to her. She confuses because she knows that it is impossible for her to live in the war. But she also knows that in her mind she can survive because God will save her. After hearing the evil’s sound, she argues with her mind to fight the sounds. She faces the sounds by praying to God and it makes her peace and finally the sound will go away (pp.92-94).
other words, her heart wants her to be angry to the pastor, but her mind reminds her that she cannot be angry to the pastor. If she makes the pastor angry, it will make her and the other women killed because the pastor will send them to the killers (p.98).
In the third chapter, Imaculee and the other women are already saved by the French soldiers. They live in the camp with other refugees who are still alive. One day, she has a conversation with a French soldier. Suddenly, he offers Imaculee if Imaculee wants to revenge to the Hutus. She can give the list of the Hutus’ name and he will kill them for her. This offer shocks Imaculee because this is actually what she wants. She wants to mention the names of the Hutu and the French soldiers will kill them. The offer is what she had wished since she hid in the bathroom. She wants them to be killed by weapons that are used to kill her family and other Tutsis. But deep in her heart, she thinks that it is not a good solution to end the war. If the Hutus are killed, her beloved family cannot be lived anymore, so it will not change the situation. And finally, Imaculee refuses his offer and chooses to try to forgive the killers (p.158).
2. External Conflict
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existence of some motivation for the conflict or some goal to be achieved thereby (1986: 108).
Imaculee as the main character in the story experiences many external conflicts. Unfortunately, her external conflict starts when she was still young and most of them come from her surroundings.
The first external conflict happens when she is ten years old and in the first day of her school, her teacher, Buhoro, calls the students’ name and gets in what tribe they belong to. Imaculee, who does not know her tribes, is punished. He gets Imaculee gets out from the class and finally she meets her brother and goes home to ask her father about their tribe. And she knows that it is a way to differentiate the tribes in Rwanda that is called ethnic balance (p. 13).
This conflict is experienced by Imaculee as the protagonist and Buhoro as the other people. The ethnic balance affects Imaculee because she feels sad and afraid after that incident. She can face that conflict because of the protection from her father and brother.
Becoming a Tutsi is like a nightmare for Imaculee. People treat her badly because of her tribe. For example, when she is joining picnic with her friends out of the school, she is passing a group of local Hutu.
Imaculee feels very shocked when she hears the statement. She does not know how to react. She can do nothing to face this situation. And finally she can only hide her feeling in her heart and go back to her dorm because she does not want something happen to her friends. This conflict shows that as a Tutsi, she gets a bad treatment from outside that is from her own surrounding. She has a struggle when she faces the Hutus that treat her badly. The external conflict that she faces can be solved by her survival.
The other external conflict that she faces is when she is on the way to a wedding in another city. At that time, the bus that brings Imaculee, Damascene, and other people are stopped by 300 Interahamwe. They are standing in the road blocking the way. The driver is too frightened to go forward, so he announces that he is turning the bus around. He says that the passengers can stay aboard with him and take a two-hour detour, or get out and walk. Damascene chooses to stay on the bus, but Imaculee refuses. Finally Imaculee and Damascene walk and pass the Interahamwe. When the Interahamwe demand them to see their identity cards, Imaculee only smile at them and it makes the Interahamwe confused. They cannot understand why a Tutsi woman is not afraid of them and they hand back Imaculee and Damascene’s cards and let them pass (pp.35-36).
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The conflict that Imaculee faces is not only between her and the society, but it also happens between her and her father. When the war begins, Imaculee tells her father to take his family away from their village, but her father refuses her request.
No, Imaculee, we shouldn’t leave. Things are getting better with the government, and there will be peace soon. Those people on the radio are crazy; no one is taking them seriously! Don’t worry. Let’s just calm and enjoy the holidays. There is no death list, and no one is coming to kill us. I’m older and I know better,” my father said, with a weak smile. “Now, for heaven’s sake, let’s sit down and eat dinner together.” (p. 41)
The father is really sure that everything will be okay. He thinks that what the radio said is crazy and unbelievable. Everything will be better if they obey the father because he knows what he has to do to save their life. Imaculee knows that her father only wants to make his family feels safe. But for Imaculee, this is a bad situation that they have to face. In fact, Imaculee and her father do not have the same thought about the war. They have different opinion in facing this war. Both of them want to defend their opinion and finally have an argument. In this time, she has a conflict with her father by showing their opinion. The conflict appears because they think their opinion is the right ones. The conflict calls the external conflict because it comes from the Imaculee as the protagonist with her father as the other characters. And finally she decides to obey her father’s command in order to get a better situation.
believe Imaculee has this idea. He feels he has no future any more. He believes he will die soon and it makes Imaculee angry.
