132 ^^s 5—Fiction Workshop
PART 1:
Part 1: The Scene <^^ 133 passengers. Don't be put off by the fancy sounding techniques. They are really quite simple, but you need to know a little bit about these techniques before you can use them to write your scenes:
• Action is what the characters do in a scene. It can be big actions ("George leaped from the burning building") or little actions ("George turned the key in the lock").
• Dialogue is what the characters say in a scene. One of the hardest things about dialogue is the punctuation. For now, just remember to begin a new paragraph each time a new character speaks, and to enclose the words the character says in quotation marks.
EXAMPLE
Jason dashed through the kitchen, slammed the door behind him, and arrived panting in the living room. His sister, Mary, was curled up in the big chair reading a book.
"What do you want?"she asked irritably.
"Oh," Jason replied, glancing over his shoulder, "nothing really."
Mary glared at him. "Don't bug me then."
"I wasn't! I just—"
"You were too. You are always bugging me," Mary flounced from the room, leaving Jason with his problem unsolved.
• Introspection is what the characters think in a scene. There are two ways to use introspection: As internal dialogue or as plain introspection. Internal dialogue presents the character's thoughts just like spoken dialogue using "thought" (or its synonyms such as "remembered" or "imagined") in place of "said" or its synonyms. Unlike internal dialogue, plain introspection does not use "thought" or its synonyms to present a character's thoughts. Plain introspection should be written only where it is obvious to the reader which character is thinking. The writer doesn't use such phrases as "he thought." Note: Don't use quotation marks for introspection.
EXAMPLES
Internal Dialogue
Allen raced to the bus stop.
Oh no, he thought. I can't be late again. It's my third time.
Plain Introspection
Allen raced to the bus stop. He couldn't be late again. It was the third time.
• Description shows how the setting and the characters look. The reader can't see them, so the writer must describe them—or at least describe two or three interesting details to help the reader imagine the place and the characters.
Today, we are going to learn an easy way to develop a simple, narrative sentence into a professional-sounding scene, so get out your writing notebook and a sharp pencil. Invent at least two characters and give them names. Imagine a place; any place will do.
134 <^>> 5—Fiction Workshop
Write a simple narrative sentence about what happens to these characters in that place.
Keep it simple: "John told Mary he was mad" or "Susan and Julie did the dishes" provide plenty of action for a short scene. Assign each of your characters a mood; for example, happy, angry, patient, frustrated, frightened, or silly.
You may also want a starter sentence to help you get rolling. It's always easier to write when you are not beginning with a blank page. Try "Now that [character] was here in (on, at) [the place], he (she) . . ." Just fill in the name of one of your characters and the place. For example, "Now that Joe was here on the doorstep, he . . ." or "Now that Grumpie was here at the state fair, he . . ." Cross out your starter sentence when you finish the scene.
All set? Begin to weave your scene. Write what characters do (action) and say (dialogue).
As you write, try to weave together the action and the dialogue: Write a little action, then a little dialogue, then a little more action, and so forth. Don't try to write perfectly. Just get it on paper, writing quickly and easily. A few minutes should be enough time to finish the scene.
Write on every third line of the page to allow plenty of room for later additions.
EXAMPLE
Characters: Muskrat and Beaver Place: Muskrat's kitchen
Starter Sentence: Now that Muskrat was here in his kitchen, he flung a glass into the dish rack.
Muskrat was angry.
Muskrat and Beaver did the dishes.
Beaver was frustrated.
Now that Muskrat was here in his kitchen, ho . . . Tho muskrat flung a glass into tho dish rack (Action is italic; the rest is dialogue.)
"I will never give another dinner party for the rest of my life," Muskrat announced flatly.
"You want everyone and everything to be just perfect," said Beaver.
"Then you get mad and make people uncomfortable when they don't do exactly as you wish."
Beaver opened the kitchen drawer, searching for a towel with which to dry the dishes that Muskrat was throwing at the rack.
"Mallard put his elbows on the table and was a perfect slob," cried Muskrat. "And the rest of you were behaving like a pack of wild animals."
"Well" answered Beaver, "we are wild animals. What did you expect?"
Muskrat snorted. "That is no excuse for being uncivilized."
Part 1: The Scene ^ ^ 135 Action and dialogue go together. Too much action is confusing, whereas too much dialogue is boring. You can also think of action and dialogue as working together to paint the foreground of the scene—the part of the scene closest to the reader. Introspection and description, fill in the background. You need both foreground and background to show the full picture, so the next step is to weave the background into your scene.
Go through the scene and add a little description and introspection, here and there. This paints in the background, the description showing how things look, the introspection showing what the characters think. Add more action and dialogue if you need it.
There are a couple of tricks to writing description and introspection that may help you.
Good description is detailed. You don't need to describe everything; just pick out two or three details and describe them accurately. Good description is also specific: "The sky was pink"
is more interesting than "The sky was beautiful" because it is more specific. Use "German shepherd" or "springer spaniel" instead of "dog," and "daisy" or "lily" instead of "flower,"
for the same reason.
When you weave in the introspection, write the thoughts of just one of the characters in the scene. You can write thoughts for each character, but it is easier to stay with just one character's thoughts.
EXAMPLE
(Description is italic; introspection is bold; the rest is action and dialogue.) Muskrat flung a glass into the dish rack. "I will never give another dinner party for the rest of my life," he announced flatly.
"You want everyone and everything to be just perfect" said Beaver.
He had enjoyed the party. Muskrat got so fussed up about such minor problems. "Then you get mad and make people uncomfortable when they don't do exactly as you wish."
Beaver opened the kitchen drawer searching for a towel with which to dry the dishes that Muskrat was throwing at the rack. Each drawer was a tidy reflection of its owner. The knives gleamed from careful rows, and the tins of vegetables and fruits were arranged by category.
The kitchen towels were folded neatly in the bottom drawer, each embroidered with a saying. Beaver selected "Home Is Where the Heart Is." Perhaps Otter could have been more careful not to spill his grape juice on the carpet. But why have guests if they can't enjoy themselves?
"Mallard put his elbows on the table and was a perfect slob," cried Muskrat. "And the rest of you were behaving like a pack of wild animals."
"Well," answered Beaver, "we are wild animals. What did you expect?"
Muskrat snorted. "That is no excuse for being uncivilized."
If you made a big mess adding in the introspection and description, recopy your scene, putting things in the proper order and making any improvements you wish. Read your scene to a friend. The introspection and the description fill out the scene and, suddenly, it sounds professional, just like the scenes you read in books.
Of course, you don't need to stop here. Weave in more bits of action, dialogue, descrip- tion, and introspection until you think it sounds just right.
136 ^ ^ 5—Fiction Workshop Additional Notes to Teachers
• Have students write a scene weaving together all four techniques in the first draft.
• Have students write description and introspection first, and add the action and dialogue in the second pass.
• Have students write at least one scene in which the characters are animals. For some reason, practice with animal characters teaches young writers how to write scenes that portray vivid, interesting human characters.
• Have students study the scenes in published fiction for ideas.
• Once your students feel comfortable weaving single scenes, tackle an entire story. Get them started by writing an outline using simple narrative sentences.
EXAMPLE
The animals have a dinner party at Muskrat's:
1. Muskrat and Beaver do the dishes.
2. Muskrat decides to sponsor an etiquette class.
3. The class is a disaster.
4. Muskrat invites the animals to dinner, telling them to go ahead and behave badly. He has given up his crusade. But now, the animals prefer to follow the rules of etiquette.
Have students weave a scene for each sentence and then hook together the scenes.