“Accept the pain, cherish the joys, resolve the regrets; then can come the best of benedictions
—‘If I had my life to live over, I’d do it all the same.’” — Joan McIntosh
Monk:
Musashi says straight out, “Do not regret what you have done.” That is a very broad, all-encompassing statement. He doesn’t say, “Think long and hard about what you are about to do,” or “Spend some time in thought over how your actions might affect others.” Nope, nothing of the kind.
Musashi is not addressing the process that leads to action, but simply advocating that we choose, act, and move on.
There is value in living in the moment, at least in certain aspects of one’s life, and I don’t know how much more you can be in the moment than by following this protocol.
Nevertheless, we cannot spend our entire existence in that state since we don’t learn from the past or plan for the future.
So, let’s talk about the past for a moment. There is a powerful aspect of life that doesn’t live in the past. The old saying is, “I don’t live in the past, but I can visit.” This is a fine and healthy statement. Musashi is not suggesting that we not revisit past actions but rather he is telling us to not attach emotion to what we have done. Regret is an emotion and in Musashi’s world an unchecked emotion could easily cost a warrior his life. Regret is a backward emotion, it allows us to revisit and though slow reflection make a
thorough examination of each moment in time. As a learning experience it can be powerful, but as an obsession living in the past is clearly dysfunctional.
Musashi’s utilitarianism and stoicism rise strongly in his statement of how to handle regret. Do you think Musashi would be upset if his house burned down? I suspect not. Do you think Musashi would give two thoughts to the fact that he inadvertently burned down a neighbor’s home while mistaking it for a rival’s? I suspect neither would move him much emotionally; he couldn’t afford the luxury... Or, is what I just called “luxury” an essential aspect of humanness?
In the Abrahamic religious traditions, having regret for what you have done is healthy and wise. Regret makes us ponder our actions, how those actions affected others, and what it means for our relationship with the divine. This thought pattern is communal in nature, whereas Musashi’s thought pattern is exactly the opposite. In fact, he turned his back to the gods of his ancestors. He had no ties of social responsibility from any domain, secular or religious. There was nothing to regret, let alone any emotion of regret to work through.
This may have worked well for the feudal warrior, but if everyone were to adopt that attitude society would devolve into chaos and anarchy since there would be no strings that tie us all together. This is where living in the moment fails.
Apology and forgiveness are not possible without regret.
These two elements, sincere apology and requesting forgiveness, are critical elements found in virtually every major world religion. Musashi glides unencumbered past these two elements of social and religious action like a man’s shadow rolling over an uneven stone wall on an afternoon walk. Without regret it is very hard for society to function as disputes amongst individuals turn to into fights, fights become feuds as friends and relatives take up arms
seeking revenge, and the circle of destruction rolls on and on gaining velocity, scope, and scale.
To be clear, Musashi never says, “Don’t review what you have done,” just “Don’t regret what you’ve done.” Healthy observation allows for review of mistakes and errors, how a person might have achieved a more favorable outcome to a situation if he or she had acted differently. Observation allows for audit. Musashi never excludes that idea of learning from what you have done, but he clearly says don’t spend time apologizing for your actions or asking forgiveness. Honestly that’s pretty extreme... I’m afraid that he has gone full on sociopath here. It reminds me of the criminal who is not sorry for the crime, just upset that he or she got caught.
Observation of an action and regret for taking the action are two different items. Observation is an intellectual act while regret is an emotional one. One is of the head, the other of the heart. To act only from the head, only on information is not being truly human. Acting only on the emotions of the heart is not sustainable either, there must be a balance.
This interplay between the head and the heart is necessary for a complete human experience. Musashi may have held no regrets but on a deeper plane he missed many great human experiences that make this life a vibrant tapestry. I cannot condone this precept.
Warrior:
I like to look at this precept in two different ways. The first is to take it at face value. It seems clear enough the way Musashi wrote it, “Do not regret what you have done.”
Regret, or the feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done, has little or no use to the person of action, which is a
hallmark of the warrior. In Go Rin No Sho as translated by Victor Harris, Musashi wrote, “Do nothing which is of no use.” Or translated slightly differently by William Scott Wilson, “Do not involve yourself with the impractical.”
It seems clear, and I agree with Musashi that you shouldn’t regret what you have done, as it is impractical and is of no use. You cannot change what you have done, so feeling sad or disappointed because of something that has happened serves no purpose unless it is the stimulus to correct past actions. But even then, the correcting of something you have done should be due to it being the right thing, not because of a feeling of regret. Which brings us back to not regretting what we have done in the first place.
