818] 687-8888 Name

Address City

Stale- -Zip

BREAK OUT ON TOP!

WELDING ^{SCHOOL, INC.}

Tulsa,

Oklahoma

BECOME A CERTIFIED PIPE WELDER IN 15

WEEKS OR LESS.

Train at theschool selected by

AMOCO

Pipeline astheir training sitefor 1983.

•

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on quality training

• Freejob placement

• Financial aid available

•

Owned and

operated by a certifiedpipewelder

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^fora freecatalog.

AAA Welding School,

Inc.

8383

E.

48th

St.So. ^F-2/3

Tuhw,

OK 74145

(818]

687-8888 Name

Address City.

State. .Zp_

Phone. 59

The

Jofefe Page

"Hey, Fred you

know

that

new

truck drivingschoolthatcameto town? Well, I

wenttotheschoolandpaida$1.000

down

payment to join.

When

they told

me

the school was forbeginners, they wereright.

Youstartout withmatchboxcarsso they don'thaveinsurancebillstopaywhen we havea wreck.

"

Lori Uhl Valmeyer, Illinois

Hank: "Say, haveyou_{heard of}the

new

airlinedesignedespeciallyfor hogs?"

Fred: "No, what's^itgoingtobecalled^"

Hank:

"Ham Am."

Tom

Miene Luana, Iowa Therewasamillionaire

who owned

alot ofoilrefineries in Texas.

One

day oneof themstarted onfire. Sincehedidn't want

that refinery to burn up. he called the Houstonfiredepartment. Theycameover becausetherewas so

much

heat fromthe firetheybarricaded itjust towatch^itsoit

wouldn't

spread.

The

millionaire wasn't satisfied with that so he called the Austin fire department. They came over and tried to put the fire out, but they couldn't, so they builta second barricade behind the first. The millionaire wasn't satisfied with that either, so he called the volunteer fire department from ^his

home

town.They camewiththeirbestequipment and crashed through the barricades and put out the fire. The millionaire was so pleased that he gave them $50,000. The mediawasthereandtheyaskedthevolunteer firedepartment's chiefwhat hewas going to do with the money.

He

replied, "First thing I'm going to do ^is get these darn brakesfixed.

"

JeffNikolai Stratford, Wisconsin Therewasa baddude

who

justlearned martialartsandhewantedto trythemout.

Sohe gota coupleof ten-dollar bills and hung them out ofhis pocket and walked

down

thestreet inthebadpartoftown. He walked for a little while, then a mugger jumped out from behind a building. The baddudeturnedaround andyelled,"Karate!"

The muggeryelled,

"Monkey

wrench!"

Ralph Lemongelli

Monroe

City, Missouri Sign ona farmer's berry patch: "Thisis

nota strawberryshortcut."

Bobbie

Mae

Cooley Bowen, Illinois

Quizkid:"Say. Whiz,didyou

know

it's

now

thefashionto dressaccordingto the colorofyour^hair"?

A man

with

brown

hair shouldwearabrownsuit.

A man

withgray hairshould wearagraysuit.

And

so on.

"

Whi/kid: "Tellme. Quiz,

how

shoulda bald-headed

man

dress?"

B.J. O'Brien Hermann. Missouri

A

badly bruised knight returned to his castle aftera hard battle.

He

wasa mess.

His armor was dented, his helmet was askew,hisface wasbloody, hishorsewas limping. The lord of the castle saw him coming andwent outto meet him, asking

"What

hath befallen you, sir knight?"

Straightening himselfas besthe could, hereplied, "Oh. sire, Ihave beenlaboring dutifully inyourservice,pillagingallyour enemiesto the West."

"You've been what?"cried the startled nobleman, "But Ihaven'tany enemiesto the West."

"Oh,"said the knight,and then after a pause, ^"Well,you donow.

"

Tony Knight Laurel, Mississippi Henry: _"Ifhavingyourtonsilsremoved

is a tonsilectomy, and having your ap- pendix removedisan appendectomy, what do

you

callhaving agrowthtaken_offyour head?"

Charlie: "A haircut."

Daniel Wenger Stevens. Pennsylvania Once there was a boy

named

Peter whose father told him torake leaves.

He

didn't want to, but he was raking them anyway.

A

friendsaw him andasked,"Did yourfatherpromiseyousomethingifyou rakethose leaves?"

Peterreplied, "No, buthepromised

me

somethingif Ididn't.

"

Toni Dianne Banks Pine Grove, Louisiana

A

terrible-tempered golfer

named

Davis wasadvisedbyhispsychiatristtocontinue toplaygolf,butwithoutaball.

He

wasto imaginehittingeveryshot.

The dayafter hissessionwiththedoctor, Davis met another golfer, and the two decided to play a round. The terrible- tempered Daviswarned hisnewfriendof his unusual style ofgame, but the friend said it wasokay.

After 17holes,eachhad

made

¹7 straight birdiesandthematch wastied. "I'mreally goingto belt thisone,^"saidDavis.

And

he did, hittinga400-yarddriveonthepar-five final hole.

"Well, I'mreallygoingto belt thisone, too," said the friend.

And

he also hit a 400-yarddrive.

Davisstudiedhissecondshot. He'duse aneightironandtheballwould bounce on thegreentwice, thendive into thehole

—

whichitdidfor adoubleeagle."Beatthat!"

said Davis.

"/ already have," replied the friend.

"Youhit thewrongball."

Joe Bradshaw Maud, Texas The Scotsmanenteredafancyrestaurant butall heorderedwasa bowlofsoup. As hewasaboutto eat hisfirstspoonful,afly fellinto hisbowl.

He

carefully fished thefly out, holding the tiny insect by its wings.

The Scotsmanthen looked at theflyand

said,"Okay,spit itallout."

Oren

Nunemaker

Glasco, Kansas

Charlie, the Greenhand

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Jl.

ml* bj

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"No, there'snothing wrongwith him . . .just overwhelmedbecausehegotan "A'^/"

TheNanonnlFUTUREFARMERtrillpax P.OBoxIS 160.Alexandria. IA!:S09

60

$5.00for each jokeselectedfor publication onthispage. Jokes mustbeaddressedto theNationalFUTUREFARMER,

Incaseofduplication,paymentwillbe far thefirstonereceived.Contributionscannot be acknowledgedor returned.

The National

FUTURE FARMER

The Tony Lama ^difference

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(Left)Stock#8444^-beige elephant(right)stock#6521^•rustcowwithsoft navykiddtop.Brassbreedbuckle#7404withbelt#82658.Horseshoe buckle#3500withbelt#46614.