You can change the emphasis in your sentences simply by changing the order of the words. The parts of a sentence that most people remember are the beginning and the end, so any points you want to emphasise should go there. Consider the following sen- tence: ‘I notified you three weeks ago that I had received the wrong consignment, and despite several telephone calls I have had no response to date.’ The emphasis here is on the notification and on the lack of response.
But the writer could have written: ‘Three weeks ago, I notified you that I had received the wrong consignment, and I have received no response to date, despite several telephone calls.’ Now the emphasis is on the fact that it was three weeks ago that they were noti- fied and on the telephone calls.
Building Sentences into Paragraphs
EXERCISE 2
Correct the following sentences.
1. Thanking you for your help in this matter.
2. Please call us for a quote, and we offer a wide range of other services as well.
3. Our latest catalogue is being printed and will be sent to you shortly, including a range of special offers.
4. Having received Mrs Brown’s letter, in which she complained about the delay in despatching her order and which you passed on to me, and having conducted a thorough investigation, I am now in a position to report on what went wrong.
5. Enclosed is our quote for the work on your house. Which, as you will see, includes replacing the wooden fascia boards with uPVC.
6. In order to survive we need to:
a. raise our profile in the market b. to increase our productivity c. to improve our customer service.
7. I am aware of all the hard work you have put in on behalf of the company, I will consider your request carefully.
8. There appears to have been some misunderstanding regarding my reservation, since I requested a room only, and just for one night, whereas your confirmation is for two nights’
bed and breakfast, so I would be grateful if you could amend your records.
unwieldy if too many ideas are introduced, so a paragraph will be difficult to follow if there are too many topics competing for the reader’s attention; the brain has to store a number of different ideas before it can start working on one of them. When written, it also looks difficult to read, so the reader is almost subconsciously put off before he or she even starts. Look at the passage below.
Following a study of productivity in the company, we have changed our methods of operation in the Production Department, with the result that productivity has been increased by over 50%. We would now like to introduce similar improvements in other departments. Of course the actual changes will be different from those intro- duced in the Production Department, because each department has its own operational practices. But the underlying principles should be the same. These principles include streamlining operations, training staff to per- form more than one task and empowering employees to find better ways of doing things. As part of this process of empowerment, we would like all staff to consider ways in which they think the work of their depart- ments could be made more efficient. We are aware that when many people hear words like ‘efficiency’,
‘productivity’ and ‘streamlining’ they immediately think of redundancy. We therefore want to reassure all staff from the outset that this exercise is not intended to lead to downsizing and redundancy, voluntary or compul- sory. It is simply that if we can increase our productivity we can increase the amount of business we generate from the same number of employees, which has to be good for everyone, not least the employees themselves.
It is not easy to distinguish one thought from another, and reading it is hard work. Now look at how it should have been written.
Following a study of productivity in the company, we have changed our methods of operation in the Production Department, with the result that productivity has been increased by over 50%. We would now like to introduce similar improvements in other departments.
Of course the actual changes will be different from those introduced in the Production Department, because each department has its own operational practices. But the underlying principles should be the same.
These principles include streamlining operations, training staff to perform more than one task and empowering employees to find better ways of doing things. As part of this process of empowerment, we would like all staff to consider ways in which they think the work of their departments could be made more efficient.
We are aware that when many people hear words like ‘efficiency’, ‘productivity’ and ‘streamlining’ they immediately think of redundancy. We therefore want to reassure all staff from the outset that this exercise is not intended to lead to downsizing and redundancy, voluntary or compulsory. It is simply that if we can increase our productivity we can increase the amount of business we generate from the same number of employees, which has to be good for everyone, not least the employees themselves.
It is very much easier to read, yet all that has happened is that it has been divided into separate paragraphs, each dealing with a particular topic:
G the result of the change in one department and the plan to expand it into others
G the fact that despite different operational practices the underlying principles are the same
G what these principles are, including the desire to empower staff
G the reassurance that the changes will not involve redundancies
Of course, there can be no hard and fast rule about exactly when you should start a new paragraph. People will have different ideas of what constitutes a ‘topic’. But it should be fairly clear approximately where one topic ends and the next begins.
You can also use paragraphing to indicate that you are about to look at the same topic but from a different point of view, as the following extract shows:
I can offer you a complete service – not just office cleaning but also laundry and towel Paragraphing
There are a number of reasons why you might use paragraphing, apart from the desire to make your document easier to read.
G to introduce a new topic
G to look at the same topic from a different angle
G to develop one element of a topic
G for special emphasis
G to move your argument forward
EXERCISE 12
Rewrite the following letter, using the same words and sentences, but dividing it into paragraphs.
Dear Mr Iqbal
Following our conversation last week, I would like to confirm the arrangements for your sales conference on 15 and 16 May. We have reserved the small conference room for you. This seats 40 people, and since there will only be 30 attending there will be plenty of room for everyone. We will provide seating and tables in a horseshoe layout, as you requested. We will also provide a flip chart and easel and an overhead projector. If you also need a digital projector, one can be made available; you need only ask me on the day.
We will serve coffee and tea at 11 a.m. and 3.30 p.m. and lunch at 1 p.m. on both days, in a separate room. Lunch menus are attached. I understand that only the wine with the meal is to be charged to your company, and that any other drinks should be paid for. A private bar will be set aside for your use. I have also reserved 15 rooms with private baths for those who are staying overnight. I look forward to seeing you on the 15th, and thank you for choosing our hotel for your venue.
Yours sincerely
Keith Blackstone Conference Manage
Of course, if all you want is an office cleaning service, I can provide that on its own, and I think you will find my rates and my service the best in town.
The first paragraph deals with the services this person offers. The second also deals with those services, so it is in fact covering the same topic. But it covers it from a different perspective – that of a customer who does not want a complete service.
Paragraphing can also help you develop a topic, or an element or concept within it. For example:
For all these reasons, our strategy must be one of expansion. We do not yet fully exploit our potential in the market, and there are many areas where there is room to improve our
performance. The most important, and potentially the most profitable, of these is the export market.
Exports account for only 15 per cent of total sales. With careful planning, the right personnel and a certain amount of investment, we could increase that to 25 per cent within a year.
Here the writer is continuing with the same topic, but is developing an element of it (exports) until it becomes a topic in its own right.
Many people, when planning their documents, actually list the topics so that they know what is to go into each paragraph. This can be a very useful technique, especially if you are using the list method of outline. You can then develop a paragraph out of each point on your list.