COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE CUSTOMS

§80.

Age

of pnbcrty and marriage.

—

^{It is}

^now

^{customary for girls to}

be marriedattheage offifteen, sixteen, or seventeen years

among

the

Omahas,

and inthe

Ponka

tribethey generally take husbandsas soon asthey enter their fifteenth year. It

was

not so formerly;

men

waited

tilltheyweretwenty-five orthirty,

and

the

women

^tilltheywere twenty years of age. Then,

when

a consort

was

spoken of they usedto refer thematter to their friends,

who

discussed the characters of theparties,

and

advised accordingly, as they proved good ^(i. e., industrious and good-tempered,

and

having goodkindred)orbad. Sometimes an

Omaha

girl ismarried attheage offourteen orfifteen; butin such a case her

husband

waits about a year for the

consummation

of the marriage.

When

a girl maturesrapidly sheis generally married

when

she is six- teen; but those

who

areslow to

mature marry when

they reach seven- teen. (See§ 97.)

Dougherty states (in Long^s Erpeditionto theRocky 31ountains,vol.

1, p. 230) that

"In

the

Omawhaw

nation

numbers

of females are be- trothed in marriage from their infancy. ^{* *}

Between

the ages ofnineand twelve years the

young

wifeis occasionallyaninvited visit-

ant atthe lodge of herhusband, in order that she maj'

become

famil- iarized with his

company

and hisbed."

But

suchisnot the case

among

the

Omahas

according to

La

Fl^che

and Two

CroWs,

who

say that

Dougherty

referred to a

Kansas

custom.

§81. Courtship.

— The men

court the

women

either directly or by proxy.

The women

^usedtoweighthematterwell, but

now

they hasten to

marry

any

man

that they can get. Sometimes the girl told her kindred

and

obtained their advice. Parentsdo notforce theirdaugh-

tersto

marry

againsttheirwill. Sometimesa girl refuses to

marry

the man, andtheparentscannotcompelhertotake him. Allthat theycau do ^isto give her advice^: "

Here

isa good

young

man.

We

^desireyou

to

marry

him."

Or

they

may

say to the people,

"We

^{have a} single daughter,

and

itisourwishtoget her married."

Then

the

men

go to court her. Should the parents think that thesuitorisnotaptto

make

her agood

husband

they returnhis presents. Suitors

may

curry favor with parents and kindred of the girl

by making

presents to them, but parentsdonotselltheirdaughters.

The

presents

made

forsuch apur- pose are generally given

by some

old

man who

wishes to get a very

young

girl

whom

he isdoubtful of winning.

When

a

man

courts the

259

260 OMAHA

SOCIOLOGY.

girldirectlythisisunnecessary.

Then

he gives

what

he pleases toher kindred, andsometiaies they

make

^{presents to}him.

When men

^{reacli theage of fortyyears}without having courted any one the

women

^{generally dislike them,}

^and

^{refuse to listen to them.}

The

only exceptionis

when

thesuitor^isbeneficent.

Such

a

man

gets his father t© call four old men,

by whom

he sendsfourhorsesto the lodge of thegirl'sfather. Ifthelatterconsents

and

thegirlbewilling heconsults his kindred,

and

sends his daughter,withfourhorses from his

own

herd, tothe lodge of the suitor'sfather.

The

latteroftencalls afeast,to which he ^invitesthe kindredof the girl, aswell as those of his son.

When

^{thegirl issent}

away

byher parents sheis placedon one of the horses, which isled by an old man. Thereis notalwaysafeast,

andthere isno^regularmarriage ceremony.

A ^man

of twenty-five orthirtywillcourta girlfor

two

or threeyears.

Sometimesthe girlpretendsto be unwillingto

marry

him, just to try his love, butat last she usually consents.

Sometimes,

when

ayouthsees agirl

whom

he^{loves, if.she}be^willing, he says to her, "_{I will} standinthatplace. Please gothither at night."

Ther afterherarrival heenjoysher,

and

subsequently asks her of her father in marriage.

But

it

was

different with a girl

who had

been petulant, one

who had

refused tolistento thesuitor atfirst.

He

might be inclined to take hisrevenge. After lying with her, he might say,

"As you

struck

me and

hurt me,1 will not

marry

you.

Though you

think

much

of yourself, I despise you."

Then would

she be^sent

away

without winning

him

for her

husband

;

and

^it

was

customaryfor the

man

to

make

songs abouther. In these songsthe

woman's name was

notmentioned unless she

had

been a "mi^ckeda," or dissolute

woman.

One day

in 1872,

when

the writer

was

on the

Ponka

Reservation in Dakota, henoticedseveral

young men

onhorseback,

who

werewaiting fora

young

^{girltoleavetheMissionhouse.}

He

learned that theywere her suitors,

and

that they intended to runa race with herafter they dismounted.

Whoever

could catch her

would marry

her; butshewould take care not to let the

wrong

one catch her.

La

Fl^che

and Two Crows

maintain thatthis isnot a regular

Ponka

custom,

and

they are sure thatthegirl (awidow)

must have

been a " mi° ckeda."

§ 82. Marriage byelopement.

— ^Sometimes

^a

^man

elopes with a

woman.

