“O’ beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green- eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.” — William Shakespeare
Monk:
Being born with great eyesight is a blessing. I have never known the gift of good eyesight and many of you as fellow eyeglass or contacts wearers understand how tough that can be. That fact, being born with less than perfect, uncorrected eyesight precludes many of us from many things in life, among them the possibility of ever flying on a military jet for a living let alone commanding that aircraft.
Getting at least 1,000 hours pilot-in-command time in a jet aircraft is a necessary prerequisite if you wish to become an astronaut in the United States. If you are over six-foot and one-quarter inches tall, you can’t be an astronaut either.
That’s too tall. A college degree in the hard sciences is also necessary along with an advanced degree. Further, you need to pass a very demanding physical fitness test. As you can see, if you want to be an astronaut you need to win the genetic lottery first, then combine that fortune with a discipline of mind and body. It’s an elite profession by every definition of the word.
Having been handed a pass on the genetic lottery, and through diligent hard work achieving all the necessary education and training, Lisa Nowak became an astronaut.
What a high achievement, earning one of the rarest of high profile jobs on the face of the Earth, and yet she tossed it all
away. Over jealousy. In 2007, astronaut Lisa Nowak found herself under arrest and charged with a series of crimes including attempted kidnapping, burglary, and battery.
You see, by all accounts Nowak was jealous of another woman who was in a relationship with the man of her affections. Nowak drove from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida to get revenge. Inside her car investigators found a trench coat, wig, BB gun, garbage bags, pepper spray, and a knife. Even though Nowak used the pepper spray on the other woman, her intended victim managed to escape the attack, saving herself from Nowak’s clutches. Who knows what else was in store for her, but it doesn’t take much imagination to believe that it would not be a good thing.
After all, Nowak was so single-minded in her pursuit that she wore adult diapers during her commute so as not to have to add any time to her already long drive by taking restroom break.
The sixth-century Orthodox monk Isaac of Syria once said,
“Passions are like dogs accustomed to lick the blood in the butcher’s shop. When they are not given their usual meal they stand and bark.” The barking passion of jealousy destroyed Nowak’s life despite the fact that she ultimately managed to escape a legal conviction and was allowed to retire from the Navy. Nevertheless, a panel of three US Navy admirals recommended that Nowak be discharged, her rank reduced from Captain to Commander, and that her separation from service be classified as “other than honorable.” This not only affected her reputation, but no doubt also impacted her retirement pay and benefits too.
The emotion of jealousy will lie to you, it will whisper in your ear that what you are doing makes sense; it feels good, it is just and correct, and yet jealously is always deceitful. It has to be, because without the lie jealously cannot not exist.
Jealousy tears you off of your path and places your feet
firmly on a crooked, distorted journey. This distortion does not come from the fact that the other path is bad necessarily, or even that it is poorly constructed, but rather it comes from the fact that it is not your path. You are trying to walk in somebody else’s shoes and not in a good way.
Their shoes do not fit you. Sadly your desire is so high that you will suffer pain to make the path work for you, or perhaps you will attempt to change the other’s path through force like Nowak chose to do. Either way there is no good resolution to the situation.
Jealousy is destructive and like a virus it either maims or kills its host. Musashi, I believe, recognized this essential fact of jealousy and by never engaging in it assured that it cannot exist. It is like a reflection in a mirror; you must stand in front of the mirror in order to see your reflection. If you do not stand in front of the mirror, your reflection does not exist. If you do not engage in jealousy it does not exist.
In three short words, Musashi saves us from one of the greatest failures of the human existence. Never be jealous.
Wise words aptly said.
Warrior:
Despite the Aristotle quote, “Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbor to have them through envy,” I agree with Musashi’s precept, “Never be jealous.” Maybe it is because I agree with one of my favorite science fiction authors, Robert A. Heinlein (1907 – 1988), who said, “A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”
Okay, maybe Heinlein was off when he said it was a symptom of neurotic insecurity, but I do believe that jealousy is never useful, and therefore “never be jealous”
falls within the same rules Musashi wrote about in Go Rin No Sho that I mentioned in the last precept, “Do not regret what you have done.” I’ll remind you that, depending on how it’s translated Musashi wrote, “Do nothing which is of no use,” or “Do not involve yourself with the impractical.” I agree with Musashi’s “Do nothing which is of no use,” and therefore agree with him when he wrote, “Never be jealous.”
Some feelings and emotions can be used. A warrior learns to use pain. It allows us to know we have trained hard, or it tells us something is wrong. Warriors feel fear and use it to keep themselves sharp, and as a reminder use caution at times. The courageous warrior isn’t one who doesn’t feel fear, but rather one who feels it and acts anyway. But, unlike other emotions jealousy never helps. It is never useful.
