An all-too-common reason for feeling miserable at work is bullying. It isn’t just about school kids or athletes. It’s rampant in many workplaces, no matter the industry, and it can make your job hell. I’m not suggesting bullying is something you personally can change from within, but it falls into the category of things that can make you feel bad inside and can have everything to do with whether or not you love to go to work.
One-third of people surveyed say they’ve been bullied on the job, according to the Bellingham, Washington–based Workplace Bullying Institute. Half of the organizations surveyed by the Society for Human Resource
Management (SHRM) reported incidents of bullying in their workplaces.
And it’s not usually coming from that proverbial bad boss whom we all like to gripe about: 82 percent of workplace bullying incidents took place
among peers.
Bullying can take many shapes and forms. It might be verbal abuse from a coworker, such as swearing and intimidation, snide comments, or
unrelenting teasing. It could be someone taking credit for your work or trying to make you look incompetent. If it is the boss who’s the problem, bullying can mean shouting, constant criticism, the creation of impossible expectations, and the shifting of expectations at the last minute to set you up to fail.
And, yes, bullying occurs through technology, such as Facebook and other social media. This kind accounted for about one in five incidents, the SHRM survey found.
It may surprise you to learn that workplace bullying isn’t always illegal (although legislation has been proposed in 25 states), unless it’s based on age, race, disability, gender, or religion. Speaking up can be complicated.
Whom do you talk to—the bully, the boss, or the people in human resources (HR)? What are the possible repercussions of speaking up?
Here are five moves you can make to handle a tough situation at work.
1. Size up the situation. Do some soul-searching to be sure that your side of the street is clean. Is your work truly top-drawer? Is your attitude
positive? Being able to answer yes will be a huge help if you go public with a complaint.
Be certain that you’re not being too thin-skinned about things that you probably should let roll off your back.
Another question to consider is whether anyone else is getting the same rough treatment.
If you need to vent or get advice, be discreet and talk to someone not connected to your workplace. You don’t want to be the one feeding the rumor mill.
“Choose your moments carefully,” says George Schofield, a career expert and psychologist. “Decide when you need to stand up for
yourself and when it simply isn’t worth it.” (Not reporting, it turns out, is a common decision: About 43 percent of bullying victims said they didn’t report their bullying to anyone in the organization, the SHRM survey found.)
2. Document it. Write down what’s happening—dates, times, and
locations. This journal should detail specific volatile behavior and give an explanation of what started it and your recommendations for how it would be better handled next time, says Schofield: “A grievance list alone won’t be enough.” Keep your log stored in a safe place such as a home computer rather than a work computer.
3. Talk to the bully. Have a one-on-one talk with the bully—but only if you truly feel confident and physically secure. Be positive and do your best to be polite. Calmly explain that it’s not okay to treat you this way. It’s possible the person is unaware that what he or she is doing is upsetting you and will apologize and back off. You’ll need some backbone here.
But it’s not in your job description to accept rude behavior or irrational work demands.
4. Take your complaint to a higher power. Bullies can be tenacious and unreasonable, so you may need to call in the big guns. Your first line of defense is to talk to your immediate supervisor, assuming he or she is not the culprit. But you may have to go to HR.
Many employers are well aware that workplace bullying can put a damper on morale and increase employee turnover. Both repercussions
can increase costs and nick profits—and no organization likes to see that happen. So it’s little wonder that though bullying isn’t illegal, the SHRM survey found that 43 percent of employers had some kind of policy against it, and 13 percent were planning to institute one. It’s usually tucked into an employee handbook or code of conduct. Many workplaces have mandatory classes that teach employees how to
recognize harassment. Employers typically respond to provable bullying allegations with actions like reassignment or obligatory anger
management training. Suspension or firing is a last resort.
If you take your complaint to your boss or HR, frame it constructively;
don’t whine. Yes, it’s an emotional grievance. But you must make an objective case about the cost of bullying to the organization. Appeal to bottom-line issues—turnover, absenteeism, and litigation. Have your documentation pulled together. Describe every incident in precise detail, including dates and times, and explain how the situation is taking a toll on your ability to do your work.
“Avoid locking yourself into the good guy versus bad guy trap,” says Schofield. “Remember that there are always multiple viewpoints. Focus on the potential solution more than the existing problem.”
If you’ve concluded that after you hit age 40 you’re being bullied, harassed by a boss or coworkers, or if you notice that other older workers are also targeted, and you believe the harassment is based on age, you should report it to your employer’s HR department right away, says Donna Ballman, an employment lawyer and author of Stand Up for Yourself Without Getting Fired: Resolve Workplace Issues Before You Quit, Get Axed, or Sue the Bastards.
You should call your filing a “Formal Complaint of Age-Based
Harassment.” It should lay out how you (and other older employees, if any) are being targeted for treatment different than younger employees, Ballman says. Ask the employer to take prompt action to correct the situation. If no corrective action is taken, or if you are retaliated against, it may be time to talk to an employment lawyer or the U.S. Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). Complaints about age discrimination are protected by law against retaliation. You can read
more on age discrimination at eeoc.gov. Be aware that there are time limitations for bringing claims to the EEOC.
Complaints about discrimination based on race, sex, national origin, disability, religion, or other statuses are also protected against
retaliation. But if you’re not being bullied for any of these reasons, Ballman suggests that you find other employees who are also being bullied for other reasons and complain on behalf of them and yourself.
In those other cases, she says, “While complaining alone and just for yourself may not be protected against retaliation, once you act on behalf of others, you may have legal protection.”
If your employer retaliates against you for complaining, and you’re a nonsupervisory worker at a private company, you can report the conduct to the National Labor Relations Board.
5. Come up with Plan B sooner rather than later. The unpleasant truth is that many employees who get caught in a bullying scenario wind up moving to another department within the organization or leaving altogether. “You don’t have to change jobs or employers soon, but waiting to create Plan B until you’re out of time is a very weak approach,” Schofield says.
Don’t spread the word at your workplace that you’re looking, but go ahead and update your resume. Strengthen your job marketability by updating or expanding your skills. Check out the Plus 50 Initiative by the American Association of Community Colleges aimed at students over 50. Most colleges and universities offer distance and adult education programs as well, and there’s been an explosion of online education programs such as Coursera.
And there’s no time like the present to subtly tap your professional network. Reconnect with old friends and colleagues through lunch, coffee, or social media such as LinkedIn and Facebook. Attend industry and alumni networking functions. At this stage, you’re not asking the people you meet for help landing a job. But you never know where you might hear of that lead that just might spring you from your current situation.