MAIN GA ZABO Zilch Connors MASTER MIND Burp Piening
PRICE-Make me an offer WEATHER-More clinker and harsh irritants
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
By Jack. Connors THE GREAT CHICAGO FIRE!
THE JOH STO FLOOD! THE SA FRA CISCO E A R T H- QUAKE ! These incidents amaze<l the American populace, but think of the consternation experienced by the students of 1 ormal College (ye, our own ormal College), when on the morning of February I 5, on appearing in the portals of our anctimonious institution, they sniffed an atmo phere which be- trayed the fact that some foul odor had run amuck in the halls of the aforesaid institution. Some- one, probably Kunz, yelled, "Some- thing ought to be done about Bares
moking that old boiler in thi~
WORKSHOP." On rreking further into the bowel of the college we discovered that some unknown car- penter had put a new door in the locker room wall, and also that our beautiful frescoed walls and ceilings were ma se of charred wood, leav- ing only exposed ga pipes and fly- ing buttresse . '\ e were grieved.
We shuddered at the thought that our work might be interrupted, and planned a horrible revenge for this so-called thing, FIRE. Our fears were soon relieved though, as we heard Mrs. Hester yell, "Get the re t of that bunch up here.
Don't they know when this class begins." Yes it was true, there had been a fire (lift your chin a little higher, will you?) On further ob- servation, we found that the locker room was a stark, naked vault.
Again I say, "It was a fire, and we didn't even have someone play- ing a lyre while the devastation was going on." As the Turk says,
"Ki~met-it i fate, don't do it."
After all, what's a little fire, but that' where you are wrong, it isn't a little fire- it'll go down in his- tory as the great ormal College Conflagration.
MORAL: Don't spit- remember the Johnston flood. Don't smoke- remember the ormal College fire.
And lastly, beware of dark men with light wines and beer.
Page fifty-six
Dorothea Hewitson to Marry
ociety is evincing roday in plans for the marriage of Dorothea Hew- itson to Herb Snyder, which will take place on June 3 3 in St. Sch los- ser's Cathedral. The Right Rever- end Dannenfeldt will perform the ceremony.
Marjorie Swart will be maid of honor, and Teresa Weisheit Hein- rich will be the matron of honor.
Paul Jones will be the best man.
After the ceremony, a dinner will be given at the Berry-Berry Dining Rooms.
The couple will go to the Col- oraby mountains and then to the plains of Siberia for their honey- moon.
Vitamin "Z" Discovered
Another vitamin in foods has just been discovered by three food experts, William Beechman Steve Gei ler and Bud icolett. They call it vitamin Z, and claim that it is mo t abundant in spinach. It chief function in the human body is that it prevents brain fever.
BASEBALL IN
ITS CRUDE FORM
The Freshman baseball players, altho aided by such veterans as Lee, Mineo, Zuk, Palmeri and everal others formed lit tie opposmon
~.gainst the strong, smooth working Sophomore combination piloted by Charle Spratt. From the very start when Palmeri, the first man up to bat struck out the Freshmen were maliciously outplayed by the second year men. Umpire Ruben rein believing he could be of more use to the Freshmen in their plight, turned the officiating of the game over to Schreiber and played with the newcomers. This proved of little consequence, for the opho- mores were de tined to win and soon ran up the final score of 10-0.
WORST AID
PRACTICAL TEST
Doc Sputh: "Your patients don't help them along. Let them figure it out for themselves. You're sup- posed to be unconscious now."
A voice from the back. of the room: "He's always unconscious,- he wouldn't know anyway."
Monday morning and Mr. Rinsch comes in with his usual smile.
Mr. Rinsch: "I'm glad ro see the men's side so well filled up, it
hows their manly qualities."
Mr. Kumpf, sitting on the girls' side: "What about us women?"
Dr. Emery: "What would your reaction be to student in a Fresh- man class of Latin in regards to memory?"
Pottoff: "Take a sympathetic point of view." (One of Mr.
Rinsch's favorite expre sions.)
New Life Saving Course
Messers. Peckoff, Muto, and Kurz, famous for breaking all rec- ords in breast stroke at Camp Bro- sius, are starting a new era in life saving. They have in tituted the self Life Saving Cour e, whereby persons may drown and never know the difference.
Their rules are:
1. When drowning, keep a stiff upper lip, and throw out your anchor.
2. After this get a half nelson around your neck, and a toe hold on your sixth rib. ( ounts 1-4)- 2 measures.
3. Then a step courtesy and two polkas with a 3 step turn. (counts 4-12/S)- 4 meaure.
4. Finally, sink to the bottom and crawl ashore.
To the re cue of the drowning:
Cry- Use a modulated voice if possible.
igh- This won't do you no good.
Try- Try arching your belly.
Di Do it and ee if we care.
BATTLE OF
THE CENTURY
FROSH-SOPH FOOTBALL For the third time in the year these two classes met on the field of battle, and this time it was in football. It turned out to be one of the coldest and most energy tax- ing of the entire football season.
