Chapter 4: Analysis
4.7 Group Analysis
4.7.2 Theme two -‐ Perceptions of self
so nervous the whole way there and then the nurse told me you need an
operations- and that was my first ever operation in my life - 'coz I’d never had one before and that was scary because...erm, it was my first ever operation and ever since then I got a bit scared of going to the doctors and stuff.
R: Yeah.
P: But I don't think I’d mind it anymore because I’ve had one”.
(Me, interview one, line 373-384).
Me implied a feeling of coping with events and thoughts that previously worried her.
Jack also described coping with worries:
“Well, I’m sort of like getting a bit better with my worries actually since I’ve done mindfulness actually. I’m just getting more calmer, a bit. I’m not worried as much” (Jack, interview two, 2, line 141-142). Jerry reports that he doesn’t have any present worries “Er...(cough)... I don't have many worries at the moment… Er, yeah, no worries” (Jerry, interview two, line 57-59).
Amy did not report a reduction in her worries or an increase in feelings of coping, she explained that she still had worries about “All different things... if I miss the lesson or something. Like Tuesdays - 'coz I miss tech”. However, she described them as
“different” and her experience seemed to be that she recognised people have different feelings and had developed awareness of this. An extract that exemplifies this is:
“P: Different. [Pause]
R: How's it different? Can you tell me some more?
P: People do have different feelings.
R: Mmm. So people have different feelings? Is it different- do you notice it's different for you compared to other people.
P: (Nods)” (Amy, interview two, line 88-90).
This extract illustrates how Amy’s experience of worries was “different” compared with “hard” as she reported previously (Amy, interview one, line 57).
“I thought I’d like, I thought I’d messed up. Which I did”. (Jerry, interview one, line 283).
4.7.2.1 Feelings of failure and inadequacy. It was interpreted that children shared similar feelings of inadequacy in comparison to peers or self-set expectations.
Jerry spoke about feeling that he had failed,
“I felt really stupid and I was like ‘uh’ I’ve failed again” (Jerry, interview one, line 274-276).
Me described past experiences of feeling she was not good enough,
“I’m not worth it” (Me, interview one, line 205-206).
Jack compared himself to other children in his year group in terms of academic sets and seemed unhappy about his performance,
“Well.... English, like there's so, I’m in a low group at French and English - I’m not that good” (Jack, interview one, line 35-36).
Amy noticed that her autism made her different and it was interpreted that she felt others could do more than she could,
“People doing what I wouldn’t do [pause]” (Amy, interview two, line 73).
4.7.2.2 - Lack of control. Me described feeling she was not capable in doing her work, she said:
“I can’t do any of this” (Me, interview one, line 105).
Jerry also spoke about not being able to process what was happening around him and feeling helpless in this experience,
“What happens then is I just get lost in all of this and I - my learning assistant needs to snap me back into concentrating on the actual lesson” (Jerry, interview one, line 37-39).
For Jack, the language he used to describe his experiences gave the sense that he felt he lacked internal control and that external factors controlled his life, for example, he used
the term “Makes me” (Jack, interview one, line 217) which suggested an inevitability in his belief about events and lack of belief in free will.
Amy felt that when she was in a difficult situation that induced worry, she was unable to cope with this:
“R: What kinds of things do you worry about?
P: All different things... if I miss the lesson or something. Like Tuesdays - 'coz I miss tech.
R: What, doing mindfulness?
P: Yeah...and I wanted to do both things.
R: It's tricky that isn't it? When there's two things happening at the same time.
How did you handle that?
P: I didn't.
R: It was just there with you?
P: Yeah” (Amy, interview two, line 97-104).
This extract provides us with a sense of how Amy felt she did not have an internal locus of control and autonomy in her life. She felt she could not change her experience and things appeared to be happening ‘to’ her.
4.7.2.3 Growing strengths and resources. Alongside children’s experiences of inadequacy and lack of control, experiences of resiliency and awareness of strengths emerged. Most children were able to name some areas of personal strength during interview one.
Jerry explained:
“I think I’m ok at things but not so great at some things… it depends about my mood, because if I’m in a happy mood then I’m really bright and breezy and I feel very confident” (Jerry, interview one, line 22-25).
This extract shows Jerry’s ability to notice areas of satisfaction, although it also shows
perceive a lack of control.
Jack was able to highlight his strengths and said “I think I am quite clever” (Jack, interview one, line 180) and Amy was able to identify one of her strengths as being
“Friendly” (Amy, interview one, line 67).
Within the second interviews, Me and Jerry expressed a sense of feeling more resilient and in control of their lives. For example, during interview two, Me described feeling independent:
“I can do things by myself” (Me, interview two, line 292).
Jack spoke of feeling he had resources to cope in adverse situations,
“If someone's following me, all I’ll do now is pretend to like whatever they're saying to me. But I used to get really wound up, angry. Still sort of do, but I just try to hide it away inside me” (Jack, interview two, line 174-176).
Jerry described being enabled to cope with adverse situations with mindfulness techniques:
“So I used mindful breathing to help me calm down” (Jerry, interview two, line 108).
Amy did not express a feeling of being more in control. Although her ‘different’
perception of her experiences of autism and her worries suggests a shift in her feelings about the difficulties with these areas of her life, it is unclear whether she attributes this to internal or external factors.
4.7.3 Theme three- Relationships. The children all seemed to experience challenges in