I can think of no positive outcomes that wallowing in regret will serve, but can think of numerous negative consequences from such feelings. Musashi believed the Way of swordsmanship was to fight with your opponent and win.
Victory was paramount. And when you are dealing with life or death, this belief is absolutely necessary. When defeat most likely means death, victory at all costs becomes much more important and forefront in a warrior’s mindset. The impracticality and uselessness of regret has no place in the warrior’s mind, when practicing martial arts should be done with their entire being as Musashi taught.
I agree with Musashi on the impracticality and uselessness of the feeling of regret, and that a warrior should not regret what he or she has done because it will reduce the effectiveness of one’s abilities. However, I also look at this precept in a second manner. I do believe that those who take up arms, the warrior class, must be guided by a set of morals to keep their power in check. This precept can help define one’s future actions by adhering to a code that doesn’t allow one to act in a way that would cause the feeling of regret.
I may be stretching Musashi’s original intentions when he wrote this down, but I don’t have a problem with that if it is useful. And I find it useful to rewrite this precept as, “Do nothing that will cause you to regret what you have done.”
In this more forward thinking manner, we are not just refusing to regret what we have done because of impracticality, but rather direct our actions so there will be nothing to cause regret in the first place. I find this to be not only a positive way of thinking, but a powerful way of living.
With this rewritten precept in mind, one will not act in a manner that causes harm, loss, or anything else that would result in feelings of sadness or disappointment for having done so. And maybe even more importantly, one will act on those opportunities that arise to prevent the regret of inaction. Wishing you had done something in a past situation is as impractical and useless as wishing you hadn’t done something.
I like and agree with Musashi’s precept when it comes to the past, but I also like my reworking of his precept when it comes to acting now and in the future.
Teacher:
Everyone has done something in their life that they wish they had not done.
Many people have wished for a “do-over” after certain less- than-pleasant moments in their life. There are some people who seem to have no ability whatsoever to get past a mistake in their life and there are others who seem to have no regard at all for the issues they cause others or the lives they destroy. These are two extreme examples of the reaction of experiencing regret.
So how is it that we call the person who wrecks people’s lives through calloused disregard for them and a complete
lack of empathy or regret an evil bastard, but when someone says, as Musashi does here, “Do not regret what you have done,” we call them a tough person and admire them?
Regret is a funny thing.
Obviously, regret is uncomfortable. No one likes to experience it. It is not fun to sit and think about the fact that we have done something we wish we had not done. But is there an upside to this powerful negative feeling? Is it possible to turn this negative feeling into something positive?
We do something, we wish we had not, and that is not a good feeling. This is especially so in the light of understanding that we cannot undo what is already done, especially if we have hurt someone we truly love. This action may have hurt us personally, or those we love, or those who were depending on us. We wish we had not done whatever it is that we have done. We would give anything to go back in time and make that mistake not happen. So regret feels like a very bad thing, and those who want to put on a tough attitude toward the world will say, do not regret what you have done. What is in the past is in the past, what is done is done and cannot be changed, so why waste your energy?
There is something very important missing in this tough guy attitude. Something incredibly important, and if we miss it we will have a huge hole in our life-experience. Not every experience that we learn from is fun or pleasant. In truth, we learn the most from mistakes and suffering the result of our poor decisions. In other words, regret is an uncomfortable feeling, but it is also a very powerful learning tool for those who have the strength of character to use it properly.
How so?
Perhaps in a moment of shortsightedness you make a decision and take an action that ends up being a very big mistake. I am using an extreme example, but all feelings of regret offer these same opportunities to grow as a person, in greater or lesser degrees. Maybe this mistake cost you dearly in relationships or damaged your career or reputation, or in some cases all of the above.
Regret is that tool that will make you wiser should the circumstances ever return to where you have an opportunity to make a similar bad choice. The powerful feeling of wishing that you had not done something that you have already done and cannot change just might be the very thing that keeps you from making that same mistake again.
The poor saps who refuse to allow themselves to feel regret have no such opportunity for growth. And as human beings, all we can do in our short time is to try to grow as people and leave this world a little better than it was when we got here.
Is there a problem with regret? Sure! There is a big problem for some people who go to extremes in their emotions.
Some people lose sight of the fact that emotions are to be experienced, felt, and then we move on. The big problem with regret is for the people who dwell on it.
