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Pat: " ome of the people were playing indoor this morning and one of them's mi ing."
Miss Hoesterey tells Freshmen to make Monitor's report out in an original manner. Dressing- Room Monitor's example from a Freshman:
"I kept the dressing room in order, _ othing could have been much harder.
I kept the light all dimmed below, And told the girls all to go- And this I did the best I could.
Respectfully, D. K.'
Mr. cherer (in Anthropology class) : "It goes to how that in our styles we have the survival of the fitte t."
Mis Ho terey (inspecting lockers) : "No two girls can be in the same locker together. It i n 't larae enough.'
Mis Clark( (in Anthropology) : "Where does that tribe of people live that have tails?"
Mr. Otto (in English clas ) : "They never get intellectual men to serve on the jury.'' Forbes (pipina up in an unconcerned air) : "Could you get out of serving on that excuse?"
Mi Hoesterey (during aym dancing): "Without the trunks-skip!"
Mr. cherer (in Anthropology, just after wi bing the class a very Merry Christmas): "Bring
~ome ood pirit along back with you.'
FRESHMAN PRACTICE TEACHING
"Putts'' Marten "With clapping and jumping of hand , toward the wall-face!"
TOO BAD Tracey:
'Chri Tracey:
"I ju t got a letter from my sister and find she i sick in bed."
'\\hat i the matter with her?"
" he ha water on the knee from wearing pumps."
OMETHL G NEW ay, 'Trace," tell u a tory.
Tracey: 'Well, you heard that one about Block' , didn't you? Well, it' too long; it's six tones.'
•Ro ie'': 'How old i that lamp Maw?"
Mother: ' bout three years, son."
"Ro ie'': \\ell turn it down; it' too young to moke."
'Pegay' (at Fall Creek) : "I think its a perfect hame to let 'Billy' take her base when she
never even tried to trike the ball, when it was thrown four times. I tried to strike it three times, and they called me out."
GUESS
I the zebra a black animal with white tripe , or a white animal with black stripe ?"
Boxing knock the ' L ' out of glory. A k "Mat, ' he knows.
Matern: 'That fellow mu t think I m a racing man."
DeBuck: "How come?''
Matern: "He said I won the brown derby."
Eunice: I just aot a letter from home, and Dad say that my bank account is overdrawn.' Alice: "Well, what about it?"
Eunice: 'Why, it impossible; I have over half my check left.' Tate tell this about his brother:
'I don't want to eat thi egg; it not a nice egg,'' protested little Johnnie.
"Johnnie,' ,aid hi mother, 'eat what's before you-every bite of it- or else I'll give you a good spanking.
All wa quiet for a f w m'.nutes, and then a mourn(ul sound was heard.
"Mother, dear, do I have to eat the beak too?"
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page ninety
Dr .. Ocker (while explaining an exercise in public school teachma): "Put. yourself in the place of the child, just a though you did not know any more about it than he doc ; uch a thing is possible."
"Pat' (wanting a bite to eat before retirina): "Say, who around here has got some bread?"
Tracey (uncon cious a ever) : "I have some crust."
"Schudie": " 'George,' arc you going to let your hair row?"
"George': "I can't keep it from growing, but I'm going to keep cuttina it off."
"Storky": "You must come from a pretty hot place."
'Bo s": "Say, Bo you've seen molten metal running out of a furnace when it's white hot and sizzling, haven't you? Well, where I came from they serve that for ice cream."
. Ping, while demonstrating his proficiency with a foil, h!t one of the electric light bulbs, breaking it and leaving the room in total darkness, after which "Moody" remarked :
"I d.on'l want to fence with you, Ping; you're too good at putting guys' lights out."
Otto ( peaking of dancing) : "I can give you a dozen reasons why I don't want to dance, and- you might think of one yourselve ."
Steffen (to lady who appears al door) : "What is it?"
Lady: "Are you the man of the house?"
teffen: "No! This is a fraternity house.'