To enter battle, a warrior must be secure with him or herself, as well as those he or she is entering battle alongside. When you are comfortable with yourself and have high self- esteem, you don’t feel jealous of other’s circumstances or relationships. This is one of the primary reasons I agree with Musashi. If you are jealous, you are not secure with yourself.
Jealousy indicates insecurity, and insecurity will lessen the competency and effectiveness of the warrior.[13]
Theodore Roosevelt (1858 – 1919), certainly a warrior, once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When you focus on comparisons, and feel there is something else that’s better, jealousy ensues. Therefore, the warrior shouldn’t focus on comparisons, but rather should focus on his or her own positives and endeavors at self-betterment. Yes, curbing the emotion of jealousy may be difficult, but it is necessary for the warrior to move forward. Whenever feelings of jealousy
start to arise, one must immediately shift their focus to their strengths and unique qualities to avoid the irrational thinking that comes with the feeling of being jealous. With practice, this shift become easier, and with an increased self-worth and self-esteem, it becomes less necessary.
Jealousy may be inherent in every human being. It might be natural for people to feel jealous when others do better than them. However, it is a feeling of insecurity and lack of confidence in oneself. Because a warrior can’t afford the feelings of insecurity or lack confidence, the warrior must focus on him or herself and never be jealous.
Teacher:
To my knowledge, jealousy is regarded as a sin in every religious tradition. This begs the question of why. Why is jealousy regarded as being sinful? What harm can this feeling possibly cause?
Jealousy causes a lot of harm in that it is a very powerful emotion. Jealousy is a negative emotion too. It speaks directly to our base feelings and the reactions which follow are very deeply scripted in our brains.
People will kill other people over wishing they had what the other person has. In the cases of teens who rob other people of their shoes, it started as a feeling of jealousy over what the person in question did not have. In the cases where people will ransack and loot stores, it often starts as a feeling of jealousy over the perceived privilege that another group is seen as having over the group that is acting out in violence. People will murder over jealousy, as in cases where someone finds out that their spouse is having an affair. They will rob, loot, destroy, and murder over this strange emotion.
Never be jealous is an admirable bit of advice. It is harder to put into practice because of the way it seems, for all intents and purposes, to be woven into our DNA. So, where would one begin if they were going to put this into practice? The beginning of not being jealous is going to start, like everything else, within ourselves. We first have to gain control of the impulse to see what others have that we do not have, and look instead at what we have.
If you are reading this book, I am going to assume that you have been the beneficiary of at least some education. More than likely, you have had the benefit of a considerable amount of education, but we will just stick with the assumption of, at the very least, some formal training in the art of reading. If you spent your own money to purchase this book, I will further assume that your needs for food and shelter are also being satisfactorily met. While I will admit that in the past I have bought books when I really needed the money for other things, such as food, I am going to assume that I am the exception that tests the rule. If your needs for sustenance and shelter are being met, I will further assume that you are employed. It may or may not be your ideal job, or you might feel that it is not your calling, but you are probably working. You do have an income of some sort.
Here’s the deal: If you survived gestation, birth, and childhood, became educated enough to read, have reliable food and shelter, and an income that at least minimally meets your needs, you are better off than most of the people on the planet.
Right here we have a good basis to begin to appreciate what we have.
As a youngster who was heavily influenced by anything and everything martial arts related, I was in front of the TV every Saturday around lunchtime for the reruns of the Kung Fu
television series. A line stuck with me for many years from an episode where someone asked Caine about not wanting to be rich. His reply was something like, “I have work to do, a place to sleep, food to eat, and friends. I am already rich.”
I grew up impoverished. I am not joking when I say that we were not poor, we were broke, and had the hope to one day become poor. Poor would have meant that we did not have enough money. Broke meant we had none. But I was able to find contentment in what we did have anyway.
When we had baking powder biscuits for dinner, I was happy
—especially when we had gravy to go with them. The times we had pancakes for dinner, I felt lucky because I knew that my school friends would be jealous to know that I was eating pancakes while they were eating meatloaf or pork chops. I grew up in a mobile home in a trailer park in central Texas. We had no air conditioning. As a child, it was hard for me to understand how other kids did not notice the seasons changing sooner than they did. I knew the season was changing for more than a week before my AC-trained classmates. I knew when it was not really spring yet and I knew when winter was really over. They did not. It made me feel smarter than them, which was a rare thing in my life!
When you are able to reach a level of contentment where you are confident that other people would trade places with you, it is easy to not be jealous of what they have. So, this precept is great advice, and while it is challenging to put into practice, the payoff for the hard work of putting it into practice is an incredible peace of mind and a powerful contentment and appreciation of what and who you have in your life. It is well worth the effort.