Damascene, you have to snap out of this! I shouted. “You can’t give up before we even start to fight! If you can’t see what you’ll be doing next year, I can! You’ll be with me in Butare when I graduate university. You’re going to be sitting in front row clapping and cheering when I accept my diploma. So please, get up and help Mom and Dad! (p.47)
Imaculee asks Damascene to have a hope that they will pass this situation and will not give up before they fight. She gets conflict when the war becomes worse because Damascene has no bravery to face the war. As what happened between Imaculee and her father, it also happens between her and Damascene. She has an argument with him and finally it becomes a conflict between her and her brother. He shows Imaculee his weak faith and it makes her angry. Damascene does not want hear her words, and he is just quiet and walk away. Imaculee thinks someone must pull her family together. And she decides she must try to be strong and at least act brave so that the family will not collapse in complete despair.
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My anger boiled inside me as Pastor Murinzi abused my father’s good name. I couldn’t control my temper-my father had suffered enough indignities! I raised my voice for the first time since he’d locked us away in the bathroom: “If my father had so many guns, why didn’t he pass them out to the thousands of Tutsis who came to us looking for protection? If my father had so many weapons, why didn’t he stop the killers when they burned our house to the ground? If he’d planned to kill Hutus, he would have killed them before they drove his family into hiding and destroyed his life! Tell me, Pastor, why didn’t he use the guns to protect his wife and daughter from killers and rapists? (p.97)
Imaculee experiences an external conflict because the conflict comes between Imaculee as the protagonist and the pastor as the other characters. She already gets many problems by thinking about her family’s safety, but the pastor makes her burden becomes harder by saying her father is a bad Tutsi. It hurts her so much and she feels weak and very angry because of the pastor’s word.
The war also already changes Imaculee’s life. She does not only lose her family, but she also loses her boyfriend, John. He is a Hutu so he can travel anywhere he wants. One day, he comes to the pastor’s house who is his uncle. The pastor tells John that Imaculee is hiding in his bathroom and John comes to visit her. Imaculee is very glad when she sees John, but John makes her disappointed.
Well…you don’t have that great body anymore,” he went on, “but you still look good! I’ve been praying you’d still be alive and that no one had raped you. And here you are, alive and unraped! (p.120)
knows one thing-there are no other men looking at her, and that is one less thing for him to worry about. By saying those words, Imaculee realizes John already kills any love leaves between them. And once again Imaculee faces a conflict between her and someone else. This time is from her boyfriend. When she meets John for the first time after the war began, she hopes she can talk and get any love that can make her feels peace from John. But in fact, the situation is very different. She gets force by his act that seems does not care to her and act like he is somebody else for her. It breaks Imaculee’s heart and makes her life becomes worse.
When the war has finished, Imaculee tries to find job in United Nations. But she only has limited ability. She cannot speak English fluently and she does not able in using computer. Every day until two weeks later, she comes to United Nations office and waits for a job. One day, she meets a man and he asks her to talk with his secretary. But the secretary gives her an answer that makes her upset.
“I see, “she said brusquely. “Well, we don’t have anything-maybe in three or four months. But with the skills you have, I doubt we’ll find you anything. Please shut the door on your way out.” (p.188)
The secretary’s words make her upset and desperate. She thinks that her conflicts have not finished yet. The force from outside, in this time comes from the secretary, makes herself down but she knows she has to survive in face this situation. She promises that she will not give up with this situation. This experience makes her closer to God and tries harder to get a job.
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her life is by run away from Rwanda. In fact, she cannot do that because she has many opinions with her family member and it blocks her dream to get her goal.
B. Christian Values Found in Left to Tell
The writer considered that Christian values are the main topics in this autobiography. The Christian values are showed by all characters in the work. Christian values based on the Holy Bible in I Corinthians 13:13, is divided into three; faith, hope, and love (1971: 162).
1. Christian Faith
Imaculee lives with people who are really religious but not conservative. Her family takes part in order to make her becomes a faithful person.
doing something based on God’s will. In this case, Imaculee’s family follows the Golden Rule in order to walk in God’s will.
