and Transgender Grandparents
The most signi fi cant demographic trend during the past decade has been the “graying of America”
(Shrestha & Heisler, 2011 ) . The accelerated pace of the population aging is evident with the actual- ity that beginning January 1, 2011 approximately 10,000 Baby Boomers (i.e., those born between the years 1946 and 1964) will turn age 65 each day. Not only will there be a tremendous growth in the number of individuals who obtain “senior”
status, but life expectancy has risen from 69.7 years in 1960 to 77.8 years in 2006 (Tootelian
& Varshney, 2010 ) . The dramatic increases in life expectancy has created a greater likelihood that individuals will be members of multigenera- tional families and that children will have extended relationships with their grandparents and possibly their great-grandparents. Because
grandparenthood can begin well before age 65, with the average age of becoming a fi rst time grandparent being 47, the majority of grandpar- ents can expect to experience this family role for 30 or more years (Paul, 2002 ) . Presently, 94% of older Americans with children are grandparents, and it is estimated that 50% of older adults with children will become great-grandparents (Smith
& Drew, 2002 ) . Further, it is estimated that 70 million people were grandparents in 2010 (U.S. News and World Report, 2011 ) .
Historical and contemporary research has indi- cated that the grandparent–grandchild connection is of value, either directly or indirectly, for grand- parents and grandchildren ( Bengtson, 2001;
Kemp, 2007 ; Kivett, 1991 ; Stelle, Fruhauf, Orel,
& Landry-Meyer, 2010 ) . The actual value derived from this relationship, however, will vary consid- erably depending on a multiplicity of factors that contribute to the quality and experience of the grandparent–grandchild relationship. Although researchers have empirically examined the grand- parent–grandchild relationship for over 50 years, there has been a lack of attention given to under- standing the diversity and contextual variation within this intergenerational relationship when grandparents self-identify as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender (LGBT).
Accurate estimations of the current number of LGBT parents and grandparents are not avail- able. However, using U.S. Census data, the Williams Institute estimated in 2011 that there are approximately nine million LGBT individu- als in the USA, and same-sex couples were
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,
and Transgender Grandparents
Nancy A. Orel and Christine A. Fruhauf
N. A. Orel , Ph.D., L.P.C. (*)
Gerontology Program, Department of Human Services , College of Health and Human Services, Bowling Green State University , 218 Health Center , Bowling Green , OH 43403-0148 , USA
e-mail: [email protected] C. A. Fruhauf , Ph.D.
Department of Human Development and Family Studies , Colorado State University , 417 Behavioral Sciences Building, Campus 1570 , Fort Collins ,
CO 80523-1570 , USA
e-mail: [email protected]
178 N.A. Orel and C.A. Fruhauf
raising approximately 250,000 children under the age of 18 in 1999. Yet, these are conservative esti- mates (as many authors have previously dis- cussed; Goldberg, 2010 ) given that LGBT individuals often do not lead openly lesbian, gay, or bisexual lives (Biblarz & Savci, 2010 ) and data are often miscounted (Gates & Cook, 2011 ) . Optimistically, because the 2010 U.S. Census was the fi rst time individuals were given the opportu- nity to report same-sex partners and same-sex spouses, more accurate and less conservative sta- tistics will be available in the future about LGBT parenting and grandparenting. Additionally, with the increase in same-sex couples adopting chil- dren, fi nding surrogate mothers to bear children, and becoming pregnant through arti fi cial insemi- nation (Johnson & O’Connor, 2002 ) , the number of same-sex parents is increasing (Goldberg, 2010 ) . As a result, it is likely that the current and future aging LGBT population will experience grandparenthood in greater numbers than previ- ous LGBT cohorts and, as a result, it is important to understand the grandparent–grandchild rela- tionship within the context of LGBT families.
The purpose of this chapter is threefold. First, we provide a brief overview of a life course model on grandparent–grandchild relationships and the current literature on the grandparent–grandchild relationship. Second, we focus on areas where research is contributing to an emerging picture of the diversity of grandparent experiences within the grandparent–grandchild relationship, includ- ing the salience of sexual orientation to the grandparent role. Third, we present approaches and strategies that would enhance programs and services directed toward LGBT grandparents and grandchildren, as well as empower both LGBT grandparents and grandchildren. Lastly, we pro- vide suggestions for further research.