Insurance Executive:
I probably have moments of jealousy but I like to think not many. I’ll tell someone, “Oh, I’m so jealous you’re going to
Hawaii” or “I’m so jealous you’re going to dine at the fabulous new restaurant,” but in reality I’m not in the least.
I’ve been to Hawaii and I’ve eaten in nice restaurants so to be jealous of someone for doing what I’ve done doesn’t really compute in my mind. What I’m really saying to them is this: “I could use a trip to Hawaii right now,” and “I have to make plans to eat at that restaurant in the near future.”
But jealous? Envious? No.
In my experience the thing being envied is often distorted in one’s mind. Let’s say, Alice, an out of shape woman, looks at a fit woman at the supermarket, and thinks longingly, “If only I had her figure my world would be so much better.”
Then when Alice watches the coveted woman get into a shiny new Lexus, she thinks, “If only I had that car in my world my life would be so much better.” If Alice isn’t careful, she will fall into a trap that has caught so many others: To envy to such an extreme there can be no personal satisfaction.
Too often our minds exaggerate the value or significance of a person, place, or thing until it becomes a distortion. Left unchecked, we can slip into an “I’ve got to have that,” or
“I’ve got to be like that person,” or “I’ve got to take that exotic trip.” Such thinking can convince us that if we could only have what another person has, life will be grander, happier, and—the biggie—people will envy us. Once acquired, the reality never lives up to the exaggeration- based jealously that so dominated the mind. This is why we must tread lightly so as not to covet things and people to the extent they become amplified into something grandiose, far greater than what they really are. When this does happen, the amplification can create a monumental jealousy that consumes every waking moment.
Consider this thought. Might it be that to feel jealous of another person based on social status, wealth, looks, or skill
of some desired trait, is admitting the other’s superiority? I strive to look at another person that has achieved much or been blessed with much, and think to myself, “Good for her.” In fact, I can’t honestly recall any time in recent memory when I’ve felt even a modicum of jealousy of such a person. Maybe this is because I constantly strive to improve myself, to push to new heights of expertise in the things I’m interested in—work, art, martial arts, and fitness.
By thinking in this fashion, I find joy in competing against myself and achieving goals, rather than wasting time coveting what someone else has.
I’m not certain, but perhaps it’s been the martial arts that have helped me not to be jealous of other people. I’ve always seen my training as a method to not only learn self- defense, but also to learn about striving, seeking, and pushing myself. Myself. So if I see another woman that is better at sparring, kicking, or forms, so be it... I have never driven myself mad being envious of another person’s achievements in the martial arts or any other endeavor.
Again, in my mind, I want to develop myself in all ways, not waste time being envious.
I believe I’m unique. I value the gifts I have been given and the many skills I’ve developed through my own efforts. I feel good about myself as to the ways I have tried to help others. And I’m very happy with the love I get from family and friends, and the love I give back. All of these things endow me with a powerful sense of self-worth.
Life is simply too short and too valuable to spend it feeling insecure, angry, anxious, and resentful of what others are doing on their life’s path.
Businessman:
Jealousy is a vile emotion, one that’s destructive to both the individual and the organization in virtually every way imaginable, but also one that for many individuals is extremely hard to overcome. Those who are intrinsically driven have a far easier time avoiding jealousy’s clutches than for those who are extrinsically motivated. This is because their behavior that is driven by internal rewards. In other words, they do things because they are self-fulfilling, which makes it easier to ignore what other folks think, say, or do. This contrasts with extrinsic motivation, which involves engaging in a behavior in order to earn rewards or avoid punishments from others.
Here’s an example: When I used to compete in tournaments I never minded losing to someone who was a superior athlete or better martial artist. I didn’t like losing, of course
—who does—but I did not get upset about it whenever I found myself outmatched. Win or lose, the only time I really got angry was when I defeated myself, did anything less than my absolute best. In other words, in my mind the competition was all about pushing myself, the other guy was just a yardstick against which to measure progress.
Similarly, the awards were nothing more than mementos of what took place. If I earned a trophy that was great, but if I didn’t come away with any hardware yet learned something new hence was able to improve my game it wasn’t a bad day. In fact, the medal I’m most proud of is silver, not because I took pride in second place but rather because it was from the event where I finally figured out how to beat someone who had stymied me for years in large part because I was afraid of him. Those victories (we fought twice that day and I won both times) were a breakthrough in my development as a martial artist and as a competitor. The guy I lost to in the final was better than both myself and my former nemesis put together, so there was no dishonor in getting my butt kicked by him.