Besides loving God, Imaculee’s parents also show their love to their neighbor and the Poor. Brownlee in his book said that faith is also about helping other people. Having served the Poor is a way in serving God (1993: 80). Imaculee’s parents build good relation with other people and dedicate themselves to create a prosperous and harmonious community. The father spends many weekends doing volunteer work, such as building public chapel by using his own money. He also sets up a scholarship foundation for poorer kids by establishing one of Rwanda’s coffee cooperatives. The program is very successful that he is able to use some of the money to build a community center, a soccer field for teens, and new schools (pp.7-8). Besides, her mother also does the same action with the father. She is known for her kindness.
Mom was also known for her many good works. She could never turn away anyone in need, so we often had another family living with us because they’d fallen on hard times and needed a place to stay until they got back on their feet (p. 8).
The mother is also a kind person. Even though they do not come from rich family, the mother and the father believe that everybody has the same position in God’s eyes. All of them are considered as their family. They show their faith by helping others and by helping others means they are serving God because all people are His sons. They do the same thing with Jesus.
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As the teenager, I used to pray for God to make me more like him, with his beautiful soul and giving heart. I watched him give the clothes to the poor and spend hours comforting people who were outcast due to sickness, poverty, or madness (p.42).
Damascene is a favorite boy in the environment. He is very kind and active. His kindness makes people love him, especially Imaculee. She hopes that she can be like her brother. Damascene shows his faith by helping others by gives them their needs and he is able entertain people who are sad because of poverty, sickness, even madness.
Faith is not only about being a faithful and serving the others, but it is also about to give other people advice when they are in problem. According to Brownlee, faith is preaching, congregation, and prayers are the faith form in social service (1993: 80). In this autobiography, it is showed that Imaculee’s father gives people preach to solve their problem.
Mom and Dad treated the village as our extended family, and the family villagers often treated them like surrogate parents. For example, Dad had a reputation across the region as an educated, enlightened, and fair-mind. Consequently, people traveled for miles seeking his counsel on family problems, money woes, and business ventures. He was often called upon to settle local squabbles and disciplines unruly children (p.8).
Father’s preach can also be seen when they are facing the killers. People stay together in his house. They want to hear father’s advice because they know that father is a wise person and can give them advice on what they should do.
always conquer hatred. Believe in yourselves, believe in others, and believe in God (p.50).
Those preaches show that father gives his golden voice to help other people. Preaching is a form of faith in social service. He has good talent to be a preacher that can bring new vision to others. Through his preach he wants to show the power of God and make people believe in God.
The Christian faith can also be seen in congregation. People stay together in one place and worship to God. It is showed by Imaculee itself. When she studies in university, she forms a prayer group with her girlfriends (p.32). Besides, her father and her neighbor also do the same thing. It is happened when people from around the villages come and stay together in Imaculee’s house. They form a group to pray together and to worship God (p.51). Not only in the campus and environment, the prayer group can also be seen in Imaculee’s family. They always pray together every morning and evening. They thank God because He always saves them (p.7). Those actions show that they show their faith by praying together. They believe that God stays with them if they stay together.
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showed when they pray together every morning and evening. Their faithful attitude shows that they are faithful people.
Not only in the house, prayer also becomes the important thing in a school. In Imaculee’s school, the students have to pray together before and after meals (p.21). Those situations show that the people in Rwanda are really devout Catholic. They show their faith by praying besides preaching and caring to each other.
2. Christian Hope
Hope is an expectant desire. When people believe in something, they also have hope in order to make their wish come true. In Christianity, hope is also an important thing besides faith and love. Faith and hope cannot be separated because they are related to each other. Hope, quoting to Dewi Sakuntalawati’s thesis, “Roman 5:1-5 determines Hope is the result of faith, accepts tribulations with joy, follows the process of tribulation with patience. Moreover, Hope is marvelous as the love of God scratches over her heart” (1978: 1172-1173).
The people in the story, especially Imaculee and her family are the faithful people. It can be seen in their way of life by serving God and others. As the writer stated, if people have faith, means they also have hope. Imaculee and her family always pray together every morning and afternoon, they also always attend the mass every Sunday. By praying, they believe that God will listen to their wish and hope God will make it becomes real. Prayer also makes people open them mind and heart toward God’s guideline and they can apply it in their life.
As the good Christianity, they also obey the Golden Rule. They always do something based on God’s rules and make it as their guide of their life. When they obey the Golden Rule, they believe that they already do something good for God and others. It makes people have good relation with good and others. Besides, by following God’s rule, they also believe God will save them in the end of the time as the Christians believe in.