Lady: "Oh! it looked like a house where people would live- no, where people ought to live. Goodbye.''
Roesler y: "Don't let your execution suffer because of added height.''
"Chris" : "I wish it would be so mean execution, then I wouldn't have DeBuck (entering a pawn shop) : hand tore?"
Mr. Friedberg: "Ye "
DeBuck: "Well, I want one."
high that it would to suffer any more.''
"Is this a second-
Dr. egar (lo Freshmen class) : "I am dismissing this class ten minute early today. Please go out quietly, as the enior are still asl ep.''
Dean Rath (explaining program to Freshmen for the la t week of chool) : "After your examinations in the morning, you an "work out" on the floor in the aft~r
noon. Then you can go home and rest a while, after which you can study for your next exam. Then, finally, you can go out- out for a walk, or somethina like that.''
Pier on : "I change from low Lo high."
Coop r: I didn't know that you had a car.'' Pier on: " ol gears-shoes!"
Mr. ch rer: " r you sleeping, Miss McConnell?"
Aggie: "No, just thinking.''
Mr. h rer: "Well, please don't think so loud.''
~teffen: "I have a patriotic pen."
chudie: "How come?"
tcffcn: "H's gone dry."
P'.e ·:on: "This cold weath r chills me to the bone."
lorky: "You should wear a thicker cap.''
Talc: e here hr is you've owed me · 7 .50 for the
' ' · t me?"
la l three month . When are you gomg o ~ay · Chri : "W JI here i 50 cents on account.
Tate: "What' do you mean- ' on account'?"
Chri : "On a count I haven't got any more."
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~~~~~~~nmummnmn~~ T HE G Y M N A S T m1
Dr. Ocker had asked for an outline of health for a one hundred per cent man, and Miss Hessler had pre cribed in her outline a cold bath every morning.
Dr. Ocker: "What are you going to do with an old man like myself who can't tand that? ' Miss He ler: "Well, my man will be able to stand it."
Five-hundred aame over at the Fraternity House:
Pat Ker tein: "You can aet rid of this suit, 'Coop'."
Cooper: "I can't; that' trump."
Mr. Scherer (in History of Phy. Ed) : "The name of lhe areat man of Athens begin with 'S,' just like my name.'
Spitzer: "Solon.''
Mr. Scherer: "Ye . Don't forget the 'S. It is very ESSential.''
Dr. Kime (to Miss Bushnell) : "Describe the lip . Are they controlled by the will?"
Mis Bu hnell couldn't an wer for fear of givina evidence against herself.
Miss Hoe terey (in gym dancing) : "How do you rr.ake a wheel?" ( obody spoke.)
Mi Hoe terey: "If any of the class are having trouble with their assignments, call me up on unday night. I am u ually at home then.''
But if Captain Braun is ever a signed to Fort Benjamin Harrison!
Mi s Hoe terey (in tudents' Alliance meeting) : "We men are in the minority.''
Grayce Talbott fell off the horse. She got up and stood looking at it, trying to make up her mind whether to try again or not. "You'll have to make the first move, Miss Talbott, ' cried the Dean impatiently. "That hor e wont crawl under you."
Dean Rath: "Your report hould be written in such a manner that even the most ignorant might under tand it.'
Wolfe: "\\ell what part i it that you do not understand?"
Dean Rath (in Ae thetic Dancing class) : "Mr. Storch, your head isn't working right.'' Mr. Jen en (in Sociology): 'I don't think it in order now to use the term 'sorority. Fra- ternities are now embracing the sororitie .
Johnnie Kiefer (in <I> E K National Convention meetina): "Give me back my constitution."
Dr. Ocker (talking about dispo al of garbage) : "A ton of garbage i n't o much- only two thou and pound ."
Cooper (crackina wi e) : "It more than I would want to eat."
Dr. Kime: 'Do you know Mr. Ping, that every time you draw a breath someone dies?"
