S U B J E C T I N D E X Constructive Dialogue see “Good
Enough Talk”
contempt 91
couple development and We-Story 140 – 3
couple exercises 5 , 30 , 33 – 4 ; body awareness exercises 83 ; Boosting Your Relational Positivity Ratio 33 ; Dialogue Guides for Couple Conversations 83 , 109 ; empty chair 128 – 9 ; family sculpting 127 – 8 ; imagery exercise 122 ; Love Letters 83 , 110 ; Past Relationships Infl uencing Current Relationships:
The Unconscious Marriage 131 ; relaxation techniques 83 ; Resilience Boosters for Couples 34 ; reverse role play 5 , 126 – 7
Couple’s Dialogue see “Good Enough Talk”
couple stories 3 , 36 , 41 – 5 ; from Couple Story to We-Story 56f ; individual and couple stories 41f , 44 – 5 ; redemptive endings of 49 ; and We-Stories 41 – 4 ; see also Couple Story examples and case histories;
stories; We-Story examples and case histories
Couple Story examples and case histories: Allie and Trey 112 ; Donna and Phil 74 ; Emma and John 35 – 7 ; Glen and Sasha 69 – 70 , 75 ; Janet and Ray 158 – 60 ; Jesse and Sandra 44 – 5 ; Liam and Jenny 73 ; Mark and Lee 35 – 6 , 39 ; see also couple stories; story projects; We-Story examples and case histories
couple therapy: common threads 18 – 20 ; contemporary trends in 16 – 20 ; individual history by standard genogram 61 ; initial commitment of 12 focused sessions 61 ; and We-ness 3 ; see also assessing the “We” in therapy
crafting and naming Good Enough We-Stories 78 – 9
criticism 91
Damasio, Antonio, on the self 38 death 155 – 6
DeBotton, Alain 76
demographics, and life cycle development 135
demon dialogues 111 , 112 , 129 development of We-Stories see genesis
and development of We-Stories dialogic memory 39
dialogue, shared 3
Dialogue Guides for Couple Conversations (exercise) 83 , 109 disability 52
Doherty, Bill, on rituals 168 – 9 domestic duties, in ME (To US) Scale
4 , 61
early adulthood (20–30 years) 136 , 143 – 6
EFCT see Emotion-Focused Couple Therapy
elderhood (80+) 136 , 154 – 6 “emerging adulthood” (adolescence
to early adulthood) 136
“emotional handle” concept, Green, Leslie 46
Emotion-Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT) 3 , 17 , 18 – 19 , 22 ; seven productive conversations 111 – 12 empathic concern, rediscovering
121 – 2
empathic joining, in Integrated Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) 18
empathy in SERAPHS 3 , 22 empty chair (exercise) 5 , 128 – 9 epigenesis and the chambered
nautilus, life cycle development 136
epigenetics 38
Erickson’s stage model 134 , 135 ethnicity 40
exercises see couple exercises experiential techniques 5 extended families 4 , 6 eye contact 90 families of origin 5
family customs and rituals 6 , 168 – 9 family sculpting (exercise) 5 , 127 – 8 family systems perspective 16 family therapy 16
fears and vulnerabilities, in the ME (To US) Scale 61
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S U B J E C T I N D E X “Find the Bad Guy” ( Johnson) 111
“four horsemen of the apocalypse”
(Gottman) 91
“Freeze and Flee” ( Johnson) 111 , 113 future planning, in the ME (To US)
Scale 61 gender 40, 149
genesis and development of We-Stories 5 , 76 – 110 ; assignments in Mark and Jenn’s story 5 , 6 , 80 – 7 , 87b ; autobiographical memory and life theme 77 , 79 ; blending individual stories into We-Stories 85 – 7 ; bonds and love 89 – 91 ; caveats for We-Story therapy 79 – 80 ; crafting and naming Good Enough We-Stories 78 – 9 ; Dialogue Guides for Couple Conversations (exercise) 83 , 109 ; eye contact 90 ;
“four horsemen of the apocalypse”
(Gottman) 91 ; learning to work with couples (Singer) 76 – 7 ; life and relationship skills 83 – 5 ; Life Story Protocol (McAdams) 77 ; Love Letters (exercise) 83 , 110 ; narrative disruption 80 ; presenting issues and recurring patterns 83 ; reading stories to one another 77 – 8 , 80 – 3 ; reframe problems as mutual 77 ; relational positivity 77 , 88 – 9 ; relational processing 79 ; SERAPHS elements 85 ; story projects 77 – 8 ; 3-R Process 83 – 4 , 87b ; We-Story interventions 80 – 7 , 87b ; see also
“Good Enough Talk”; We-Stories genuine memory 39
gerontology 134 gerotranscendence 155
Gestalt Therapy techniques 126 – 9 ghosts in the family tree 5 , 118 – 22 gift-giving 26
gna (Sanskrit word) 38 gnarus (Latin word) 38
“Good Enough Talk” 90 – 107 ; keys to good listening 100b–1b ; The Seven Steps of Good Talk 106b ; Step 1 (Ali and Fatima) 93 – 5 ; Step 2 (Lisa and Joseph) 95 – 6 ; Step 3 96 – 8 ; Step 4 (Claire and Paul) 98 – 102 ; Step 5 (Clair and Paul) 102 – 4 ; Step 6 (Clair and Paul) 104 ; Step 7 (Clair and Paul) 104 – 5