Life Course Perspective on LGBT Grandparents’ Relationship with Grandchildren
The life course perspective is a predominantly sociological perspective that focuses on familial relationships. The LGBT grandparent–grandchild
relationship can best be elucidated from an appli- cation of major themes within a life course per- spective on families (Bengtson & Allen, 1993 ; Elder, 2003 ) . First, the temporal context refers to the appraisal of time as it is in fl uenced by age within the relationship between the LGBT grand- parent and grandchild, and can be viewed in three parts: ontogenetic, generational, and historical (Bengtson & Allen, 1993 ) . Ontogenetic timing is the unique unfolding of each individual’s develop- ment that is in fl uenced by family unit changes, and LGBT grandparents may discover that they are apprehensive about being a grandparent because this role reminds them of their mortality.
Generational timing is concerned with how indi- viduals respond to the changing roles, role transi- tions, and role expectations that are placed on them in regard to their own generation within the family.
An LGBT grandparent may welcome the role of being a mentor to a grandchild instead of being in the role of the parent. Historical timing refers to events within the broader social context and how these societal events in fl uence individual develop- ment and relationship development. Today, LGBT grandparents may have greater ease in coming out to grandchildren than in prior years (Clunis, Fredriksen-Goldsen, Freeman, & Nystrom, 2005 ) when homosexuality was a forbidden topic as it was thought of as a mental illness, a crime, or threat to society (Kimmel, Rose, Orel, & Greene, 2006 ) . An LGBT grandparent’s personal history of disclosing her/his sexual orientation may also facilitate the process of coming out to her/his grandchildren (Fruhauf, Orel, & Jenkins, 2009 ) .
Second, the social contexts between LGBT grandparents and their grandchildren include the social construction of meanings, cultural context, and the interplay of macro–micro levels of devel- opment. An exploration of the experiences of LGBT grandparents must take into consideration the similarities between the social construction of sexual orientation as a sexual minority status and the social construction of aging. Kimmel et al.
( 2006 ) indicate that both social categories are evaluated negatively, with fl agrant acts of dis- crimination associated with them. Because it is possible to conceal sexual orientation and, even to some extent, chronological age, sexual orientation
179 12 Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Grandparents
and age have similar social constructions. For example, within an ageist and heterosexist cul- ture, the phrase (and former policy) “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is applicable and often applied to both older adults and LGBT persons by those who would prefer that they remain invisible. Yet, there are other structural statuses including race, class, gender, and (dis)ability that are not easily con- cealed and could complicate this issue even fur- ther (Institute of Medicine, 2011 ) .
A third theme of the life course perspective, a diachronic perspective (Bengtson & Allen, 1993 ) , involves the need to look at the dynamic aspects of roles and relationships and the examination of both continuity and change in the life course experience of LGBT grandparent–grandchild relationships. For example, LGBT grandparents may come out to their grandchildren when they determine that grandchildren are developmen- tally ready, or coming out to grandchildren may happen over a period of time. Conversely, LGBT grandparents may refrain from coming out to their grandchildren if adult children (parents) are disapproving of grandparents’ sexual orientation or gender variance.
A fourth theme of the life course perspective that is important to understanding LGBT grand- parenting is heterogeneity in structures and pro- cesses. This theme illustrates how individuals experience familial and societal relationships over time and proposes that the lives of one gen- eration are linked to the lives of other genera- tions. For example, a lesbian or bisexual grandmother may experience resiliency in the face of adversity, and as a result be able to show family members including grandchildren how to move forward during dif fi cult times.
Historical Overview of Grandparenthood and the Grandparent–Grandchild Relationship
Prior to discussing the available literature on LGBT grandparents, it is imperative that a brief historical overview of grandparenthood and the grandparent–grandchild connection is presented
to illustrate the multidimensionality of the grandparent role and the diversity and contextual variation of intergenerational relationships. The majority of early conceptual articles on grandpar- enting presented grandmothers negatively and totally ignored grandfathers. For example, Abraham ( 1913 /1955) labeled grandmothers in three generation families as “troublemakers,” and Vollmer’s ( 1937 ) article entitled The grand- mother: A problem in child rearing described grandmothers as having an unfavorable and nox- ious in fl uence on grandchildren. While these early psychoanalytic theorists emphasized the negative aspects of the grandparent role upon the psychological development of the child, ethno- graphic researchers in the 1950s presented a more favorable view of grandparenting (Apple, 1956 ) . Social scientists have also recognized the impor- tance of grandparents and were the fi rst to de fi ne their speci fi c roles and function. Van Hentig ( 1946 ) espoused the “vital role” that grandmoth- ers played in the life of the family and concluded that a grandmother’s role is a “primitive but effective mechanism of group survival” (p. 390).