Her

kindred have no causefor angerif the

man

takes the

woman

as his wife. Shoulda

man

getangiy becausehis singledaughter, sister, or niece

had

eloped, the other

Omahas

would talk about him, saying, ''That

man

is angry on account of the elopement of his daughter!"

They

wouldridicule

him

forhis behavior.

La

FIfeche

knew

of butone case, and that a recentone, in which a

man showed

anger on such au occasion.

But

^if the

woman had

been taken from her

husband by

an- other

man

her kindred

had

a right to beangry.

Whether

the

woman

belongs to the

same

tribe or to another the

man

^can elope with herif

she consents.

The Omahas

cannot understand

how

marriage by caj)-

DoifcEv.l

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE CUSTOMS. 261

ture could take^place, as the

womau

would besure toalarm her people

by

hercries.

§ 83. Customs subsequent to marriage.

—

^{Sometimes thekindredof the}

husband

are assembled

by

his father,

who

addresses them, saying,

"

My

son's wife misses her old home. Collect gifts,

and

let her take

them

toher kindred."

Then

thehusband'skindred presentto thewife horses, food, etc.,

and

the husband's mother ^tells her daughter-in-law to take the gifts to her parents.

When

the

husband

and wife ⁱ .i<>h

the lodge of thewife's parents the fathercallshisdaughter's kindred to afeast

and

distributes the presents

among

^them.

By ^and

^{by, per-}

hapsa yearlater,thewife'skindred

may

assembleand tellthe

husband

to take presents

and

foodtohiskindred,especiallyifthelatterbe poor.

This custom is

now

obsolescent.

§ 84. Polygamy.

— ^{The maximum number}

^{of wives that one}

^man

^can

haveis three, e. g., thefirst wife, heraunt,

and

her sisteror niece,ifall

be consanguinities. Sometimesthe threeare notkindred.^

When

a

man

^{wishestotake asecond wifehe alwaysconsultshisfirst}

wife, reasoningthus with her^{: "}Iwish

you

tohaveless

work

todo, so I think of takingyour^sister, youraunt, oryourbrother's daughterfor

my

^wife.

You

can then haveherto aid you with your work." Should thefirstwife refuse the

man

cannot

marry

the other

woman.

Gener- ally no objection is offered, especially if the second

woman

be oneof the kindredof thefirstwife.

Sometimes the wife will

make

the proposition to herhusband,

"I

wishyou to

marry my

brother'sdaughter, as she

and

I are oneflesh."

Instead of "brother'sdaughter," she

may

say hersister orheraunt.

The

^{firstwifeisnever}deposed. She alwaysretains theright to man- age household affairs,

and

she controls thedistribution of food, etc.,

giving to theother wives

what

she thinks they should^receive.

§ &'5. If a

man

has a wife

who

isactive

and

skillfulatdressinghides, etc.,

and

the other wives are lazy or unskillful, he leaves

them

with theirparentsorother kindred,and takes the formerwifewithhim

when

he goes with thetribeonthe buffalohunt. Sometimes he ^{willleavethis} wifeawhile to visitone of his other wives.

But Dougherty was

^misin- formed

when

he

was

toldthat the skillful wife would be aptto

show

her jealousy

by

^"knockingthe

dog

over withaclub,repulsing her

own

child, kicking the fire about, pulling the bed,etc." (see p.232, Vol. ^I, Long^s Expedition totheRoclcyMountains),for

when

a wife^isjealous she scolds or strikes her

husband

or else she tries to hitthe other

woman.

Polyandry.—

The Omahas

say thatthishas not beenpracticed

among

them, nor dothe

Ponkas know

^this custom.

But

theterras of kinship seem to point toan age

when

it

was

practiced.

§ 86. Permanence ofmarriage.—

Amoug

the Santee Dakotas, where mother-rightprevails(?),awife'smother cantake herfromthe

husband

"Thewriterknewaheadchiefthathadfour wives.

262 OMAHA

SOCIOLOGY.

and

giveher to another man.

Among

the (pegiha,if the

husband

is kind, the mother-in-law never interferes.

But when

the

husband

is

unkind tliewife takes herself back, saying to him, " I have

had you

for

my husband

long

enough

; depart."

Sometimes

the father orelder brother of the

woman

saystothe husband, ^"

You have made

hersuffer;

you^shall nothave herfora wife any longer." This theydo

when

he has beaten her several times, or has been cruel in other ways.

But

sometimesthe

woman

has married the

man

in spiteof the warnings of her kindred,

who have

said to her,"

He

ismaleficent^; do not take

him

foryour husband."

When

such a

woman

repents,

and

wishestoaban- don herhusband, hermale kindred say to her, "

Not

so; still have

him

foryour

husband

; remain with

him

always."

Thus

do they punishher fornothaving heeded theirprevious warnings.

When

they are satis- fied witheach otherthey always staytogether^; but should eitherone turn out bad, the other oue always wishes to

abandon

the

unworthy

consort.

"Wlien parents separate, the children are sometimes taken

by

their mother,

and

sometimes

by

hermotheror their father's mother. Should the

husband

be unwilling,the wife cannot take the children withher.

Each

consortcanremarry. Sometimes oneconsortdoesnot carewhether the otheroue marriesagain ornot^; but occasionallythe divorced wife or

husband

gets angry on hearingof theremarriage of theother.