Now your document must be ‘polished’. You are unlikely to go through this process for any oral communication, otherwise it will sound as though you are reading from a script (which in a sense you will be doing), but for written documents it is essential.
Check your draft to ensure that it says everything that needs saying, but no more, and that it says it as concisely as possible. Editing is quite an art; you can practise your skills on some of the letters, memos, e-mails and reports thatyoureceive – can you improve on them?
Below is the final letter based on the draft above. Can you see what has been changed, and why?
MASTERS & CO Fabric and Furnishings Masters House, Latherham, YZ23 4WX Tel. 01456 789012 Fax 014546 901278
19 November 20XX Mr L. Carter Bennett & Turner 43 Union Street Stampton VW12 3TT Dear Mr Carter
Thank you for your enquiry of 12 November. I enclose samples of the different fabrics you asked for. Each of the designs shown is unique to our range.
A Checklist for Editing
G Is your document polite and unemotional?
G Are there any unnecessary words or phrases? If you are not sure try leaving certain phrases out – does this affect the sense of what you are saying?
G How would you react ifyouwere receiving it? Is that the reaction you want from your audience?
G Do you assume too much knowledge on the part of your reader?
G Is it clear, or is anything ambiguous?
G If it needs a reply, do you say so? Should you set a time by which you expect to hear from your correspondent?
G Is it likely to achieve the result you want?
G Have you included everything your reader needs to know?
G Have you included anything that is irrelevant to your aim or your audience?
G Is the information logically presented?
G If you are presenting an argument, have you thought of all the counter-arguments?
The designs are available in the following colours: Design 41 in blue or green; Design 53 in grey and blue or brown and beige; Design 42 in red only; and Design 67 in black and white or blue and white. I am afraid that Design 18 is no longer available.
All the designs are the same price, and our prices are as follows:
Up to 50 metres – £10.00 per metre 50–100 metres – £9.00 per metre Over 100 metres – £7.50 per metre.
For orders over 200 metres, the price is subject to negotiation. All these prices include carriage. Our payment terms are 30 days from date of delivery.
We are giving an additional 10 per cent discount on all orders received before the end of January, so if you would like to place an order, why not do so soon and take advantage of this offer?
If you would like further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely
Martin Stacey Sales Executive
G Martin has corrected a few grammatical errors (like ‘Each of the designsisunique’
instead of ‘are’) and has changed a few punctuation marks to make the list in the second paragraph easier to follow.
G He has edited out unnecessary words and phrases like ‘which will give you an idea of the different designs’ in the first paragraph, and ‘for delivery’ at the end (carriage means delivery).
G He has changed the wording in the first sentence and in the sentence about extra discount, to reduce the number of words in each.
G He has changed the wording and layout of the second paragraph to avoid ambiguity (the way it was expressed in the draft, it was not clear, for example, whether Design 41 was available in both blue and grey, or in a combination of blue and grey).
G He has cut out the explanation for the non-availability of Design 18. It is not really necessary for the customer to know why it has been withdrawn. The explanation as it stands could be interpreted as insulting – suggesting that the customer is out of touch with fashion.
G He has put the sentence about the extra discount at the beginning of a new paragraph to give it more emphasis. He has also made the ending rather more friendly and encouraging.
Laying out documents
The way you lay out any documents you write (including e-mails) can help or hinder your readers’ understanding of what you are trying to say. A poorly laid out communica- tion will usually be difficult to follow, but by giving a little thought to its appearance, even if the basic words and structures are the same, you can actually make it easier to read.
Poor layout can also reflect badly on you. Although business communication is becom- ing more informal, there are still certain right ways of doing things; if you do not follow them, the work will look slipshod and unprofessional to others.
Letters
Letters are perhaps the most important communications to get right because they offi- cially represent your company or organisation to the outside world. Sloppy layout reflects badly not only on you but also on the organisation you represent.
Ordering Your Letter
There can be up to six elements to a business letter, and this is the order in which they should appear:
1.The date. This is now almost always shown, in British English, as 23 October 20XX. One still occasionally sees 23rd October 20XX, but that is now much less common. In the USA the month comes before the date – October 23rd 20XX.
2.Your reference. It is not essential to include a reference, but it may help you to retrieve a letter from your filing system. It often comprises the initials of the writer and perhaps those of the person who typed the letter, plus a file or account number, for example TRM/HGS/83/4.
3.Your correspondent’s reference. You should always quote it if they have used one.
4.The inside address. This is the name and address of the person to whom the letter is being sent. It is important, because if you do not put it in it will be difficult to remember later who the letter was sent to. It is also so much part of the convention of business letter writing that official letters that do not have an inside address look unprofessional.
5.The letter itself.
6.Any notes about enclosures or copies. Although it is not essential, it is useful to indicate at the bottom of your letter whether you are enclosing anything with it, and whether any copies are going to other people. The usual abbreviations are:
– Enc. This means that the recipient should expect to find an enclosure.
– cc, followed by someone’s name. This stands for ‘carbon copy’ and means that a copy is going to the person named.
– bcc. This stands for ‘blind carbon copy’, and is only typed on copies of the letter, also followed by someone’s name. It indicates that you are sending a copy to the person named without the original addressee knowing.