S
hared Meaning and VisionDownloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016
W H A T I S T H E “ W E ” ?
This spells out SERAPHS, which as defi ned by the dictionary, are
“angels of the highest order.” We can think of no better way to character- ize the spirit of the “We”—that it can bring out the “better angels of our nature,” as our noble President Lincoln once said about the threats to a different kind of union!
Finding the “We” in Stories
As we move to the next chapter, we address the following question: If a shift in consciousness from the “I” to the “We” is the critical factor in building trust and positivity, how can we, as therapists, accelerate this process and put it to work for our clients? Besides explaining the ele- ments of the “We” and exhorting them to believe more deeply in this possibility, how do we help them achieve this shift in thinking, feel it in their relationship, and then take action in their life together? Couple exercises can help, and we have included two in this chapter (see “Resil- ience Boosters for Couples” and “Boosting Your Relational Positivity Ratio”), but we believe something more fundamental can help as well.
We have found stories to be a powerful intervention to achieve the goal of building We-ness. When couples look at how they narrate their separate and shared lives, and how they use stories as forceful commu- nications to each other, they begin to see the hold that stories have over their emotions and feelings of trust.
In the next chapter, we go deeply into the question of what stories mean for couples—how they organize past, present, and potential future experiences of the relationship. Having fully grasped the power of stories in couples’ lives, we will be ready to show how they can be a force for suc- cess in building a lasting “We.”
References
Bauer, J., McAdams, D. P., & Pals, J. L. (2008). Narrative identity and eudaimonic well-being. Journal of Happiness Studies, 9 (1), 81–104.
Blagov, P. S., & Singer, J. A. (2004). Four dimensions of self-defi ning memories (specifi city, meaning, content, and affect) and their relationships to self- restraint, distress, and repressive defensiveness. Journal of Personality, 72 (3), 481–511.
Bowen, M. (1961). Family psychotherapy. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 31 , 40–60.
Christensen, A., Atkins, D. C., Berns, S., Wheeler, J., Baucom, D. H., & Simpson, L. E. (2004). Traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy for sig- nifi cantly and chronically distressed married couples. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72 (2), 176–191.
Christensen, A., Atkins, D. C., Yi, J., Baucom, D. H., & George, W. H. (2006). Cou-
Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016
W H A T I S T H E “ W E ” ?
comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74 (6), 1180–1191.
Christensen, A., & Jacobson, N. S. (1998). Acceptance and change in couple therapy: A therapist’s guide to transforming relationships . New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Co.
Denton, W. H., Burleson, B. R., Clark, T. E., Rodriguez, C. P., & Hobbs, B. V.
(2000). A randomized trial of emotion-focused therapy for couples in a train- ing clinic. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 26 (1), 65–78.
Dimidjian, S., Martell, C. R., & Christensen, A. (2008). Integrative behavioral couple therapy . New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Feeney, B. C. (2007). The dependency paradox in close relationships: Accepting dependence promotes independence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychol- ogy, 92 (2), 268–285.
Freedman, J., & Combs, G. (2008). Narrative couple therapy. In A. S. Gurman (Ed.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (4th ed., pp. 229–258). New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Gladwell, M. (2005). Blink. New York, NY: Little, Brown.
Gottman, J. M. (1999). The marriage clinic: A scientifi cally based marital therapy . New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Co.
Gottman, J. M. (2008). Gottman method couple therapy. In A. S. Gurman (Ed.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (4th ed., pp.138–164). New York, NY: Guil- ford Press.
Gottman, J. M. (2011). The science of trust: Emotional attunement for couples . New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Co.
Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrère, S., & Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60 (1), 5–22.
Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure . New York, NY: Crown.
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2008). Gottman method couple therapy . New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert . New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.
Greenberg, L. S., & Goldman, R. N. (2008). Emotion-focused couples therapy: The dynamics of emotion, love, and power . Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Greenberg, L. S., & Johnson, S. (2010). Emotionally focused therapy for couples . New York, NY: Guilford.
Gurman, A. S. (2008). The comparative study of couple therapy. In A. S. Gurman (Ed.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (4th ed., pp. 1–26). New York, NY:
Guilford Press.
Gurman, A. S., & Fraenkel, P. (2002). The history of couple therapy: A millennial review. Family Process, 41 (2), 199–260.
Haley, J. (1963). Strategies of psychotherapy. New York, NY: Grune & Stratton.
Hendrix, H. (1988). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. New York, NY:
Henry Holt & Co.
Jacobson, N. S. (1984). A component analysis of behavioral marital therapy: The relative effectiveness of behavior exchange and communication/problem- solving training. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 52 (2), 295–305.
Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016
W H A T I S T H E “ W E ” ?
Jacobson, N. S., & Addis, M. E. (1993). Research on couples and couple therapy:
What do we know? Where are we going? Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psy- chology, 61 (1), 85–93.
Jacobson, N. S., Christensen, A., Prince, S. E., Cordova, J., & Eldridge, K. (2000).
Integrative behavioral couple therapy: An acceptance-based, promising new treatment for couple discord. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68 (2), 351–355.
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy (2nd ed.).
New York, NY: Routledge.
Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6 (1), 67–79.
Jordan, J. (2010). Relational-cultural therapy . Washington, DC: American Psycho- logical Association.
Joseph, S., & Linley, P. A. (2006). Growth following adversity: Theoretical per- spectives and implications for clinical practice. Clinical Psychology Review, 26 (8), 1041–1053.
King, L. A., Hicks, J. A., Krull, J. L., & Del Gaiso, A. K. (2006). Positive affect and the experience of meaning in life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90 (1), 179–196.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness: A scientifi c approach to getting the life you want . New York, NY: Penguin Press.
Madigan, S. (2011). Narrative therapy . Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy . Cambridge, MA: Harvard Uni- versity Press.
Robinson, E. A., & Price, M. G. (1980). Pleasurable behavior in marital interac- tion: An observational study. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 48 (1), 117–118.
Satir, V. (1964). Conjoint family therapy. Palo Alto, CA: Science and Behavior Books.
Skerrett, K. (2013). Resilient relationships: Cultivating the healing potential of couple stories. In J. Jordan and J. Carlson (Eds.), Creating connection: A relational-cultural approach with couples (pp. 45–60). New York, NY: Routledge.
Taibbi, R. (2009). Doing couple therapy: Craft and creativity in work with intimate part- ners . New York, NY: Guilford Press.
White, M., & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative means to therapeutic ends. New York, NY:
W. W. Norton & Co.
Zimmerman, J. L., & Dickerson, V. C. (1996). If problems talked: Narrative therapy in action . New York, NY: Guilford Press.