Grandparents were considered to be a source of wisdom, strength, and stability, and grandparents bene fi ted from the high status and prestige that the role of grandparent was given. This favorable view of grandparenthood followed the Biblical prescription, which indicated that grandchildren would be a restorer of a grandparent’s soul and sustain them in their old age (Ruth 4:14, Revised Standard Version).
During the 1960s and 1970s, researchers began investigating the varying roles of grand- parents and the grandparent–grandchild relation- ship (e.g., Neugarten & Weinstein, 1964 ) . Developmental theorists explored the changing meaning of grandparenthood according to the grandchild’s level of cognitive development and found that the meaning of the grandparent role for a grandchild was dependent on the grand- child’s level of cognitive maturity ( Kahana &
Kahana, 1971 ) . However, Clavan ( 1978 ) concep- tualized the grandparent role as being a roleless role because there exists a wide diversity of grand- parenting behaviors coupled with an absence of sanctioned rights, obligations, and prescribed
180 N.A. Orel and C.A. Fruhauf
functions. Collectively, the research on the role of grandparenting has described this role in terms ranging from national guard or watch dog (Hagestad, 1985 ) , arbitrator (Hagestad, 1985 ) , stress buffer (Bengtson, 1985; Johnson, 1985 ) , and roots (Hagestad, 1985 ) . Grandparents have also been considered to be a resource person (Neugarten & Weinstein, 1964 ) , valued elder (Kivnick, 1982 ) , mentor (Kornhaber, 1996), con- veyer of family legacy and culture (Bengtson, 1985), silent savior of children from faltering families (Creighton, 1991 ) , surrogate parent (Neugarten & Weinstein, 1964 ) , and the wardens of the culture ( Guttman, 1985).
Unlike norms for other primary family roles, there are not explicit norms for grandparenting (Kemp, 2004 ) , and most authors have highlighted the multidimensionality of the grandparent role and the issues of variability within the grandpar- ent–grandchild relationship. Historical scholarly perspectives on the grandparent–grandchild rela- tionship (see Szinovacz, 1998 ) indicate that this relationship is in fl uenced by the age and gender of the grandparent and grandchild (Kivett, 1991 ) ; socioeconomic variables such as employment status, educational level, and economic resources (Cherlin & Furstenberg, 1986 ) ; geographical proximity and frequency of contact between grandparent and grandchild (Kemp, 2007 ) ; psy- chosocial compatibility (Kornhaber, 1996); per- sonality characteristics (Kornhaber, 1996);
disruptive life events (Connidis, 2003 ) ; and the mediating effects of parents (Barranti, 1985 ; Whitbeck, Hoyt, & Huck, 1993 ) . Further, grand- parenthood in African-American families, Latina/o families, and Asian families is mini- mally investigated. When grandparents of color are included in studies, researchers tend to exam- ine crisis events (e.g., grandparents raising their grandchildren, divorce), particularly as these events relate to African-American grandparents.
This research is often limited to comparisons with White families (Hunter & Taylor, 1998 ) .
More recent and contemporary research on the grandparent–grandchild relationship has moved away from previous foci and has addressed the diverse nature of the grandparent–grandchild relationship (Stelle et al., 2010 ) . For example,
recent grandparenting literature addresses issues concerning grandparents who are raising their grandchildren (Hayslip & Kaminski, 2005 ) , tak- ing into account racial and social class issues (Brown & Mars, 2000 ) , international perspec- tives on grandparenting (Kenner, Ruby, Jessel, Gregory, & Arju, 2007 ) , and grandparents who are recipients of primary care from their grand- children (Fruhauf & Orel, 2008 ) . Further, grand- fathering (Roberto, Allen, & Blieszner, 2001 ) , impact of divorce on grandparent–grandchild relationships (Bridges, Roe, Dunn, & O’Connor, 2007 ) , adult grandchildren–grandchild relation- ships (Kemp, 2004 ) , and grandparenting when grandchildren have special needs ( Mitchell, 2007 ) have received attention in the literature, although limited. These foci take into account sensitivities to race, ethnicity, class, gender, and (dis)ability as they are salient to emerging grand- parenting issues and provide insights into the continued diversity of grandparenthood.
