274 ^ ^ ^ 6—Editing with Enthusiasm
Part 2: Polishing to Publish ^ ^ 175
Tip 4: As is a difficult word, especially in fiction. When you have used as in the middle of a sentence, try breaking the sentence into two sentences and reversing them.
EXAMPLES
One Sentence: I don't want to do this anymore, thought Sue as she tied another bow on another bouquet.
Two Sentences, Reversed: Sue tied another bow on another bouquet. I don't want to do this anymore, she thought.
One Sentence: Jo wondered what the weather would be like when she got off the plane tomorrow as the thunder cracked outside and the first drops of the storm rattled on the window.
Two Sentences, Reversed: The thunder cracked outside and the first drops of the storm rattled on the window. Jo wondered what the weather would be like when she got off the plane tomorrow.
Tip 5: Once is enough. If you've said something twice, cut the weaker phrase.
EXAMPLES
Twice: John walked across the kitchen and yanked open the refrigerator door. As he opened the refrigerator, a mouse ran out from under it.
Once: John walked across the kitchen and yanked open the refrigerator door. A mouse ran out from under it.
Twice: Hannibal led his men across the Alps and onto the plains of northern Italy.
As they crossed the Alps, they fought snow and blinding hail and talked of victory once they reached the warm plains.
Once: As Hannibal's men crossed the Alps, they fought snow and blinding hail and talked of a victory ahead on the warm plains of northern Italy.
Tip 6: Replace long, dull words with short, punchy words.
EXAMPLE
Long, Dull: He demonstrated his happiness.
Short, Punchy: He smiled.
From Teaching Writing in Middle School. © 1998 Beth Means and Lindy Lindner. Teacher Ideas Press. (800) 237-6124.
276 ' ^ ^ 6—Editing with Enthusiasm
Tip 7: Cut unnecessary adverbs. Look for words ending with ly. Ask yourself if you need the word. If not, cut it.
EXAMPLES
With Adverb: She shouted loudly.
Verb Alone: She shouted.
With Adverb: It was totally awesome.
Verb Alone: It was awesome.
Tip 8: Cut useless clutter words, if possible.
EXAMPLES
a little rather kind of really mostly sort of
pretty much too
quite very
Tip 9—The Big Rule: Read every sentence out loud. Does it say something? Does it make sense? Does it sound clear and simple? Does it fit the mood of the writing? If not, rewrite it.
Style Tips That Don't Work
Bad Tip 1: Put commas where you take a breath.
Singers spend years learning where and how to breathe. So do writers. Expert writers, who know all the rules of punctuation and proper breathing, can use this rule. If you try it without knowing the rules, you might want to sprinkle commas everywhere, making your writing sound like you have a bad cold. Learn the rules of punctuation and use as few commas as possible.
Bad Tip 2: Don't repeat words.
This is nonsense. Good writers repeat words all the time. If you change every repeated word to another, you'll sound like a sportscaster. By all means, don't pound your reader to death repeating words. But do use a little repetition for rhythm, emphasis, or reinforcing transitions.
From Teaching Writing in Middle School. © 1998 Beth Means and Lindy Lindner. Teacher Ideas Press. (800) 237-6124.
Part 2: Polishing to Publish <^^ 177 Activity 5:
Polishing for Pride
word carpentry is like any other kind of carpentry. You must join your sentences smoothly.
—Anatole France
Like all writers, students, suffer from manuscript blindness. Once a writer has reread a manuscript a certain number of times, even obvious errors become invisible.1
Set up a clear process. Include a procedure for checking the spelling and a list of punctuation rules to check. This type of detailed polishing can continue forever, so it sometimes helps to set a time limit. Emphasize copyediting as much or as little as you wish, but don't overdo it. It's better to save the time for separate spelling and punctuation lessons than to waste it churning through manuscripts trying to find errors.
Instructions to Students
You have finished polishing the style in your work. Now we come to the next phase of polishing: copyediting. For school, think of copyediting as checking the spelling and punc- tuation. In publishing houses, copyediting also includes style questions, fact checking, and other things.
Look at it this way: Leaving spelling errors or sloppy punctuation in your work is like writing a play, then sitting in the audience playing a kazoo while people are trying to watch it. Everybody will forget the play for the kazoo. The same thing happens with stories.
Everybody forgets the story and notices the misspelled word. If you want people to notice all your hard work, you must copyedit.
We're going to let you in on a big secret: It's very hard for authors to copyedit their work.
There are two reasons for this. First, no one knows how to spell all 600,000-»- words in the English language, and no one can remember all the rules of punctuation. The author who does not know how to spell a particular word often won't realize that it is misspelled until someone else points it out. Second, the author often has a little problem called manuscript blindness. Your brain is a fantastic thing. It remembers what you meant to write down, even if you did not actually write it down that way. As you reread your story, your brain fills in the missing words or rearranges the letters, and you don't even notice. After working so long, the author sometimes cannot see the simplest error.
1. Teachers suffer from a special version of manuscript blindness. They see so many misspellings and punctuation errors in students' work that their spelling and punctuation deteriorates. The worst copyeditor in the world might be a language arts teacher in the month of May.
178 i^^ 6—Editing with Enthusiasm
What do you think is the secret to polishing? Find someone to help you. Two heads are better than one. It does not matter that you know how to spell everything or all the rules of punctuation. It does matter that you care enough to get help. In publishing houses, special editors, called copyeditors, help writers polish these details. In our class, your writing groups will serve as copyeditors.
Today, you will copyedit your stories. Check the spelling first, then the punctuation. We have written on the chalkboard the rules of punctuation that we want you to check. (Note to teachers: Choose whichever rules you are stressing.) If you have any questions, make an appointment to ask a teacher.
We have two handouts to help you. The first handout shows you the steps for checking the spelling. The second handout, "The Personality of Punctuation," is just for fun. It should give you an idea of what punctuation problems to look for, beyond the problems written on the chalkboard.
(Text continues on p. 184.)
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