When you make a mistake, you can and should regret what you did wrong. But in no way should it haunt your every waking thought for the rest of your life. Strengthen your resolve to not make that mistake, and then move forward.
You may have lost the trust or even the very relationship with people who are important to you. The world keeps turning and we live out our lives. Those people who dwell on their feeling of regret are not learning from their mistakes, they are denying themselves the opportunity to grow from the mistake. This is every bit as much true for them as for the people who refuse to feel regret. The person who
refuses to feel regret is to be pitied every bit as much as the person who cannot learn and grow from the experience to emerge as a better person. Both are trapped.
There are people who argue that regret is useless because what is done is done. I believe the exact opposite. If we do not learn from our mistakes then we will more than likely repeat them. The result will be the same as the first time we made the mistake and we will have shown clearly that we have not learned anything in the time between the mistakes.
So to me, regret is a good thing when used in moderation, just like garlic! Too much and you ruin everything; not enough and there is something missing from the experience. The good news is that we can learn and grow from what is typically considered to be a negative emotion.
We need to be open to the experience and willing to take the lessons offered therein. But it can be done.
Insurance Executive:
“Regrets, I’ve had a few…,” sang Frank Sinatra. “But then again, too few to mention.” He goes on to sing how he did it his way. I would venture to say that he didn’t look hard enough at his life if he could only come up with regrets that are “too few to mention.” I’m also guessing those words were chosen to make a rhyme, as opposed to being truthful about ol’ Blue Eyes and his hard drinking ways.
Writing about another precept here, I talk about the concept of practice. The fact doctors call what they do “a practice”
makes me a little nervous, though it’s a proper word to describe what I do on a daily basis in my effort to live a righteous life, one in which I strive to be the best person I can be not only for myself but to those with whom I come into contact. Do I have anything to be regretful about in my past? Oooo yeah... I can think of large and small ones in
virtually every aspect of my life. Some were people I hurt, paths I shouldn’t have taken, and opportunities I missed. Do I dwell on them? No, at least I practice not to.
Making mistakes is part of the human condition. Learning from them is key; acknowledging them to those I’ve harmed as well as to myself is an absolute. A sincere apology comes with your admission and regret that you did something wrong, and a promise to try to never let it happen again.
When done sincerely, the person harmed feels the legitimacy of the apology and it helps both of you move forward and out of the past.
I feel proud when I have the courage to admit my wrongdoing. I feel good about being a fair person and my sense of self-respect gets a boost. The simple act of apologizing—simple but admittedly sometimes difficult—
lessens and possibly negates any sense of regret and shame that I was feeling.
Now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of… forget about it, I’m not telling. Let’s just say, now that I’ve been around for a while, I sometimes wonder how my life would be different right now if I’d taken that other job I was offered; if I’d stuck with my first martial arts school instead of switching; if I hadn’t met my husband; if I’d rescued a different dog, and so on. Fun to think about occasionally, but never to feel regret over. If some of my decisions didn’t pan out, or I hurt someone, or caused suffering, I try to learn from those things. I also try to learn from the good decisions, because they have much to teach too.
It’s clear by the title of this precept that Musashi understood Buddha’s teaching—in this case, his guidance on living in this very moment. I believe the great warrior understood that the past is past, the future is in the distance, and what is left is right here, right now.
I say acknowledge your past, including your errors, but don’t allow yourself to suffer from what you have done. What does it accomplish other than to make your present self miserable? Apologize to those you can, honor those you should apologize to but have lost contact with, and strive to never repeat your error.
Case in point: On one occasion, the great Buddhism teacher the Dalai Lama was teaching others about rebirth. One student took it to heart and committed suicide so he could be born again into a better life. When the Dalai Lama found about it, he was devastated because he felt responsible.
Today whenever he is asked if his feelings about it are still with him, he says, “Yes, still there.” They are there because they are part of him. But it’s clear that he doesn’t dwell on them.
Reflect on errors you have made and work on ways to never do them again. Besides, do you really want past bad decisions to bump into the ones you will inevitably make tomorrow and the next day? No. Guilt and regret are pointless; they are excess baggage that serves only to cause you suffering. The past is gone and cannot be changed.
Musashi undeniably knew that the Buddha taught all human beings should move forward, never backward. To that end, be kind and be compassionate right here, right now. Let that fill your time, not regret for something that can never be changed.
Businessman:
Due to revolutionary new technologies, a global economy, workforce demographics, a patchwork of international, national, state, and local rules and regulations, and ever evolving consumer preferences, the speed of business is