Of all the aforementioned factors that in fl uence the grandparent–grandchild relationship as well as the shift in grandparenting research away from a unitary focus on White, middle-class families (Stelle et al., 2010 ) , the mediating role of the middle generation on the stability of the grand- parent–grandchild relationship cannot be under- estimated. While research continues to explore role expectations for grandparents and investigate relationships between grandparents and grand- children, it is the parents who set the conditions by which the grandparent–grandchild relation- ship functions ( Matthews & Sprey, 1985 ) . The role parents play in the grandparent–grandchild relationship over the life course may be espe- cially important to consider when grandparents are sexual minorities.
De fi nition of Families with an LGBT Emphasis
Although the vast majority of research on fami- lies has emphasized the experiences of family members from a heterosexual (heteronormative) perspective, it is apparent that LGBT persons are members of families and actively participate in
181 12 Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Grandparents
their roles as sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, uncles, and aunts. A complete exploration of the historical understanding of LGBT family relationships is beyond the scope of this chapter, but it is important to address the changing American societal attitudes toward nonheterosexual orientations and behaviors dur- ing the past 50 years because this is the lived history of current LGBT grandparents.
Prior to the Stonewall Rebellion of 1969, LGBT persons were forced to live secretive lives in which their sexual orientation was “closeted”
so that a public heterosexual identity could be managed (Seidman, 2002 ) . Pervasive heterosex- ist attitudes created hardships for any family member who disclosed his/her sexual orientation.
The Stonewall Rebellion of 1969 has been identi fi ed as the “turning point” for understand- ing gay and lesbian identities, and according to Seidman ( 2002 ) , “never before had homosexuals openly declared their sexual identity as something good while criticizing American society for its intolerance” (p. 64). More than 40 years have elapsed from this cultural moment in which secrecy and closeting was nationally challenged [see Miller ( 2006 ) for a detailed account of gay historical information]. Contemporary events such as legalizing same-sex marriages and repeal- ing “don’t ask, don’t tell” have currently created a disclosure imperative (McLean, 2007 ; Seidman, 2002 ) , whereby LGBT individuals are expected to be open and honest about their sexual orienta- tion with friends, family, and colleagues. However, problematic family relationships are still evident when LGBT persons assume the roles of mother, father, grandmother, or grandfather as little popu- lar work along with mainstream society has addressed these topics. American society seems to deliver the most criticism, oppression, and intolerance to LGBT individuals who attempt to assume the roles that historically have been identi fi ed as key “family” milestones that only heterosexual individuals and couples experience.
Historically, the terms lesbian mother, gay father, lesbian grandmother, and gay grandfather have been viewed as contradictions in terms ( Clunis &
Green, 1995 ; Orel & Fruhauf, 2006 ) because homosexuality was viewed as being inconsistent
with the ability to procreate and, as a result, become a parent and grandparent.
Although the research and scholarship on LGBT persons who are mothers, fathers, grand- mothers, or grandfathers has rapidly increased within the past decade, to date, research on les- bian mothers dominates the research on LGBT families, with relatively little scholarship on bisexuals and transgender people as mothers, fathers, or grandparents (Biblarz & Savci, 2010 ) . Therefore, we will begin the discussion on LGBT grandparents by presenting a brief discourse on the gendered experience of grandparenting.
Gendered Experience of Grandparenting
The literature on heterosexual grandparents doc- uments that there are distinct similarities and dif- ferences between the experiences of grandmothers and grandfathers and these relate to how grand- parenting has been historically conceptualized.
Most notable is that generally when grandfathers have been examined within the literature there has been a tendency for grandfatherhood to be examined through a feminized conception of grandparenting (Mann, 2007 ) . Because grandfa- therhood has been examined from a perspective of how men are similar to and different from grandmothers, grandfathers are not only seen as different, but as less important, less active in intergenerational relations, offering less to grand- children, and making a limited contribution to the grandparent–grandchild relationship compared to grandmothers.