"Tho they be few in number, their might shall rock the earth and ye shall know them." This however did not work out in practice in this game, for the Freshmen were conspicuous by their absence, and many of the Juniors and Seniors played in the side of the yearlings.
After sixty minutes of pushing, charging and blocking the game ended in a 0-0 tie.
THE HARD TIMES
CHAMPION BEATEN
Rudy (Rip) Jahn, last year's
ichamp, again competing in the
Sleep Marathon finished the mar- athon in 5th. He was beaten by Wally Kroczinski, Smead Jolley (the Physiologist of Sleep), Thelma Simmons (the Kinisologist of Sleep), and Nathan Goldberg (the Phil- isophor of Sleep.) Look out for next year you sleepers, because
"Rip" threatens to get you on i:he hills.
Review Column
(LITERARY)
FICTIO The Green Peril Alex's Haven Cold House
Frank. McCartl:ry Helen Abrahamson Harold Kunz BIOGRAPHY
The Master Mind and the My
Main Go Zabo in Famous My
Phrases and Poems Me
Life as a Cowboy Schoolday Romances and My Shadow
Schanz le Klier Ott
(Every W(>ek. this colu·mn will list names which are of preference) I. Qu.es. Aggie, is the Pump
handle broke?
Ans. No, it's still as Sturni as ever.
2. McCarthy went home Jost for Christmas.
3. Ques. Ioma, did he leave you alone?
Ans. o, he's still Grabner.
4. Qnes. Vornheder, did you Walker home?
Ans. Yes! Because I bought her a Valentine.
5. Connie Apostol is just a little Ray of sunshine.
6. Pielmeier is Eakin for Candee.
7. So she "Fox-ed" you, Klier.
8. Lee took a "Tri-pi" he didn't like.
9. The "Martins" "Bloom" to- gether.
"FAMOUS SAYI GS DEGREES AWARDED
I WO DERS"
1. "Go to bed, don't worry about it"- Jahn.
2. "And did I go to town"- Kurz.
3. "Scram, or I'll bu t you one"
- Mullen.
4. "It's serious, you wanna get it"
- Grabner.
5. Here I tell you fellows"- Grossman.
6. "Holy Crow"- Apfel.
7. "G'wan you orangeman"- Mac.
PSYCHOLOGY
Brains Mel Oppliger
POETRY The Dance of the Fairies
The Ju.nior Class GE ERAL
Parlor Football Frank Philipps The Davenport Athlete Geo. Farkas
HEALTH HINTS
Eakin- Teacher, of what help is soaking your teeth?
Werder (the teacher) - I don't know, why?
Bak.in-Well, Len Pielmier soaks his in a glass of water every night.
Werder- Jack, stand up. (.Jack stands up with left shoulder low) What arm do you carry your books with?
Jack- Left.
W erder- See children, his left shou Ider is low. Carl, stand up.
(Carl stands up with right shoulder low) What do you carry in your right hand?
Carl- Books.
Werdl'r- See children, his right shoulder is low from carrying books on the right ide, he should alternate the books. Walker, stand up. What do you carry?
\Valk.er- Papers.
Werder- How do you carry them?
\'(!al lwr- In a wagon.
Page 2
Looking Ahead-
-Into the Future
(B:)I Jack Connors) The scene is laid in Bumble-bee, Arizona, in a homelike sitting room at the edge of the Sahara Desert.
The year is 1955. An elderly man is sitting in an overstuffed chair with two children sitting on his knees and as many more playing the tom-tom on his nobby. What is this man thinking about? Oh, he is thinking about his school days at Normal. He is not the Gay Lothario he used to be.
What is_ he doing now? Why is he rummaging in the bookstand and bringing. forth a large green book?
"Da-do- what is that?" I recognize it as our Gymna t of 1932 and it surely does show plenty signs of usage. He opened it and the first thing he hit on was a picture of Tony Grossman. Old Tony had quite a mishap. He was doing a one-arm handstand and forgot to put down that hand. Th-:!re was dear old Herman Kurz. You know, Herm is an aviator now and the last I heard of him he cracked up trying to land a plane upside down.
Under the Freshman list I noticed Steve Geisler's picture. Now Steve is a big shot in the Rubenstein Memorial Hospital in Bad Axe, Michigan. Who is that bald headed man? Why, none other than Eb- erhart, and Oh,- What a brute!
Al is in the wrestling game now and wrestles under the name of
"Blacksmith Al". Still further in the Freshman list were Goldberg, Pratt, and Potthoff, all champs in their respective boxing classe . Rudy Jahn was taken for a ride by one of Palmeri's gang; his body was taken across White River where it is approximately a mile wide and there dumped to the fishes. Harry Grabner,- well,-he is married now and still "checking in", you re- member Hodson,-well- .
After the elderly gentleman and I reviewed the life at ormal he introduced me tO his children which included: Little Irma, Percy Herman, Sweet Helen, Saddie, Mel- vin, Murph, Ginny, Frederic, Sam- uel, and then came the littlest, little Molly. I recognized in these children the potentialities of the father.
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