Ping: 'Well I'm sorry, but I can't help it. If I quit drawing my breath I'll die too.'' Mis Bu hnell: 'My ance tors came over on the fayflower."
torky (cracking wi e): 'Its lucky they did· the immigration laws are more strict now.·
Mi Hoe terey : "I know what you had for breakfast."
Ro ie: 'Why?'
Mi s Hoe terey: 'I see it on your face thi mornina.
Ro ie: What?
Mi Hoe terey : "Egg .'
Ro ie: "You re wrong aaain. It wa ye terday I had the eggs."
'Buck': "I want to aet you the finest enaagement ring in the world. What kind of a stone would you like?
"Peggy : "One like David in the Bible, used.'' ' Buck : "Meaning? '
"Peggy ' : The kind that will knock em dead."
Billy Williams: 'I am really surpri ed when I see what a lot of homely women get married.'' 'Aggie Mac": ' urpri ed and encouraged eh, Bill?'
STANDING JOKE
Forbes and Riley still racing to see who gets to fir t hour class last.
"Thats the guy Im laying for," mid the hen as the farmer cro sed the yard.
a .
pr.ge mnety-two. Dean (after "Schudie" bid seventy-five cents for a piece of cake at the Delta Psi Kappa May tcte): "Look out! You'll break yourself."
"Schudie": "Oh, no, not myself." (Paging "Steff.")
Trace~ (t_o prospective. father-~n-law): "Your daughter has promised to marry me, and I- er-ah-I d like to know if there is any insanity in your family."
Crusty Old Papa (looking him over) : "There must be."
THE SCHOOL MA'AM
If you have strength to rival that of Sampson, Yet ever use a soft and gentle hand;
If you've a vision of the wide world's glories, Though you never stray beyond your native land;
If you have charms to grace a social venue, But list not society's siren call;
If you can give and give and still keep giving, And miss not one iota of it all;
If you can mother countless hosts of children, Though you never call a single one your own;
If you've compassion on weak human nature, But for yourself keep always life's stern rules; If you can do this, your country needs you-
Enlist. as teachers in the public schools.
-Annie May Henderson.
Wolfe (to Storky) : "I speak as I think."
Storch: "Yes, only much oftener."
Dr. Sputh: "What is autointoxication ?"
Pierson (one of his wise cracks): "An oil engine."
Mr. Scherer (after having been disturbed several times by some of the noisy women) : "If you would like to leave the room-go ahead. I'll give you my benediction any time, and gladly."
The girls were squelched.
IN ENGLISH Mr. Holloway: "Cooper, what did you read for this time?"
Cooper: "Nothing."
Mr. Holloway: "Good! How did you like it?"
Cooper: "Aw right."
The English we get from Annabel Weinsheimer's French: "I have the intention of having some cherrie and strawberries on the front board."
"Chris" (at the restaurant): "Are you an aviator, 'Boss'?"
"Boss": "No!"
"Chris" : "Then pull in your wings."
"Brownie": "Have you got a cold?"
"Pat": "No; I've got catarrh."
"Brownie": "Good J I have a ukulele; let's play."
Miss Hoesterey (aligning class) : "Fall down further."
Lost on the soccer field- DeBuck.
Perhaps after several good meals we'll be able to find him.
The Dean (making remarks to the class) : "The skeleton is very valuable. I want you to take car of it as if it were your own."
Dean Rath: "To keep one's equilibrium, one must have a good point of support."
( ot - He wears ize twelve.)
Romei er (answering question in soccer lecture): "What shoe restrictions in soccer? Don't put down anything; ju l use your brains."
Cooper (in stocking feel): "I see my toes are well (observing holes in socks); they are able lo be out a ain."
"Boss": "Wher 's my shirt?" . h ?"
teffen (re ponding quickly) : "Didn't you ,~ear 1t to bed last nig t.
"Bos ': "Yes, but it should be up by now.
Ill! !Iii ~
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THE GYMNAST !ID