Hope settles in people’s heart when they have desire to have it. It is experienced by the father and the mother. They are good people with an ability in preaching and giving others advice. People in Mataba respect the father and the mother because of his wisdom. They always give the others advice and preach when people have problem. By preaching and giving them advice, they already bring a new hope and vision to people’s heart. It also means they give spirit and support in order to make them stronger to face their problem.
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Imaculee has a group of prayer in her school. When she prays together, she feels stronger because she stays and prays together with people who have the same faith like her. It reflects hope in order to make her faith stronger.
3. Christian Love
Since the writer discusses about Christian values, the writer considers that there are three important things in Christianity; they are faith, hope, and love. And love is the most important thing among faith and hope. As stated in Christian Holy Bible, in 1 Corinthians 13:13, “So faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
Love in Christianity does not only mean love to others but it also means love to God. In A New Catechism: Catholic Faithfor Adult, it is stated that love is not just a feeling but it is also an action. Many ways to show love to God and each other, such as by praying, going to church, charity, forgiveness, salvation, giving without any purposes, etc (1967: 114). Love is not only a feeling but it is also actions that people do in order to show their love to others and to God.
Imaculee and her family are good Christians. One of the traits to God is by praying and going to church. They consider that God’s love and kindness can make them live and feel His grace. And as His creature, they believe they should love God by worshiping God, by praying and going to church.
especially loved the Virgin Mary, believing that she was my second Mom, watching out for me from heaven (p.6).
Imaculee’s family is known as selfless people and it can be seen in their actions. The father is very kind person. He spends many weekends to help the village to build public place, like chapel, and usually he uses his own money to build that chapel. He also collects money to help poor kids who need money for their school fee. He establishes a coffee cooperatives and the program is very successful that he is able to use some of the money to build a community center, a soccer field for teens, and new schools (pp.7-8).
Love becomes the important thing if people want to live together and the father also considers about that. One of the traits of love is charity. He loves the others by caring to the poor and the neighbor. He helps people as the part of his charity. He helps them without any purpose and he wants to help them because he considers all people are his family.
His love is also shown to his children. It is experienced by Imaculee when she cannot study in public high school. She has no choice besides study in private high school. She knows that her parents do not have money to pay the fee. And finally her father decides to sell their cows which are the financial symbols in Rwandan culture.
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The father shows his love is not only for the others, but also for her daughter. He does everything to make Imaculee gets education. He goes to the country to find some private schools and sells his cows for paying Imaculee’s school tuition, even though it means the financial ruin for his family. He never thinks about that and he only wants his daughter gets the best education.
Besides the father, those kinds of actions also are done by the mother. She has good and harmonious relation with her neighbor. She is a woman with golden heart. Many people, especially women, always come to her when they have problem. She will advise them and give them solution. For example, one day, one of the neighbors comes and talks to her about her problem. She cannot afford to buy her daughter a wedding dress.
My mother told her not to worry-if she had faith in God, he would provide. The next day I saw Mom counting out the money she’d saved from her monthly teacher’s salary. Then she walked to the village, coming home with her arms full of brightly colored fabrics. She sat up all night sewing dresses for the woman’s daughter and all the bridesmaids (pp.7-8).
Family is the important element in people’s live. It is a place where people can find love and protection. This situation is also considered by the mother. She is a powerful woman. Besides working, she also never tired to take care of her family. She always the first to rise and last to bed, getting up hours before anyone else to make sure that the house is clean, the children’s clothes are lay out, the books and lessons are ready, and the father’s paper work are organized. She makes all the clothes herself, cuts children’s hair, and brightens the house with handmade decorations (p.4).
The attention that is shown by the mother shows she really loves her family. She wants her family gets the best and everything that she has done for them becomes her proof that she is a responsible mother for her family.
Love is not only shown by taking care and helping others, but it is also shown by forgiveness. In A New Catechism: Catholic Faithfor Adult, it is said that forgiving is one of the part of love (1967:114). Forgiving people means giving the new life to other people. And it also means that people love each other. It happens to the father who forgives one of his friends that makes a mistake to him.
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who has become the district burgomaster. He feels very surprised to see that the father is still alive. He tells to father that the incident is a misunderstanding and pretends to be upset. Surprisingly, father is not angry to Kabayi, he forgives him and will not remember that incident anymore (pp.27-28).