Good Enough We-Stories 56 , 78 – 9 Gottman’s Sound Marital House 3 , 17 ,
19 – 20 , 26
Gottschall, H., The Storytelling Animal 38 , 58
gratitude 2 ; expressing 104 – 5 ; see also
“Good Enough Talk”
Greenberg, Leslie, “emotional handle” concept 46
guides for current interaction and future growth, as function of We-Stories 4 , 46 , 49 – 51
Hendrix, Harville, Imago Therapy 122 Heschel, Abraham 170
historical context in life span development 134
Hold Me Tight ( Johnson) 111 humanistic-experiential-based therapy
17 humor 169
humor in SERAPHS 3 , 26 – 7 , 44 IBCT see Integrated Behavioral
Couple Therapy
illness 3 , 5 , 48 – 9 , 52 , 80 , 138 imagery exercise 122 imagery techniques 114 , 122
Imago Therapy, Hendrix, Harville 122 independent activities, in the ME (To
US) Scale 61
individual, transcending the 161 individual and couple stories 41f ,
44 – 5 ; see also couple stories individual history by standard
genogram 61
individualism, in Western culture 2 , 3 , 7 , 76
individual stories 37 – 41 , 44 – 5 ; into We-Stories 85 – 7
individual therapy 16 individual to systemic/
intergenerational development 137 – 8
initial commitment of 12 focused sessions, in couple therapy 61 in-laws and extended family
interactions, in the ME (To US) Scale 4 , 61
Integrated Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) 3 , 17 , 24 ; acceptance therapy 18 , 113 interdependence 3
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S U B J E C T I N D E X internalized cultural stories 18
interpersonal neurobiology, Siegel, Dan 46
I-Thou moment, Buber, Martin 105 Jacobson, Neil, behavioral couple
therapy 17 job loss 3
joint vulnerability 24 – 5
Judaism, offering versus sacrifi ce in 161
Jung, Carl 132 Kennedy, Robert 160
late adulthood (66–80 years) 136 , 151 – 4
legacy transmission, as function of We-Stories 4 , 51 , 155
life and relationship skills 83 – 5 life challenges 3
life cycle development 5 , 132 – 57 ; adult development 135 – 6 ; and aging societies 135 ; Baltes on life span development 134 – 5 ; change 133 , 134 ; and changing demographics 135 ; couple development and We-Story 140 – 3 ; “emerging adulthood” (adolescence to early adulthood) 136 ; epigenesis and the chambered nautilus 136 ; Erickson’s stage model 134 , 135 ; gerontology 134 ; from individual to systemic/
intergenerational development 137 – 8 ; Johnson, Bill and Linda 138 – 40 ; a life-transition We-Story 138 – 40 ; normative issues 137 , 138 ; Sandra and Marlene 141 – 2 ; Sharpe, Sheila, The Ways We Love 140 – 1 , 142 ; then and now 134 – 5 ; We-Stories perspective 137 ; women’s development 134 ; see also life cycle stages
life cycle stages 5 , 143 – 56 ; adulthood (31–45 years) 136 , 146 – 8 ; early adulthood (20–30 years) 136 , 143 – 6 ; elderhood (80+) 136 , 154 – 6 ; late adulthood (66–80 years) 136 , 151 – 4 ; midlife (46–65 years) 136 , 148 – 51 ; see also life cycle development life events, and stories 37 – 8
life story 38 – 9 ; see also stories Life Story Protocol (McAdams) 77 life theme 77 , 79
life transitions and challenges 3 , 5 life-transition We-Story 138 – 40 Lincoln, Abraham 30
listening, keys to 100b–1b ; see also
“Good Enough Talk”
living and giving the “We” 5 – 6 , 158 – 71 , 171b; creating We-events 162 – 3 , 171b ; creating “We” networks 169 – 70 , 171b ; Heschel, Abraham 170 ; humor 169 ; Kennedy, Robert 160 ; Obama, Barack 158 ; offering versus sacrifi ce in Judaism 161 ; promoting We-consciousness 170 ; Putnam, Robert, Bowling Alone 161 ; rituals 168 – 9 ; Romney, Mitt 160 – 1 ; shared sense of meaning and vision (SERAPHS) 161 ; social disconnection in our culture 160 ; social media 169 ; a “Sprinkle”
instead of a wedding shower 164 ; telling the We-Stories to others 163 – 8 , 171b ; transcending the individual 161 ; writing 169 ; writing up a vision of what the “We” is for 163 , 171b
love: and bonds 89 – 91 ; defi ned on a bodily level 50
Love 2.0 (Fredrickson) 50 , 58 Love Letters (exercise) 83 , 110 macro-stories, We-Stories 4
Marital Engagement–Type of Union Scale 4 , 61 – 75 , 62f ; discussion of fi ndings 64 ; Katie’s ME (To US) results 65 , 66f ; making sense of 72 – 5 ; Owens, Will and Katie 4 , 5 , 64 – 72 , 75 ; studies on 63 – 4 ; Will’s ME (To US) results 65 , 67f ; see also assessing the “We” in therapy marital stability, predictors of 2 marriage counseling 16 ME (To Us) Scale see Marital
Engagement–Type of Union Scale meaning and purpose, as function of
We-Stories 4 , 46 , 48 – 9 meaning-making stories 39 – 41 meditation 83
memorable image, and We-Stories 4 ,