Research has shown that grandmothers have closer relationships with grandchildren (Silverstein
& Marenco, 2001 ) and that maternal grandparents have closer relationships with grandchildren than paternal grandparents (Chan & Elder, 2000 ; Eisenberg, 1988 ) . The fi nding that maternal grandparents have closer relationships with grand- children suggests that the gender of the parent also impacts the relationship between grandparent and grandchild. Likewise, the gender of the grand- child impacts the grandparent–grandchild rela- tionship, with female grandchildren experiencing
182 N.A. Orel and C.A. Fruhauf
emotionally closer relationships with grandparents than male grandchildren (Eisenberg, 1988 ) .
The literature on grandparenting highlights that being a grandparent is a gendered familial role and that grandparenting holds different expectations for behaviors and responsibilities for men and women (Stelle et al., 2010 ; Thomas, 1995 ) . However, there is an inconsistency between the assumption and fi ndings that the gender of the grandparental generation is an important factor to consider and the fact that there has been a com- plete “invisibility” of transgender grandparents within both the gerontological and LGBT litera- ture. Likewise, the exploration of the ways in which gender and sexual orientation in fl uences grandparenting remains largely unexplored.
Lesbian Motherhood and Lesbian Grandmotherhood
The most commonly reported number of lesbian mothers in the USA was estimated to be between 1 and 5 million in the late 1990s, with reports that the number of lesbian mothers has dramatically increased (Lambert, 2005 ) . Current national esti- mates indicate that one in three lesbian couples are raising children (Gates & Ost, 2004 ) . Accurate statistics are not available because national sur- veys omit questions on sexual orientation, single parenting, informal parenting, and caregiving arrangements (Tasker & Patterson, 2007 ) . Likewise, statistics on whether children were born or adopted within the context of a hetero- sexual relationship before the mother identi fi ed as lesbian, and those in which self-identi fi ed les- bians adopted or bore children, is dif fi cult to obtain because generally the classi fi cation of par- ents as lesbian, gay, or heterosexual is not avail- able. However, the majority of research on lesbian mothers and their children tends to distinguish between these two broad types: those who gave birth to children within the context of a hetero- sexual relationship and those who chose to have a child or children through donor insemination (DI) or adoption (Goldberg, 2010 ) .
Currently, more is known about lesbian moth- erhood than lesbian grandmothers despite the fact
that statistically most lesbian mothers will become grandmothers since 94% of parents become grandparents (Smith & Drew, 2002 ) . Biblarz and Savci ( 2010 ) indicated that “lesbian motherhood is a negotiated identity between the marginalized position of lesbianism and the mainstream and esteemed position of mother- hood” (p. 483). Therefore, it is important to investigate how lesbian grandmothers conceptu- alize their identity knowing that they are both members of a marginalized sexual minority and yet hold a highly regarded and respected position as a grandmother. It is also important to investi- gate whether the experiences of lesbian grand- mothers differ if they are the biological grandmother, co-grandmother, step grandmother, or social grandmother; to date no researcher has addressed this complex topic.
Since the 1980s, there has been discussion of lesbian grandmothers within popular magazines (e.g., Lesbian Connection ) and anthologies. Some of these articles and stories highlighted lesbian grandmothers in an unfavorable manner. For example, in 1994 a Christian Fundamentalist magazine (e.g., Alberta Report ) protested against a Vancouver judge who awarded custody of a child to her lesbian grandmother instead of to her biological father (Bray, 2008 ) . However, on the popular 1990s situation comedy “Roseanne,” one of the key characters played a lesbian grand- mother. In the collected papers on Lesbian Parenting, Living with Pride and Prejudice , Jessica Walker wrote about her lesbian grand- mother’s struggles with her sexual orientation and her inability to be with her lesbian partner.
Jessica wrote that she personally “cried over the tragic way that the lovers had been forced apart”
(Walker & Walker, 1995 , p. 165). Three addi- tional anthologies that included chapters on les- bian grandmothers were Women in Love: Portraits of Lesbian Mothers and Their Families (Sevda &
Herrera, 1998 ) , The Lesbian Parenting Book (Clunis & Green, 2003 ), and Lives of Lesbian Elders: Looking Back, Looking Forward (Clunis et al., 2005 ) . These anthologies shared the per- sonal narratives of lesbian grandmothers and highlighted both their struggles and joys of being lesbian grandmothers.