The father’s action by forgiving Kabayi, makes his family angry. They cannot believe their father becomes so forgiving. His family thinks it is a wrong decision but according to father, forgiving is the right way to love each other. By forgiving Kabayi, he is sure Kabayi will realize his mistake and start his new life with new soul and he can love each other like father does.
Another part of love in Christianity is pray. By praying, people show their love to God and others. One of the characters who show her love by praying is Imaculee. She usually prays for other people who need help from God. For example, she prays for the others who are still alive. Imaculee’s prayer shows that she cares and loves her family and others. She asks to God to protect and save them. Her love to them is showed by praying to ask God’s protection.
The image made me shiver. I wondered for the millionth time where my parents, brothers, and others are and silently asked God to watch out for them:
You’re the only family I can talk to now, God. I’m relying on You to take care of the others (p.110).
survivors and tells to them what the French soldiers says. Imaculee feels very happy to help them.
She makes sure they get enough food and brings them medicine from the soldiers, and even makes sure to sleep close to them in case they becomes frighten in the night. She is happy that they are alive and safe (pp.159-160). Her action in helping her family and others, are done by her because she considers them as her own family. And she wants to save them in order to make them get their new life as her proof that she loves them as her family.
C. The Significance of Christian Values in Facing the Imaculee’s Conflicts
Many elements can influence someone’s attitude. Family and society are two environments that can influence someone’s attitude, but the most important element that can affect someone’s attitude is family. In family, people learn about life, religion, relation with others and God, etc, and after that the lessons can be applied in their life. That is why family becomes the best place for learning about life. And hopefully, they can apply the good things that can be useful for their life and others. Not only in family, but society, especially school, can also be a good place in shaping a person’s attitude. The activities which are done, can affect the student’s attitude.
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Christian values to help Imaculee in facing her conflicts. Imaculee believes each person must have faith in order to make them safe. Faith is the central and very important in Christianity. It reflects love to God, especially, and to others. Besides faith and love, hope also exists too. As stated in Roman 5: 1-5, hope is the result of faith, receive the tribulation with joy and patience. Having a faith means believe in God and in His grace. Besides, love is the most important thing in Christianity. In A New Catechism: Catholic Faithfor Adult, it is stated that love is not just a feeling but it is also an action. Many ways to show love to God and each other, such as by pray, go to church, charity, forgiveness, salvation, giving without any purposes, etc (1967: 114). Love is not only about love to God, but it also about love to others.
The war makes the situation get worse. Everyone cannot think clearly, each of them has their own opinion and it considers as the right solution to face the situation. Imaculee has internal conflict when she confuses what she should do after she hears Damascene’s story. Damascene tells his family member that he saw a group of the killer and they have a death list and their family’s name is included in the death list. Damascene asks his father that it is better to them to run away to Lake Kivu. His father refuses Damascene’s request. Imaculee confuses whether she should follow her father or Damascene’s command.
She faces this internal conflict by thinking the advantage and disadvantage if she follows one of them. She realizes she has to follows her father because he already faced the genocide before, so hopefully he already knows what he should do to save his family’s life. Imaculee faces her internal conflict by following her father’s command and hope it can save them. Her hope makes her can survive to face the internal conflict. By hoping and believing that she will save, she can face this conflict with joy and patience. So, it makes her easily to face the conflict.
Imaculee realizes that there is no way to escape from the war besides pretending to be brave and thinking positive. Imaculee feels dilemma when she has to hide her fear. She is afraid if the killers really come and kill her and her family, but she does not want to make her family worries. She advises her brothers to have faith and pretend not to think about the war, but in fact she is afraid.
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It is very difficult for Imaculee to hide her fear, but she shows she still has faith even though it is weak because of her fear. She uses her faith too hide her fear, so she can bring a hope to herself and her family that she can survive if they have a little faith. She also uses her faith in order to make her family believes that they can be safe if they have hope and bravery.
Besides, she knows that her brother, Damascene, almost gives up and cannot survive in keeping his faith and hope. Imaculee is very angry to him and finally she has conflict with him. She tries to advise Damascene to face this situation and help their parents.
Damascene, you have to snap out of this! I shouted. You can’t give up before we even start to fight! If you can’t see what you’ll be doing next year, I can! You’ll be with me in Butare when I graduate university. You’re going to be sitting in the front row clapping and cheering when I accept my diploma. So please, get up and help Mom and Dad! (p.47)
Imaculee gives hope to Damascene that they can survive in facing this situation. It is better to him to have faith and hope so he can help their parents and they can support each other and it also can make them stronger if they face the situation together. She also tells Damascene that having faith and hope to face this situation is very important. Finally Damascene can accept Imaculee’s advice and he feels better when he can face this situation with his faith and hope.
A wave of guilt rolled over me. Had my optimism led my brothers and parents into this nightmare we were living in now? Was I responsible for their fate? What else could we have done, since Dad wouldn’t leave, and everything had happened so fast? Should I have despaired, sunk into depression, or become hysterical over our plight? That would have made matters worse. People need hope to survive (p.63).
Imaculee understands that people, especially her family, already lose their faith, but she cannot avoid that her optimism brings bad effect to her family. When she feels dilemma, she faces this situation by hoping that her family will be fine if they have faith and hope. Her hope also shows she faces this situation with love which she has for her family. She does not want her family lives in desperation. Her act shows that she loves her family and does anything for them. She finally can accept that the condition is going to be bad but she never loses her faith and hope in God.
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cannot sleep in that night and has no idea what she should do to protect them. She does not want to let them go but she has no choice. This is her deep sadness because she will let Vianney and Augustine go away. As Vianney’s sister, she wants to keep Vianney stays with her, but she also knows that it is an impossible thing. It will be very dangerous if she keeps Vianney with her (pp. 68-69).
This internal conflict makes Imaculee feels guilty when she lets Vianney and Augustine go away. She is also very angry with Pastor Murinzi. Finally, she realizes she should bring her anger and her feeling of guilty away. She uses a prayer to help her face this conflict.
I prayed silently, asking God to protect Vianney and Augustine and keep my parents and Damascene safe. I thanked Him for delivering us to the bathroom-I truly believed that God had guided Pastor Murinzi to bring us here, and for the first time in days, I felt safe. I asked God to bless Pastor Murinzi for risking his own safety to help us….but then I winced at the prayer. A flush of anger burned my cheeks as I remembered how he’d sent my brother and our friend into the night. I prayed that God would eventually help me forgive the pastor (p.74).
Imaculee is a faithful people and she shows her faith by praying that becomes the real attitude in serving God. When she prays, it does not guarantee that she always has positive thinking. She often hears the evil sound when she is praying, especially when the killers come to pastor’s house to find the Tutsis.
That’s when the devil first whispered in my ear. Why are you calling on God? Look at all of them out there…hundreds of them looking for you. They are legion, and you one. You can’t possibly survive-you won’t survive. They’ve inside the house, and they’re moving through the rooms. They’re close, almost here…they’re going to find you, rape you, cut you, kill you! (p.78) That is the evil sound that Imaculee hears while she is praying for God’s protection and it really bothers her. Imaculee realizes the evil sound can be fought by praying to God. She believes by praying to God, God will save prayer also contains hope that makes her survive even though the evil sound always comes.
My heart was pounding. What was voice? I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could to resist the negative thoughts. I grasped the red and white rosary my father had given to me, and silently prayed with all my might: God, in the Bible You said that You can do anything for anybody. Well, I am one of those anybodies, and I need You to do something for me now. Please, God, blind the killers when they reach the pastor’s bathroom-don’t let them find the bathroom door, and don’t let them see us! You saved Daniel in the lions’ den, God, You stopped the lions from ripping him apart…stop these killers from ripping us apart, God! Save us, like You saved Daniel! (p.78)
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Imaculee cannot believe that information because he knows her father well. She is also very disappointed with the pastor because he trusts the information before trying to find the truth. She is very angry but she can do nothing, because she realizes that her life is in the pastor’s hand. If she makes him angry, he will send her to the killers. So, she only keeps her anger in her heart (p.96). At the first, she experiences the internal conflict because she has dilemma whether she should argue with the pastor or not. Later, she realizes she cannot accept that because he already insults her father, and she feels so angry.
My anger boiled inside me as Pastor Murinzi abused my father’s good name. I couldn’t control my temper-my father had suffered enough indignities! I raised my voice for the first time since he’d locked us away in the bathroom: “If my father had so many guns, why didn’t he pass them out to the thousands of Tutsis who came to us looking for protection? If my father had so many weapons, why didn’t he stop the killers when they burned our house to the ground? If he’d planned to kill Hutus, he would have killed them before they drove his family into hiding and destroyed his life! Tell me, Pastor, why didn’t he use the guns to protect his wife and daughter from killers and rapists? (p.97)
